The Case Of The Three-Year-Old Adulteress As Book Title

The tentative title for my book is The Case of The Three-Year-Old Adulteress. That could change as I actually write the book but that is my thought for right now.

Over the weekend, I printed out the blog posts from 2007 and 2008 that might be included in my book. Those two years of posts have been divided into possible chapters.

Possible chapters are:  Introduction, Incest Story, Feelings, Change---Acceptance, Loving Myself, Inner Child, 12-Step Healing, Dad, Mom, Forgiveness, Protecting Our Children and finally Resources. Those chapter titles could change as the story progresses but this helps me to organize my thoughts for now. 

Over the next few days, I will be printing out the blog posts from 2009-2015 to be considered in telling my story of healing from incest. In 2008, I wrote over 80 articles, more than any other year that I have been blogging. 

Health issues and just living my life in general has affected how many blog articles I have written each year, with 2015 being the slowest year of all. My health seems to be better finally with not as many headaches since a doctor gave me antibiotics for a rash that I had on my feet several months ago. That makes me suspect that my headaches were allergy related with my sinuses being infected. With the antibiotics the headaches are almost gone. I have a history of sinus infections and that was the first thing that my doctor checked but she said that sinus x-rays are not reliable. Whatever the reason, the headaches are almost completely gone over the past month which is a relief after having them almost daily for about two years. I don't miss the pain at all. 

I hope you all are having a great week. We have had Heat Advisories almost every day for the past several weeks. I am staying inside out of the heat as much as possible. 
Patricia

Related Posts:

The Case Of The Three-Year-Old Adultress
@ http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2009/08/case-of-three-year-old-adultress.html

Three Year Old Adultress Revisited - Inner Child Letters Series - 1
@ http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2010/05/three-year-old-adultress-revisited.html

Three Year Old Adultress Carries The Shame Of Incest - Inner Child Letters Series
@ http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2010/06/three-year-old-adultress-carries-shame.html

Grief And Letting Go, Feeling What Is

When I wrote my last post here in July 2014, I had no idea it would be so long before I sat down to write again. It has been a difficult year between then and now, May 2015. I have had health issues, nothing life threatening, just energy zapping and time consuming. Often I have thought of something to share with my readers but always got distracted before I could sit down and get the words written here. This was a year of researching health issues, having all kinds of testing done to discover the source of my headaches which still hasn't happened, reading about thyroid issues and educating my doctor.

We have taken more trips than usual to Louisiana and to Texas to visit with family---surgeries, nursing homes and grocery shopping. Family is important. We live 3 and 5 hours away so the trips are a big deal now. As we have gotten older, the trips are harder to make and take longer to recover from than when we were younger. It takes me a week to get over being tired from our trips.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers out there who are reading this. I am blessed by our two children and their spouses and our 4 grandchildren.

On April 28, one of my best friends died after having two heart attacks the evening before. Her Memorial Service was on Saturday, May 2. The spouse of another dear friend died on April 29 and his funeral was on Monday, May 4. Just yesterday, I found out that a friend that I knew only on Facebook also died. I knew he was having some health issues. Some days I cry. Others I don't. Wednesday, May 6 was my best friend's 64th birthday. This Mother's Day will be without her presence. I grieve for myself and for her husband, children and grandchildren.

I hate grief and it is a natural part of life and of healing from childhood abuse. I hate grief and I am allowing it to ebb and flow through my days right now. I have coping tools that work for me today. I write. I talk to friends. I ask my husband to hold me while I cry. I let the tears flow when they come. I am strong at times and not so strong at others. The first few days after my friend died, I kept thinking of reasons to call her and talk, then I would remember that I couldn't. Yesterday, it only happened once.

Never take another person for granted and think they will be there to talk to tomorrow. None of us is promised a tomorrow. At 8:00 p.m. on Monday evening, April 27, my friend and I talked and agreed we would talk the next day when she wasn't so tired. At 9:30 p.m., she had the first of two heart attacks. I visited her at the hospital twice the next day while she was on life support. I held her hand. I told her to hang on that none of us were ready to let her go yet. An hour later, I told her that none of us would ever be ready to let her go but she needed to do what her soul needed her to do. At 5:30 p.m., April 28, my friend drew her last breath. I will always remember that day because it was the date that our son was due to be born on many years ago. Birth and death are both important parts of life, so intertwined, both parts of all of our journeys. If you love someone, tell them so, often. Let your actions show that you care. Let your words be kind. Love and take care of yourself too.
Patricia

Learning To Love Yourself Enough And Health Issues

The following quote comes from Lessons Learned in Life, a website that I just subscribed to because I love the quotes that they share.

http://lessonslearnedinlife.com/stand-up-for-yourself-3/ 

"Learn to love yourself enough so that when someone enters your life that treats you negatively, you can stand up for yourself and have the strength to let them go. You can learn that it is okay to say no to anyone who is not willing to treat you with the love and respect you not only want, but also deserve. Have the courage to walk away from anything that does not serve you well. Search for your highest good."
                                                             ---Unknown

Here are my thoughts after reading this quote.

This is such an important lesson to learn. So many struggle with this one. You deserve to be around people who treat you with love, kindness and respect. That will only happen if you treat yourself with love, kindness and respect first. I do believe that we teach others how to treat us by the way that we treat ourselves and by what we allow others to do. When you love yourself and treat yourself with love and respect so will others treat you that same way.

