My biggest supporter in this journey through life had a birthday yesterday on August 4. He turned 60. He can't believe it and neither can I. Both of us wonder where the time went. The person I am talking about is my dear, sweet, very patient husband Daniel.
The "Just for You!" card from American Greetings that I gave Daniel this year said things like,
"I love you because. . .
You believe in me
You're so lovable
You're a romantic at heart
You listen
You make me laugh
You're fun and surprising
You're honest with me"
The card also says,
"You're incredibly sexy
You're hugs are the best
You're the world's greatest kisser"
Those last three made me giggle when I read them. This was such a great card because it says everything that I feel about my husband. Don't you just love greeting cards.
All of those words from the greeting card are so true. Daniel is my husband, my lover and my very best friend in the whole world. He has supported me through all of my many struggles with incest, codependency and the alcoholism issues from my childhood. He has supported me as I struggled to figure out who I am, what I want from Life, what I need from myself and from him in this relationship called marriage, and as I struggled with being a mother while I was learning to mother myself. The years haven't always been good. I haven't always been kind. Some years I was very angry. Often I felt almost lost in the sadness of loss that the inner child felt.
One of the best qualities that Daniel possesses is his wonderful, querky sense of humor that can always cheer me up and remind me that there is joy to be found in Life. Daniel has allowed me the space to grow and to be whatever I have needed to be in order to find out what being me really means. Daniel you hold my heart in your very strong, capable hands and you always will.
Darling, I really do love you with all of my heart.
Happy Birthday Daniel
Your loving wife,
Patricia
Showing posts with label Influencial People. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Influencial People. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Saturday, October 20, 2007
A Tribute To My Traveling Companion---India Trip---Sept./Oct. 2007
I am home from India. I got home around 8:30 p.m., Central Standard Time, Monday, October 15, 2007 as scheduled. I am back in Hot Springs, Arkansas, USA, feeling spoiled and enjoying every minute of it. I appreciate being born an American more each time that I visit India and all of its hardships.
In this first article about my trip, I want to tell you about my traveling buddy. I could not have asked for a better traveling companion than my friend Sherryl. You met Sherryl very briefly in my article The Most Influencial Person---#5---Best Friends.
Before I made this trip, I knew that Sherryl is a great healer. I tell her that a lot. She is very humble about her healing abilities. Sherryl is my Reiki teacher. I have taken Level I and II from her and plan in the next few years to take Levels III, IV, and V from her and also become a Reiki Master like she is. Sherryl has incredible power in her hands. She is also an extremely caring person.
Sherryl sees things that I miss. She sees auras and has wonderfully detailed dreams most nights. She is a deeply spiritual person.
One day while we were walking through the ashram, she pointed out an older Indian lady who was having problems getting her walker down the stairs. Sherryl and I both rushed over to help the lady down the last few stairs. I happened to get there a little ahead of Sherryl. I moved the walker down the last two stairs and offered my hand to the lady. She thanked me and told us that she had been praying to Swami that he would send help to her. I told her that it was my friend Sherryl who saw her. I would have walked by and never seen her if not for Sherryl pointing her out to me. Because of my illness, I was more focused inward than usual and did not even see that the lady needed help.
I am writing this article to say, Thank You Sherryl for being such a good friend and for taking care of me when I was too sick to take care of myself. You being there with me made the trip much easier when I was too sick to cope on my own. Thank You Swami for having Sherryl come with me.
Sherryl and I have known each other since we met in a meditation class sometime in 1997. Each of our three trips have bought us closer together as friends.
On the second or third day in the ashram at Puttiparthi, I got sick with the worst sinus infection and cough that I have ever had. Not only my head and face hurt but my top teeth were very sore from the infection. I have never had my teeth hurt with a sinus infection. I usually get at least one sinus infection a year so I knew what it was that was wrong with me. My ears were also stopped up, especially the left one which is still filled with fluid.
Another story will be about the healing lessons that I received during my almost sleepless nights with this illness. I coughed really hard during the day and more so at night when I would try to go to sleep. The only way that Sherryl got any sleep was by using ear plugs and taking sleeping pills. I still managed to wake her up a few times when the coughing was especially bad. The last three nights in the ashram, I tried sleeping partially sitting up. It didn't make much difference. I still coughed. Another friend bought me cough medicine which didn't help either.
Before this trip, for several months, I have been experiencing pain across my back where my kidneys are. Sherryl and I both did Reiki on each other's kidneys three to four times during our stay in the ashram.
One evening, my chest started hurting with the coughs. Sherryl asked if I wanted her to cup her hands and beat on my back. I told her if she thought it would help, then yes. She would cup her hands and hit on both sides of the spinal cord but not on the spinal cord itself. She hit pretty hard. The cough did not turn into bronchitis. My chest quit hurting when I coughed. She did this about four times during the trip.
There were three or four different days that I didn't have the energy to leave our room. Sherryl kept me company on the two worst days. She bought me food and water when we were out. I lost over 10 pounds during this trip.
Sherryl, in addition to being a Reiki Master from the Usui Shiki Ryoho school, is a licensed massage therapist, and is trained to do Cranio-Sacral healing work. I will have to ask Sherryl to explain to me exactly what Cranio-Sacral work consists of. I know she works on my head and moves my neck very gently and it feels wonderful. I always feel better later. I know some Chiropractors do Cranio-Sacral work in their practices. Most do not.
Sherryl and I were in what felt like total harmony on this trip. We had a reading done for each of us by an Indian Astrologer who said we were soul mates and have many past lives together. At one point during our stay in the ashram, Sherryl asked me if I was aware that we were reading each other's thoughts and finishing each other's sentences. I wasn't aware of it. I was so sick that I don't think that I was aware of much of anything outside of my own body and mind.
Is this our last trip to India together? If you had asked me when I was so sick, I would have said that I was never going back to India. When I shared that with Sherryl, she said she knew that was what I was thinking. According to Sherryl and her dreams, we are going at least two more times. The next trip is scheduled for three years from now. She dreamed this trip into reality. I didn't. When she told me about the dream, I told her if it was supposed to happen, Swami would work out the details. He did and we went. If he calls, we will go again.
According to the Indian Astrologer, we have many more trips to come in the future. He told me that I would actually live there semi-permanently in the future with just family visits to the states. I smiled and thought, "Only if Swami knows something that I don't." It is in Swami's hands. If he plans it, it will happen.
Again, Thank you, Sherryl for the wonderful care that you took of me while I was sick. Without you, this trip would have been much worse. I hate being sick away from home. And, yes, I know that and the healing lessons that I learned are the reason that I attracted the whole illness. It is good to be home.
In this first article about my trip, I want to tell you about my traveling buddy. I could not have asked for a better traveling companion than my friend Sherryl. You met Sherryl very briefly in my article The Most Influencial Person---#5---Best Friends.
Before I made this trip, I knew that Sherryl is a great healer. I tell her that a lot. She is very humble about her healing abilities. Sherryl is my Reiki teacher. I have taken Level I and II from her and plan in the next few years to take Levels III, IV, and V from her and also become a Reiki Master like she is. Sherryl has incredible power in her hands. She is also an extremely caring person.
Sherryl sees things that I miss. She sees auras and has wonderfully detailed dreams most nights. She is a deeply spiritual person.
One day while we were walking through the ashram, she pointed out an older Indian lady who was having problems getting her walker down the stairs. Sherryl and I both rushed over to help the lady down the last few stairs. I happened to get there a little ahead of Sherryl. I moved the walker down the last two stairs and offered my hand to the lady. She thanked me and told us that she had been praying to Swami that he would send help to her. I told her that it was my friend Sherryl who saw her. I would have walked by and never seen her if not for Sherryl pointing her out to me. Because of my illness, I was more focused inward than usual and did not even see that the lady needed help.
I am writing this article to say, Thank You Sherryl for being such a good friend and for taking care of me when I was too sick to take care of myself. You being there with me made the trip much easier when I was too sick to cope on my own. Thank You Swami for having Sherryl come with me.
Sherryl and I have known each other since we met in a meditation class sometime in 1997. Each of our three trips have bought us closer together as friends.
