Sharing Our Stories And Healing From Incest - Does It Get Easier?

I am going to start this blog post with a quote from one of my favorite authors/guest speakers today in the world of healing resources.

"When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else."
                           ----Iyanla Vanzant

A special online friend of mine, Debra Estep, shared this quote with me a few days ago with the words:

"Patricia ... To you, the one who stands out there sharing bringing 'healing' to others"

Debra's words brought such joy to my heart, as well as tears to my eyes, when I read them. Debra has been one of my supporters almost from the very beginning of my blog. She and I were introduced to each other through our mutual friend Slade Roberson who inspired me to start a blog in the first place. I appreciate the support of these two friends who have watched me struggle and grow comfortable here with sharing my story and reaching out to other survivors. Their encouragement is always appreciated. I love you both, my friends.

Someone asked me recently, "Does it get easier?"

Sharing our stories gets easier as you do it. Healing in itself gets easier with work and with time. And that said, each time a new issue comes up for me, I still feel some of the old pain but not with the intensity of in the beginning. An issue doesn't take the months to get through that it once did. Today an issue is usually worked through in a short amount of time. The new issue may take hours or even a few days to a week depending upon how much time and effort I put into working through it. The feelings around the issue and the issue itself don't take up my entire life like it did when I was just starting to heal.

Healing isn't about taking short cuts. I don't know of any easy ways to get rid of the pain. You have to go through the feelings, many of which were stuffed inside and numbed by this addiction or that one. Healing is the most painful thing you will probably ever do but you will find sunshine and a good life on the other side. Be patient and kind with yourself. Stop resisting your own pain. Quit resisting your own healing. You don't have to beat yourself up for not moving as fast as those inner voices say you have to. You can quiet those voices. Like your abusers, they are lying to you.

As you go through your day, look for the little things that you can be grateful for - the little wonders that pass through your day, the moments of silence when you can feel the presence of God in your life, the awesomeness of nature and how it helps to center you in the middle of some of the chaos that working on healing creates. Find the gift of a new awareness that you gained today as you let go of the lies. You will always find the gift at the end of the lesson if you take the time to look for them. Did you find a new piece of yourself today to add to the puzzle that is you? You won't see it if you move forward with your eyes closed. Be open to whatever experience comes your way today. You may see yourself as broken and you can always be mended. Mended is always stronger than the original.

In my experience, you have to go through the feelings in order to heal and that hurts most of the time. You have to feel the grief for all of the losses of the abused child that you were. You have the strength to get through it, just one day at a time. My anger was the first feeling that I became aware of. As I looked closer at the anger and rage, I found that they were both often just cover-ups for more hurt. The sadness that has been such a part of my being since I was a little girl was because of all of the hurt and the grief that she carried inside. As I learned to feel and learned to love myself, I was able to work through and then let go of much of that hurt and grief. The sadness lifted and joy returned. I say returned because children are naturally full of joy when they are born. If you don't believe me, just watch a baby laugh. See if you can touch that joy inside of yourself. It may be hidden beneath the hurt and sadness of the abuse. The joy is still there waiting for you to reach in and pull it out. Find something in your day to make you laugh. Think of something that you really like to do and do it.

Taking breaks from healing are absolutely necessary. The work of healing is hard. You can feel really overwhelmed at times. You can lose sight of the good things in your life. Start a hobby that you really like doing. Your inner child will love the opportunity to play. She/He will reward you with the joy that will come bubbling up unexpectedly when what you are doing connects with that well of creativity inside of you.

Sometimes you need to just sit and watch a child play. Watch a movie that you know will make you laugh and sometimes a movie that will make you cry, if that is what your heart needs at the moment. Tears are healing too. Go out for coffee with a friend. Take your pet for a walk. Get out in nature.