Another quote that I love comes from Brene Brown and The Gifts of Imperfection and says, 

"I will talk to myself the same way I talk to the people I love."

Loving yourself means taking care of yourself and putting your needs before the needs of others rather than at the bottom of the list. This is a lesson I am still working on learning. Sometimes in your search for the approval of others, you take on too much and at some point your body says no to what your mind won't say no to. Sometimes you stretch yourself too far and stress finally causes your body to collapse with a headache or heart attack or pneumonia or cancer or some other disease or illness that tells you to stop, that you are taking on too much.

Some of you know that I have been dealing with headaches on an almost daily basis since last October or longer. Over the past several months, I have been to several eye doctors to see if my blurry vision could be the cause, had a small precancerous growth discovered and removed from my left eye and this week was told that my vision is very good for a diabetic. I have an issue with dry eyes that may be causing the blurry vision but not the headaches. 

I have been to my regular doctor and had an x-ray done of my sinuses to see if that could be causing the headaches and nothing showed up on those tests. Next, I had an MRI and an MRI Contrast done with everything appearing normal. 

So I am now working on reducing my stress levels which is what my regular doctor thinks is the cause of the headaches. I am working with a meditation CD that is specifically for releasing headaches and stress. I am taking short breaks away from the computer during the day and taking off nights and weekends except when I am doing my writing here. I am playing music and singing more often. Those both help me to feel great when I do them. 

The doctor wanted me to take Lexapro, an antidepressant, for about a month to see if that would help with the stress. I looked it up and talked to the pharmacist about it and decided not to take it, for now. I don't like the dangerous, possible side effects. Except for the headaches, I like my health where it is right now. I don't want to be a guinea pig for the drug companies, not with all of my drug allergies that I already have from the past. 

I went to the health food store and asked for a recommendation. I am taking L-Theanine for mental calmness and relaxation three times per day to see how that works. I also have a friend who is a Wellness Counselor that I will see soon and will ask for his recommendation. Herbs and homeopathy do not have the harmful side effects of so many of our modern drugs. 

I want my headaches gone and I want to keep the otherwise good health that I have. I will keep you updated with any progress that I make over the next month. If you pray, I would certainly appreciate being included in your prayers. Thank you, in advance.
Patricia

Child Abuse Prevention And Awareness Month And NipperCat's Home

I thank God that today in the United States we have a month dedicated to Child Abuse Prevention and Awareness. April is also Sexual Assault Awareness month. Both are important and need to have the awareness of resources and survivors' stories shared. They can be interconnected because if you were sexually abused as a child, you were sexually assaulted or to put it simpler, you were raped. It took me awhile of talking about being an incest survivor because I came to realize that, yes, I was raped by my uncle and then my dad, each time that the sexual abuse happened because I wasn't given a choice, because my innocence was forcibly taken from me. Violence wasn't used like with many rape cases but coercion was. Fear was very much a weapon in the sexual abuse that was done to me as a child. Rage and threats were used to gain my cooperation and silence.

I want to reintroduce you to a survivor friend of mine that I have known since about 2008 or 2009. I met her through her survivor blog which is called NIPPERCAT'S HOME after a loving pet that she once had. Honestly, I don't remember exactly how I found Mary Graziano's blog but I instantly fell in love with the beauty of her words and her soul which shines through her words. Mary shares her story of incest through her writings which often, but not always, flows out in the form of her poetry. The link I am going to share shows one of artist Michal Madison's paintings called "SEEING THROUGH THE EYES OF A CHILD" before Mary shares her thoughts and memories from childhood and then shares Mary's own poem called "Through the Eyes of A Child."  Mary had written this poem sometime ago and recently edited it to change some of the wording. Here is the link:

http://nippercats.blogspot.com/2012/10/seeing-through-eyes-of-child-how-often.html

When I first met Mary, she was telling her story through her blog but she was so shy that I could hardly get a comment out of her when I commented on her blog. I could feel her shyness and sadness through her words on her blog. Her words touched my heart. As a survivor, I felt a connection to Mary through her sharing on her blog. Today I am proud to say that Mary has worked and overcome most of that shyness and has become quite outspoken as an Advocate for children and for abuse survivors. She proudly shares her story today. She inspires me daily with her strength and courage as she works with children and with other survivors. I am proud to call her my friend.

Another link that I want to share with you is of Mary sharing her story on a radio program for the first time where she and her story of pain and healing are the entire focus of the show. At her request and that of Bill Murray who is the show host, I went on as a panel member to show my support of Mary and her sharing. Mary was a guest speaker on the Blog Talk Radio program Stop Child Abuse Now otherwise known as SCAN. I hope that you will join me in listening to the archive of the show at the following link:

http://www.blogtalkradio/bill-murray/2014/04/05/stop-child-abuse-now-scan--805

Mary has become a very dear friend over the past few years even though we have never met. We show support for each other on a daily basis since we are volunteers in a Facebook group that is a support for members who are sexual abuse survivors in the form of rape and incest and some who are survivors of domestic violence. The group is secret for the protection of its members and the only way to join is by invitation. It is through this group that over the past year, I have come to realize that not all domestic violence causes physical harm. Any time that you live in constant fear in your home that is a form of domestic violence too. Verbal abuse and emotional abuse leave scars that can take years to heal.

