Source: The New International Webster's Standard Dictionary, Trident Reference Publishing, 2006 Edition:
kind adj. benevolent, compassionate, and humane in nature (page 160)
compassion n. concern for the troubles of another; pity; sympathy -compassionate adj.
-compassionately adv. (page 73)
sympathy n. an agreement of feeling; compassion for another's suffering; agreement or accord; support or approval (page 267)
I left a comment on Lance's blog Jungle of Life recently that I wanted to share with all of you. You can find Lance's "Sunday Thought For The Day" on December 27, 2009 at the following link: http://www.jungleoflife.com/ . Lance's blog articles are always so uplifting to me. He brightens my world which usually needs brightening around the holiday season.
Here is my edited comment:
". . . Compassion is such a great lesson and a great way to move forward as a world. Compassion, like all great teachings, begins with the individual. As one person changes so do all of those around him/her causing a ripple effect around the world one person at a time. . . . Compassion starts with the Self."
The same can be said for kindness and sympathy when you reach out to others. The biggest lesson that I had to learn was that I needed to be kind, compassionate, and sympathetic to myself before I could be that way to you. Those of you who have been abused in your childhood may have never experienced kindness, compassion or sympathy from others so you weren't shown how to exhibit those qualities to yourself or others.
I don't do New Year's Eve Resolutions. I have tried a few times and they just don't work for me. I used to beat myself up for failing at these goals. You see no one ever taught me about goals. Resolutions reminded me of all of the broken promises of growing up in an alcoholic and incestuous home. I knew by the age of 6 that promises would be broken. I never make promises for that reason. This is an area that I can be kind, compassionate, and sympathetic to that little girl who learned the lesson that promises get broken. I can show her that I understand her fears and disappointments from the past. I can also show her that I will do my best to not disappoint her again. I can acknowledge that her fears and disappointments are my fears and disappointments and that together we can overcome them. We can move forward.
I AM going to be more kind, compassionate and sympathetic to myself and others in 2010. Happy, Glorious 2010 to all.
Patricia
Showing posts with label Kindness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kindness. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Happy Birthday Daniel
My biggest supporter in this journey through life had a birthday yesterday on August 4. He turned 60. He can't believe it and neither can I. Both of us wonder where the time went. The person I am talking about is my dear, sweet, very patient husband Daniel.
The "Just for You!" card from American Greetings that I gave Daniel this year said things like,
"I love you because. . .
You believe in me
You're so lovable
You're a romantic at heart
You listen
You make me laugh
You're fun and surprising
You're honest with me"
The card also says,
"You're incredibly sexy
You're hugs are the best
You're the world's greatest kisser"
Those last three made me giggle when I read them. This was such a great card because it says everything that I feel about my husband. Don't you just love greeting cards.
All of those words from the greeting card are so true. Daniel is my husband, my lover and my very best friend in the whole world. He has supported me through all of my many struggles with incest, codependency and the alcoholism issues from my childhood. He has supported me as I struggled to figure out who I am, what I want from Life, what I need from myself and from him in this relationship called marriage, and as I struggled with being a mother while I was learning to mother myself. The years haven't always been good. I haven't always been kind. Some years I was very angry. Often I felt almost lost in the sadness of loss that the inner child felt.
One of the best qualities that Daniel possesses is his wonderful, querky sense of humor that can always cheer me up and remind me that there is joy to be found in Life. Daniel has allowed me the space to grow and to be whatever I have needed to be in order to find out what being me really means. Daniel you hold my heart in your very strong, capable hands and you always will.
Darling, I really do love you with all of my heart.
Happy Birthday Daniel
Your loving wife,
Patricia
The "Just for You!" card from American Greetings that I gave Daniel this year said things like,
"I love you because. . .
You believe in me
You're so lovable
You're a romantic at heart
You listen
You make me laugh
You're fun and surprising
You're honest with me"
The card also says,
"You're incredibly sexy
You're hugs are the best
You're the world's greatest kisser"
Those last three made me giggle when I read them. This was such a great card because it says everything that I feel about my husband. Don't you just love greeting cards.
All of those words from the greeting card are so true. Daniel is my husband, my lover and my very best friend in the whole world. He has supported me through all of my many struggles with incest, codependency and the alcoholism issues from my childhood. He has supported me as I struggled to figure out who I am, what I want from Life, what I need from myself and from him in this relationship called marriage, and as I struggled with being a mother while I was learning to mother myself. The years haven't always been good. I haven't always been kind. Some years I was very angry. Often I felt almost lost in the sadness of loss that the inner child felt.
One of the best qualities that Daniel possesses is his wonderful, querky sense of humor that can always cheer me up and remind me that there is joy to be found in Life. Daniel has allowed me the space to grow and to be whatever I have needed to be in order to find out what being me really means. Daniel you hold my heart in your very strong, capable hands and you always will.