Then once you feel better, go back to the hard, but rewarding, work of healing you. Because you took a break, you will be better able to handle tomorrow and whatever issues the day brings to you. You are worth it. Some day, you won't hurt as much. You will get through today. One day at a time. Instead of looking at how much work you have left, look back at how far you have come. Be proud of yourself. Reward yourself for the small accomplishments you make. Take a moment to enjoy the sunshine in your life. The world isn't only clouds but you know what? Some of the most beautiful days I have ever seen were just full of clouds. Look at how the sun plays and creates such beauty out of the clouds. Clouds are much more interesting than just a clear, blue sky. So is your life.
Patricia

How To Write A Book - Automatic Author Tutorial - Slade Roberson

A highlight of my day on Thursday, October 20 was an email that I received from my friend Slade Roberson.  Slade emailed me to let me know that I had been picked to receive a free copy of his Automatic Author program along with 2-Author Consultations.  If you are like me have an idea to write your own story for future generations to read, then you can find Slade's Automatic Author Tutorial at the following link:

http://sladeroberson.com/automatic-author

I have used one of Slade's tutorials in the past that took me step by step through the process of setting up this blog.  Without that tutorial, this blog would not exist.  I am still very limited in the technical skills that I have for using my computer.  That is one of the reasons that you won't find pictures at the head of each of my posts.  One of these days, I will have my daughter-in-law sit down with me and write out step by step how to download pictures on to my blog.  My daughter is the one who posted the picture of my husband and me for my profile picture.

Slade knows that I have recently made the committment to my family and friends telling them that I am going to write a memoir of my experiences with childhood incest and the healing journey that I have been going through for the past 20+ years.  I have already decided that my memory of being what I called a "3-year-old adulteress" is going to be the beginning of my story since it is one of my earliest memories.  I am not sure where my story will go after that.  My earliest memories of the incest happening didn't happen until I was 11 years old.  I still need to decide exactly what I want the focus of my book to be.  Do I just want to write one book like my friend Colleen Spiro has done in her book The Third Floor Window or divide my life up into more than one book as my friend Dan L. Hays has done.  Dan's first book is called Freedom's Just Another Word.  He is currently working on book number two which is due out sometime in 2012.  Reading both of those memoirs has given me much encouragement to write my own.

I have lots of encouragement from you, my readers, my friends and my family to write this book. With Slade's Automatic Author Tutorial, I have no reason to put off writing this book any longer. Now I am going to sit down and start reading the tutorial.

Before I do that, I need to apologize to my readers for not writing much on Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker recently.  I am going through some minor health problems which I hope will be resolved soon.  As minor as they are, my energy levels have been low lately.  I feel just bad enough to not get much done throughout the day. 

With Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up, that needs to change.  Family is coming to our house for Thanksgiving and I have major house cleaning and rearranging to do so that everyone will fit and have room to move around.  I love it when my family and Daniel's come to visit.  It takes a lot of preparation to get ready for them.  We will have about 11 or 12 people in the house for about 3-4 days.  My house is noisy and full of love, disagreements, and compromise as families do when they get together for any period of time. I am blessed with the wonderful mother-in-law and sister-in-law that I dearly love. It is the 3 brothers, of which my husband is the baby of the family, that usually provides the noise.  They are all in their 60's now and losing their hearing so they talk loud because none of them wants to spend the money to get a hearing aid. The youngest of the clan who will be gathering here are two sisters - twin 4-year-old who have me wishing that I had just a little of their energy.  They are sweethearts, who being four like a lot of attention.  They are easy to give it to.  Being around children can keep you young at heart. Being around them also gives me reason to miss my grandchildren who live in Idaho.  They are all growing up so fast. I hope that you are all having a glorious October and enjoying the Fall weather and colors.  Autumn is my favorite time of the year.
Patricia

Related Articles:

The Most Influencial Person---#4---Birth Of A Dream
@ http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/07/most-influencial-person-4-birth-of.html

Out Of My Comfort Zone---The Third Floor Window
@ http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2009/09/out-of-my-comfort-zone-third-floor.html

"Freedom's Just Another Word" Book Review
@ http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2010/04/freedoms-just-another-word-book-review.html

Let's Talk About Spirit Guides Teleconference With Andrea Hess And Slade Roberson
@ http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/11/lets-talk-about-spirit-guides.html

Name It, Claim It, Make It So---Intention To Hear Your Spirit Guides
@ http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/09/name-it-claim-it-make-it-so-intention.html

Gratitude---No New Year's Resolutions For Me

My friend Slade Roberson wrote an article on his blog Shift Your Spirits called "Stuck on Outcomes." Slade tells us about how his ego took over his life for a short time recently with a list of "shoulda, woulda, coulda" items and how it affected him.