Before I end today's article, for any of my friends who aren't on Facebook or Twitter or may have missed my announcements there, my MRI and MRI Contrast tests earlier this last week came out normal. That means there are no physical causes showing for the headaches I have been having since last October. My doctor last week said she thought they were probably stress related so it looks like she is right. As of today, I am making some changes in my life style. I am going to start meditating at least once a day and listening to music and nature sounds on YouTube as I am on the computer during the day. I will start out doing just those things while I consider if I need to cut some more of my hours on the computer. I will also be researching what causes stress and ways to deal with it. I thank you all for your love, patience and prayers of the past few months as I have struggled with this issue.
Patricia

Headaches, Blocks To Writing And Not Giving Up

Hi everyone. I know you probably think I abandoned you all but I haven't. I have had a number of issues come and go since the last post in December. I expected that after Christmas things would slow down for me but they haven't. On top of all of the busyness, I have had a headache since sometime in October, at least. I went to my doctor in December and she thought it was my blood pressure causing the headache and added another blood pressure medicine for me to take. The blood pressure is good and the headache is still here.

On December 31, we lost our health insurance because Obamacare decided it wasn't good enough, I suppose. The new insurance has just now kicked in so I made a doctor's appointment for March 25, the closest one I could get with my doctor. I don't want any other doctor. She knows me and my quirkiness about medicines. With a new doctor, I would have to argue and with my headache I don't want to do that. The easiest thing this could be from is a sinus infection. I have had really bad ones before. The worst it could be is a brain tumor like my dad had the last two years of his life. I tell myself it isn't a brain tumor but a small part of me is still afraid that it is because my dad had one.

I forget when exactly it was that I announced that I would write my book about healing from incest but I suspect that is the reason for the headaches. The cause of my headache could just be every day stress of being an incest survivor who has contact with other survivors and their stories on a daily basis. It could be because I am going to be taking another step in exposing my abusers in my book. I was talking in depth with a couple of friends online yesterday about the possible causes of my headaches and I told them both that I would be writing about it today on my day off. I don't have a paid job but I am a volunteer who speaks with abuse survivors Monday - Friday. I think I handle the stress of that quite well but some days it can become overwhelming even for me. It is how I fulfill my purpose of helping other survivors. It is also another reason that I am not on here as much as I used to be. I do a lot of writing with my volunteering. Sometimes I think that would make a great article and then by the end of the day, I just want to get off of the computer so I don't share my writings here.

I have also felt blocked in writing my book and have been going inside of myself to see what that block may be. That block when it is going on affects when I write on here too. I am dealing with breaking the silence of incest again. Each time I work my way through that, I find the voices that tell me to be quiet, to shut up, that no one needs to know what goes on in my family, that no one will believe me, that no one will care what I have to say.  All of those are voices of my abuser that the inner child still carries and still believes. She and they create an internal resistance to my writing. I have to face that again.

As I was talking with my friends yesterday, I shared that back in 1989 when I started going to 12-Step meetings and talking about the incest, that I would come away from everyone of those meetings with a headache for the first year. I figured out after awhile that it was that internal resistance to talking about the incest that created those headaches. I overcame them. They went away, for the most part, after that first year. I could go to meetings and not get a headache.

Now I am going to share with you what I told my friends yesterday. I have had headaches for most of my life at least since the age of five, maybe earlier but I do remember having them when I was five. A friend asked me if I thought they were connected to the abuse that I experienced as a child. I told her that at the age of three I called myself an adulteress and I knew the minister was talking about sex. I also know that something really big happened to me when I was seven years old but I don't know what it is. There is a big blank space around whatever it was that happened. I just know that something happened. Writing that makes me tense up all over. My memories of incest are only from ages 11-17. I don't have any early memories of being sexually abused. I don't know who would have abused me back then. My dad, of course, had the opportunity to do something. So did the uncle that raped me at 11 years old. Another uncle that was my favorite uncle at a very young age could have been my abuser too. He made passes at some of his younger sister-in-laws when they were young. I just don't know who or what was done for me to label myself as an adulteress at age three. Like I said earlier, my headaches were here by at least the age of five. I had my first migraine at the age of 16. I had one a year for every year after that until I left home at age 19. They stopped for the most part until my 30's when the incest was beginning to stir in my mind and my dad was back in my life causing problems. I had an eye doctor check to make sure that the headaches weren't a brain tumor. I was put on an antidepressant that was supposed to stop migraines. It didn't. I took it at bedtime and had problems waking up the next morning but still had the migraines. A year later I started having them three or four times a week. I went to a neurologist who couldn't find a physical reason for them. All of the medicines we tried just made me sicker than the migraines did. Nothing helped. The biofeedback that the doctor wanted me to try was too expensive. My dad backed down and was out of the picture again and the migraines stopped until the next time that he was back. I saw the connection and cut him out of my life totally. Today I rarely have migraines.

I have had headaches off and on since I started writing my blog. Some part of me still wants to be silent. I will not be. I am no longer ashamed of being an incest survivor. It was never my fault and as long as survivors stay quiet, more children will be abused.

I am not writing this for sympathy or to worry anyone. I am writing it to figure out the possible causes and as always sharing my way of processing with all of my readers and also letting you know this is why I haven't been here writing too. I have dealt with headaches all of my life and I only say something to anyone about them when I am in so much pain that I can't function. If I gave into all of the headaches that I have had over my life, I would never have accomplished anything. I don't ignore them as it may look like. I do what I can to find the cause rather than just medicating them. I hate taking pain pills because I don't like the way they make me feel and my stomach doesn't like most of them. Also I am allergic to so many kinds of medicines so I usually try to treat them with natural products but even those don't seem to be working right now.