On the second or third day in the ashram at Puttiparthi, I got sick with the worst sinus infection and cough that I have ever had. Not only my head and face hurt but my top teeth were very sore from the infection. I have never had my teeth hurt with a sinus infection. I usually get at least one sinus infection a year so I knew what it was that was wrong with me. My ears were also stopped up, especially the left one which is still filled with fluid.
Another story will be about the healing lessons that I received during my almost sleepless nights with this illness. I coughed really hard during the day and more so at night when I would try to go to sleep. The only way that Sherryl got any sleep was by using ear plugs and taking sleeping pills. I still managed to wake her up a few times when the coughing was especially bad. The last three nights in the ashram, I tried sleeping partially sitting up. It didn't make much difference. I still coughed. Another friend bought me cough medicine which didn't help either.
Before this trip, for several months, I have been experiencing pain across my back where my kidneys are. Sherryl and I both did Reiki on each other's kidneys three to four times during our stay in the ashram.
One evening, my chest started hurting with the coughs. Sherryl asked if I wanted her to cup her hands and beat on my back. I told her if she thought it would help, then yes. She would cup her hands and hit on both sides of the spinal cord but not on the spinal cord itself. She hit pretty hard. The cough did not turn into bronchitis. My chest quit hurting when I coughed. She did this about four times during the trip.
There were three or four different days that I didn't have the energy to leave our room. Sherryl kept me company on the two worst days. She bought me food and water when we were out. I lost over 10 pounds during this trip.
Sherryl, in addition to being a Reiki Master from the Usui Shiki Ryoho school, is a licensed massage therapist, and is trained to do Cranio-Sacral healing work. I will have to ask Sherryl to explain to me exactly what Cranio-Sacral work consists of. I know she works on my head and moves my neck very gently and it feels wonderful. I always feel better later. I know some Chiropractors do Cranio-Sacral work in their practices. Most do not.
Sherryl and I were in what felt like total harmony on this trip. We had a reading done for each of us by an Indian Astrologer who said we were soul mates and have many past lives together. At one point during our stay in the ashram, Sherryl asked me if I was aware that we were reading each other's thoughts and finishing each other's sentences. I wasn't aware of it. I was so sick that I don't think that I was aware of much of anything outside of my own body and mind.
Is this our last trip to India together? If you had asked me when I was so sick, I would have said that I was never going back to India. When I shared that with Sherryl, she said she knew that was what I was thinking. According to Sherryl and her dreams, we are going at least two more times. The next trip is scheduled for three years from now. She dreamed this trip into reality. I didn't. When she told me about the dream, I told her if it was supposed to happen, Swami would work out the details. He did and we went. If he calls, we will go again.
According to the Indian Astrologer, we have many more trips to come in the future. He told me that I would actually live there semi-permanently in the future with just family visits to the states. I smiled and thought, "Only if Swami knows something that I don't." It is in Swami's hands. If he plans it, it will happen.
Again, Thank you, Sherryl for the wonderful care that you took of me while I was sick. Without you, this trip would have been much worse. I hate being sick away from home. And, yes, I know that and the healing lessons that I learned are the reason that I attracted the whole illness. It is good to be home.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
The Most Influencial Person---#5---Best Friends
My life has been so very blessed by having several people in it that I call my best friends. One of them died a year and a half ago. This article is to let them know that I love them and feel very blessed to have them in my life. Thanks to all of you. All of my gratitude articles have been inspired by Damian Carr whose blog you will find at http://soulterminal.com/ . Check out his site. It is called Be The Change. Damian very much lives and writes from that standpoint.
Carol died a little after midnight in the early morning hours of December 1, 2005. I miss her still. Some days I feel her presence close by. Some days, I still want her physical presence to talk to, to cry with, to be angry with. Sometimes, I hear her voice in my head or I hear her talking to me through a song on the radio or TV. She loved music. She had a beautiful singing voice. She believed that her angels spoke to her through the words of songs. The week after she died of a heart attack, I heard her talking to me so clearly through the words of a song in a TV commercial. I knew it was Carol. I had to laugh out loud because it was so surprising and so clear of a message that I couldn't be mistaken. The message was from her. One of her favorite song was You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings. It is one of my favorites too. Carol was my best friend and spiritual mentor and teacher. I love you, Carol.
Pamela and I met Carol at the same time when we attended a class on spirituality that she was teaching at Christway Unity Church in Hot Springs. Pamela had attended a Unity church in Tucson, Arizona before moving to Hot Springs. This was my first experience of a New Thought church. Pamela and I took several more of Carol's classes before we started attending church on Sundays. Carol taught me about Unity teachings, about angels and about myself. Carol had regular conversations with her angels. She did an angel reading and told me that I had 8 of them helping me at that time. Several years later, she told me that I had just gotten a whole other crew of 8 new angels to help guide me on my path. I would imagine that I could wear out more than one team with my spiritual growth spurts. Carol has been one of my favorite teachers. Through Spirit, she still teaches me today.
Pamela and I have been best friends almost from the first day we met over 10 years ago. She is the friend that told me that we were twins in a past life. I was just beginning to explore the possibility of re-incarnation when I met Pamela. Pamela and I went for a psychic reading once and we were told that we were triplets with another person in one lifetime. I shocked Pamela when I told her that we were con-joined twins in a past life. During a meditation, Pamela and I were sitting side by side. I suddenly felt our energy entwining on my left side. I suddenly saw a vision of us as con-joined twins. I can't tell you when we lived. I know that we were literally joined at the hip and that the family that we were born into loved and cared for us until we died sometime in our teens. I can't tell you how I know this. I just do. I sometimes get images and sometimes just a knowing about things. With this lifetime information, I got both. Pamela and I have had many lifetimes together. All I know for certain is that I have never felt an instant connection to another person like I did with Pamela when we first met.
Pamela used to get so angry with the people at our small church because, for the first few years, we were often called Pam and Pam. I used to laugh. Pamela would get angry and tell them we were Pam and Pat. Pamela left Hot Springs for 2 years and moved to New Mexico. It was a time of learning for both of us. Pamela needed to leave Hot Springs to realize that it truly had become her home. For me, it was a time of connecting with who I was without Pamela around. People began to call me Pat instead of Pam. Then when Pamela moved back to Hot Springs, we became Pat and Pat. Again, I had to laugh. People still seem to have trouble telling us apart. We really don't look that much alike. I think people have this problem because of our connection to each other. People just seem to feel that twin energy.
Until recently, we were such close friends that we did everything together. That has begun to change in the past year. Pamela seems to be gathering her energy close to herself as I am going through another growing spurt with my spirituality. When I am growing, I am sometimes difficult to keep up with. It is nobody's fault. It is simply a trait that I recognize in myself. I am like a sponge absorbing every bit of knowledge that comes my way until I am so full. Then I become a hermit and begin the processing stage where I turn inward to decide what to do with the information that I have absorbed. What fits becomes a part of my belief system. What doesn't fit gets discarded. To some, during this stage, I seem to not be growing. The reality is that this is the most important stage of my development. I am quiet until the next growing spurt starts. Then the race through life starts all over again.
Where this growing spurt will take me, only the Universe knows. I don't. At this time, I just have to go with the flow of the Universe.
Sherryl is also my best friend. She and I have grown together spiritually for over 10 years. We have been to India together twice and we are going again sometime this year. Sherryl was with me when we were both told to look inward for our spiritual teacher. She is a massage therapist and one of the most talented healers that I have been priviledged to know. I hope that if I tell her that often enough that she will begin to see herself as I see her. I have a lot to learn from Sherryl. She is my Reiki teacher. Sherryl is the friend that I travel the world with. Our first India trip in 1998 was the first time that I had ever been on an airplane. Our flight from Little Rock, Arkansas to Bangalore, India was 22 hours long. My husband told me that I could change my mind anytime before I got on the airplane in New York. Sherryl is a good traveling buddy. On the other hand, the suitcase that she took to India with us on that first trip was not. Sherryl's suitcase got lost. We shared what we could of my clothes and toiletries until Sherryl got her suitcase the fourth day that we were in Bangalore. Our next trip to India in 1999, that suitcase stayed at home. Our trips to India will be a future article. The friendship between Sherryl and I grew very strong in India. It has continued to grow stronger over the years since that last trip.
I love you, Carol, Pamela and Sherryl. You have all 3 blessed my life with your knowledge and your love.
