Saturday, September 12, 2015

Rage Is Anger On Overload

As another tribute to Dr. Wayne Dyer, Hay House is offering a free link to "My Greatest Teacher" movie until September 15, 2015 at the following link:

I cried through watching this movie. I have called my own dad my greatest teacher because of the lessons I learned from the incest.

What first hit me from the movie was the rage of the main character. I have felt that rage myself before and during my healing journey. Like the main character, I often directed my rage at my spouse and my children before I learned to control my rage.

What is the difference between anger and rage? A matter of depth - rage is anger on overload. Anger doesn't have to hurt anyone. Rage often does. Anger can be controlled and used constructively to make much needed changes. Rage often feels out of control. Anger can be expressed and let go of before anyone is hurt by it. Rage is often stuffed inside until pressure builds and an explosion occurs. Rage looks for a victim to pour out all over. 

I cried because my rage often hurt those I loved. I had to change the way that I dealt with my anger so that it didn't grow into rage.

When you are angry with rage inside, the Universe seems to give you reasons to be more angry, like the character in the movie. Everything is an irritant. What can go wrong will, so the rage can come out. 

My dad taught me how to do rage. So did my mom, just in a different way. My dad was a rageaholic. My mom did hers with passive-aggressive behavior. 

In order to heal my own rage, I had to stop blaming my abusers and had to switch to looking at what I was feeling and how could I diffuse my rage in a healthy way. Instead of everything being out there and someone else's fault, I had to bring my focus to inside my mind, my body, my feelings, my heart. 

What issues were causing my rage? How could I heal my own hurt? How could I let out the rage so it didn't hurt me or those I loved? 

My most prized healing tool has always been my writing. I could pull the rage and the hurt out and on to the written page so I could see it. I still had to feel it. Feelings are part of the healing. The written word always helps me see the patterns and figure out what I need to change about myself. I can forgive myself and I can ask forgiveness of those that I have hurt. 

These are my thoughts after watching the movie "My Greatest Teacher." I hope that you take the time to watch it for yourself. 

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Pain Caused By Regrets And Self-Doubts - Judging Ourselves

Please go and read the article "Memories and Regrets" from Beyond Survivor - The Wounded Warrior Blog written by my friend Jan L. Frayne at the following link:

Come back here afterwards to read my thoughts about this post.

The Wounded Warrior expresses the pain and self-doubts that many survivors carry inside, hidden from the world most of the time. Voicing the pain of surviving through writing whether it is a blog like Beyond Survivor - The Wounded Warrior Blog or like here at Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker is important because giving voice to our pain frees other survivors to do the same.

Some survivors, like me, were alone with the abuser. Other survivors saw other children nearby also being abused. 

For years, I hoped and prayed that I was the only one that my dad was sexually abusing. Years later when I found out that he was abusing my sister by fondling and making sexual comments to, I was angry and felt guilty that I didn't protect her from him. I was the older sister. I loved my sister and I wanted her to be safe. She wasn't.

I can understand why Jan Frayne took on the blame for the abuse of the little boy that he saw being strangled. I, too, have said to myself, what if I had told?  Maybe my sister would have been saved from her experiences.

Looking back makes taking on the blame so easy for a survivor. We are looking back from a position of power as an adult. We didn't have that hindsight as a child.

As children, we didn't have any power. We couldn't protect ourselves or another child. No child should go through the abuse that we did. Yes, we were victims.

 I didn't have the courage to speak up as a child or even as a young adult. I wasn't able to overcome all of my fears in order to speak up. I could blame myself for my sister being abused or I can put the blame where it belongs, with my abusers. 

If we cannot prevent our own abuse from happening, how can we possibly save another child? We are not responsible for what our abusers did. That is just another form of victim blaming, even if it is ourselves we are blaming. Others do it to us often enough without us buying into it too. Stop victim blaming. 

Shift from feeling like a victim to offering love and comfort to your inner child. Feel what you feel and then let it go. You don't have to stay stuck in victim mode. Give your inner child more reasons to trust you. "Beyond" survivor doesn't mean you will never have to revisit being a survivor or a victim. Healing means going back and forth between the three as needed to heal. 