Darling, I really do love you with all of my heart.
Happy Birthday Daniel
Your loving wife,
Patricia
Sunday, March 8, 2009
More Family Patterns of Behavior Means More Awareness
Who Would You Be Without Your Story? Dialogues with Byron Katie, Edited by Carol Williams, 2008: "If there's someone who makes your blood boil, thank him. He's showing you what you need to know to become a kinder person. He's doing the best he can, and so are you."
Those are the words that Byron Katie opens her new book with. It is the perfect way to start my story of the recent two day trip that my husband Daniel and I went on last week. I am not writing about the trip. I am writing to share with you what I learned about myself.
Daniel is an adventurer. He swears he has Daniel Boone somewhere in his ancestry. He doesn't. He just wishes he did. He just shares the adventurous spirit and the same first name. When you go on any trip with Daniel expect to be tired when you get home. When I was younger, I recuperated much quicker than I do today. He puts as many activities and miles as he can possibly squeeze into each day.
On our recent trip, we went to Fort Smith, Fayetteville, Van Buren, and Bentonville in northwestern Arkansas and from Bentonville headed northeast to Springfield, Missouri. We spent the night in Springfield so we could tour the Wilson Creek Battlefield and National Park to do research on the Civil War battle that took place there on August 10, 1861. It was the second major battle of the Civil War. Daniel had some ancestors that fought there. Because of his hobbies of genealogy and Civil War reenacting, Daniel has become a little bit of a Civil War historian. This was research for a book that Daniel is writing about one of his great-grandfathers who fought in the Civil War as a Confederate soldier from Arkansas.
When Daniel asked if I wanted to go with him on this two day trip, I told him that I would go only on the condition that I could be home to watch the TV show Ghost Whisperer at 7:00 p.m. on Friday night. He said we would be. We were home at 6:00 p.m. Friday evening but only because I threw a tantrum and held him to his word.
Here is what I learned about myself: I still want what I want when I want it. I can be unbending and unforgiving when I don't get what I want. I can still rant and rave to get my way. I can feel guilty about my behavior afterwards. I do know how to apologize even when Daniel and I both know it probably won't be the last time that I will go off on him.
When I saw and heard what I was saying, that is when the ability to change came about. I can only change what I am aware of.
I still don't like that part of myself that can throw a temper tantrum when she doesn't get her way. I also no longer beat myself up for the behaviour. I need to be able to bend more and at the same time not be a doormat to others. I also don't need to treat others as my doormat. I don't have the right to treat others that way. I do have the right to stand up for myself. I can also do that standing up for myself with patience and kindness for myself and for the other person. I don't have to beat the other person up with my anger and words. It is ok to be angry without acting on that anger.
I can acknowledge that, yes, I lost my temper again. I can look at the reasons for losing my temper. How can I change that part of me or at least change how that part of me reacts to stress and anger?
Why did I lost my temper this time? I felt disappointed at the possibility of missing Ghost Whisperer. I felt disappointed that Daniel wasn't going to keep his word. I felt that he thought his time was worth more than mine. I felt devalued as a person and partner in our marriage.
What childhood pattern did this come from? My parents would say they were going to do something and then they wouldn't do it. I never had a say so of any kind in decisions made about me during my childhood. Younger children don't need this as much as an older child does. Decision making is how we learn to make decisions while having the safety net of parents to tell us that those decisions are appropriate or not. If you aren't taught decision making, you don't learn that decisions have responsibility and consequences. Chaos reigned in our household. Nobody was dependable. Nobody's word meant anything. They never did what they said they would. They yelled and screamed when they got angry, which was often. As a child, I felt that I had no value as an individual. Everybody else had more value than I did.
What did I find out about myself on this trip? I still sometimes react like the child living that childhood. Do I have to continue doing it? No. Will this behavior of mine stop immediately since I am now aware? Probably not. Why? Because I am not the perfectionist that I once was. Each time I become aware of it quicker until finally I will stop this particular behavior. Writing about it helps to reenforce the awareness. Do you still have some behaviors from childhood that you struggle with? How can you become more aware?
Patricia
Those are the words that Byron Katie opens her new book with. It is the perfect way to start my story of the recent two day trip that my husband Daniel and I went on last week. I am not writing about the trip. I am writing to share with you what I learned about myself.
Daniel is an adventurer. He swears he has Daniel Boone somewhere in his ancestry. He doesn't. He just wishes he did. He just shares the adventurous spirit and the same first name. When you go on any trip with Daniel expect to be tired when you get home. When I was younger, I recuperated much quicker than I do today. He puts as many activities and miles as he can possibly squeeze into each day.
