Hi everyone. The August "Back to School - Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse" has been posted by Enola on her blog and found at the following link:
http://enola-survivor.blogspot.com/2009/08/back-to-school-blog-carnival-against.html
Twenty-five articles, all written by survivors of some form of child abuse, are included in this month's blog carnival. One of my articles is included in this month's carnival. If you haven't read it already it is called "Why Some People Are Blind To Abuse." You can find my article at the following link:
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2009/05/why-some-people-are-blind-to-abuse.html
This month of August is when school starts for most of the school aged children in the United States. For some childhood abuse survivors, this time of children starting back to school brings up abuse issues.
I was the opposite in that going back to school meant freedom from the loneliness of the summer away from my books and teachers that I loved. I was a lonely child and I felt it more in the summer months when I was away from my friends and teachers.
School meant freedom from being in the home where the incest took place. School and books meant freedom to me. I was a B student with a few A's thrown in. Teachers were among the few people that encouraged me to grow, to do better than average. I was blessed with some wonderful teachers.
School was a world where I could pretend that the abuse wasn't happening. School was a place where I could be someone's favorite (teacher's pet) without it being about sex. I loved studying and learning. I was good at learning the teacher's style of doing things and imitating it when it came to writing school papers.
I was adaptable. To a degree, I was also invisible. I dressed in neutral, drab colors and didn't talk much. I spent a lot of time in the library rather than alone out on the school yard as a teenager. I wanted attention and friends and yet was afraid of those same people and attention. I was extremely shy.
I hope that you will join me this week in visiting Enola's blog and reading the articles on the "Back to School - Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse."
Patricia
Showing posts with label Enola. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Enola. Show all posts
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
How Dreams Can Help You Heal From Childhood Sexual Abuse
From The Complete Dream Dictionary written by Pamela Ball, Chartwell Books, Inc., Edison, New Jersey, 2000, page 324:
"If ideas of rape appear in a dream, then it can be as much to do with violation of personal space as with the sexual act. Sexual rape is unlikely to appear in the dreams of sexually abused children, though the adult may later suffer from nightmares. Rape itself may only manifest when the adult is ready to deal with the trauma. Most rape dreams are based around the need for, or perception of power issues between the male and female."
Why did I search out the above quote to share with you? I had a dream a few days ago in which I was raped. I looked in my dream dictionary for more meaning to the dream than I, alone, may have given it.
This isn't the first dream of rape that I have ever had. Years ago, after I had been working on my incest issues for awhile and was learning about choices, I had a dream in which a man was going to rape me. I remember that there were two men and that I couldn't prevent the rape but I could choose which of the two men were going to rape me. I remember looking into the eyes of both men and making my decision. I knew that one would be kinder than the other. He is the one that I chose to rape me. I woke up in a lot of confusion until I realized that the dream was more about the fact that I had choices, that I could actually choose the path that my life and my recovery was going to take. That is when I really learned that our choices control the path that we take in life. Choices, which I never felt that I had as a child, gave me a sense of freedom that I had never experienced before that dream.
I do believe that many of my dreams are about healing. As small as making the choice of who would rape me would seem to others, for me, it was the beginning of knowing, really knowing, that I could make a better life for myself, a life in which I felt safe and valued. My choices, my opinions mattered. Unless you are a survivor, you may not understand how really big that dream was to me.
In my dream of a few days ago, I didn't see the rape happen. I just knew that I had been raped as well as the other two women in my dream. I may have dreamed about the rape happening but if I did, I didn't carry those memories to my waking state. I remember leaving the two women behind as I walked and cried, walked and cried, walked and cried. I have cried over the years in my waking state with the grief of dealing with my incest issues. I have never cried with the deep, deep grief that I cried in this dream. The grief was so consuming that I can see myself stopping and just crying before starting to walk again until more grief came through.
In the next part of the dream, I found myself walking into a courtroom with people all around. I knew that I was going to tell them about the rape. That is when I woke up. Just as I woke up, I heard the word "justice" and knew that was why I chose a courthouse. I knew that I wasn't going to remain quiet as I did after my childhood rapes by my uncle and dad. I knew that I would no longer be silenced by the men.
I believe that this was a healing dream in that I deeply grieved and I was willing to seek justice for myself whether the other two women did or not. Also, those two women are reflections of female parts of me that are still living in the abuse and afraid to speak for themselves. So there is still some healing for me to do.
