Lucinda Bassett Truth Be Told Book Review

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
                 ---Nelson Mandela

My introduction to Lucinda Bassett came recently when she reached out to me and asked if I would be interested in being interviewed on her radio program. Of course, I said yes. I was talking to a new audience of listeners about being an adult child of an alcoholic and also about healing from incest. Here is the link to that interview if you missed it:

http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2012/12/revisiting-my-interview-on-la-talk-live.html

Lucinda Bassett's book Truth Be Told: A Memoir of Success, Suicide, and Survival will be available to buy on March 5, 2013. I was asked to write a book review. What I know from reading just the Prologue and Introduction of the book is that Lucinda is a courageous woman who cares very deeply about her family. When you lose a loved one to death of any kind, you hurt. When your loved one commits suicide, so many questions are left unanswered. So many words are left unsaid. I can only imagine the hurt that Lucinda and her children feel over the suicide of her husband and their father.

Lucinda talks about the cycle of  guilt-blame-anger-and-shame that she as a survivor of someone else's suicide feels every time she is reminded of her husband and the fact that he took his own life. The prologue to the book was written only three years after his death. Feelings are still fresh and very painful for Lucinda while her children are still in the denial stage of grief. Being young, her children just don't want to deal with the death of their dad. Anger is quick to flare.

In the Introduction of her book, Lucinda starts out by quoting Mother Teresa when she says,

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
     I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

Sometimes I, too, have felt that way in wanting to wish away some of my troubles. Sometimes it just seems like too much for one person to bear. Lucinda is here today as a survivor, stronger because of the experience, knowing more about herself because of the pain and the healing. Through the growing and the healing, Lucinda is now able to reach out and to help other survivors through her books and her radio program. 


Lucinda doesn't call herself a Lightworker, but I do. She expresses that she feels she is "supposed to share what I have learned with others. Others who stand in fear, unable to function, destroyed by some unbearable trauma, believing there is no light at the end of the tunnel---no help, no hope, no happiness. So here I stand once again, humbled and open, sharing my life experience with you...for it is now an open book. If I can come out sane and grateful to be here, you can too." (Prologue, page 4). I can't think of a better description of what I and other survivors do when we share our Light to let others know there is a way out of the darkness of despair and pain.

Lucinda Bassett is a true survivor. I look forward to reading the rest of her book Truth Be Told: A Memoir of Success, Suicide, and Survival when it is published in March 2013. I hope you will join me in reading her book when it comes out.

You can follow Lucinda Bassett on Twitter at this link:   http://www.twitter.com/lbtruthbetold

Lucinda Bassett is on Facebook at the link:    http://www.facebook.com/lbtruthbetold

Lucinda Bassett is on YouTube at the following link:    http://www.youtube.com/lbtruthbetold

I hope that you all had a glorious Christmas season. Mine ended a little earlier than planned because of Winter Storm Euclid blowing through Arkansas on Christmas day leaving us with between four to seven and a half inches of snow in our yard. I walked around with a measuring stick to see how much snow we got. We also have a neighbor's tree laying across our fence in our back yard. We were blessed that we didn't lose our electricity as some of my friends who are on Day 4 with no power did. Most of the snow melted yesterday and today. Tonight's temperature is supposed to be back down to 18 degrees. I am glad that my husband and I got home around noon on Christmas day before the snow started.

Happy New Year to all. May 2013 be the best year ever for all of us.
Patricia

Happy New Year From Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker

I am hoping that you all had a wonderful Christmas this year. In saying that, I know that for many survivors, Christmas and other holidays are not always happy. Too many memories seem to come up of past childhood holidays that were very unhappy. In my own childhood, holidays meant my dad was off work, which meant more opportunies for drinking, also more opportunities for his little trips to town which meant more sexual abuse events for me to endure.  When my dad got drunk, he was like his dad and got mean.  Not physically mean, usually, but verbally, emotionally mean which can have longer lasting effects upon others than physical abuse where the bruises eventually go away. I don't mean to sound like I am downplaying physical abuse.  I would never do that.  I know that some have died and many have nearly died from physical abuse.  Emotional abuse leaves long lasting scars that may never go away.