I have 2 more friends to tell you about before I close this article. Both of them are people that I also consider my best friends. I told you that I have been very blessed when it comes to my friends. Both of these friends, Mary and Chris, come and go in my life. When we touch base with each other, sometimes after long absenses, it is as if we have never been apart. Our paths wind and circle and come back together for awhile before they separate again for a period of time.
Mary and I have known each other since around 1990 or 1991. We met through our mutual friend Kathy. We became best friends through our grieving together when Kathy was murdered in 1992. We were all living in Hot Springs, Arkansas at the time that we met. When Kathy was murdered, her family and friends had a memorial service for Kathy here in Hot Springs. When the family took Kathy's body back to Minneapolis, Minnesota to be buried, Mary and I asked if we could go with the family. Mary and I were roommates during this whole experience. We gave support to the family members and each other during that week of travel and mourning. By the time that we returned to Hot Springs after the funeral, Mary and I were best friends. Several years later, Mary and I both found God and religion again. Mary found Him before I did. I almost followed her but something about her church just didn't fit me. I know and like some of the people that Mary goes to church with. I will forever be thankful to Mary's church for giving her the peace and direction and love that she has found with them. They are good to Mary. They suit her need for God.
Soon after, I met Pamela and she and I started attending Christway Unity Church in Hot Springs. I found my church home and a relationship with the God of my understanding. I found a home just as Mary did with her Baptist church. Both of us have grown in our relationship with God. Mary and I will go for months without talking. When one of us reaches out to the other, it is like we haven't spent any time apart. We both still love each other. We just individually tend to get caught up in our lives with our families and churches. We occasionally get together for lunch to catch up on each others lives.
Chris is my last friend that I want to add to this list. He is my only close male friend. Chris and I are buddies on a soul level. He and I have had many past lives together in which we were soldiers togethers. We have a deep friendship. When I first met Chris, I started dreaming that I was fighting in battles each night, sometimes as many as 3 different dreams in one night. I never remembered details. I would wake up tired and know that I had spent the night fighting for my life. I didn't tell any body about my dreams until another friend and teacher told Chris and I both that we were soldiers together in many past lives. It made perfect sense to both of us and explained our connection. Chris has since told me that he felt that in my dreams, we were both fighting to save his life in this lifetime. When I first met him, he was just beginning to come out of post-traumatic stress syndrone from being in Vietnam years before. All I know for sure is that those dreams went on for month after month before they finally stopped and I could sleep peacefully through the night again.
Chris and I will go for months without seeing each other. When we do, it is like we are traveling parallel paths, each doing the same spiritual practices with slight differences. Recently, when we reconnected, we found out that we are both writing. Chris is writing a book on helping young soldiers returning from war to recover from post-traumatic stress syndrone. Since he is experienced with it himself, he understands where these young soldiers are. Chris is excited that I am writing articles for this blog.
Don't let anybody tell you that a man and woman cannot have a platonic friendship without sex involved. They don't know what they are talking about or they are just jealous.
My friendship with Chris, like my friendships with Carol, Pamela, Sherryl and Mary have all enriched my life so very much. I could not ask for a better support group than I have with these friends. They know who I really am and love me any way, just as I love them. Thanks, guys or should I say, Thanks, ya'll, since we are in the deep South.
Carol died a little after midnight in the early morning hours of December 1, 2005. I miss her still. Some days I feel her presence close by. Some days, I still want her physical presence to talk to, to cry with, to be angry with. Sometimes, I hear her voice in my head or I hear her talking to me through a song on the radio or TV. She loved music. She had a beautiful singing voice. She believed that her angels spoke to her through the words of songs. The week after she died of a heart attack, I heard her talking to me so clearly through the words of a song in a TV commercial. I knew it was Carol. I had to laugh out loud because it was so surprising and so clear of a message that I couldn't be mistaken. The message was from her. One of her favorite song was You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings. It is one of my favorites too. Carol was my best friend and spiritual mentor and teacher. I love you, Carol.
Pamela and I met Carol at the same time when we attended a class on spirituality that she was teaching at Christway Unity Church in Hot Springs. Pamela had attended a Unity church in Tucson, Arizona before moving to Hot Springs. This was my first experience of a New Thought church. Pamela and I took several more of Carol's classes before we started attending church on Sundays. Carol taught me about Unity teachings, about angels and about myself. Carol had regular conversations with her angels. She did an angel reading and told me that I had 8 of them helping me at that time. Several years later, she told me that I had just gotten a whole other crew of 8 new angels to help guide me on my path. I would imagine that I could wear out more than one team with my spiritual growth spurts. Carol has been one of my favorite teachers. Through Spirit, she still teaches me today.
Pamela and I have been best friends almost from the first day we met over 10 years ago. She is the friend that told me that we were twins in a past life. I was just beginning to explore the possibility of re-incarnation when I met Pamela. Pamela and I went for a psychic reading once and we were told that we were triplets with another person in one lifetime. I shocked Pamela when I told her that we were con-joined twins in a past life. During a meditation, Pamela and I were sitting side by side. I suddenly felt our energy entwining on my left side. I suddenly saw a vision of us as con-joined twins. I can't tell you when we lived. I know that we were literally joined at the hip and that the family that we were born into loved and cared for us until we died sometime in our teens. I can't tell you how I know this. I just do. I sometimes get images and sometimes just a knowing about things. With this lifetime information, I got both. Pamela and I have had many lifetimes together. All I know for certain is that I have never felt an instant connection to another person like I did with Pamela when we first met.
Pamela used to get so angry with the people at our small church because, for the first few years, we were often called Pam and Pam. I used to laugh. Pamela would get angry and tell them we were Pam and Pat. Pamela left Hot Springs for 2 years and moved to New Mexico. It was a time of learning for both of us. Pamela needed to leave Hot Springs to realize that it truly had become her home. For me, it was a time of connecting with who I was without Pamela around. People began to call me Pat instead of Pam. Then when Pamela moved back to Hot Springs, we became Pat and Pat. Again, I had to laugh. People still seem to have trouble telling us apart. We really don't look that much alike. I think people have this problem because of our connection to each other. People just seem to feel that twin energy.
Until recently, we were such close friends that we did everything together. That has begun to change in the past year. Pamela seems to be gathering her energy close to herself as I am going through another growing spurt with my spirituality. When I am growing, I am sometimes difficult to keep up with. It is nobody's fault. It is simply a trait that I recognize in myself. I am like a sponge absorbing every bit of knowledge that comes my way until I am so full. Then I become a hermit and begin the processing stage where I turn inward to decide what to do with the information that I have absorbed. What fits becomes a part of my belief system. What doesn't fit gets discarded. To some, during this stage, I seem to not be growing. The reality is that this is the most important stage of my development. I am quiet until the next growing spurt starts. Then the race through life starts all over again.
Where this growing spurt will take me, only the Universe knows. I don't. At this time, I just have to go with the flow of the Universe.
Sherryl is also my best friend. She and I have grown together spiritually for over 10 years. We have been to India together twice and we are going again sometime this year. Sherryl was with me when we were both told to look inward for our spiritual teacher. She is a massage therapist and one of the most talented healers that I have been priviledged to know. I hope that if I tell her that often enough that she will begin to see herself as I see her. I have a lot to learn from Sherryl. She is my Reiki teacher. Sherryl is the friend that I travel the world with. Our first India trip in 1998 was the first time that I had ever been on an airplane. Our flight from Little Rock, Arkansas to Bangalore, India was 22 hours long. My husband told me that I could change my mind anytime before I got on the airplane in New York. Sherryl is a good traveling buddy. On the other hand, the suitcase that she took to India with us on that first trip was not. Sherryl's suitcase got lost. We shared what we could of my clothes and toiletries until Sherryl got her suitcase the fourth day that we were in Bangalore. Our next trip to India in 1999, that suitcase stayed at home. Our trips to India will be a future article. The friendship between Sherryl and I grew very strong in India. It has continued to grow stronger over the years since that last trip.
I love you, Carol, Pamela and Sherryl. You have all 3 blessed my life with your knowledge and your love.
