Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Mother's Day And Our Son's Wedding Day

Friday, May 7 was my son Jeremy's 34th birthday, two days before Mother's Day, just like the year that Jeremy was born.  In 1976, Jeremy was my first Mother's Day gift.  He stole my heart that day.  Before that day, my heart belonged solely to my husband Daniel.  On May 7, 1976, my heart opened as wide as any heart could to love two people.  Sixteen months later, that heart got opened even wider to love my brand new baby daughter Christie.  For my children, I struggled to be a better mother than my mother was to me.  I think I succeeded at being better than my mother was but I still fell short of my own expectations as a mother.

Many Mother's Days in the past, I cried.  I knew that I was passing some of the damage that growing up in an alcoholic home on to my own children.  Even though I didn't drink like my dad, I still had some of his alcoholic characteristics and some of my mother's codependent characteristics.  On Mother's Day, I would beat myself up in my mind for all of the things that I had done wrong.  I would also miss the perfect mother that I never had.  When it came to buying a Mother's Day card for my mother, I would be reminded of all of the things that she wasn't.  I would cry for that dream of having a perfect mother.

Today, I don't do any of that.  Today I love myself as a person and as a mother.  Today I am close to my children.  I love them both dearly.  Today I take care of my own needs.  Today I am happy with who I am.

Today I got to be the mother of the groom.  My son got married to a beautiful young lady that both Daniel and I like and already love.  She makes our son happy.  Her grandmother told us today at the wedding that Jeremy is good for Melonie also.  They are still having a big wedding in December for all of the family members that couldn't be here today.  They just didn't want to wait that long before becoming husband and wife. 

At one point today Melonie asked me if I was going to cry at the wedding.  I told her I didn't know.  I would have to wait and see.  I told her that they would be happy tears if I did.  I also told her that there might be a few sad tears also because this was an ending for us also.  Jeremy has been in and out of our home over the past few years.  Now that he is married, he will have his own home with Melonie so a chapter of our lives is ending.  I didn't cry even though at one point Daniel thought I was.

It was a short ceremony out under a big oak tree on the lawn of the courthouse.  The ceremony was done by a Justice of the Peace that Melonie and her family knew.  It was a surprise when he showed up that it was someone that they knew.  The ceremony was beautiful.

Jeremy and Melonie, I love you both and so does Daniel.  Again, Melonie welcome to the Singleton family.  As I told you earlier today, keep your sense of humor and you will do fine.
Patricia/Mom/Mrs. Pat


Unknown said...

Patricia, Thank you for sharing this lovely moment. It reminded me of the marriage of my older daughter, whom I thought would never marry because she had seen the chaos in her two parents lives. Both were children of alcoholics, both became alcoholics, they got divorced, and they continued to complicate their lives. But at 35 years of age, she did get married, and has had a successful marriage, with two children now, for 12 years. I'm amazed; I don't know where she learned that.

Patricia Singleton said...

Carl, you are welcome. This is my son's first marriage. We are blessed by this marriage. Our children do learn from listening and more from watching their parents. Hopefully they will pick up the healing that we have done too.

Anonymous said...

I think mothers who have been abused struggle very hard. I lost my mother so young, and she was my model until my daughter was 6 years old. I've had to wing it the last two years (she's 8 now), but I know I've done well when she tells me that I am the most awesome mom in the world! There's nothing better than that.

Thanks for sharing.

Patricia Singleton said...

InsaneHeart09, thank you for leaving your comment. Yes we do struggle and do the best we can. Still sometimes we have to make amends to our children. What a beautiful comment from your daughter. Love it.

me as i am said...

that's beautiful, patricia. congratulations to your family for this happy event of expanding your family to include someone new.

and happy mother's day to you! :)

what a meaningful description of your history with that day. i can relate to some of your feelings as an early mother. i put pressure on myself and worry about everything i might be doing "wrong". i'm trying to learn and make progress from my past, while at the same time be a good parent and accept and love myself as i am without perfectionistic expectations.

thank you for sharing your experience and journey of your own feelings about yourself as a mother. i'm so glad to hear you're in a good place today of self-love and acceptance. safe hugs to you~~~

Patricia Singleton said...

Katie, thanks. I really have to work on the perfectionist thing myself. Acceptance and self-love are so much better. (((Hugs))) back at you.

Just Be Real said...

Pat thank you for sharing a piece of your happiness here. ((((Pat))))

Patricia Singleton said...

JBR, you are welcome. (((JBR)))

Colleen said...

Patricia, I can so relate to what you said about beating yourself up for not being a perfect mother. I have done that over and over. I am doing it less so that is good.
I know what it feels like to see a son get married. Both my boys are now married. Congrats!

Patricia Singleton said...

Colleen, thank you. We just want our children to be happy. He seems to be. I am glad.

Greg Blencoe said...

Hi Patricia,

Congratulations on your son's wedding! It must have been an amazing day. I wish them the best!


Patricia Singleton said...

Greg, thank you. It was a glorious day.