This Christmas, I didn't experience any of those memories or thoughts about my childhood. I did share one good memory from when I was about 8 years old with my son-in-law while we were talking about the existence of Santa Claus.  We were at my paternal grandparents' house, spending the night on Christmas Eve.  My dad came from a family of 13 kids.  He was the 3rd from the oldest so I grew up with the younger ones. Around 8:00 p.m. all of the kids were made to go to bed.  I remember being so excited about Santa coming the next morning. I don't think that my dad was the only one of the older siblings who was visiting their parents' house that night. The house was full of kids and adults.  I remember the adults seemed as excited as the kids all were. I rarely slept when we were at my grandparents' house even when it wasn't Christmas because I always got stuck sleeping in the middle of two other kids. I would get too hot to sleep. With the excitement of Christmas, I laid there most of the night listening to the excited talking of the adults in the rest of the house. They got to bed sometime in the early hours of the morning.  The kids started waking up at daylight.  We couldn't open any presents until the grown-ups were awake. I don't remember what I got as a gift from Santa.  I just remember the wonderment of Santa and Christmas.  That is one of the good memories of childhood that I cherish.

This Christmas was full of good memories too.  Around my birthday on December 11, we exchanged Christmas gifts with our son and his wife.  On December 18, Daniel and I got on a bus to go to Boise, Idaho where our daughter and her family live.  Daniel decided that he wanted to spend Christmas with our grandchildren this year.  We have not spent a Christmas with our daughter since her oldest daughter was eight months old.  We have four grandchildren that we wanted to celebrate Christmas with. We had a wonderful week of visiting with them - Christmas shopping after we got to Idaho, going out to eat at a nearby Mall where Daniel loves a chicken dish at a cajun restaurant in their Food Court, a baptism for our middle two grandchildren into the Mormom church, visiting with all of our son-in-law's family that came for the baptism, Christmas Eve dinner with our daughter and her family at our son-in-law's cousins' house.  Best of all was watching our grandchildren open all of their presents Christmas morning.  We drove to the nearby Sawtooth Mountains the day after Christmas to experience the beauty of the mountains and snow.  We saw cross-country skiers, antelope, snow mobilers, and beautiful snow covered mountains. 

Daniel loved the time at our daughter's but hated the two bus trips.  The last one was the worst.  We watched our last bus driver break up a fight and threaten to kick two people off the bus.  We had one young man who was probably on drugs of some kind.  He talked loudly almost non-stop until about 3:00 a.m. when he finally shut up and went to sleep.  No one woke him up at our Ft. Smith, Arkansas stop because we were all tired of his talking and cursing.  He was just loud enough that the bus driver could ignore him.  We left Oklahoma City 45 minutes late and so when we got to Little Rock at 6:40 a.m. on December 30, we had missed our connection to Hot Springs by about 30 minutes.  I called our son and daughter-in-law to let them know that the next bus to Hot Springs was at 7:00 p.m.  Our son was already at work.  Our daughter-in-law came to N. Little Rock to pick us up after I was able to give her the address for the bus station.  An employee of the bus station told us that the bus from Oklahoma City was always late and that we should call for a taxi to take us home.  I told him I would only do that if the bus station was willing to pay the bill.  He said no they wouldn't do that. 

On Monday, I plan to call the bus company and complain.  At two of our transfer points, we were the last ones on the bus and filled it to capacity.  One of those stops there weren't any more passengers waiting to get on the bus.  At the second stop, about 8-10 people were in line behind us and had to wait for the next bus to come along.  All of this may have been because we were traveling for the holidays but I was not impressed by customer service at all or by most of the bus drivers.  Daniel says we won't travel by bus again.  I kept a good mood until we missed our bus in N. Little Rock.  I remained nice to the bus personel but I will make an official complaint.  We had to put gas in our son's car after our daughter-in-law came and got us.  We stopped in Benton, Arkansas at Waffle House on the way home for breakfast.  Instead of getting home around 7:00 a.m., we got home around 9:30 or 10:00 a.m.  Our journey was a great experience overall with only minor frustrations along the way. 