To use some of Slade's own words, "The Naggot (which is the personification of my ego) got a hold of the microphone some time in the wee hours of the day after Christmas and I woke up already listening to some Shoulda Coulda Woulda Telethon, broadcast live on the Ungrateful Channel, right from my own Special Place In Hell."

Don't you just love Slade's wonderful sense of humor. I know it is part of the reason that I continue to be drawn to him and his blog Shift Your Spirits.

When in his article Slade started talking about how he doesn't do New Year's Resolutions, he really caught my attention. I used to make half-hearted attempts at writing resolutions each year just to beat myself up because I could never follow through and stay focused long enough to do them. I always wondered why I couldn't stick with them. Read Slade's article to see why he says he is a Scanner. I am not sure that I understand the concept fully. Maybe Slade can explain the concept here in a comment?

One thing Slade asked his readers to do was a 2008 Gratitude List. Here is my version of that list. I hope you will take the time to write your own.

2008 Gratitude List:
1. I am grateful for my on-line friends such as Slade Roberson, Corinne Edwards, Stephen Hopson, and so many more who have lead the way for me this year with their shared words of wisdom and their sense of humor.

2. I am grateful for my family and friends who I love very much. Our family and friends are often our greatest teachers because they know us so well and therefore they know which buttons to push to bring up whatever issues we may need to work on.

3. I am grateful for the guidance of my Spirit Guides and Guardian Angels and Ascended Masters. In 2009, I choose to become a better listener.

4. I am grateful for the bad stuff that happens in my life. Why? Because they bring the gift of knowledge and growth to my life. Everything has a purpose for happening and being.

5. I am grateful for my sense of humor which can lighten any heavy load. Laughing at myself is sometimes the best medicine that I can give to myself. No one puts me on a higher pedestal than I sometimes put myself.

6. I am grateful for the people that I meet who are wonderful examples of "what I want to be when I grow up." I may grow up but I don't ever want to grow old and set in my ways.

7. I am grateful for all of those people who have taught me about courage and love. Most of these people I have never met in person. Do you ever wonder how many people are affected by your actions and attitudes? I do.

8. I am grateful to God for all of the talents that I have been gifted with in this lifetime. In 2009, I want to find new ways to use those talents to help others.

9. I am grateful for every minute of Life that I have experienced---past, present and future. Without my past, I would not be who I am today. Without the present, I wouldn't know the joy of being. With the future comes new challenges and new lessons and new joys and excitement.

10. I am grateful for the year 2008 with all of its many lessons and challenges because I have grown through it all. Some of 2008, I would not want to repeat so I hope that I learned all of those lessons.

11. I am grateful to those people who bring love and joy into my life. I have been truly blessed by the people who have shared my life whether the time shared was just a few minutes or years.

12. I am grateful to be who I am and look forward to who I am becoming. I have grown to love who I am. I am excited about who I will become.

Well, Slade those are my 12 for 2008. The year is only a few days away from being over. It has been a glorious year and a challenging year for me in so many ways. I know that 2009 is going to be as good or better. Happy New Year to all.
Patricia

Here are links to some of the articles that have enriched my life today:
"Stuck on Outcomes" written by Slade Roberson found at http://sladeroberson.com/manifesting/stuck-on-outcomes.html/

"HOT FLASHES - and other tragedies of life" written by Corinne Edwards found at http://www.personal-growth-with-corinne-edwards.com/hot-flashes-and-other-tragedies-of-life/

"Detox Your Home And Feel Brand New:" written by Carole Fogarty found at http://thehealthylivinglounge.com/2008/12/29/detox-your-home-and-feel-brand-new/

"Stepping into Spiritual Authenticity" by Andrea Hess found at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/blog/2008/12/26/stepping-into-spiritual-authenticity/

"Stephen Hopson Interview with Lance of Jungle of Life, Part I or II" written by Stephen Hopson found at http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com/2008/12/24/stephen-hopson-interview-with-lance-of-jungle-of-life-part-i-of-ii/

Name It, Claim It, Make It So---Intention To Hear Your Spirit Guides

Slade Roberson recently wrote an article called "You Can Hear Your Spirit Guides". You will find the link to this article at the bottom of the page along with some other links with information about Slade. In the article, Slade says, "If you wish to communicate more effectively with your spirit guides, the number one thing you need to tell yourself and your guides is that you are open to their presence and to receiving their guidance."