I am officially telling my inner child and my headache that neither of you is going to stop me from writing. I have a number of posts that are in my head that I will be writing over the next few days and weeks that I have wanted to share with you all for awhile. I am not ignoring my body. I am not ignoring the headaches. Obamacare and its changes couldn't have come at a worse time for me to have to deal with this. It is Winter time and I don't have a lot of cash flow to pay for these tests on my own. I will survive, as I always have in the past. They may slow me down a little bit but they won't win. I don't quit. I just keep pushing forward. My whole life has been that way. I don't know any other way to be. If you pray, I would appreciate your prayers. If you work with healing energy, I would appreciate that too. I love you all for staying with me and being patient.
Patricia

Family Emergencies and Stress

Wow! I am surprised to see that it has been almost a month since I posted my last article. So much has gone on in my life and in my family since I was here last. 

On September 30, my husband's middle brother went to the ER unconscious and unresponsive to his mother trying to wake him up after he woke her up first coughing and then making a noise that caused her to get out out bed at 3:30 a.m. to see if he was okay. First he was taken by ambulance to their little hospital where they quickly decided that he needed more treatment than they could give him. They told his mother that he had a brain hemorrhage. He was flown by helicopter to a bigger medical center in Shreveport, Louisiana. There we were told that he had a brain aneurysm with a lot of bleeding. The doctors immediately started draining the blood off of his brain while they did other tests and finally at 6:00 that evening, surgery was done to access the amount of damage and to also put something in the blood vessel to stop the bleeding. We drove 4 hours to get to the hospital 3 hours before the surgery was done. After the surgery, we were told that my brother-in-law had a 30% chance of surviving that first night. The surgeon's body language said they would be surprised if he survived at all. Well everyone that I could ask for prayers were saying them. My brother-in-law has now survived for 1 month, as of today. I believe everyone's prayers are why my brother-in-law is still with us. He has a long period of recovering ahead of him. Some days he knows who he is and who we are and some days he does not. I appreciate everyone's prayers and I know he does too. Thank you all.

We have made 3 trips down to visit my brother-in-law and mother-in-law since that early morning brain aneurysm burst. We didn't go this weekend because of my husband having work here that couldn't wait. In addition to worrying about my brother-in-law, we have worried about my 92 year old mother-in-law worrying about her son and also having a high blood pressure episode that put her into the hospital for one of the weekends that we went down to Louisiana. Her blood pressure suddenly went extremely high so she is now on new medication to control that. She is by herself while her son is in the hospital. They have been taking care of each other for many years now. She now has a Life Alert button to wear in case she gets into trouble by herself. She has high blood pressure and a heart condition. 

Because of the stress of worrying about both of my in-laws and the 3 trips back and forth to Louisiana over the past month with 2 of those trips also being working trips with my husband with me helping him stripe parts of 9 parking lots spread out over 2 Sundays, last Saturday night, my forehead above my right eye started itching. By Monday morning, most of my forehead above my right eye was swollen and itching and had little blisters. On Tuesday morning I called and got a doctor's appointment because the area around my eye was beginning to swell too. My husband thought I had poison ivy. The doctor says it is another episode of shingles and gave me a steroid shot and pills to take 5 times a day to stop any nerve pain. I also have a steroid cream that I have been using for 2-3 times a day. With the shot and the cream, the itch and the blisters are much better today. 

As an incest survivor and a survivor of my dad's rages when I was a child, I lived in almost constant fear and stress. I wasn't aware of that stress or how it affected me until I got into my healing journey. I was 19, the first time I actually remember feeling and acknowledging that fear. With all of the healing that I have done over the years, I still don't know how to let go of stress. I carry it in my body until I get sick with pneumonia like 3 Thanksgivings ago or I get shingles like now. This is my 3rd episode in the past 2 years. This is something I need to look at and research so that I can stop this from being a pattern for me. I don't want to get sick in order to get my attention. Has anyone got any suggestions or ideas as to how I can deal with stress better?
Patricia

Dialogues With Dignity And 22 Ways To Love Yourself

Yesterday I was on Dialogues With Dignity again with my friends Dan Hays, Ellen Brown and Stash Serafin. I love being a guest on their radio talk program. The title of this program was "Learning To Love Ourselves."
Here is the link for the dicussion:

http://dialogueswithdignity.podbean.com/2012/01/18/learning-to-love-ourselves/


I hope you will listen to the program and leave comments on Dialogues With Dignity and then come back here and leave a comment. Let us know if you liked the discussion. Thank you to Dan, Ellen and Stash for having me back for this discussion.