I am glad that I had my husband Daniel to experience the adventure with me.  The highlight of the trip was the day after Christmas when our oldest granddaughter posted a comment on her Facebook page saying that our visit was the best Christmas present that she had ever received.  That made our day.

Today is the last day of 2011.  It has been a year of struggle and triumph, tears and joy, awe and wonder. Some experiences I would not want to repeat.  Those hopefully were lessons that I learned so they don't have to be repeated.  They were mostly relationship lessons which can sometimes be the hardest when people get hurt and friendships end. My best friend had a heart attack and I didn't know about it for several weeks because we weren't speaking at the time. That was a first for us. We have never had any major disagreements like this before. I am very glad that she survived and so has our friendship.  It scared us both.  The year ended with our trip to Idaho and back home.  We had a great time.

I want to end this year of 2011 on a good note as I wish all of my readers and friends a very Happy New Year for 2012.
Patricia

Merry Christmas For 2011

I want to wish all of my subscribers Merry Christmas for 2011. I appreciate you reading my blog and also leaving you comments and letting me know what you think and feel after reading my posts.

Christmas can bring on a confusing mixture of thoughts, memories and feelings for survivors. Some Christmases, like this one, are full of joy, excitement and peace with myself and with the world.

Other Christmases can bring memories of the past, from my childhood of incest and emotional abuse.  Christmas, as a child, meant that my dad would be off for a few extra days which meant more drinking in excess.  I can't tell you what year my dad went from being an occasional heavy drinker to being an alcoholic. In my memory, my grandfather was always an alcoholic who was a binge drinker who drank on weekends until he would pass out usually on Saturday night. My dad was very attached to his father so we spent almost every weekend with my grandparents at their house. For me the weekends with my paternal grandparents started around the age of seven. Before that a lot of my time was spent with my maternal grandmother and the uncle that lived with her. For those of you who are new to my blog, these extended visits started when I was two years old and got whooping cough.  I couldn't stay at home because if my baby brother got the disease, he could have died from it. My point in revisiting this is to let you know that the family disease of alcoholism has always been a part of my life and played a big part in my painful memories around Christmas.

My father and grandfather were both mean drunks.  Because of this, many of my Christmases were not filled with happy memories. Some Christmases, those memories come up and are in my face. Those Christmases are sad. I used to try to stuff my way through those days with food.  When that didn't work, I tried to just ignore the feelings.  Neither of those methods of coping worked for me for very long. The feelings were still there. I have learned that I just have to feel what I feel. There is no way around feelings. Letting myself be sad or letting myself be happy is not just ok but is very necessary if I want to be healthy physically and emotionally.

This year, I am happy and excited. My husband and I are going on an adventure. I have never done this before. My husband has, but for shorter distances. As a Saggittarian, I am supposed to be adventurous. As a child that was kept hidden in me as was many other things along with the secret of incest.

We are going to visit our daughter, son-in-law and four grandchildren. We are not driving. We are going by bus which will take two days.  When we get to Boise, our daughter is going to pick us up and take us out for breakfast.  Then we will probably go back to her house and crash from lack of sleep.  I doubt either of us will get much sleep on a moving bus.

We are going from Hot Springs to Little Rock, Arkansas to Kansas City, Missouri to Denver, Colorado to Laramie, Wyoming to Salt Lake City, Utah to Boise, Idaho. We will have many short stops along the way to pick up and let off more passengers. Our longest layover is five hours in Kansas City.