Here is the intention that I set for hearing my guides:

I am open to being psychic. I do hear my spirit guides in whatever form they choose. I play a significant part in the forming of my world.

Like most people, I was a little afraid of my psychic abilities. I was more puzzled than afraid. I really didn't know what to do with these abilities. Sometimes they are right on with the messages that I receive and sometimes, because I don't have the whole picture, they make no sense to me. The messages are easier to receive when the messages are for me rather than for someone else. If the message is for someone else, that means I have to risk voicing the message and being wrong in front of someone else. What if they look at me like I am crazy, like I have totally lost it? What will I do then? I have learned to present the information anyway. Whether I understand it or not, it is usually understood by the person that needs it. I am doing them a disservice by not presenting the information.

If you are interested in learning how to hear your spirit guides, Slade gives classes occasionally. I have taken two of the classes and greatly benefitted from them. Slade teaches you how to be more aware of the psychic hits that you get from your guides on a daily basis. We totally ignore so much of what our guides send us because it doesn't come in the form that we expect it to. That is why my affirmation says, "I do hear my spirit guides speaking in whatever form they choose."

If you are interested in learning more about your spirit guides and how to contact them, check out Slade's blog, Shift Your Spirits. Start with the article linked below. If you like what you read spend some time checking out the rest of Slade's articles.

What is your intention toward hearing your guides?
Patricia


Related Links:

You Can Hear Your Spirit Guides --- http://sladeroberson.com/spirit-guides/you-can-hear-your-spirit-guides.html

Epiphanies From Freaking Out --- http://lightbeckons.com/2008/09/09/epiphanies-from-freaking-out


Ghosts, Spirits, Seances - and a story --- http://www.personal-growth-with-corinne-edwards.com/ghosts-spirits-seances-and-a-story/


Stephen Hopson Interview with Slade Roberson of Shift Your Spirits, Part I of II --- http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com/2008/08/26/stephen-hopson-interview-with-slade-roberson-of-shift-your-spirits-part-i-of-ii/

Stephen Hopson Interview with Slade Roberson of Shift Your Spirits, Part II of II --- http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com/2008/09/02/stephen-hopson-interview-with-slade-roberson-of-shift-your-spirits-part-ii-of-ii/

You Had It All The Time

My friend Slade Roberson from the blog Shift Your Spirits recently wrote an article called "Are You Developing Too Rapidly?" found at http://sladeroberson.com/manifesting/are-you-developing-too-fast.html.


I read the above article just after reading the beginning chapters of a book called "I Had It All the Time" written by Alan Cohen back in 1995. I wanted to share a few quotes from the book in case you are like me and haven't read anything by Alan Cohen.


From the Foreword, on page ix:
"Sooner or later we reach the point where living the truth becomes more important than seeking it. Knowledge, techniques, and experiences pale in the face of riches of the heart. Learning must give way to being."


From page xii:
"You are not a black hole that needs to be filled; you are a light that needs to be shined. The days of self-improvement are gone, and the era of self-affirmation is upon us. It is time to quit improving yourself and start living."



For many years, I saw myself as a black hole wanting to be filled with love, with food, with something so I wouldn't feel so empty. I felt emptiness because, like my parents, I had abandoned myself.


What it took me years to realize and what this book says is, "I had it all the time."

I spent years running here and there, reading this book, watching that video on self-improvement. According to Alan Cohen's book, I didn't have to do any of that searching. I already had it; I just didn't know it. All I had to do is remember who I really am.


In the book "I Had It All the Time," Mr. Cohen talks about self-discovery rather than self- improvement. He says your spirituality isn't your journey. You don't have some place to go; you are already there and always have been. The real you doesn't need improving. You have forgotten the greatness of who you really are in searching for self-improvement when all you really need to do is remember and just be.
Patricia

Gifts Of Facing Your Fears

A few days ago I read an article called "Cash in on the Hidden Gold Beneath Your Fears" written by Tom Volkar at Delightful Work. You will find the article at this link: http://www.delightfulwork.com/2008/06/24/cash-in-on-the-hidden-gold-beneath-your-fear/ .