Memories come up because you are strong enough to face them. Dreams are all of the stuff that you are afraid to face in the waking world. Healing can take place in your dreams too. Keeping a dream journal can help you to figure out what your dreams are telling you. Memories and dreams are both part of healing.

Forgive yourself for what you couldn't control. Stop blaming yourself. Blaming yourself keeps you stuck in the hurt. You deserve better. 

Jan, be gentle with yourself as I have seen you be with other survivors. Beyond surviving - thriving - comes slowly but it does come. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. Allow your friends to support you when you need us. You don't have to be strong alone. 

I copied a statement from one of my favorite teachers today that I want to share with you here.

"With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself, or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow, or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose."
                                         -Dr. Wayne Dyer

Saturday, September 5, 2015

A Tribute To One Of My Teachers - Dr. Wayne Dyer

I have never met Dr. Wayne Dyer in person. He has been my teacher though his books, TV programs and educational videos where he has spoken by himself or with other spiritual teachers. 

Dr. Dyer passed away in his sleep sometime in the early morning hours on August 30, 2015. He is known to many as the "father of motivation" (About the author, Hay House email I received recently). I, for one, have been motivated through the years to make many changes in my belief system and in my daily life. 

In honor of his passing and his work, Hay House is making the video "The Shift" available to watch for free until September 8, 2015. I just finished watching "The Shift". It was well worth the two hours of sitting. I hope you will find the time to also watch it. Here is the link where I found it.

Here are a few little tidbits that I found interesting from watching the video.
1.  Enthusiasm comes from two words meaning "the God within."
2.  Stop interfering in your own life.
3.  You don't attract what you want. You attract what you are.
4.  Let go of ego/self and be of service to others.
5.  How can you ignore what is in front of you? Because you are 
     too busy doing other things.
6.  Sometimes you just have to show up for life.
7.  Everything will happen perfectly.
8.  Your purpose is always found in service.
9.  Leave the planet better than you found it.

Last Sunday morning I shared a guest blog article that I wrote back in February 2008. Over the years since then I have thought about sharing the article here on my blog but that didn't happen until last Sunday, the very day that Dr. Dyer left his body behind. You will find the link to that article at the end of this post.

In the comment section of that blog article entitled "Five Ways To Leave Pain Behind", a friend and I talked about the coincidence of me posting that article on the very day that Dr. Dyer died. Dr. Dyer is the one who taught me that there is no such thing as coincidences in the Universe. God/the Universe orchestrates things to happen when they are supposed to. There is no guesswork.   There is no luck or coincidence that caused something to happen. My belief is that those things were meant to happen whether I know the reason or not. I believe there is a higher intelligence in the Universe. 

If you believe something different, I am okay with that too. My beliefs are my own and your beliefs are yours. We are each of us at different steps along the path of life. 

Dr. Wayne Dyer helped me to open my mind to new ways of thinking and seeing life and most importantly myself. He helped me to learn my own value as a human being and as a member of the ever-expanding Universe. I will always be grateful to him for that introduction into things greater than myself/my ego. Thank you Dr. Dyer for the things that you are still teaching me. I hope to be as wise as you one day.

Related Posts:

Five Ways To Leave Pain Behind @

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

Flap Copy---The Case Of The Three-Year-Old-Adulteress Book

As I begin to write my memoir, The Case of The Three-Year-Old Adulteress, I am reading a book called writing & selling your memoir written by Paula Balzer. One of her first assignments is to write what she calls the flap copy which is a short description of what your book is about. Its purpose is to catch the attention of the reader so that they will buy the book. The flap copy is also important in marketing your book. Here is what I wrote. Know that this first copy may change or be deleted completely before the book is finished.

Why would any three-year-old call herself an adulteress? Memories are of incest and dysfunction. The effects of incest on a small child and an adult are many. Healing is possible. You are not alone. Breaking the silence of abuse is freeing. 

One out of three girls and one out of six boys are sexually abused before the age of 18. Most know their abusers. Incest happens more frequently than rape from a stranger. 

What can you do to change those numbers? What are the signs of child sexual abuse? What can you do if you see the signs of abuse in a child that you know? How does a molester groom the parents and get the child to keep their secrets? These are some of the answers you will find in the book The Case of The Three-Year-Old Adulteress.

Let me know if the flap copy caught your interest in the memoir that I am writing.  Thank you for staying with me during this process.