I have 2 more friends to tell you about before I close this article. Both of them are people that I also consider my best friends. I told you that I have been very blessed when it comes to my friends. Both of these friends, Mary and Chris, come and go in my life. When we touch base with each other, sometimes after long absenses, it is as if we have never been apart. Our paths wind and circle and come back together for awhile before they separate again for a period of time.
Mary and I have known each other since around 1990 or 1991. We met through our mutual friend Kathy. We became best friends through our grieving together when Kathy was murdered in 1992. We were all living in Hot Springs, Arkansas at the time that we met. When Kathy was murdered, her family and friends had a memorial service for Kathy here in Hot Springs. When the family took Kathy's body back to Minneapolis, Minnesota to be buried, Mary and I asked if we could go with the family. Mary and I were roommates during this whole experience. We gave support to the family members and each other during that week of travel and mourning. By the time that we returned to Hot Springs after the funeral, Mary and I were best friends. Several years later, Mary and I both found God and religion again. Mary found Him before I did. I almost followed her but something about her church just didn't fit me. I know and like some of the people that Mary goes to church with. I will forever be thankful to Mary's church for giving her the peace and direction and love that she has found with them. They are good to Mary. They suit her need for God.
Soon after, I met Pamela and she and I started attending Christway Unity Church in Hot Springs. I found my church home and a relationship with the God of my understanding. I found a home just as Mary did with her Baptist church. Both of us have grown in our relationship with God. Mary and I will go for months without talking. When one of us reaches out to the other, it is like we haven't spent any time apart. We both still love each other. We just individually tend to get caught up in our lives with our families and churches. We occasionally get together for lunch to catch up on each others lives.
Chris is my last friend that I want to add to this list. He is my only close male friend. Chris and I are buddies on a soul level. He and I have had many past lives together in which we were soldiers togethers. We have a deep friendship. When I first met Chris, I started dreaming that I was fighting in battles each night, sometimes as many as 3 different dreams in one night. I never remembered details. I would wake up tired and know that I had spent the night fighting for my life. I didn't tell any body about my dreams until another friend and teacher told Chris and I both that we were soldiers together in many past lives. It made perfect sense to both of us and explained our connection. Chris has since told me that he felt that in my dreams, we were both fighting to save his life in this lifetime. When I first met him, he was just beginning to come out of post-traumatic stress syndrone from being in Vietnam years before. All I know for sure is that those dreams went on for month after month before they finally stopped and I could sleep peacefully through the night again.
Chris and I will go for months without seeing each other. When we do, it is like we are traveling parallel paths, each doing the same spiritual practices with slight differences. Recently, when we reconnected, we found out that we are both writing. Chris is writing a book on helping young soldiers returning from war to recover from post-traumatic stress syndrone. Since he is experienced with it himself, he understands where these young soldiers are. Chris is excited that I am writing articles for this blog.
Don't let anybody tell you that a man and woman cannot have a platonic friendship without sex involved. They don't know what they are talking about or they are just jealous.
My friendship with Chris, like my friendships with Carol, Pamela, Sherryl and Mary have all enriched my life so very much. I could not ask for a better support group than I have with these friends. They know who I really am and love me any way, just as I love them. Thanks, guys or should I say, Thanks, ya'll, since we are in the deep South.
Sunday, July 22, 2007
The Most Influencial Person---#4---Birth Of A Dream
How did Slade Roberson rate an article on my blog? Well, without Slade's technical advice and step-by-step E-book tutorial, 21st Century Author's Guide To Problogging, my blog would not exist.
I have always wanted to write, to possibly be a published author. The need to write has always been a part of who I am. Writing has been my biggest tool for understanding my life, for making sense of the abuse.
Have you ever had dream that you had all but given up on happening? Well, that is how I felt when I first met Slade online. We started emailing back and forth. We became friends.
I first met Slade through his blog Shift Your Spirits found at http://sladeroberson.com/ .
Slade recently wrote an article at Shift Your Spirits called "Manifesting the WHAT---not the HOW". The article tells of Chris who has a book that he wants to write if only he had the money. Step by step, Slade gave Chris solutions that cost little or no money.
Slade, I had to laugh at every negative thought and fear that Chris brought up when you gave him suggestions. Did I do that when you were encouraging me to write and then to start my own blog? I saw myself in Chris. I know that I did wait a whole month after buying your tutorial before I got it out to read. I was that afraid of the whole process. I didn't think I could do the technical stuff to set up a blog.
Once I read the tutorial, I decided the process was something that I could do, even though I don't know much about how computers work. I made the decision to work on setting up my blog one day at a time. Over the course of the next week, I did a little work each day toward getting the blog set up until it was finished and all that was left was to start writing articles.
Slade suggested that I start out with at least 12 written articles before I officially launched my blog. I posted the first article on June 1, 2007. On June 25, I sent out emails to all of my family and friends to officially launch my blog with 13 written articles. The article that I launched this blog with was "I Am A Lightworker." That article discusses why I decided to call myself a Lightworker. At the end of the article, I said, "Stepping out of my own shadow of fear is what I hope to do with this newsletter. I hope that by sharing where I have been and my journey out of the pain will help others to do the same. You are not alone." That is the purpose of this blog.
Thanks to Slade, I am no longer alone on my journey. I have new friends like Slade Roberson, K-L Masina, Jeffrey Paul Lilly, Damian Carr, Linda Martin, Albert (the Urban Monk, I don't know your last name), and Jason Randhawa. To meet all of these great Spiritual Bloggers click on the links under "Check Out These Great Sites". Your life will be as enriched as mine has become by reading their articles. Thanks to you all for welcoming me into the Spiritual Blogging community. How did I meet all of these great people? By following another suggestion of Slade's. He told me, to help build up my subscriptions and to get to know others in our Spiritual Blogging niche, to read and leave comments on other sites. I have done that but only when I really had something of value to add to a conversation. I don't leave comments just to be leaving behind useless words. I have been blessed by my association with these great Spiritual Bloggers and so will you.
I just got an email from Chris Garrett of http://www.chrisg.com/ and http://www.authorityblogger.com/. Both of these are great sites for learning how to blog. Chris asked me to identify a successful authority blogger in a niche that I read. Well, Slade, you are that Authority Blogger, for me, in Spiritual Blogging. Why you even have a blog by that name, don't you?
To use Slade's own words, "Slade Roberson is a professional blogger. Shift Your Spirits is about transforming the life you're already living into the creative, powerful, spiritual mission you know it's supposed to be. Spiritual Blogging shares behind-the-screens internet marketing, self-publishing, and professional blogging strategies with other writers who want to broadcast their mission on a global scale."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SLADE.
The inspiration for me writing all of my "The Most Influencial Person" series comes from Damian Carr at Be The Change found at http://soulterminal.com/archives/42 . Damian is a great writer, an English Bard. I love that title, Damian. I just had to use it. It is so grand sounding. Thanks for being in my life with your writings.
I have always wanted to write, to possibly be a published author. The need to write has always been a part of who I am. Writing has been my biggest tool for understanding my life, for making sense of the abuse.
Have you ever had dream that you had all but given up on happening? Well, that is how I felt when I first met Slade online. We started emailing back and forth. We became friends.
I first met Slade through his blog Shift Your Spirits found at http://sladeroberson.com/ .
Slade recently wrote an article at Shift Your Spirits called "Manifesting the WHAT---not the HOW". The article tells of Chris who has a book that he wants to write if only he had the money. Step by step, Slade gave Chris solutions that cost little or no money.
Slade, I had to laugh at every negative thought and fear that Chris brought up when you gave him suggestions. Did I do that when you were encouraging me to write and then to start my own blog? I saw myself in Chris. I know that I did wait a whole month after buying your tutorial before I got it out to read. I was that afraid of the whole process. I didn't think I could do the technical stuff to set up a blog.
Once I read the tutorial, I decided the process was something that I could do, even though I don't know much about how computers work. I made the decision to work on setting up my blog one day at a time. Over the course of the next week, I did a little work each day toward getting the blog set up until it was finished and all that was left was to start writing articles.
Slade suggested that I start out with at least 12 written articles before I officially launched my blog. I posted the first article on June 1, 2007. On June 25, I sent out emails to all of my family and friends to officially launch my blog with 13 written articles. The article that I launched this blog with was "I Am A Lightworker." That article discusses why I decided to call myself a Lightworker. At the end of the article, I said, "Stepping out of my own shadow of fear is what I hope to do with this newsletter. I hope that by sharing where I have been and my journey out of the pain will help others to do the same. You are not alone." That is the purpose of this blog.