We come back a different way. The route stays the same from Boise to Denver. Rather than going through Kansas and Missouri, we come back through Amarillo, Texas to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma to Ft. Smith, Arkansas to Little Rock and then on to Hot Springs in time for an early breakfast and then to crash in our own bed at home. Our longest layover on the return trip is five minutes short of three hours in Salt Lake City.

We get to see our two middle grandchildren being baptised into the Mormon church a day or so before Christmas. Our daughter and son-in-law are excited about that. I am excited for them to be raising their children in the religion of their choice. I didn't have that as a child. Neither of my parents went to church. My son-in-law was raised Mormon, my daughter was raised in the Church of Christ as was my husband. I am happy that they have a church family that they are happy with and that loves them.

This will be the first Christmas that we have spent with our daughter since her oldest daughter was a baby of eight months. Shortly after that Christmas, they moved to Idaho.  Our youngest grandson who just turned six less than a month ago keeps asking his mom if today is the day that grandma and grandpa are coming.  Our oldest grandson will turn ten on the day that we leave Hot Springs.  He will have to wait for us to tell him Happy Birthday when he sees us two days later in person. He was born seven days after my birthday.  Both of our grandsons are Saggittarians like their grandma.

I have my next post already written and scheduled to come out on December 26. Please feel free to post comments but I may be a little slow in getting them published along with my reply.  I will probably have limited access to a computer once I get to my daughter's.  I will have the two days there and two days back on the bus that I won't have access to a computer at all. Thank you all for your patience. With my daughter and grandchildren around, I won't be spending much time on the computer.

Sending love and Christmas blessings to you all. Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Below I am sharing some of my blog posts from Christmases past for those of you who weren't here to read them the first time.
Patricia

Related Articles:

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year To All @
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2010/12/merry-christmas-and-happy-new-year-to.html

The Spirit Of Christmas @
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2009/12/spirit-of-christmas.html

Christmas Is Over For 2008 @
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/12/christmas-is-over-for-2008.html

Cry When You Need To @
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/12/cry-when-you-need-to.html

Shutting Down To Get Through The Holidays @
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2009/12/shutting-down-to-get-through-holidays.html

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year To All

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of my wonderful subscribers.   The pneumonia finally left and went on its way about a week and a half ago just in time for my husband Daniel to give me his cold with sniffles and cough.  As if I wasn't already coughing enough for both of us.  The cough has continued to linger even today.  I don't cough as often as I was so it too is slowly going away.  My energy levels are now close to normal which is good with the Christmas cooking that I am doing today.  We celebrate Christmas Eve with my in-laws and Christmas Day with my brother, sister and her family so I cook food for both family celebrations.

Today I have already made a sage cornbread dressing the way that my mother showed me how to make when I was a teenager.  This is one recipe that I have never measured.  I always do it by taste which is how my mother did it.  I don't like dressing in the turkey so I have always made mine separate.  For Christmas, my sister-in-law is cooking the turkey and I have a ham waiting to go into the oven as soon as I am finished baking the 3 pumpkin pies that are in the oven right now.  Later I will make a fruit salad with Cool Whip and Eagle Brand Milk and Cherry Pie Filling.  I also made a cheese ball for my brother-in-law and Baked Beans for my neice and sister.  This year that will be the extent of my cooking.  I missed out on all of that Thanksgiving because I was sick with pneumonia.

On another note, you know that our son and daughter-in-law got married by a Justice of the Peace on May 12.  Well, they still wanted to have a big wedding for family and friends to see them say their wedding vows.  The wedding happened on Saturday, December 18 at 6:00 p.m.  We had a turnout of about 45-50 people.  Jeremy's best friends from Boulder, Colorado came in for the wedding.  Melonie's dad, who at first didn't think he would be able to be here for the wedding, moved back to Hot Springs last week so he was here to give her away.  Last month when she didn't think that her dad was going to make it to the wedding, she asked my husband Daniel to give her away.  He said yes.  He had no problem stepping down when her dad could do the honors.  When the music started playing, I looked around and Daniel was nowhere to be found.  I thought to myself that he was going to miss the bride walking down the isle.  He didn't.  Unknown to me, Melonie had asked "both of her dads" to walk her down the isle.  Daniel said no at first because he didn't want to step on anybody's toes.  Melonie told him that she had asked for permission to have both of them walk her down the isle.  I know that touched Daniel deeply even though he hasn't said that it did.  I thought it was very sweet of Melonie to include Daniel.  It was a beautiful bride and wedding.  I was blessed to be well enough to go to it.