When I was getting ready for the show, I printed out a few of my past articles on learning to love yourself as a healing tool. Then I sat down and made a list of 22 ways to love yourself. Here is that list:

1. Reconnect with and pay attention to your body and what it tells you.
2. Forgive yourself for being that child who got abused. Know that you didn't cause the abuse and you couldn't have prevented it from happening. You were a child.
3. Feel whatever feelings come. Don't stuff or deny their existence. That is how addictions start.
4. Learn how to take care of your needs and wants. You do have them. You deserve to be nurtured.
5. Learn to trust yourself and your intuition.
6. Do things that make you feel good emotionally and physically.  Do something that is fun that your inner children will enjoy doing.
7. Use affirmations to build your feelings of self-worth.
8. Know that your value comes from within you, not from others.
9. Know that you deserve to be loved by yourself and by others.
10. Let go of your abuser's love - it isn't love and you don't need it when you love yourself.
11. Work on taking back and building up your personal power. (My next post due on Jan. 22 is about personal power.)
12. Move. Exercise. Diet if you need to so that you can improve your health.
13. Make a dentist appointment or doctor's appointment if you need it and keep it. Don't let your fears and shame keep you from taking care of your body.
14. Find a doctor that you trust.
15. Hug a special teddy bear to nurture your inner child. Sleep with it if it comforts your inner child and makes her/him feel safer at night. As silly as it may sound for an adult to sleep with a teddy bear, it helped my inner children to start to trust the adult me.
16. Use meditation to calm and ground yourself. Become aware of your breath and your connection to your body. Many incest survivors are totally disconnected from their body and the hurt that it experienced when they were  children.
17. Take small steps in healing. Pretend that you love yourself and watch others who show that they love you until you can start to love yourself.
18. Surround yourself with people who love you and support you in your efforts to heal and to become functional. Let go of those people who don't support your healing.
19. Recognize that change is scarey and it is a choice. Face your fears and change any way.
20. Be willing to be vulnerable and open your heart to those you love.
21. Love yourself today by accepting you right where you are today. With acceptance comes awareness. Accepting yourself is the first step to loving yourself. See your inner children as a product of your childhood and love them any way.
22. Loving yourself means not allowing you to hurt yourself. It also means not allowing others to hurt you. Say no to abuse in any form.

It is my belief that loving yourself is the foundation of all healing. You deserve to heal and to feel good about yourself.

Don't forget to check out our talk at Dialogues With Dignity. I wrote this list before doing the show and you will hear me mention most of this in my part of the conversation. Again, thanks to Dan Hays, Ellen Brown and Stash Serafin for having me on Dialogues With Dignity.
Patricia 

Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse: May Issue Is Posted

The May issue of Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is out at Kate1975's Blog.  Here is the link:

http://kate1975.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/blog-carnival-against-child-abuse-may-2/

Go by and wish Kate a late birthday as this month is her birthday month.  The topic of this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is self-care.

So many people take it for granted that everyone is raised to take care of their personal needs.  That is true if they are raised in a healthy family.  For those  who are child abuse survivors, that usually isn't true.  The lies that children who are abused are taught tell them that they have no value to their parents or society.  Victims are taught that their needs are not important.  As adults, they continue to believe that their needs are not important.  They are taught to take care of others' needs and to ignore their own needs.  Many times they are taught to hate their bodies and to ignore even their health.  If they get sick as children, they are ignored or made to feel bad because of their illness.  Some are even punished for daring to get sick.

As survivors, many have to learn the basics of self-care.  Many have fears of doctors and dentists in particular.  As a child a doctor was someone who might ask questions, that might demand answers that the abusers didn't want known.  Dentists are often so frightening because of the survivors fight or flight response that is set off anytime that someone, like a dentist, is right there in their face.  Often because of these fears from childhood, the body is ignored when it first starts to hurt.  Many abuse survivors have a high tolerance for pain.  By the time that they give in to the pain and go to the doctor or the dentist what might have been a minor thing has become a major illness or a major problem with their teeth such as an absess or a rotted tooth.  Self-care isn't taught to child abuse victims.  Self-care is often learned from books or mentors when the victim starts their journey as a survivor.

I hope that you will join me in going to the link to Kate1975's Blog at the following link:

http://kate1975.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/blog-carnival-against-child-abuse-may-2/

This month you have your choice of 34 blog posts.  I hope that you will take the time to read all of them.  This month, 5 of the submissions are mine.  Please feel free to leave comments and let each blogger know what you think about their blog post.  If you have any blog posts of your own that you would like to submit to the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, the carnival is posted each month.  You can go to Blog Carnival and look for the deadline for posting for Carnival Against Child Abuse and submit your own posts for next month's carnival.
Patricia

Normal vs. Healthy

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers who may be reading this.  My mother-in-law is the only mother that I have left and she is a blessing to me.  She sent me a note in the mail this week that I really love.  I know that she loves me but she doesn't say it very often.  She ended her note with the following:

"I love you a whole lot, just want you to know.  Mother Lindsay" 

That one little line from her has brightened my week.  I really do appreciate that God blessed me with the mother-in-law that he did.


Normal for me was the overreacting or underreacting to all of the stress and trauma and drama in my life that I caused and others caused.  Normal is not admitting that I am stressed or in pain.  Normal is being afraid and not knowing it.  Normal lives in denial of what really is.

Normal is what we know as children and adults living with abuse.  I don't want to be normal any more.  Normal is living in the patterns of the past and passing them on to my children.

Normal isn't good or even sane sometimes.  Normal is shouting at your children because your parents shouted at you.  Normal is wanting to do better but not being able to because you don't know how to do better.

Healthy is what I strive to be today.  Healthy gives me the ability to no longer be abused or to even attract abusers into my life.  Healthy shows me how to make better choices so that I don't pass the abuse on to my grandchildren.

Healthy means I have self-respect, self-worth, and even self-love.  Healthy means I can nurture and take care of my needs.  Healthy means I know and love who I am at all times. 