Thanks to Slade, I am no longer alone on my journey. I have new friends like Slade Roberson, K-L Masina, Jeffrey Paul Lilly, Damian Carr, Linda Martin, Albert (the Urban Monk, I don't know your last name), and Jason Randhawa. To meet all of these great Spiritual Bloggers click on the links under "Check Out These Great Sites". Your life will be as enriched as mine has become by reading their articles. Thanks to you all for welcoming me into the Spiritual Blogging community. How did I meet all of these great people? By following another suggestion of Slade's. He told me, to help build up my subscriptions and to get to know others in our Spiritual Blogging niche, to read and leave comments on other sites. I have done that but only when I really had something of value to add to a conversation. I don't leave comments just to be leaving behind useless words. I have been blessed by my association with these great Spiritual Bloggers and so will you.
I just got an email from Chris Garrett of http://www.chrisg.com/ and http://www.authorityblogger.com/. Both of these are great sites for learning how to blog. Chris asked me to identify a successful authority blogger in a niche that I read. Well, Slade, you are that Authority Blogger, for me, in Spiritual Blogging. Why you even have a blog by that name, don't you?
To use Slade's own words, "Slade Roberson is a professional blogger. Shift Your Spirits is about transforming the life you're already living into the creative, powerful, spiritual mission you know it's supposed to be. Spiritual Blogging shares behind-the-screens internet marketing, self-publishing, and professional blogging strategies with other writers who want to broadcast their mission on a global scale."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SLADE.
The inspiration for me writing all of my "The Most Influencial Person" series comes from Damian Carr at Be The Change found at http://soulterminal.com/archives/42 . Damian is a great writer, an English Bard. I love that title, Damian. I just had to use it. It is so grand sounding. Thanks for being in my life with your writings.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
The Most Influencial Person---#3---Recovery
How do you thank someone who played so many roles in your life? Kathy was my best friend, mentor, counselor, and a healthy woman role model all in one little package. She was a recovering alcoholic and an incest survivor. Kathy was a woman, a mother, a wife, and a friend to many people. She befriended a lot of people, including the man who murdered her on the day after Christmas 1992.
Many people loved and admired Kathy including me. Kathy taught me about myself as a woman and as an incest survivor. She taught me that it was ok to feel whatever I felt. Rage, fear, self-hatred, sadness, hurt, joy and love---she taught me how to feel all of those. I should rephrase that---she taught me how to bring them to the surface. I always felt them. I just denied the feelings and surpressed them. I was afraid of my feelings, but that is another story. Kathy gave me hope that I could heal. She showed me how to do the necessary work for me to heal and gave me a safe place to do that work. She was one of the angels that God has put in my life. I only knew Kathy for a very short 3 years.
When I first met Kathy, my friend, Jack, brought her to Hot Springs, Arkansas specifically to meet me. Jack and I had been friends for less than a year when he introduced Kathy and I. Kathy was from Minneapolis, Minnesota. She and Jack met when he went to Minneapolis to get a college degree in Substance Abuse Counseling. Kathy was doing the same. She and Jack got their degrees and moved to Hot Springs. She and Jack got married in Hot Springs in 1990.
Kathy's dream was to help women in recovery from drugs and incest. She and Jack set up a women's group of incest survivors that met in their home for a year before she died. Kathy was the real leader of the group because she was an incest survivor herself and a recovering bulimic. Because of her own experiences, she always knew what to say and when to say it. Jack had the book knowledge but not the empathy that Kathy had. She lead a group of 6-8 women onto the road to discovery and recovery. She taught me that it was ok to say "no". She taught me to address my anger when it came up rather than stuffing it back down. Before I met Kathy, I was like a volcano whose pressure would build until one day I would explode in rage all over Daniel. Daniel was usually the one who would get the worst of my rage. Most people have never even seen me angry. Kathy taught me better ways to release my anger so it wouldn't hurt others or myself.
Kathy was no saint. She was a woman with real problems in her life. As a young woman, she spent some time in jail because one of her husbands left her in the car while he went in and robbed a store. She got caught. Because of her 5 children, whom she loved very much, she decided it was time to heal and change her life. When I met her, I think she had about 10 years in Alcoholics Anonymous. She was very proud of that. She had been a recovering bulimic for a number of years when I met her.
Kathy taught me that it was ok to be angry with God. I always told myself that God had turned His back on me when the incest happened. In my heart, I knew it wasn't true but it felt good to blame someone. I thought that I wasn't good enough for God to love me. Kathy taught me that this wasn't true. She told me that God's shoulders were broad enough that He could take any anger that I wanted to throw at Him and that He would still love me. In Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous, I learned about a God of my understanding. With Kathy's help, I realized that it was me who turned my back on God and He was just waiting for me to turn back around.
Kathy was a real woman whose life was cut short by a bullet to the back of her head. The man who shot her needed help. She heeded his call for help and paid the ultimate price with her life. She died several hours later in the hospital. This was the same hospital which she had tried to take the man who shot her. A young woman that Kathy knew had asked her to drive her and the man to the hospital. He had taken himself off of his medicines, started drinking and was feeling suicidal. The 2 women got into the front seat of the car. The man got into the back seat. Neither of the women knew what would happen next. He pulled out a gun and shot them both. The young woman died instantly. She left behind a husband and small baby who was less than a year old.
A friend once told me that she thought that Kathy's death was the payment of a karmic debt between her and the man who shot her. I don't know if that is so or not. What I do know is that Kathy died doing what she loved---helping others.
Kathy, I love you and thank you for the huge impact that you have had on my life. You saved my life and my family with the things that you taught me. You were with me when I faced my mom and told her about the incest. You helped me deal with my anger at my mom before this confrontation so that I would not abuse her with that anger. You helped me go from self-hatred to loving and nurturing myself. You taught me to play again.
There is one day that you and I shared that I will always cherish. I wore shorts and tennis shoes and had my hair in pig tails. So did you. We were a sight and we didn't care. We were going to spend the whole day, just the 2 of us, playing. We went to Tiny Town with all of its miniature buildings. We went to the animal I. Q. Zoo and the parrot flew at us when the cannon went off. We laughed and laughed that day. We ended the day with you buying me a small crystal to remember the day by. We were 2 little girls playing and laughing. It was one of the best days of my life. You started me on the road to a better life. I thank you.
Many people loved and admired Kathy including me. Kathy taught me about myself as a woman and as an incest survivor. She taught me that it was ok to feel whatever I felt. Rage, fear, self-hatred, sadness, hurt, joy and love---she taught me how to feel all of those. I should rephrase that---she taught me how to bring them to the surface. I always felt them. I just denied the feelings and surpressed them. I was afraid of my feelings, but that is another story. Kathy gave me hope that I could heal. She showed me how to do the necessary work for me to heal and gave me a safe place to do that work. She was one of the angels that God has put in my life. I only knew Kathy for a very short 3 years.
When I first met Kathy, my friend, Jack, brought her to Hot Springs, Arkansas specifically to meet me. Jack and I had been friends for less than a year when he introduced Kathy and I. Kathy was from Minneapolis, Minnesota. She and Jack met when he went to Minneapolis to get a college degree in Substance Abuse Counseling. Kathy was doing the same. She and Jack got their degrees and moved to Hot Springs. She and Jack got married in Hot Springs in 1990.
Kathy's dream was to help women in recovery from drugs and incest. She and Jack set up a women's group of incest survivors that met in their home for a year before she died. Kathy was the real leader of the group because she was an incest survivor herself and a recovering bulimic. Because of her own experiences, she always knew what to say and when to say it. Jack had the book knowledge but not the empathy that Kathy had. She lead a group of 6-8 women onto the road to discovery and recovery. She taught me that it was ok to say "no". She taught me to address my anger when it came up rather than stuffing it back down. Before I met Kathy, I was like a volcano whose pressure would build until one day I would explode in rage all over Daniel. Daniel was usually the one who would get the worst of my rage. Most people have never even seen me angry. Kathy taught me better ways to release my anger so it wouldn't hurt others or myself.