I didn't intend to leave my blog unattended for so long but the pneumonia and then recovering from it took longer than I expected.  Then I got busy with the wedding.  I gave gift cards to some of the people on my Christmas shopping list this year because I simply ran out of time to shop or wasn't well enough to shop.  I almost always have the majority of my Christmas shopping down before Thanksgiving.  It just didn't happen this year.  I am going to go check on my pumpkin pies now.  I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a glorious New Year of 2011.
Patricia

Survivors Can Thrive! Mini Carnival: Holiday Survival Tips For Survivors

Marj aka Thriver over at her blog Survivors Can Thrive! posted just before Christmas the following article "Mini Carnival: Holiday Survival Tips for Survivors." None of us had the time to host a full Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse with the Christmas holidays going on in December. At the last minute, Marj decided to post this "Mini Carnival" instead.

Marj attributes me with the "spark that motivated this mini carnival" idea. Marj, I am glad that you used my blog article as inspiration for this. Thanks for being a wonderful host for Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse.

Follow me to Marj aka Thriver's blog Survivors Can Thrive! to read her "Mini Carnival: Holiday Survivor Tips for Survivors." Here is the link:

http://survivorscanthrive.blogspot.com/2009/12/mini-carnival-holiday-survival-tips-for.html

Blessings and love to all. Hope you all had a glorious Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Patricia

The Spirit Of Christmas

I wish for each of you a very merry Christmas. Here is an email Christmas story that I love to receive each year because it reminds me of what the Spirit of Christmas should be in all of us. I don't know the original source of this wonderful story. I would thank you if I did. Enjoy and feel free to become this type of giving person if you aren't already.


A Christmas Story
"The old man sat in his gas station on a cold Christmas Eve. He hadn't been anywhere in years since his wife had passed away. He had no decorations, no tree, no lights. It was just another day to him. He didn't hate Christmas, just couldn't find a reason to celebrate. There were no children in his life. His wife was gone.


He was sitting there looking at the snow that had been falling for the last hour and wondering what it was all about when the door opened and a homeless man stepped through. Instead of throwing the man out, George, old George as he was known by his customers, told the man to come and sit by the space heater and warm-up.


'Thank you, but I don't mean to intrude,' said the stranger.
'I see you're busy. I'll just go.' 'Not without something hot in your belly,' George turned and opened a wide mouth Thermos and handed it to the stranger.
'It ain't much, but it's hot and tasty. Stew. Made it myself. When you're done there's coffee and it's fresh.'


Just at that moment he heard the 'ding' of the driveway bell.
'Excuse me, be right back,' George said. There in the driveway was an old 53 Chevy. Stream was rolling out of the front. The driver was panicked.
'Mister can you help me!' said the driver with a deep Spanish accent.
'My wife is with child and my car is broken.'
George opened the hood. It was bad. The block looked cracked from the cold; the car was dead.
'You ain't going in this thing,' George said as he turned away.
'But mister, Please help....'

The door of the office closed behing George as he went in. George went to the office and got the keys to his old truck, and went back outside. He walked around the building and opened the garage, started the truck and drove it around to where the couple was waiting.
'Here, you can borrow my truck,' he said. 'She ain't the best thing you ever looked at, but she runs real good.' George helped put the woman in the truck and watched as it sped off into the night.