On our recent trip, we went to Fort Smith, Fayetteville, Van Buren, and Bentonville in northwestern Arkansas and from Bentonville headed northeast to Springfield, Missouri. We spent the night in Springfield so we could tour the Wilson Creek Battlefield and National Park to do research on the Civil War battle that took place there on August 10, 1861. It was the second major battle of the Civil War. Daniel had some ancestors that fought there. Because of his hobbies of genealogy and Civil War reenacting, Daniel has become a little bit of a Civil War historian. This was research for a book that Daniel is writing about one of his great-grandfathers who fought in the Civil War as a Confederate soldier from Arkansas.
When Daniel asked if I wanted to go with him on this two day trip, I told him that I would go only on the condition that I could be home to watch the TV show Ghost Whisperer at 7:00 p.m. on Friday night. He said we would be. We were home at 6:00 p.m. Friday evening but only because I threw a tantrum and held him to his word.
Here is what I learned about myself: I still want what I want when I want it. I can be unbending and unforgiving when I don't get what I want. I can still rant and rave to get my way. I can feel guilty about my behavior afterwards. I do know how to apologize even when Daniel and I both know it probably won't be the last time that I will go off on him.
When I saw and heard what I was saying, that is when the ability to change came about. I can only change what I am aware of.
I still don't like that part of myself that can throw a temper tantrum when she doesn't get her way. I also no longer beat myself up for the behaviour. I need to be able to bend more and at the same time not be a doormat to others. I also don't need to treat others as my doormat. I don't have the right to treat others that way. I do have the right to stand up for myself. I can also do that standing up for myself with patience and kindness for myself and for the other person. I don't have to beat the other person up with my anger and words. It is ok to be angry without acting on that anger.
I can acknowledge that, yes, I lost my temper again. I can look at the reasons for losing my temper. How can I change that part of me or at least change how that part of me reacts to stress and anger?
Why did I lost my temper this time? I felt disappointed at the possibility of missing Ghost Whisperer. I felt disappointed that Daniel wasn't going to keep his word. I felt that he thought his time was worth more than mine. I felt devalued as a person and partner in our marriage.
What childhood pattern did this come from? My parents would say they were going to do something and then they wouldn't do it. I never had a say so of any kind in decisions made about me during my childhood. Younger children don't need this as much as an older child does. Decision making is how we learn to make decisions while having the safety net of parents to tell us that those decisions are appropriate or not. If you aren't taught decision making, you don't learn that decisions have responsibility and consequences. Chaos reigned in our household. Nobody was dependable. Nobody's word meant anything. They never did what they said they would. They yelled and screamed when they got angry, which was often. As a child, I felt that I had no value as an individual. Everybody else had more value than I did.
What did I find out about myself on this trip? I still sometimes react like the child living that childhood. Do I have to continue doing it? No. Will this behavior of mine stop immediately since I am now aware? Probably not. Why? Because I am not the perfectionist that I once was. Each time I become aware of it quicker until finally I will stop this particular behavior. Writing about it helps to reenforce the awareness. Do you still have some behaviors from childhood that you struggle with? How can you become more aware?
Patricia
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
I Appreciate You
Karl Staib over at the blog Work Happy Now! wrote an article about showing appreciation which he named "How to Change Your Company's Office Culture" ( http://www.workhappynow.com/2009/03/how-to-change-your-company-office-culture/ ).
Expressing your appreciation to others is something that I strongly believe in. Karl talks about how a teacher anonymously sharing notes and small, inexpensive gifts with her/his fellow teachers changed the whole work environment of the school. Anonymous acts of kindness or random acts of kindness can do so much good for yourself and other people.
I wonder how many people in the world would be affected positively if today everyone who reads this article anonymously did some small act of kindness for someone that you know or for someone who is a perfect stranger? You can't know how someone else will feel but you can know how you feel after doing a kindness for someone else.
That inner glow of love that you feel changes your day totally. It also changes who you are. You become a better person for doing such a small act of kindness. You touch that spark of the divine in yourself, that spark that we all have. In doing an act of appreciation, you tell yourself and others that someone cares. That someone is you, the real you, the divine spark that is the God within each of us.
Thanks, Karl, for sharing this idea in your blog for me to read today. Thanks to each of my readers for taking the time to be here with me on my blog today. Thanks for spreading love with your own acts of appreciation. I really do love and appreciate each and everyone of you. Have a glorious day.
Patricia
Expressing your appreciation to others is something that I strongly believe in. Karl talks about how a teacher anonymously sharing notes and small, inexpensive gifts with her/his fellow teachers changed the whole work environment of the school. Anonymous acts of kindness or random acts of kindness can do so much good for yourself and other people.
I wonder how many people in the world would be affected positively if today everyone who reads this article anonymously did some small act of kindness for someone that you know or for someone who is a perfect stranger? You can't know how someone else will feel but you can know how you feel after doing a kindness for someone else.