Kathy was no saint. She was a woman with real problems in her life. As a young woman, she spent some time in jail because one of her husbands left her in the car while he went in and robbed a store. She got caught. Because of her 5 children, whom she loved very much, she decided it was time to heal and change her life. When I met her, I think she had about 10 years in Alcoholics Anonymous. She was very proud of that. She had been a recovering bulimic for a number of years when I met her.
Kathy taught me that it was ok to be angry with God. I always told myself that God had turned His back on me when the incest happened. In my heart, I knew it wasn't true but it felt good to blame someone. I thought that I wasn't good enough for God to love me. Kathy taught me that this wasn't true. She told me that God's shoulders were broad enough that He could take any anger that I wanted to throw at Him and that He would still love me. In Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous, I learned about a God of my understanding. With Kathy's help, I realized that it was me who turned my back on God and He was just waiting for me to turn back around.
Kathy was a real woman whose life was cut short by a bullet to the back of her head. The man who shot her needed help. She heeded his call for help and paid the ultimate price with her life. She died several hours later in the hospital. This was the same hospital which she had tried to take the man who shot her. A young woman that Kathy knew had asked her to drive her and the man to the hospital. He had taken himself off of his medicines, started drinking and was feeling suicidal. The 2 women got into the front seat of the car. The man got into the back seat. Neither of the women knew what would happen next. He pulled out a gun and shot them both. The young woman died instantly. She left behind a husband and small baby who was less than a year old.
A friend once told me that she thought that Kathy's death was the payment of a karmic debt between her and the man who shot her. I don't know if that is so or not. What I do know is that Kathy died doing what she loved---helping others.
Kathy, I love you and thank you for the huge impact that you have had on my life. You saved my life and my family with the things that you taught me. You were with me when I faced my mom and told her about the incest. You helped me deal with my anger at my mom before this confrontation so that I would not abuse her with that anger. You helped me go from self-hatred to loving and nurturing myself. You taught me to play again.
There is one day that you and I shared that I will always cherish. I wore shorts and tennis shoes and had my hair in pig tails. So did you. We were a sight and we didn't care. We were going to spend the whole day, just the 2 of us, playing. We went to Tiny Town with all of its miniature buildings. We went to the animal I. Q. Zoo and the parrot flew at us when the cannon went off. We laughed and laughed that day. We ended the day with you buying me a small crystal to remember the day by. We were 2 little girls playing and laughing. It was one of the best days of my life. You started me on the road to a better life. I thank you.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
The Most Influencial Person---#2---Survival
A friend and his 6-year-old son came to visit recently. It has been several years since the son has been to my house. As we are walking through the house, the 6-year-old whispered to his dad that he liked my stuff. Right now, I need to buy several more bookshelves to hold and organize my clutter of books and papers. This sweet little boy, with his child's wisdom and wonder in his eyes, looked up at me and said, "You must be rich." I laughed and then said, "Yes, in some ways, I am rich. I am very rich in friends."
This is my second article about the most influencial people in my life. For this one, I will take you back to when I was 19 years old and getting ready to leave home for the first time. I was just finishing up with my second year of college. I lived at home and rode back and forth to school with my mom who would drop me off on her way to her job every morning.
I met Althea that year in one of my classes. We were actually in 2 classes together. We were both attending a little junior college in Bossier City, Louisiana. This junior college started out as a pilot program that was located on one floor of Airline High School. We had a small student lounge at one end of the hall where the college students could sit and visit in between classes. Althea and I got to know each other in the lounge.
I told her that I was thinking about leaving home whenever I took my last college exam. I needed to find a job so that I could earn some money to pay for my next year of college. I had already been accepted for my junior year at Northwestern State University of Louisiana in Natchitoches, Louisiana. I had applied for and been accepted for a student aid loan and job starting in September of 1970. At that time, I was studying to teach Special Education in Elementary School.
Althea is about 10 years older than both of my parents so some people might think ours is an odd friendship. I have always been blessed with friends of all ages. I just love people. Althea has 4 children of her own, 2 sons and 2 daughters. At the time her oldest son was married and out on his own. The oldest daughter is 11 days older than I am. We became fast friends. Althea's youngest son was in high school when I first met him and her youngest daughter was 12 years old. Althea and her husband moved their family to Shreveport, Louisiana when her husband retired at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City the year that we met.
When I made up my mind to leave home, I didn't have a clue as to where I was going to live until September when I could go to Northwestern. All I knew was that I had to leave home or I would never be able to get out from under my dad's rule. My dad was a dictator, an alcoholic, and a rageaholic. I had reached a breaking point. I knew that if I didn't leave then, that I would have a nervous breakdown of some kind and totally lose myself. I was desperate to leave the abuse behind. I knew this was my one and only chance to leave.
I believe that God put Althea in that class for my sake. Without her intervention, I would not have survived. I told Althea that as soon as I finished my last test at school that I was leaving home. She asked if I would want to live with her and her family that summer. She said that she would help me find a summer job. I said yes. That night I went home and wrote a letter to my mom. I started to tell my dad that night that I was leaving and not coming home the next day. My mom interrupted me and would not let me tell him. I went to my room and packed a few changes of clothing and went to bed.
The next morning, I told my sister bye and gave her my letter. I asked her to give the letter to mom when she came in from work that evening. I hated leaving my sister behind but there was no way that I could take her with me. She was 16 and still a minor.
Mom dropped me off at school. She asked me if I was coming home that evening. I lied and told her I didn't know. It seemed easier than telling her the truth. I went to classes and took my last tests and then went home with Althea.
For the first day, my mom lied and told my dad that I was spending the night with a friend. The second night that I didn't come home she told him where I was. Mom called to tell me that Daddy was on his way to Althea's to get me.
My dad's oldest brother was a police detective for the city of Shreveport. Mom gave me his phone number. I called him and explained the situation and told him that I had left home and was not going back. I asked if he would come over to Althea's to help me talk to Daddy. He agreed. He got to Althea's just before Daddy did. Daddy, Uncle Odis and I went out and sat in Uncle Odis's car to talk. I was afraid to let Daddy in Althea's house because of Daddy's temper. He told me that night that if he ever caught Althea out on the highway that he would run her car into the ditch. I believed him. Daddy and Uncle Odis convinced me to go home for the weekend so that we could talk about my plans. I told Daddy that I would go home with him for the weekend only if he would promise to bring me back to Althea's on Sunday afternoon. He said he would. I thanked Uncle Odis for his help and told Althea my plans for the weekend.
I went home to a weekend of crying and threats and then when that didn't work, Daddy decided to threaten suicide. Instead he went out and got drunk and came back several hours later and went to bed. That was the hardest weekend I have ever lived through. I experienced fear for myself, for my entire family, for my dad in case he did commit suicide. I knew he was doing everything he could think of to keep me at home. I felt sadness over leaving my mom, sister and brother at home. I felt guilty for leaving my sister behind but I knew my dad would not let me take her. I decided I would not feel guilty if Daddy did follow through with his suicide thread. I knew I could not be responsible for his actions if he did decide to take his own life. I knew that my survival was at stake. I would have fallen apart and totally lost my self if I had stayed at home any longer. I was very close to breaking and I knew it. I knew that I couldn't be strong much longer before I gave into the fear.
I think that I was feeling deep echoes of a past life in which I did just give up. In that past lifetime, I remember the feelings of being so helpless to control my own life that one day I just went to bed and never got up. I quit eating and just laid there in my bed until I died of starvation of food and spirit. In that lifetime, I was raped too. In some deep recess of my mind, I remembered and I knew I did not want to do that again. I did not want to be so sad that I would just quit living. I also knew that I wasn't far from doing just that if I didn't get away from my dad.
My mom drove me back to Airline Junior College on that long ago Sunday afternoon. Althea met us there. I didn't go home again until just a week before I left for Northwestern State University.
Althea helped me find my first job working as a line worker in a cafeteria. What a wonderful job that was for a country girl with no special training of any kind. I was extremely quiet and shy. I was also the only worker there that summer that was below the age of 30. Everyone took me under their wings and protected me and helped me begin to blossom.
Althea and her family took me in, nurtured me and protected me and started me on my path to adulthood. I learned what some semblance of a normal American family was. They unofficially adopted me into their family. I gained 2 more brothers and 2 more sisters and a second set of parents. Althea has always been one of my best friends and my second mom combined.