The sometimes painful part of healthy means that I can feel all of my emotions, work my way through them and release them, most of the time.  Sometimes, I still find myself numbing out when I feel overwhelmed by the intensity of whatever I am working on. 

Healthy means I do what is best for me.  I don't put everyone else's needs and priorities before my own.  An empty vessel is no good to anyone.

Healthy means I give you back responsibility for your own life rather than trying to control and fix you.  Healthy means I face and take on responsibility for the only life that I can change - mine. 

The above words started out as a comment on the Facebook Fan Page for Empowering Solutions which is written by my friend Susan Kingsley-Smith.

Happy New Year 2011

May the New Year bring you lots of love, new friends, laughter and great health.  May you easily see all the lessons that friends and Life bring to you in 2011.  May 2011 be as prosperous as you want it/allow it to be.  (You do have a choice in the matter.  None of us, as adults, are helpless victims of Life.)  May the love of family and friends warm your heart and soul every day of 2011.  May 2011 be the best year that you have ever had for growth and discovery of the real you.  Know that this particular request can open you up to facing pain as well as joy in your life.  Both are sometimes necessary for for real growth to happen.  Remember the saying, "Be careful what you wish for.  You may get it."  Just not in the way that you envisioned.  We forget that God sees the whole big picture.  We don't. We also don't always know what is good for us.  God does.

In 2011, become more aware of how you are influenced by those around you and how you in turn influence them and others that you come in contact with daily.  As a valid example of this, I want to share a comment with you that I left at the following post on the blog Confessions of a Mystic.  Here is the link to that blog post:
http://teresasilverthorn.wordpress.com/2010/12/30/one-of-you/ .

"As a child, I learned to be whatever those around me wanted me to be, to be accepted and loved.  As an adult and survivor of childhood incest, I learned to be me.  If you didn't like me as an authentic person, you didn't need to be in my life.

Today, over 20 years after starting my walk down this particular path of recovery, I am still discovering parts of me that I disconnected from and left behind in order to survive growing up in my family.  I like the me I am today.  I like the me that I am still becoming.  More important, I have learned to love the real me more than I care for what you like about me."

Today, I am full of love and gratitude for all that 2010 has shown me and for all that has happened in my life because of beginning this blog in 2007.  I couldn't have imagined the growth or the friends that that one action brought into my world.  I am grateful for each one of you that reads and comments here on my blog.  Each of you brings new Light into my world.  For that I thank you all.  Sending lots of love and (((Hugs))) your way for now and for the glorious beginning of the New Year 2011.
Patricia

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year To All

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all of my wonderful subscribers.   The pneumonia finally left and went on its way about a week and a half ago just in time for my husband Daniel to give me his cold with sniffles and cough.  As if I wasn't already coughing enough for both of us.  The cough has continued to linger even today.  I don't cough as often as I was so it too is slowly going away.  My energy levels are now close to normal which is good with the Christmas cooking that I am doing today.  We celebrate Christmas Eve with my in-laws and Christmas Day with my brother, sister and her family so I cook food for both family celebrations.

Today I have already made a sage cornbread dressing the way that my mother showed me how to make when I was a teenager.  This is one recipe that I have never measured.  I always do it by taste which is how my mother did it.  I don't like dressing in the turkey so I have always made mine separate.  For Christmas, my sister-in-law is cooking the turkey and I have a ham waiting to go into the oven as soon as I am finished baking the 3 pumpkin pies that are in the oven right now.  Later I will make a fruit salad with Cool Whip and Eagle Brand Milk and Cherry Pie Filling.  I also made a cheese ball for my brother-in-law and Baked Beans for my neice and sister.  This year that will be the extent of my cooking.  I missed out on all of that Thanksgiving because I was sick with pneumonia.

On another note, you know that our son and daughter-in-law got married by a Justice of the Peace on May 12.  Well, they still wanted to have a big wedding for family and friends to see them say their wedding vows.  The wedding happened on Saturday, December 18 at 6:00 p.m.  We had a turnout of about 45-50 people.  Jeremy's best friends from Boulder, Colorado came in for the wedding.  Melonie's dad, who at first didn't think he would be able to be here for the wedding, moved back to Hot Springs last week so he was here to give her away.  Last month when she didn't think that her dad was going to make it to the wedding, she asked my husband Daniel to give her away.  He said yes.  He had no problem stepping down when her dad could do the honors.  When the music started playing, I looked around and Daniel was nowhere to be found.  I thought to myself that he was going to miss the bride walking down the isle.  He didn't.  Unknown to me, Melonie had asked "both of her dads" to walk her down the isle.  Daniel said no at first because he didn't want to step on anybody's toes.  Melonie told him that she had asked for permission to have both of them walk her down the isle.  I know that touched Daniel deeply even though he hasn't said that it did.  I thought it was very sweet of Melonie to include Daniel.  It was a beautiful bride and wedding.  I was blessed to be well enough to go to it.