Click on the link above and go read Tom's article, then come back here and read mine. I'll be here when you get back. In the mean time, I will go fix myself a cup of coffee.

People keep telling me that I am courageous to write about incest. I am not any more brave than anyone else. I have just reached the grand age of 56 years old where I don't care as much what other people think about me as I once did. I do care. At 56, my opinion of me is the most important. Doing what is right for me has become more important than your opinion of me.

The praise does feel good so if you want to keep it coming, I won't object. I will even admit that I love it when you tell me how good, nice, courageous, outspoken I am. My ego is still in tact and even still in control at times. So thank you for your words of encouragement. They are appreciated.

I need to set the record straight. I am just as fearful as the rest of you, probably even more so than some of you. Yes, writing down my thoughts on this blog for the world to see is scarey business but the rewards have been well worth facing my fears to do this. Facing my fears has been so rewarding. I can so relate to Tom's article and see that when we face our fears, there is gold hidden beneath the fears.

In one of my recent articles, "Quit Playing Small And Insignificant" ( http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/quit-playing-small-and-insignificant.html ), I faced a major fear of mine---the fear that I might be "powerful beyond measure" (Marianne Williamson in "A Return to Love"). I was fearful of letting my light shine to its full strength because you might think I felt superior to you. My ego might even try to convince me that I am superior to you. As it says in my article, I was fearful of accepting that I am responsible for my life and what I do with that life.

What have been the immediate gold that I found hidden beneath those fears?
1. I have found a new level of self-confidence that I didn't have before. I acted as if I were confident but it was only an act. Now, it is real. I am powerful beyond all measure and so are you. Each of us is powerful as magnificient reflections of the God in each of us.

2. My creativity with my writing for this blog has gone through the roof. I have never written as many articles as I have in the past week. I am not posting them all at once so you will continue to see these articles come out over the next few weeks. I wrote 5 articles last week, three of which have already been posted. This article is the second one in two days that I have written this week.

3. Tools such as Tom's article and the information that I posted from Paula Kawal that you will find in my article "Shame, The Abuser's Friend" found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/shame-abusers-friend.html have come my way to be shared on this blog. Helping others has to come second after helping myself to grow since I choose to help others through sharing my own journey. These tools will give me and you more ways to heal ourselves. This is a lesson I learned about 20 years ago. I can't help others heal until I have done the work of healing myself.

4. Michelle Vandepas and CK Reyes at Divine Purpose Unleashed ( http://divinepurposeunleashed.com/ ) have helped me to look more clearly at what my divine purpose is. This blog is the tool for me to accomplish my divine purpose of reaching out to others who wish to move beyond victim and survivor to become who they really are as Divine Beings.

5. Slade Roberson ( http://sladeroberson.com/ ) and Andrea Hess ( http://www.empoweredsoul.com/ ) have both opened the door for me to learn to communicate more with my Spirit Guides. Hey guys, that voice in your head or your ear doesn't necessarily mean you are going crazy. It could be your guides communicating with you.

6. Michelle Vandepas introduced me to the new Debbie Ford book called "The Secret of the Shadow, The Power of Owning Your Whole Story." You will be hearing more from me about this book. It is the missing piece I have been searching for.

7. As I release more fears, more joy and contentment come into my life.

Next time I find myself faced with my fears, I intend to use Tom's four statements to look at my fears and his four questions to find out exactly what I am afraid of and what actions I can take to release the fears. Thank you Tom for sharing this article with the rest of us. I love it when I find tools that do what they are supposed to. With tools, we are better equipped to deal with life. Life can be beautiful. Life is beautiful. Live it to the fullest. Be as powerful as you truly are.

Your life can be glorious when you choose for it to be.
Patricia

Quit Playing Small And Insignificant

I am blessed to be able to participate in the "Communicating with Our Spirit Guides---Workshop" that Slade Roberson is hosting for the month of June. Thank you Slade for putting yourself out there to do this workshop. As usual, when you and I communicate, I learn about myself.

For awhile, I have been butting my head up against a wall of my own resistance to growth and searching out new terrritory in my spiritual journey. I recently told Slade that I was being a rebel and rebelling against structure in all forms. The little kid in me (the two-year-old) is in full tantrum mode and has been for awhile. She is always afraid of moving forward, especially spiritually. She is the one who still feels shame and worthlessness. Sometimes, I ignore her tantrums and sometimes, I face them head on and move forward anyway. Sometimes, like the past few months, I just let her throw her tantrum and wait for it to be over. She has strong lungs, like most two-year-olds.