Althea, I can't measure the love and admiration that I still have for you today. You hold a special place in my heart. You really did save my life that long ago day that you invited me into your heart and home. Thank you for your love and kindness in taking in that sad, lonely girl that I once was. You have played an important part in helping me to become the woman that I am today. You are one of the strongest women that I know. I love you.
This is my second article about the most influencial people in my life. For this one, I will take you back to when I was 19 years old and getting ready to leave home for the first time. I was just finishing up with my second year of college. I lived at home and rode back and forth to school with my mom who would drop me off on her way to her job every morning.
I met Althea that year in one of my classes. We were actually in 2 classes together. We were both attending a little junior college in Bossier City, Louisiana. This junior college started out as a pilot program that was located on one floor of Airline High School. We had a small student lounge at one end of the hall where the college students could sit and visit in between classes. Althea and I got to know each other in the lounge.
I told her that I was thinking about leaving home whenever I took my last college exam. I needed to find a job so that I could earn some money to pay for my next year of college. I had already been accepted for my junior year at Northwestern State University of Louisiana in Natchitoches, Louisiana. I had applied for and been accepted for a student aid loan and job starting in September of 1970. At that time, I was studying to teach Special Education in Elementary School.
Althea is about 10 years older than both of my parents so some people might think ours is an odd friendship. I have always been blessed with friends of all ages. I just love people. Althea has 4 children of her own, 2 sons and 2 daughters. At the time her oldest son was married and out on his own. The oldest daughter is 11 days older than I am. We became fast friends. Althea's youngest son was in high school when I first met him and her youngest daughter was 12 years old. Althea and her husband moved their family to Shreveport, Louisiana when her husband retired at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City the year that we met.
When I made up my mind to leave home, I didn't have a clue as to where I was going to live until September when I could go to Northwestern. All I knew was that I had to leave home or I would never be able to get out from under my dad's rule. My dad was a dictator, an alcoholic, and a rageaholic. I had reached a breaking point. I knew that if I didn't leave then, that I would have a nervous breakdown of some kind and totally lose myself. I was desperate to leave the abuse behind. I knew this was my one and only chance to leave.
I believe that God put Althea in that class for my sake. Without her intervention, I would not have survived. I told Althea that as soon as I finished my last test at school that I was leaving home. She asked if I would want to live with her and her family that summer. She said that she would help me find a summer job. I said yes. That night I went home and wrote a letter to my mom. I started to tell my dad that night that I was leaving and not coming home the next day. My mom interrupted me and would not let me tell him. I went to my room and packed a few changes of clothing and went to bed.
The next morning, I told my sister bye and gave her my letter. I asked her to give the letter to mom when she came in from work that evening. I hated leaving my sister behind but there was no way that I could take her with me. She was 16 and still a minor.
Mom dropped me off at school. She asked me if I was coming home that evening. I lied and told her I didn't know. It seemed easier than telling her the truth. I went to classes and took my last tests and then went home with Althea.
For the first day, my mom lied and told my dad that I was spending the night with a friend. The second night that I didn't come home she told him where I was. Mom called to tell me that Daddy was on his way to Althea's to get me.
My dad's oldest brother was a police detective for the city of Shreveport. Mom gave me his phone number. I called him and explained the situation and told him that I had left home and was not going back. I asked if he would come over to Althea's to help me talk to Daddy. He agreed. He got to Althea's just before Daddy did. Daddy, Uncle Odis and I went out and sat in Uncle Odis's car to talk. I was afraid to let Daddy in Althea's house because of Daddy's temper. He told me that night that if he ever caught Althea out on the highway that he would run her car into the ditch. I believed him. Daddy and Uncle Odis convinced me to go home for the weekend so that we could talk about my plans. I told Daddy that I would go home with him for the weekend only if he would promise to bring me back to Althea's on Sunday afternoon. He said he would. I thanked Uncle Odis for his help and told Althea my plans for the weekend.
I went home to a weekend of crying and threats and then when that didn't work, Daddy decided to threaten suicide. Instead he went out and got drunk and came back several hours later and went to bed. That was the hardest weekend I have ever lived through. I experienced fear for myself, for my entire family, for my dad in case he did commit suicide. I knew he was doing everything he could think of to keep me at home. I felt sadness over leaving my mom, sister and brother at home. I felt guilty for leaving my sister behind but I knew my dad would not let me take her. I decided I would not feel guilty if Daddy did follow through with his suicide thread. I knew I could not be responsible for his actions if he did decide to take his own life. I knew that my survival was at stake. I would have fallen apart and totally lost my self if I had stayed at home any longer. I was very close to breaking and I knew it. I knew that I couldn't be strong much longer before I gave into the fear.
I think that I was feeling deep echoes of a past life in which I did just give up. In that past lifetime, I remember the feelings of being so helpless to control my own life that one day I just went to bed and never got up. I quit eating and just laid there in my bed until I died of starvation of food and spirit. In that lifetime, I was raped too. In some deep recess of my mind, I remembered and I knew I did not want to do that again. I did not want to be so sad that I would just quit living. I also knew that I wasn't far from doing just that if I didn't get away from my dad.
My mom drove me back to Airline Junior College on that long ago Sunday afternoon. Althea met us there. I didn't go home again until just a week before I left for Northwestern State University.
Althea helped me find my first job working as a line worker in a cafeteria. What a wonderful job that was for a country girl with no special training of any kind. I was extremely quiet and shy. I was also the only worker there that summer that was below the age of 30. Everyone took me under their wings and protected me and helped me begin to blossom.
Althea and her family took me in, nurtured me and protected me and started me on my path to adulthood. I learned what some semblance of a normal American family was. They unofficially adopted me into their family. I gained 2 more brothers and 2 more sisters and a second set of parents. Althea has always been one of my best friends and my second mom combined.
Althea, I can't measure the love and admiration that I still have for you today. You hold a special place in my heart. You really did save my life that long ago day that you invited me into your heart and home. Thank you for your love and kindness in taking in that sad, lonely girl that I once was. You have played an important part in helping me to become the woman that I am today. You are one of the strongest women that I know. I love you.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
The Most Influential Person---#1---Love Of My Life
I would have to say that the person that has influenced my life the most is my husband Daniel. Most of his influencing has been done simply by being in my life, by being my most constant source of support. Daniel and I will be married for 35 years on August 25 of this year.
I decided to write this article after reading a wonderful article on friendship and gratitude from the following website:
http://soulterminal.com/archives/42
Damian, the author of the article sent out the challenge to his readers to send out gratitude to those people who have influenced their lives the most in the form of an article to say thanks. Well, this is my first of several articles that I will write to do this. In writing these articles, I am becoming part of "being the change".
My words can't say all that I feel for Daniel. He is my husband, lover, best friend. He is a comedian, a wonderful storyteller, a wise man, and a teaser extraordinaire. I learned to be a smart ass in self defense. He has a wonderful, twisted sense of humor that you either get or you don't. There is no half-way with Daniel. People either love him or hate him. There is no middle ground where he is concerned. He taught me about laughter, joy, loyalty, and pleasure. Can you begin to see why I love him?
Daniel cares what I think. He allows me the space to do and be what I need to do and be. He stays even though he knows all of my secrets. He supports me when I am sad and mad. He is wise enough not to argue with me. He lets me rant and yell and then he quietly goes and does whatever he wants to. Which is fine with me, because most of the time, I just needed to be heard.
Daniel and I together have created a safe place for me to grow and explore my world and my Self. He gives me space and freedom which are really important to Sagittarians like me. Neither of us is jealous of the other. We do things together as a couple and separate as individuals. We have similiar and different likes and dislikes. We compliment each other as individuals who are part of a couple.
When we were first married and I was in denial of my incest issues, Daniel would hold me some nights and let me cry on his shoulder for an hour or more at a time. He never pushed for answers that I couldn't give at that time. He never asked questions. He would just quietly, lovingly, offer his support until the crying was over and I was asleep.