I have been taught that numbers are always important in dreams. In my dream there were three women, counting myself. I called a friend who does numerology and asked her the significance of the number three. She told me that the number three is about expression, creativity and the trinity. In this case, I think that the trinity has to do with my healing on the emotional, physical and spiritual levels of my being. Emotional healing also means physical healing because of the tears and pain that my body releases and no longer carries around. Any time that you let go of emotional pain, it gives more room for spiritual growth and love to enter your body and heart.
As my dream dictionary says the rape happened in my dream because I have made the decision to deal with any remaining incest issues that may come up. Because of this dream, I know that my decision is right. Divine timing is always right. I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my journey.
Thanks to Enola ( http://enola-survivor.blogspot.com/2009/04/wear-blue-on-friday-child-abuse.html ) and Surviving by Grace ( http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/ ) for letting me know that April is Child Abuse Prevention Month across the U. S. Use this month to make yourself more knowledgable about the signs of Child Abuse and how you might be able to do something to save a child.
Patricia
"If ideas of rape appear in a dream, then it can be as much to do with violation of personal space as with the sexual act. Sexual rape is unlikely to appear in the dreams of sexually abused children, though the adult may later suffer from nightmares. Rape itself may only manifest when the adult is ready to deal with the trauma. Most rape dreams are based around the need for, or perception of power issues between the male and female."
Why did I search out the above quote to share with you? I had a dream a few days ago in which I was raped. I looked in my dream dictionary for more meaning to the dream than I, alone, may have given it.
This isn't the first dream of rape that I have ever had. Years ago, after I had been working on my incest issues for awhile and was learning about choices, I had a dream in which a man was going to rape me. I remember that there were two men and that I couldn't prevent the rape but I could choose which of the two men were going to rape me. I remember looking into the eyes of both men and making my decision. I knew that one would be kinder than the other. He is the one that I chose to rape me. I woke up in a lot of confusion until I realized that the dream was more about the fact that I had choices, that I could actually choose the path that my life and my recovery was going to take. That is when I really learned that our choices control the path that we take in life. Choices, which I never felt that I had as a child, gave me a sense of freedom that I had never experienced before that dream.
I do believe that many of my dreams are about healing. As small as making the choice of who would rape me would seem to others, for me, it was the beginning of knowing, really knowing, that I could make a better life for myself, a life in which I felt safe and valued. My choices, my opinions mattered. Unless you are a survivor, you may not understand how really big that dream was to me.
In my dream of a few days ago, I didn't see the rape happen. I just knew that I had been raped as well as the other two women in my dream. I may have dreamed about the rape happening but if I did, I didn't carry those memories to my waking state. I remember leaving the two women behind as I walked and cried, walked and cried, walked and cried. I have cried over the years in my waking state with the grief of dealing with my incest issues. I have never cried with the deep, deep grief that I cried in this dream. The grief was so consuming that I can see myself stopping and just crying before starting to walk again until more grief came through.
In the next part of the dream, I found myself walking into a courtroom with people all around. I knew that I was going to tell them about the rape. That is when I woke up. Just as I woke up, I heard the word "justice" and knew that was why I chose a courthouse. I knew that I wasn't going to remain quiet as I did after my childhood rapes by my uncle and dad. I knew that I would no longer be silenced by the men.
I believe that this was a healing dream in that I deeply grieved and I was willing to seek justice for myself whether the other two women did or not. Also, those two women are reflections of female parts of me that are still living in the abuse and afraid to speak for themselves. So there is still some healing for me to do.
I have been taught that numbers are always important in dreams. In my dream there were three women, counting myself. I called a friend who does numerology and asked her the significance of the number three. She told me that the number three is about expression, creativity and the trinity. In this case, I think that the trinity has to do with my healing on the emotional, physical and spiritual levels of my being. Emotional healing also means physical healing because of the tears and pain that my body releases and no longer carries around. Any time that you let go of emotional pain, it gives more room for spiritual growth and love to enter your body and heart.
As my dream dictionary says the rape happened in my dream because I have made the decision to deal with any remaining incest issues that may come up. Because of this dream, I know that my decision is right. Divine timing is always right. I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my journey.
Thanks to Enola ( http://enola-survivor.blogspot.com/2009/04/wear-blue-on-friday-child-abuse.html ) and Surviving by Grace ( http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/ ) for letting me know that April is Child Abuse Prevention Month across the U. S. Use this month to make yourself more knowledgable about the signs of Child Abuse and how you might be able to do something to save a child.
Patricia
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