I have waited and waited and waited. Now it is time to move forward again after reassuring her that her fears are unfounded. They are just leftovers from my childhood that need to be let go of. No one is going to hurt her. No one is going to make her life nearly impossible. I will protect her.

In Slade's class, we are learning different ways to get in touch with our spirit guides and to use the information that we get from them. We all get this information in various ways. Most of us ignore the majority of the information and if we do admit to receiving it, we blow it off to imagination or wishful thinking. Slade is teaching us how to know the difference between wishful thinking and the real thing---intuition. Most of the time, our guides use our intuition to speak to us.

Last week's assignment from Slade was to tell us to ask a question of our guides, out loud, and then follow that with the statement, "And my guides say _________." My rebellious two-year-old doesn't like being told what or how to do things. She was afraid.

One of the ways that I have learned to face my fears is to voice it so I did that in an email to the workshop group. Here is part of email that I sent them:

"Slade, I haven't played with the assignment of talking out loud to my guides and asking questions and then saying, 'And then my guides say . . .' I think that I haven't because of the answers that I might get. Am I ready for those answers? Am I ready to accept that much responsibility for my own life and actions and moving forward. Are any of the others in the group feeling what I am or am I just being a coward? . . ."

I got back several wonderful responses from group members that just added to the information that started coming to me from my guides almost immediately after sending the email on its way. Thanks to those who responded, if you are reading this. It made a big difference. Almost as soon as the email hit the air waves, my fear was gone. I have discovered, as I said above, that sometimes just voicing my fears is enough to make them disappear. I have also learned that voicing our own emotions can sometimes be a spur for someone else who may be feeling the same way to voice their feelings as well. We do all like company when we are feeling fear, anger, sadness or happiness.

About two days after sending out the above email, I received a message that loudly said, "Quit playing small and insignificant. It isn't you." I received the message and very quietly to myself say, "Oh, ok, is that way I am doing, again."

Then the articles started coming in from other bloggers telling me the same thing, just in a different format. The first of several came from my daily "Today's Heartfelt Blessing" which you can find at http://www.bettertobless.com/ . I love the messages that I receive daily from Kate. They are always uplifting and full of wisdom given out with humility.

The next article that came to me was from Albert of "Personal Development - The Urban Monk." Albert's article is entitled "The Power of Being You" which you will find at http://www.urbanmonk.net/318/the-power-of-being-yourself/ which starts out with saying, "Each individual brings a uniques light into the world, however, often that light remains buried below the surface of the person others see in us. Discovering that light and letting it shine is one of the fundamental steps each individual must take to become a more whole person." This was an article written by a guest author---Alexander De Foe. Thank you Alexander and Albert for this article.

At this point in my week, I started to realize how determined my guides were that I get the meaning of their information. Then I got the following article from the blog "6 WEEKS" written by Brett and found at http://6weeks.ca/?p=215 . What Brett told me came to him from Battlestar Galactica and was that "God loves you because you are perfect, just the way that you are." Then Brett went on to quote my favorite Marianne Williamson saying:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." - Marianne Williamson

By the time that I finished reading Brett's article, I was laughing and told my guides, out loud so they would know I was serious, "Ok, I get the message." I do love what Marianne says and I guess I needed to be reminded of it. So, okay, people, quit playing small and insignificant. It isn't you and it doesn't suit you or anyone else for you to do it. Let your Light shine for all of the world to see. You never know who may be watching and learning from you about how to let their Light shine too. Isn't this world and time a glorious place to be? Can you tell that "glorious" is my favorite word. It has such a wonderful feel. One of these days, my two-year-old inner child might just reach out and grab onto that glory herself.

Patricia

Blessed By Strong Women---Happy Mother's Day

This is another of those articles that I didn't plan to write. As I was getting ready to go out to my own Mother's Day lunch with my husband and son, the thoughts started coming into my mind. We went to the restaurant and decided to come home and go back out at 2:00 p.m. when most moms have already been fed and are back home. The restaurant that I picked for my special lunch was packed to overflowing with families in the parking lot waiting to go inside. So I came home to sit and write this article while I wait.