That inner glow of love that you feel changes your day totally. It also changes who you are. You become a better person for doing such a small act of kindness. You touch that spark of the divine in yourself, that spark that we all have. In doing an act of appreciation, you tell yourself and others that someone cares. That someone is you, the real you, the divine spark that is the God within each of us.
Thanks, Karl, for sharing this idea in your blog for me to read today. Thanks to each of my readers for taking the time to be here with me on my blog today. Thanks for spreading love with your own acts of appreciation. I really do love and appreciate each and everyone of you. Have a glorious day.
Patricia
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Kindness---Why Is It Easier To Be Kind To Strangers?
I have been thinking about kindness this week. I realized that I need to work on being kinder to those closest to me---my husband, my kids, my brother, my sister, my friends. I spent a year practicing being kinder and softer in my outlook on life a few years ago and became a better person for it. It is time to do that again in 2009.
My dictionary says, "kindness n. 1 The quality of being kind; good will. 2 A kind act; a favor. 3 A kindly feeling."
"kind adj. 1 Friendly and helpful: a kind act. 2 Gentle: kind to children. 3 Characterized by friendliness and gentleness: a kind remark. ---Syn. 1. charitable, generous, good, good-hearted. 2 humane, kindly."
Why is it easier to be kind to a stranger than it is to those you love? I think it is because you have more of yourself invested in those you love. A stranger enters your life for just a few minutes and then is gone. You don't always see the change that your act of kindness brought about in the other person. You just know that you felt good for giving that other person a smile, or for taking the time to open a door and letting the other person enter first, or for letting another person go before you in the line at the pharmacy or for giving money to your favorite charity. All of those are acts of kindness that you perform for the benefit of strangers.
Because you have invested your time, your money, your love into those closest to you, you are more afraid of being rejected or disappointed or maybe even ignored and taken for granted if you do those same small things for the people closest to you. Instead of being fearful, remember the advantages of being kind to those closest to you.
When you are kind to others, they are usually kind to you as well. When you are kind to others, you get to see their pleasure caused by your act of kindness. I am not saying be kind to others because of what you will get back. The getting back is just a nice side effect of your actions. Even if the other person doesn't response to your kindness, you still know that you did something good for someone else. I know that these apply to strangers as well as those you are closest to.
In my own way, I am saying that the added benefit to being kind to those closest to you is that you get to see the happiness that you have contributed to in another person that you care about and love. That always makes me happier.
Being kind to others is a great way to express your gratitude for that person being in your life. Expressing your gratitude to that person is in itself an act of kindness. Anything that you do that helps another person feel better about themselves can be an act of kindness.
My act of kindness for you, my reader, is to finish this article before you catch on that I am beginning to ramble. Have a glorious day. It is cold here but the sun is shining brightly so I am having a glorious day of sunshine.
Patricia
My dictionary says, "kindness n. 1 The quality of being kind; good will. 2 A kind act; a favor. 3 A kindly feeling."
"kind adj. 1 Friendly and helpful: a kind act. 2 Gentle: kind to children. 3 Characterized by friendliness and gentleness: a kind remark. ---Syn. 1. charitable, generous, good, good-hearted. 2 humane, kindly."
Why is it easier to be kind to a stranger than it is to those you love? I think it is because you have more of yourself invested in those you love. A stranger enters your life for just a few minutes and then is gone. You don't always see the change that your act of kindness brought about in the other person. You just know that you felt good for giving that other person a smile, or for taking the time to open a door and letting the other person enter first, or for letting another person go before you in the line at the pharmacy or for giving money to your favorite charity. All of those are acts of kindness that you perform for the benefit of strangers.
Because you have invested your time, your money, your love into those closest to you, you are more afraid of being rejected or disappointed or maybe even ignored and taken for granted if you do those same small things for the people closest to you. Instead of being fearful, remember the advantages of being kind to those closest to you.
When you are kind to others, they are usually kind to you as well. When you are kind to others, you get to see their pleasure caused by your act of kindness. I am not saying be kind to others because of what you will get back. The getting back is just a nice side effect of your actions. Even if the other person doesn't response to your kindness, you still know that you did something good for someone else. I know that these apply to strangers as well as those you are closest to.
In my own way, I am saying that the added benefit to being kind to those closest to you is that you get to see the happiness that you have contributed to in another person that you care about and love. That always makes me happier.
Being kind to others is a great way to express your gratitude for that person being in your life. Expressing your gratitude to that person is in itself an act of kindness. Anything that you do that helps another person feel better about themselves can be an act of kindness.
My act of kindness for you, my reader, is to finish this article before you catch on that I am beginning to ramble. Have a glorious day. It is cold here but the sun is shining brightly so I am having a glorious day of sunshine.
Patricia
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