I didn't intend to leave my blog unattended for so long but the pneumonia and then recovering from it took longer than I expected.  Then I got busy with the wedding.  I gave gift cards to some of the people on my Christmas shopping list this year because I simply ran out of time to shop or wasn't well enough to shop.  I almost always have the majority of my Christmas shopping down before Thanksgiving.  It just didn't happen this year.  I am going to go check on my pumpkin pies now.  I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a glorious New Year of 2011.
Patricia

Splinteredones's Blog Hosts November Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse

First, an update for all of you wonderful friends who expressed concern over my bout with pneumonia.  I don't go back to the doctor for a check-up until December 6.  I have had a quiet week surrounding Thanksgiving with my sweet husband taking care of me.  He even cooked his own turkey breast roast for Thanksgiving Day.  It was a simple roast that came with its own cooking pan.  All he had to do was put it in the oven for a little over an hour.  I had a pan of cornbread dressing that I had made and put in the freezer several months ago.  All I had to do was defrost it and put a serving into the microwave to warm it up.  Open a can of his favorite cranberry sauce and a few veggies and he was happy.  I had some fake chicken (I am a vegetarian.), some of my cornbread dressing and some freshly made coleslaw and I had a great meal too.  We both missed the family that we usually have surrounding us at our house on Thanksgiving Day.  Instead they all met at Daniel's mother's house in Louisiana.

I lost 12 pounds from not having an appetite over a week and a half.  I haven't been on the scales recently but have probably gained most of it back since my appetite came back this week.  My energy levels are much better and most importantly because of the breathing treatments that I have been doing, my breathing is back to normal.  I still have a cough, sinus drainage and fluid behind my ear drums.  I have 5 more days of breathing treatments to do. 

Thank you all for your prayers and healing energy that you have sent my way.  I love and appreciate you all.


Splinty over at Splinteredones's Blog is hosting the November Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse.  I hope you will join me in going to her blog and reading all of the submissions for this month's Carnival Against Child Abuse.  I have 3 submissions in the Carnival myself.  I saw some new submitters this month that I am looking forward to meeting through the sharing of their stories.  Here is the link:

http://splinteredones.wordpress.com/2010/11/26/november-blog-carnival-against-child-abuse/

I hope that you all had a glorious Thanksgiving. 
Patricia

My Thanksgiving Will Be Spent With Pneumonia As A Companion

Hi everyone.  I haven't posted a recent article because I have been sick the past 11 days.  I went to the doctor Wed., Nov. 10 because I had a temperature, a weight on my chest that made taking more than half a breath impossible, fluid behind both ear drums, sinus drainage, a low temperature, and a cough.  I woke up with all of this going on Sun., Nov. 7.

The doctor said I either had the flu or was having a heart attack.  We did blood tests, a chest xray and two heart tests.  All the tests were normal.  I got an antibiotic because I still had a slight kidney infection going on from my last doctor's visit several weeks ago.  I got a second antibiotic, a cortizone shot and a cough medicine plus an over the counter antihistimine to take.

I started to feel better except for the breathing and coughing.  I haven't had a temperature in almost 3 days.  My appetite which was almost non-existent is almost back to normal.  I lost 12 pounds from not eating.  I don't suggest anyone try to lose weight that way.  My energy levels have risen.

The coughing got a lot worse last night so I went back to the doctor today.  We did another blood test to check white blood cell levels.  They were normal.  We did another chest xray and this one showed that I have pneumonia in the lower part of my right lung.  I had a breathing treatment which made it easier to breath and made the coughing worse for a little while.  I did feel better for awhile and could even take an almost normal breath.  Tomorrow a saleman will deliver a breathing treatment machine and teach me how to give myself a breathing treatment three times a day for the next two weeks.  I also have another antibiotic plus got a steroid shot at the doctor's office today.

I had to cancel our family gathering for Thanksgiving because it was supposed to be at our house this year.  The doctor wants me doing a lot of resting the next two weeks.  She told me the pneumonia would have already been a lot worse if I hadn't been on the antibiotic for my minor kidney infection of the past several weeks.

I want to wish all of my American friends a glorious Thanksgiving.  Until I get to feeling better, I won't be spending much time on the computer.
Patricia

As A Survivor, I Had To Learn To Take Care of Myself

Today my blog went over the 200 mark with subscribers for the first time. Thanks to all of you who are reading my blog. I appreciate you and your comments.

As an incest survivor two of the things that I have had to learn to do are feel my emotions and take care of my body so that it doesn't get sick. Sometimes I do good with these two and sometimes I slip back into old habits of numbing feelings and ignoring how my body feels.

This week my emotions have been all over the place. Last night I went to an Al-Anon meeting and told everyone that I was mad, no, that should be "MAD" at the world. If you said hi to me this week, that was reason enough for me to get mad at you. I haven't figured out where all the anger is coming from yet but I know who my target was---my husband. How do I know? Two of my friends who never agree on anything both told me so. Also my exasperated husband finally asked why I was being so mean to him. I didn't say much to his yesterday because I knew the words would come out angry. I went to an Al-Anon meeting instead. At one point in the meeting last night, I told the group that me admitting that I was angry was such progress for me. I was taught as child that good girls don't get angry. That is such a bunch of bull. Getting angry is part of living. So is being sad, being happy, being hurt. I learned not to feel anything. My life was safer that way. That was one of my survival tools that no longer serves me today.

Part of this week, I have been overeating to not feel all of the rage that has been inside of me this week. My awareness of the emotions inside of me came from a dream. I think I have talked about what I call my fear of drowning dreams before. I have had these dreams for most of my adult life, maybe even as a child. In my dream of a few nights ago, I was in a car, possibly a limonsine with at least 3 other people. Someone else was driving. I was at the rear of the car when I saw water over the road in front of us. We didn't stop. Instead the driver drove off the side of the road and straight into the water. I remember being in the back of the car alone and thinking, "I can't swim." I sat and watched the water totally surround the car through the glass of the windows and a sun roof. Next the water is coming from the front of the car inside the car. Just before the water hit me full force, I woke up.