I clicked on my emails and saw an article from Slade Roberson and his blog "Shift Your Spirits". I decided to read Slade's article first. His article is called "Channeling the Mother Goddess." You will find it at http://sladeroberson.com/prayer/channeling-the-mother-goddess.html .

In so many of Slade's articles I find out new information about myself. I do have a connection with Mother Mary. She or her emissary have some to me in meditations over the past 10 years. I have felt a connection to her since I played Mother Mary in a play when I was in the First Grade. I am not a Catholic in this lifetime but I have been a nun in many past lifetimes.

My other two favorites for the Mother are Quan Yin and White Buffalo Calf Woman. Quan Yin stands for compassion. White Buffalo Calf Woman stands for healing. Both show us women of strength and character which many of us don't find in our own mothers when we are children needing a strong woman as a role model.

Many of us are blessed to have a strong woman as our mother; others are blessed with a mother who is seemingly self-centered and weak. Which ever mother you were blessed with, what did you do with what you saw and learned? I grew up knowing I did not want to me like my mother. For awhile, I became like my father, overbearing and strong-willed. That wasn't what I wanted to be either. Balance was what I needed and had never seen. It was what I had to find within myself. I had to learn that I could become a strong woman without being bossy and overbearing. I could speak up for what I believed without ramming it down your throat. I could stand up for myself without being aggressive and abusive. I could state my opinion without being wishy-washy and without being afraid of your rejection.

As I learned how I wanted to mother my own children, I also had to learn to parent myself. My mother was withdrawn and unavailable. I had to learn not to smother my children with my fears and opinions. In learning to do this with my children, I learned to let go of my fears, most of which were overblown and out of proportion to reality. Before I could learn to do things my way, I had to ask, "What is my way? Who am I? What do I want from my life? What do I expect from myself?" How could I teach my children until I learned about myself?

I wasn't as good of a mother as I wanted to be either. I had to learn so much as I went along. I didn't learn how to be a mother from my mother. I learned what not to be. I believe that I did better than my mother did. She probably believed the same thing about herself. Mother-daughter relationships can be so complicated.

As complicated as they are, that mother-daughter relationship is what forms us into the women and mothers that we become. This morning I had a conversation through the comment section of Karen Hanrahan's blog "Best of Mother Earth." Karen has an article called Moms Know Best that she posted this morning at http://bestwellnessconsultant.com/ . Karen gives a great example of mothering and allowing her children to be themselves which sometimes means allowing them to get hurt. Watching your children hurt themselves is probably the hardest thing that a parent ever does. You can't stop them from riding a bicycle because they might fall down and get hurt. You can stand by with any medical assistance and hugs that are needed. You have to allow your children to make their own set of mistakes and pay whatever consequences there are in life. You aren't doing them any favors by not letting them make their own choices.

I have been blessed with so many role models of great mothers since I became an adult. I want to say thank you to each of you and say, "I love you." to the great women in my life:
1. Althea, who gave me a home when I left home.
2. My grandmother Effie Howe, who took me in when I was 2 years old and had the whooping cough and gave me love and my values.
3. Kathy who was also my best friend and mentor for such a short time before her death.
4. Mary, another friend who loved her children and taught me compassion.
5. Mom, you gave me as much as you knew how. You taught me who I didn't want to be. You chose me before I was born and helped teach me the major lessons of my life.
6. My daughter Christie who honors me by calling me Mom.
Have a glorious Mother's Day to all mothers who read this.
Patricia

My Stories Are A Point Of Reference

I got an email yesterday from a blogger friend, Deb Estep. I asked if I could share what she wrote to me. She said yes, so here it is.

"Hi Patricia,

This comment that you left at Andrea's blog is SO VERY HUGE to helping ME understand you, and every thing you write about on you blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have read about your being abused, and I will have to say that there have been moments when I have wondered .... IS Patricia stuck back there? PLEASE understand I've not thought that in a judgmental way, but one of concern for you.

I am wondering IF you might consider adding all these words to your ABOUT YOU page. I really think it is critical for a blog reader who might land on your blog, via a web search and then go check out your about page to learn more about you.