George turned and walked back inside the office.
'Glad I loaned em the truck. Their tires were shot too.
'That 'ol truck has brand new tires......' George thought he was talking to the stranger, but the man had gone. The Thermos was back on the desk, empty with a used coffee cup beside it.


George went back outside to see if the old Chevy would start. It cranked slowly. He pulled it into the garage where the truck had been. He thought he would tinker with it for something to do. Christmas Eve meant no customeres. He discovered the block hadn't cracked, it was just the bottom hose of the radiator.
'Well, I can fix this,' he said to himself. So he put on a new one on. 'Those tires ain't gonna get 'em through the winter either.' He took the smow treads off of his wife's old Lincoln. They were like new and he wasn't going to drive the car.


As he was working he heard a shot being fired. He ran outside and beside a police car an officer lay on the cold ground. Bleeding from the left shoulder, the officer moaned, 'Help me.'
George helped the officer inside as he remembered the training he had received in the Army as a medic. He knew the wound needed attention. 'Pressure to stop the bleeding,' he thought. The laundry company had been there that morning and had left clean shop towels. He used those and duct tape to bind the wound.


'Hey, they say duct tape can fix anythin',' he said, trying to make the policeman feel at ease. 'Something for pain,' George thought. All he had was the pills he used for his back. 'These ought to work.' He put some water in a cup and gave the policeman the pills. 'You hang in there. I'm going to get you an ambulance.' George said, but the phone was dead. 'Maybe I can get one of your buddies on that there talk box out in your police car.' He went out only to find that a bullet had gone into the dashboard destroying the two way radio. He went back in to find the policeman sitting up.


'Thanks,' said the officer. 'You could have left me there. The guy that shot me is still in the area.' George sat down beside him. 'I would never leave an injured man in the Army and I ain't gonna leave you.' George pulled back the bandage to check for bleeding. 'Looks worse than it is. Bullet passed right through 'ya. Good thing it missed the important stuff though. I think with with time you're gonna be right as rain.'

George got up and poured a cup of coffee. 'How do you take it?' he asked.
'None for me,' said the officer.
'Oh, yer gonna drink this. Best in the city.' Then George added: 'Too bad I ain't got no donuts.'
The officer laughed and winced at the same time.

The front door of the office flew open. In burst a young man with a gun. 'Give me all your cash! Do it now!' the young man yelled. His hand was shaking and George could tell that he had never done anything like this before. 'That's the guy that shot me!' exclaimed the officer. 'Son, why are you doing this?' asked George. 'You need to put the cannon away. Somebody else might get hurt.' The young man was confused. 'Shut up old man, or I'll shot you, too. Now give me the cash!'

The cop was reaching for his gun. 'Put that thing away,' George said to the cop. 'We got one too many in here now.' He turned his attention to the young man. 'Son, it's Christmas Eve. If you need the money, well then, here. It ain't much but it's all I got. Now put that pee shooter away.'

George pulled $150 out of his pocket and handed it to the young man, reaching for the barrel of the gun at the same time. The young man released his grip on the gun, fell to his knees and began to cry. 'I'm not bery good at this am I? All I wanted was to buy something for my wife and son,' he went on. 'I've lost my job. My rent is due. My car got repossessed last week...'

George handed the gun to the cop. 'Son, we all got a bit of squeeze now and then. The road gets hard sometimes, but we make it through the best we can.' He got the young man to his feet, and sat him down on a chair across from the cop. 'Sometimes we do stupid things.'

George handed the young man a cup of coffee. 'Being stupid is one of the things that makes us human. Comin' in here with a gun ain't the answer. Now sit there and get warm and we'll sort this thing out.' The young man had stopped crying. He looked over to the cop. 'Sorry I shot you. It just went off. I'm sorry officer.'
'Shut up and drink your coffee.' the cop said.

