Yes, grieving is a necessary, and often difficult, part of the healing process.
Earlier tonight I was watching the movie "Good Will Hunting" for the first time. In one of the counseling sessions Robin Williams told Matt Damon, "We are not perfect." I started to cry. I asked myself, "Why does that make me cry?"
Because I spent my childhood trying to be perfect and feeling that I was never good enough to meet my parents' expectations. I wasn't expected to be a child acting as a child acts, thinking as a child thinks. I was supposed to be an adult, a parent, taking care of my parents. That is why I found myself crying---grieving the fact that I wasn't allowed to be a child.
It has been a struggle to give up trying to be perfect. Every time that I think that I have found all of the areas of perfection-seeking, I find another area that I am still feeling that I don't measure up to the expectations of others or to my own expectations. Part of me still sometimes feels "not good enough." That wounded inner child is still there grieving for the childhood that she wasn't allowed to have. I still sometimes grieve for the relationship that I wanted with my parents and didn't have.
Later in the movie, Robin Williams tells Matt Damon, "It's not your fault." Matt says, "I know." Robin repeats, "It's not your fault." Matt says, "I know." This is repeated a third and a fourth time by both, each time with Matt saying the words but not looking at Robin when he says them so you know that Matt doesn't believe what he or Robin are saying. Finally Matt breaks down sobbing and Robin holds him as they both cry. By the third time, I am starting to cry also. Why? Because the wounded inner child in me still struggles with those same feelings.
I sometimes wish that there was a one-time knowing of this truth and then it would never come up again. Feelings, especially grief, are never that simple. Grief comes when it needs to come to be felt and healed. We can make it complicated by denial and resistance or we can feel it and let it move on.
Two other articles that you might want to read on this topic are "Cry When You Need To" found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/12/cry-when-you-need-to.html
and one called "Feelings" found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/12/feelings.html .
Have a glorious Memorial Day weekend.