IT certainly was VERY critical information in helping me understand you... my friend. :)))))))

Love
Deb"




Here is what Deb wanted me to add to my About Me page:

"My stories are just a point of reference for who I am today. I don't go around identifying myself as all of my experiences. Before I started blogging, I had even stopped calling myself an Incest Survivor because that wasn't who I was any longer. I only do it now as a point of reference to offer what I have learned about myself because of the incest to others who might need the hope and the love that I have learned. We are all so much more than our experiences can define us as."




Thanks, Deb for your concern and for believing in me enough to reach out and tell me what you felt and thought. It says so much about the kind person that you are. I decided to share this in a post as well as put it in my About Me page. Deb has a blog of her own called Deb_Inside that you will find at http://deb_inside.typepad.com/ .



My comment that caused Deb to write her comment to me you will find at the blog of Andrea Hess in the comment section of her article called "What's Your Story" found at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/blog/?p=171 . You will find an informative discussion in the comments at the end of the article that is well worth reading too.



My friend, Slade Roberson wrote his own article from his thoughts from Andrea's article. You will find Slade's article at http://sladeroberson.com/manifesting/spinning-your-story.html . Slade's article is called "Spinning Your Story". Slade, thanks for the encouragement and support that you always give to me.

One of the best benefits of writing this blog has been the wonderful friends and readers that I have met through my writing.

Blame Keeps You Stuck---Incest May Be A Part Of My Life Series---Part 7

The Doubleday Dictionary For Home, School, and Office gives the definition of blame as:

1. To accuse of fault;
2. To find fault with; reproach;
3. To hold responsible for something undesirable.

Blame can keep you stuck in the abuse in two ways.

When I was a child and a young adult, I didn't tell anyone about the incest because I thought they would blame me and say the abuse was my fault. I was so afraid of being judged as bad that I kept the secret inside of me for many years after the abuse stopped.

In many ways, I was told that women were sex objects that drew the abuse to them. I didn't know any different. I grew up believing the there was something really, really wrong with me or men wouldn't treat me that way. I never thought I was pretty so that couldn't be what drew the abuse to me. I thought that there was something about me that was just inherently bad. I didn't know that I didn't deserve to be treated that way.

Today, I know better. Today, I have healthy boundaries. Today, I know that incest and child abuse in any form are never the fault of the child. Today, I know that the shame lies with the abuser, not the abused. Today, I have self-love and self-respect so that is how others treat me.


Another way to let blame keep you stuck in the abuse is when you make blaming your life story. You can get so caught up in what happened to you that you live in the past or you recreate it in your present by the choices that you make. If you are actively playing the victim role, you invite people into your life who will abuse you. What you expect from life, Life gives you. People will treat you the exact way that you expect them to.

Yes, I was sexually abused as a child. Yes, my abuser was at fault. Yes, I can make better choices in my life today. Yes, I can choose to walk away from people who want to abuse me today. Yes, I can build a better life for myself than I had as a child. Yes, I can allow hope, love and joy into my life. Yes, I can refuse to be a victim any longer. Yes, I can forgive myself and, if I choose, I can also forgive my abusers.

Are any of these stories who I am today? No, I am not my story. I can use my story to help others if I choose to. I am. We all are so much more than our stories can ever tell. Don't let blaming keep you stuck in the abuse any longer.


I have been reading and commenting at some great blogs this week. I am going to share those with you today. I hope that you check them out and meet the wonderful people behind these blogs:

Andrea Hess writes an article called "What's Your Story" found at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/blog/?p=171

Slade Roberson wrote an article called "The Stories That No Longer Serve You" found at http://sladeroberson.com/language/the-stories-that-no-longer-serve-you.html

Matthew Spears at Loving Awareness wrote an article called "The Essence of Compassion Part 2" found at http://www.lovingawareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/

SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED has an article called "Blame: One Painful Way of Defeating Yourself" found at http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/05/blame-one-painful-way-of-defeating.html . This is the January 2008 edition.


There are two Blog Carnivals that I also want to share with you:

Carnival Against Child Abuse---You will find the current carnival at http://aswaterspassingby.org/blessedfearscapes/?p=64 . This is the January 2008 edition.

Carnival Against Sexual Violence 39---You will find the January 15, 2008 edition of this carnival at http://abyss2hope.blogspot.com/2008/01/carvival-against-sexual-violence-39.html