A Wake Up Call And A Committment To Myself

One of my favorite Aussie bloggers, Craig Harper, wrote a recent article that he called "Clarity and Certainty" on his blog RENOVATE YOUR LIFE. You can find the article at the following link:

http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/clarity-and-certainty/

One of the comments that you will read at the end of his article is mine. I want you to be aware of what I wrote so I am writing it here in its entirety.

"You have described quite well what the first 38 years of my life was like. I was a people pleaser and was on automatic control most of time so that I did not have to feel the pain from my childhood of incest abuse. At 38, I got into several 12-Step programs that helped me to wake up to what my life had become and these programs finally gave me a direction.

Even in these programs, I daily saw people who said they were working their programs but who were really still on automatic control and staying stuck in their pain. It is easy to get stuck in blaming others for how your life is going. As long as you are blaming others, you still haven't taken control of your own life.

Recently I have found myself back on automatic control where my body is concerned. I woke up over a year ago and started looking at my health problems. I am overweight and a diabetic. My A1C tests say that my blood sugar is good to great even with the extra weight that I am carrying.

Because of an earlier article of yours last month or maybe early in September, as well as my yearly physical and those test results, I have decided it is time to wake up and take control back of my body. This article is very timely for me.

If I lived in Australia, I would somehow find the money to sign up in one of your gyms. Instead I am going to start using my exercise machines here in my own home while I look for a gym that I can afford to join and feel comfortable in. I will turn 58 in December so I need a place that isn't all 20-year-olds with great looking bodies.

Well, by voicing this here on your blog, I have finally made the committment, that I have been playing with, out loud, in front of others. I think that I will now go to my own blog and say the same thing and make myself accountable to others who are following my journey.
Thanks, Craig
Patricia from Arkansas, USA
Also known as Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker"

Now you know the truth. I am making this committment to myself, in front of all of you, my readers. I have been struggling with this for awhile without really making the committment to do anything. Now, since you know my secret, I have to do something. I can't continue on cruise control. I looked at pictures of myself during our vacation last week and I really don't like the way that I look. The weight has slowly crept on to my body over the past 2 years. It hinders my ability to be as active as I want to be in my life.

We did a lot of walking during our vacation, my shins got so sore for about 4 days that it hurt to walk so we didn't spend as much time exploring Mesa Verde National Park as we had planned to do. When we were in Salt Lake City if I walked uphill much, my chest would start to hurt around my heart and I would start to gasp for breath and would have to sit down for awhile. I hate that. It meant that I missed time with my family.

I didn't tell anyone why I had to keep sitting down. My doctor says my heart sounds good. I had a yearly physical just before we left on vacation but didn't get the results until we got home. The doctor told me to lose 6-8 pounds because my liver function was a little elevated. I don't know what that means exactly. The 12-Step programs that I have participated in included Open A.A. meetings because I am not an alcoholic. The liver problem is not from alcohol consumption. I rarely drink even socially because of the alcoholic gene that I carry from my father and grandfather. As a child, I saw how destructive alcoholism can be so I choose not to drink. I am guessing and will ask the doctor if the liver problem has to do more with medications for headaches and migraines that I have had the past few years.

I ask for your love, prayers and support on this part of my journey and I thank you.
Patricia

Independence Day

July 4 is Independence Day in the U. S. A. We have lots of cook-outs, family gatherings and fireworks displays to attend. Many people spend time in their back yards with family and friends or go swimming, fishing and boating on our many lakes.

Some of us use this day to declare our independence from our abusive past. Some of this comes out in blogs such as "Surviving By Grace" which posted the following article she called Declaration of Independence. I have been reading Colleen's blog for awhile now. Colleen is a woman of great courage whom I have come to admire as she handles her struggles toward independence from an abusive father. Her words are heart felt and full of courage and strength. Her journey hasn't been an easy one as she struggles to reconnect with her personal power. You can find Colleen's personal Declaration of Independence at the following link: http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/2009/06/declaration-of-independence.html . When you visit Colleen's blog, take the time to read the articles that tell of her journey to reach the point of declaring her independence.

Over the past few weeks, I have been sorting through some of my old writings looking for a particular few pages that are still eluding my searches. Instead I found a Bill of Rights list that I wrote for myself over 10 years ago that I want to share with you now.

BILL OF RIGHTS

I, Patricia Caldwell Singleton, have the right to be protected from active or passive abuses including physical incest, emotional incest, physical battering, verbal abuse and any other violation of physical or emotional boundaries.

I, Patricia Caldwell Singleton, should not have been subjected as a child to the following abuses: physical and emotional incest, verbal abuse, slappings, spiritual abuse and the violation of my physical and emotional boundaries.

I, Patricia Caldwell Singleton, give myself my assurance as an adult that I will never allow myself to be subjected to these abuses again, either at the hand of others or by my own hand.

I, Patricia Caldwell Singleton, will never knowingly inflict upon any other child these or any other passive or active abuses. The children I come in contact with, by my procreation or the procreation of others, deserve, as I did, to be protected from boundary violations and other inflictions that will damage their self-image or otherwise hinder their development into confident, healthy adults capable of loving and being loved.

The idea for the above Bill of Rights probably came from the book, Love Hunger Weight-Loss Workbook written by Dr. Frank Minirth, Dr. Paul Meier, Dr. Robert Hemfelt and Dr. Sharon Sneed. The other papers that I found with this page were dated as being written on October 20, 1993.

Writing a Bill of Rights or a Declaration of Independence is all about reclaiming your personal power from the abuser. It is about taking on the responsibility of your own growth. One of my favorite bloggers from Australia, Craig Harper who writes the blog "Renovate Your Life" resently wrote two articles on personal power. You will find his articles at the following links:

Taking Back Your Personal Power (Part 1) found at http://www.craigharper.com.au/personal-development/taking-back-your-personal-power-part-1/

Taking Back Your Personal Power (Part 2) found at http://www.craigharper.com.au/personal-development/taking-back-your-personal-power-part-2/

I hope that those of you who live in the U. S. A. had a wonderful 4th of July holiday and didn't eat so much food that you were miserable afterwards. My husband was out of town for July 4-5 so I spent the day with my sister who is visiting from Texas for a few days and my son. It was a quiet day that I enjoyed spending with two of my favorite people.

Patricia

Related Articles:

Grieving---A Necessary Process For Healing found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/05/grieving-necessary-process-for-healing.html

True Independence Comes From In-dependence found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/07/true-independence-comes-from-in.html

Independence, Not Just For A Day found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/07/independence-not-just-for-day.html