George could hear the sounds of sirens outside. A police car and an ambulance skidded to a halt. Two cops came through the door, guns drawn. 'Chuck! You ok?' one of the cops asked the wounded officer. 'Not bad for a guy who took a bullet. How did you find me?'
'GPS locator in the car. Best thing since sliced bread. Who did this?' the other cop asked as he approached the young man. Chuck answered him, 'I don't know. The guy ran off into the dark. Just dropped his gun and ran.' George and the young man both looked puzzled at each other. 'That guy works here.' the wounded cop continued. 'Yep,' George said. 'Just hired him this morning. Boy lost his job.'

The paramedics came in and loaded Chuck onto the stretcher. The young man leaned over the wounded cop and whispered, 'Why?' Chuck just said, 'Merry Christmas, boy. And you too, George, and thanks for everything.'

'Well, looks like you got one doozy of a break there. That ought to solve some of your problems.' George went into the back room and came out with a box. He pulled out a ring box. "Here you go. Something for the little woman. I don't think Martha would mind. She siad it would come in handy some day.' The young man looked inside to see the biggest diamond ring he ever saw. 'I can't take this,' said the young man. 'It means something to you.'
'And now it means something to you,' replied George. 'I got memories. That's all I need.'

George reached into the box again. A toy airplane, a racing car and a little metal truck appeared next. They were toys that the oil company had left for him to sell. 'Here's something for that little man of yours.' The young man began to cry again as he handed back the $150 that the old man had handed him earlier. 'And what are you supposed to buy Christmas dinner with? You keep that, too. Count it as part of your first week's pay.' George said. "Now git home to your family.'

The young man turned with tears streaming down his face. 'I'll be here in the morning for work, if that job offer is still good.'
'Nope. I'm closed Christmas Day,' George said. 'See ya the day after.'

George turned around to find that the stranger had returned.
'Where'd you come from? I thought you left?'
'I have been here. I have always been here,' said the stranger.
'You say you don't celebrate Christmas. Why?'
'Well, after my wife passed away I just couldn't see what all the bother was. Puttin' up a tree and all seemed a waste of a good pine tree. Bakin' cookies like I used to with Martha just wasn't the same by myself and besides I was getting a little chubby.'

The stranger put his hand on George's shoulder.
'But you do celebrate the holiday, George. You gave me food and drink and warmed me when I was cold and hungry. The woman with child will bear a son and he will become a great doctor. The policeman you helped will go on to save 19 people from being killed by terrorists. The young man who tried to rob you will become a rich man and share his wealth with many people.
That is the spirit of the season and you keep it as good as any man.'

George was taken aback by all this stranger had said. 'And how do you know all this?' asked the old man. 'Trust me, George. I have the inside track on this sort of thing. And when your days are done you will be with Martha again.' The stranger moved toward the door.

'If you will excuse me, George, I have to go now. I have to go home where there is a big celebration planned.' George watched as the man's old leather jacket and his torn pants turned into a white robe. A golden light began to fill the room.

'You see George. It's My birthday. Merry Christmas.' "


Merry Christmas to you all.
Patricia

Shutting Down To Get Through The Holidays

Thanksgiving and Christmas can bring up many emotions for an incest survivor. Dealing with family members that you may not see other than those two holidays can bring up any unresolved issues and memories of past abuse, especially if the abusers are still alive and at the family activities that most people participate in during these two holidays. Some of us, to be peacemakers during the holidays, pretend that the abuse never happened. You don't want to upset anyone else with your emotional garbage when Thanksgiving and Christmas are supposed to be such happy times. You don't want to be seen as a Scooge because you can't pretend to be happy. You try to let go of your anger, once again, to appear normal. Sometimes you just want to be happy so bad that you pretend that you are for a little while. Holidays are when you miss the most the family that you never had as a child so you pretend.

You don't want everyone else to think you are crazy because you can't stand to be in the same room with the person who raped you. Afterall, all of that was years ago when you were a helpless kid. What most people don't understand is that the second you step into the room with your abuser, especially if it was your parent, you become that helpless kid again. The fear comes back full blown along with the rage that you carry with you as an adult. Both emotions can cause a volatile situation that you don't know how to deal with. You become so scared that you forget that you are now an adult who can protect her/himself. (Yes, incest does happen to little boys too, just not as often.)