Daniel taught me patience. The man had no idea of what time was when we were young. I didn't drive for many years. Daniel would drop me off wherever I needed to go and come back and pick me up, usually hours later because he would meet someone and get lost in conversation and forget what time it was. It took me about 15 years to learn to take it in stride where I wouldn't get upset each time he was late. Now, it isn't important. I find other ways to spend my time. Also, I have been driving for about 10 years now. His family used to joke that Daniel would always be home 2 hours later he said he would. When I finally let go of my reactions to his being late, he quit being late.
Daniel taught me about trying to control other people. He taught me that it isn't nice. He also taught me that we both had issues in that area that we had to learn to let go of. When I finally made up my mind to learn to drive was after an acquaintance told me that I was using not driving as a way to control Daniel. If he dropped me off and had to come back to pick me up, then, according to her, I was controlling Daniel by controlling his time. In case she was right, I decided to let go of that by learning to drive. When I decided to learn how to drive, Daniel unconsciously did the controlling, by making excuses why I couldn't have the car to practice my driving. When I caught on to what he was doing, I decided to let him have the control for awhile. I stopped fighting with him over the car and my time to practice driving. At the same time, I conveniently started needing to go more places. He spent more and more time taking me places until he got tired of doing that and was then willing to let go of his attempts at control. He still won't admit that was what he was doing. A few months after that I had my license.
Daniel, with his sense of humor, taught me to laugh at the world and at myself. His sense of humor was his biggest attraction for me, when we first met. He admits he liked my smile so he would say funny things to make me laugh. Before I met Daniel, there was never that much laughter in my life.
Daniel can be a very quiet, private person too. I always know when Daniel has accepted my friends as being a part of our lives. He starts to tease them. That means he likes them and feels comfortable with them when they call or visit.
Daniel is kind-hearted and easy-going. I tell him that he is much nicer than me. He really is. Daniel, my love, you hold my heart in your hands. A side of Daniel that most people don't see is that of a poet. On our honeymoon, he wrote me a funny, beautifully sentimental poem. For our 25th wedding anniversary, I talked him into renewing our wedding vows. When the minister asked if Daniel and I wanted to say anything. I read that first poem that he wrote for me. Daniel didn't know that I was planning on reading it. Unknown to me, he had written another poem, especially for the occasion, that he read after I finished reading the first poem. As we get older together, our thoughts do seem to be more in harmony with each other.
Our journey has not been an easy one, mostly because of me and my incest issues which were responsible for a ton of fears and anger that I carried around for a lot of years. Just because you don't acknowledge a problem, doesn't mean it doesn't exist or that it doesn't affect you in significant ways in your life. Daniel, I thank you for your continued love, patience and support. Life would have truly been Hell without you by my side trying to lighten my load. You continue to add your light to mine. I love you.
Daniel told me on our 25th Anniversary that he would marry me again on our 50th Anniversary. I intend to hold him to that. I will expect another poem too. It is a wonderful experience when you get to see the softer side of a man. Romance has never been a problem for Daniel. He has taught me that it is ok to enjoy life, to not be so serious. I wore white for our first wedding and teal for our second. I love bold, bright colors. I wonder what I will wear for our 3rd wedding. Oh well, I still have 15 more years to plan it. I am sure I can come up with something outrageous by then. Variety is what keeps a marriage interesting. It also keeps Daniel on his toes trying to figure out what I will do next. Well, Daniel, keep guessing. I know you enjoy every minute of it.
I decided to write this article after reading a wonderful article on friendship and gratitude from the following website:
http://soulterminal.com/archives/42
Damian, the author of the article sent out the challenge to his readers to send out gratitude to those people who have influenced their lives the most in the form of an article to say thanks. Well, this is my first of several articles that I will write to do this. In writing these articles, I am becoming part of "being the change".
My words can't say all that I feel for Daniel. He is my husband, lover, best friend. He is a comedian, a wonderful storyteller, a wise man, and a teaser extraordinaire. I learned to be a smart ass in self defense. He has a wonderful, twisted sense of humor that you either get or you don't. There is no half-way with Daniel. People either love him or hate him. There is no middle ground where he is concerned. He taught me about laughter, joy, loyalty, and pleasure. Can you begin to see why I love him?
Daniel cares what I think. He allows me the space to do and be what I need to do and be. He stays even though he knows all of my secrets. He supports me when I am sad and mad. He is wise enough not to argue with me. He lets me rant and yell and then he quietly goes and does whatever he wants to. Which is fine with me, because most of the time, I just needed to be heard.
Daniel and I together have created a safe place for me to grow and explore my world and my Self. He gives me space and freedom which are really important to Sagittarians like me. Neither of us is jealous of the other. We do things together as a couple and separate as individuals. We have similiar and different likes and dislikes. We compliment each other as individuals who are part of a couple.
When we were first married and I was in denial of my incest issues, Daniel would hold me some nights and let me cry on his shoulder for an hour or more at a time. He never pushed for answers that I couldn't give at that time. He never asked questions. He would just quietly, lovingly, offer his support until the crying was over and I was asleep.
Daniel taught me patience. The man had no idea of what time was when we were young. I didn't drive for many years. Daniel would drop me off wherever I needed to go and come back and pick me up, usually hours later because he would meet someone and get lost in conversation and forget what time it was. It took me about 15 years to learn to take it in stride where I wouldn't get upset each time he was late. Now, it isn't important. I find other ways to spend my time. Also, I have been driving for about 10 years now. His family used to joke that Daniel would always be home 2 hours later he said he would. When I finally let go of my reactions to his being late, he quit being late.
Daniel taught me about trying to control other people. He taught me that it isn't nice. He also taught me that we both had issues in that area that we had to learn to let go of. When I finally made up my mind to learn to drive was after an acquaintance told me that I was using not driving as a way to control Daniel. If he dropped me off and had to come back to pick me up, then, according to her, I was controlling Daniel by controlling his time. In case she was right, I decided to let go of that by learning to drive. When I decided to learn how to drive, Daniel unconsciously did the controlling, by making excuses why I couldn't have the car to practice my driving. When I caught on to what he was doing, I decided to let him have the control for awhile. I stopped fighting with him over the car and my time to practice driving. At the same time, I conveniently started needing to go more places. He spent more and more time taking me places until he got tired of doing that and was then willing to let go of his attempts at control. He still won't admit that was what he was doing. A few months after that I had my license.
Daniel, with his sense of humor, taught me to laugh at the world and at myself. His sense of humor was his biggest attraction for me, when we first met. He admits he liked my smile so he would say funny things to make me laugh. Before I met Daniel, there was never that much laughter in my life.
Daniel can be a very quiet, private person too. I always know when Daniel has accepted my friends as being a part of our lives. He starts to tease them. That means he likes them and feels comfortable with them when they call or visit.
Daniel is kind-hearted and easy-going. I tell him that he is much nicer than me. He really is. Daniel, my love, you hold my heart in your hands. A side of Daniel that most people don't see is that of a poet. On our honeymoon, he wrote me a funny, beautifully sentimental poem. For our 25th wedding anniversary, I talked him into renewing our wedding vows. When the minister asked if Daniel and I wanted to say anything. I read that first poem that he wrote for me. Daniel didn't know that I was planning on reading it. Unknown to me, he had written another poem, especially for the occasion, that he read after I finished reading the first poem. As we get older together, our thoughts do seem to be more in harmony with each other.
Our journey has not been an easy one, mostly because of me and my incest issues which were responsible for a ton of fears and anger that I carried around for a lot of years. Just because you don't acknowledge a problem, doesn't mean it doesn't exist or that it doesn't affect you in significant ways in your life. Daniel, I thank you for your continued love, patience and support. Life would have truly been Hell without you by my side trying to lighten my load. You continue to add your light to mine. I love you.
Daniel told me on our 25th Anniversary that he would marry me again on our 50th Anniversary. I intend to hold him to that. I will expect another poem too. It is a wonderful experience when you get to see the softer side of a man. Romance has never been a problem for Daniel. He has taught me that it is ok to enjoy life, to not be so serious. I wore white for our first wedding and teal for our second. I love bold, bright colors. I wonder what I will wear for our 3rd wedding. Oh well, I still have 15 more years to plan it. I am sure I can come up with something outrageous by then. Variety is what keeps a marriage interesting. It also keeps Daniel on his toes trying to figure out what I will do next. Well, Daniel, keep guessing. I know you enjoy every minute of it.
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