Wednesday, July 29, 2015

The Case Of The Three-Year-Old Adulteress As Book Title

The tentative title for my book is The Case of The Three-Year-Old Adulteress. That could change as I actually write the book but that is my thought for right now.

Over the weekend, I printed out the blog posts from 2007 and 2008 that might be included in my book. Those two years of posts have been divided into possible chapters.

Possible chapters are:  Introduction, Incest Story, Feelings, Change---Acceptance, Loving Myself, Inner Child, 12-Step Healing, Dad, Mom, Forgiveness, Protecting Our Children and finally Resources. Those chapter titles could change as the story progresses but this helps me to organize my thoughts for now. 

Over the next few days, I will be printing out the blog posts from 2009-2015 to be considered in telling my story of healing from incest. In 2008, I wrote over 80 articles, more than any other year that I have been blogging. 

Health issues and just living my life in general has affected how many blog articles I have written each year, with 2015 being the slowest year of all. My health seems to be better finally with not as many headaches since a doctor gave me antibiotics for a rash that I had on my feet several months ago. That makes me suspect that my headaches were allergy related with my sinuses being infected. With the antibiotics the headaches are almost gone. I have a history of sinus infections and that was the first thing that my doctor checked but she said that sinus x-rays are not reliable. Whatever the reason, the headaches are almost completely gone over the past month which is a relief after having them almost daily for about two years. I don't miss the pain at all. 

I hope you all are having a great week. We have had Heat Advisories almost every day for the past several weeks. I am staying inside out of the heat as much as possible. 

Related Posts:

The Case Of The Three-Year-Old Adultress

Three Year Old Adultress Revisited - Inner Child Letters Series - 1

Three Year Old Adultress Carries The Shame Of Incest - Inner Child Letters Series

Monday, July 27, 2015

Grooming Children And Parents For Sexual Abuse

Before the actual writing of my book starts, I have a lot of sorting and reading to do first, deciding upon possible chapters for the book is my beginning place. Dividing up what I have already written here on the blog into those chapters and rewriting some of the posts to better fit into the book are just some of the things that I need to do. 

In the meantime, ideas are flowing through my mind and to the page here. My creativity has been turned back on and I love it. I missed being creative, putting words to paper, or more accurately, to the computer screen in front of me. 

I found an article written by Gregory M. Weber online called "Grooming Children for Sexual Molestation" that I wanted to share here. Here is the link: 

Grooming is why knowing the adults in your children's lives is so important. Pay attention to what your intuition tells you about a person. The world is full of good people who mentor children and make a good difference in their lives but there are also abusers waiting to take advantage of your child. Sometimes it is hard to know the difference. Make sure that your children know that there are no secrets between you and them. Tell them that anyone who wants them to keep secrets from you are not good people. Let your children know that you will always believe them and that there is nothing that they can't tell you. You love your children. Make sure that they know that their welfare is always your first concern.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Healing The Writer: A Personal Account of Overcoming PTSD Book Review

Healing The Writer: A Personal Account of Overcoming PTSD is the second published book by my friend Dan L. Hays. It isn't the second book Dan has written. It is the second one that he published. Healing The Writer is Dan's story of why the first books weren't published and the healing that had to take place for Dan to be able to write again and become a published writer.  

Dan's is a story of healing from PTSD and facing fearful memories that his inner child blocked from adult Dan's memory for years. Through inner child exercises, over a period of time, Dan is able to get little Danny to tell his secrets and share his fears. 

What I like about Dan's books is that I always find something about Dan's healing journey that I can relate to. Sometimes it feels like Dan is telling part of my story in the feelings of being a survivor. Dan's writing always teaches me something about myself. 

I highly recommend Healing The Writer to any survivor of PTSD and anyone who has ever experienced writer's block. Dan shares some valuable exercises in working with your inner child too. 

If you are interested, here is the link to my book review of Dan's first published book, Freedom's Just Another Word.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Silent Anger---Triggers

I am reading Healing The Writer: A Personal Account of Overcoming PTSD, a book written by my friend Dan L. Hays. I will later write a book review when I finish reading the book. Today I want to write about an issue that came up for me and brought tears to my eyes. I have been questioning, as Dan has, why it has been hard for me to start writing my own book. As I was reading a page of Dan's book, what came to mind was my mother's face when she was angry and used silence to show it rather than voicing her anger.

I am usually quite vocal with my own anger. When I get silent, it is because I am thinking and figuring out what brought out my anger. I am also looking at what fear is behind my anger. Once I figure out what that fear is, I can voice it. For me, voicing my anger and fears is very important. If I can voice it, I can release it.

My mother's silent anger was never voiced and released. You knew when she was angry but if you asked her about it, you were wrong. She wasn't angry. It was all in your mind. Her anger never got voiced. You were made to look bad and nothing was ever resolved. 

My mother lived with my family and me when I started my healing from incest. When I started going to Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) meetings, my mom never asked why I was going to 2-4 meetings a week. She didn't know about the incest because I hadn't told her. She was silently angry at me for daring to reveal our family's secret of alcoholism. 

I didn't know about domestic violence and its effects back then. My mother wasn't beaten by my dad. The only time he ever hit her was before I was born. She got his gun and pulled the trigger. He never hit her again. My mom was a good shot. He could have died. The gun wasn't loaded but neither of them realized it until after she pulled the trigger. 

I grew up I with that story. Death was the threat behind my mom's silent anger. Don't make me mad or I might shoot you. I lived with that subconscious fear from sometime in my childhood.  How much has that influenced my decisions?

My parents were divorced and my mom was living with us. I was probably into my third year of healing when I asked my ACOA sponsor to help me face my mom and tell her about the incest. When I told her, I think she was shocked but she was also angry. She didn't say anything until I asked her if her brother had ever sexually abused her. Her angry comment was, "No, Papa would have killed him if he had." Then she went into her angry silence and went to her room. 

Our talk was never brought up again. I gave her a copy of My Dear Family Member letter. I also mailed a copy to both of my siblings 2 weeks before mailing copies to each of my dad's siblings. If you are interested in what I said to my siblings and to my dad's siblings about the incest, you will find a link at the end of this post that will take you to the letter.

Anger turned to silence hurts and never gets resolved. You know the anger is there. The angry person wins and you lose if you bring it up. I learned to disconnect from my mom in order to not be hurt by her silent anger or did I? 

Is that silent anger still affecting my life? Did it keep me from writing my book all this time? Today, I know my mom's anger can't hurt me, unless I let it. I refuse to let her anger control my actions and thoughts today. 

It is time to write my book about healing from incest. I started writing just this week. My husband has been telling me for awhile that I already have my book written within the pages of my blog. I ignored his words. Recently, a friend, Corinne Edwards told me the same thing. Her words got through my doubts and questioning where to start. Over last weekend, I sat down and printed out all of my blog posts and then started a list of possible chapters for my book. 

This is your official notice to my husband Daniel Singleton, my friend Slade Roberson who encouraged me to write a blog and this book and to my friend Corinne Edwards whose words finally got through to me, I am writing my book. Thank you all three and so many others of my friends who have encouraged my writing. Thank you Dan L. Hays for writing your books and being my friend whose story is so like my journey of healing from being an adult child of an alcoholic.

Related Posts:

Dear Family Member - Notification About Incest Happening In Family

My Mom---The Silent Parent

Birthdays And Valentine's Day

Family Generational Patterns of Behavior