Many times, in order to get through the holidays, you just shut down. It doesn't matter how many times that you tell yourself that you won't shut down this time. You still do it when your emotions become overwhelming. Shutting down is an emotional response that your mind uses to protect you until you are strong enough to deal with the situation and people involved. It probably saved your life when you were a child. It kept the body alive until the mind could cope. Sometimes coping is all that you can do to get through this holiday without really going crazy.

What I have just described was how I got through many holidays as a young adult. I don't shut down today. Today I am strong enough and brave enough to face my demons head on. Writing this blog helps me to do that. In remembering, I don't continue on in those old ways. What I accept, I can change. Today, if I find myself starting to shut down, I have another option. I can choose to leave physically. I can choose to feel what I feel. Fear, rage, sadness can all be part of my emotions during a holiday or any other time of the year. So can happiness, joy, peace, excitement, love. All of those are acceptable to me today. Today I can deal with my holiday memories from the past and talk about them with my support system of family and friends. I thank God for each of my support members.

This wasn't the article that I just sat down to write but it is the article that typed itself onto this page. Hopefully it will help someone else get through the upcoming holiday of Christmas by letting you know that you aren't alone with your struggles with family.
Patricia

Christmas Is Over For 2008

Christmas is over for 2008. We drove early on December 24 to spend the day with my husband Daniel's family in Benton, Louisiana. For those of you who don't know, Benton is north of Shreveport, Louisiana. My husband and I were both born Red Necks rather than being Cajuns from south Louisiana. I was in high school when someone told me that I was a Red Neck rather than Cajun. The only French that I know is the little bit that I remember from high school French class.

About 10 years ago, my sister-in-law and I got together and decided that we would take the pressure off of Daniel's mother of having to cook for all of the family gathering such as Thanksgiving and Christmas at her house. My mother-in-law is a very healthy 86 years young and we want to keep her that way as long as we can. We all love her so much. She is a wonderful matriarch for our family. We don't want her stressed out over holidays. So most years we have Thanksgiving at our house in Hot Springs, Arkansas and Christmas Eve at my sister-in-laws house. We spend Christmas Eve night at my mother-in-law's in Springhill, Louisiana. All three of us cook a portion of the meal and transport it to either my house or Janet's (my sister-in-law).

Christmas Day we get up early and drive to Mt. Pleasant, TX to spend the day with my family which consists of my family, my brother, my sister, my sister's two daughters and their families. My sister and her two daughters decide which of their houses we will meet at, usually at my youngest neice's house but not every year. This year we were at my oldest neice's house an hour closer to Dallas between Sulphur Springs and Yantis, TX.

Christmas Eve day we spend a total of 4 hours on the road. On Christmas Day, we drive 2 hours to Mt. Pleasant and then at the end of the day 3-4 hours on the road back home depending upon the number of stops we make between Mt. Pleasant and Hot Springs. We got home about 9:00 Thursday night. It usually takes 3-4 days to recover from our trips to Louisiana and Texas.

We only do this once a year, Thank God. I love my family and Daniel's but neither of us likes the road time to visit everyone. Christmas is usually the only time of the year that I see my brother. This year he has his own car so no one had to go and pick him up. He lives about two hours away near Vivian, Louisiana, north of Shreveport.

Christmas this year came with above average warm temperatures. I wasn't able to wear any of my Christmas sweaters because it was in the 60's and 70's and too warm. Today we are under a Tornado Watch and a Lake Wind Advisory Warning most of the day and evening. This storm system spreads from Houston, TX to parts of northern Louisiana, most of the state of Arkansas, parts of Missouri, and north into parts of Illinois and a few other states.

Here is a wish that all of you had a Merry Christmas and that you will have a wonderful Happy New Year and a glorious 2009
Patricia