Something that was different in this dream was that I wasn't afraid when I woke up. I was disturbed. What I was was angry. I woke up at 4:00 a.m. from this dream. I didn't sleep well after that. What I remember about the dream is that while I was dreaming it, the dream felt more real than all of my other dreams.

I woke up from a dream the night after in which I remember talking about how real the drowning dream from the night before was, not that it seemed real but that it was real. I am not sure of the significance of that sensation of realness. I haven't experienced it very often.

Water, from a dream class that I took a few years ago, represents emotions. The car represents a part of myself. I wasn't driving it so I feel out of control of some part of my life. Duh. My emotions were out of control this week or at least it felt that way to me. I have gone into the water before but this is one of my first dreams in which I have gone under the water and not instantly waken myself up so some part of me is more comfortable with the emotions. I have worked really hard on feeling my emotions and still sometimes I numb out and stuff them with overeating. Still sometimes it takes me awhile to recognise what I am feeling. Sometimes it takes someone else to point out to me that I am angry (husband and two friends). Sometimes just saying that I am angry is enough to release it. Sometimes I need to talk about it to realize what is going on. As I have said before sometimes dreams can provide a source of healing for me.

This week I have been taking care of my body nutritionally by eating more raw veggies and less cooked veggies. I am also cutting the soy out of my diet because some sources say that soy isn't as good for us as the soy industry wants us to believe. I went to our Farmer's Market for the first time last Saturday. That is an education in itself. I met some interesting people.

I am also resting and not getting out in the heat until I feel better. I am also reading another book. This one is on "The Four Keys to Energizing Your Body, Mind & Spirit" (from the front cover of the book). The book is called Power Healing and is written by Dr. Zhi Gang Sha with a foreword by Dr. John Gray. I am learning ways to shift and harmonize the chi or energy in my body. I used one of the methods to lessen and then do away with a sinus headache that I have had the past few days all from balancing the energy in my body.

I have also been listening to Stephen Halpern's Chakra Suite when I go to bed at night to balance the chakras. All of this is helping me to self-heal rather than self-medicate my body.

One article that I read online a few days ago has some really good tips on paying attention to and taking care of your body. I want to share that site with you. The name of the blog is Rejuvenation Lounge.
http://thehealthylivinglounge.com/2009/06/23/24-ways-to-give-your-body-the-extra-attention-it-deserves/ . Check it out for the valuable information that the article provides.
Patricia

Related Articles:
A Week Of Introspection: http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/11/week-of-introspection.html

Fear Is My Friend: http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2009/01/fear-is-my-friend.html

Being Honest With Myself: http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/06/being-honest-with-myself.html

How Dreams Can Help You Heal From Childhood Sexual Abuse: http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2009/04/how-dreams-can-help-you-heal-from.html

Dreams Can Teach Us About Ourselves: http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/06/dreams-can-teach-us-about-ourselves.html

Raw Salad Dressings: http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/11/raw-salad-dressings.html

Link Love And Raw Foods: http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2009/01/link-love-and-raw-foods.html

Swine Flu---Buy Into The Fear Or Not

If you have had your TV on or read your newspaper this week, all of the headlines are busy predicting the possible pandemic of swine flu this year. Are you buying into the fear? I'm not. I ask each of you who is reading this to stop the fear and send Light out to the Universe.

I am not saying that you shouldn't be cautious with your health. I am saying don't let fear of getting the flu take over your every waking moment. You don't have to do that. Do what is necessary to take care of your health and that of your families. You should already be doing that. Eat healthier. Take your supplements, if you already do. If you get sick, stay home and take care of yourself. If you need to, like I do, get your body in better shape. Get the sleep that your body needs to operate. Drink more water and less sodas, tea and coffee.

Those of you who are reading this article, I am asking that you spend some time in prayer or meditation, whichever feels better to you, or do both. I am. Surround first yourself with a bubble of white light which strengthens your body and shields you from having your energy sucked out of you. It also helps your attitude which is always a plus for me. Use whatever color of Light that your inner voice suggests.

Next I want you to shine that Light on your neighborhood, your city, your state, and your country. Then I want you to send the Light totally around the world lighting up every being and every plant, every body of water that it comes in contact with. See the whole world surrounded by this bright, bright white Light.

Then ask for the help of your guardian angels and spirit guides to make you more aware of your thoughts, actions, and body. To keep your body healthy, you have to be aware of it. To keep your mind happy, you have to be aware of your thoughts. Be pure in thoughts, words and deeds.

Do whatever you methods you use to keep yourself grounded during this time of upheaval and challenges. I like to use the image of being a tree with branches going up into the Heavens and roots going down into the Earth with energy flowing in from the top of my head and up through the bottoms of my feet. Then whenever you think about it today, next week, next month, next year, send out Love and Light from your heart center into the world. See if we can make the world a better and safer place to be.

What are you doing to keep yourself and your family healthy so that you aren't succeptable to the flu or any other illness?

This week I have been on a raw fruits, raw vegetables, drinking only water in a Spring Cleanse. So far this week, I have lost 4 1/2 pounds. This is the fourth day of my cleanse. (Today is Wednesday. The post won't be posted until Sunday.) For the first time in my life, I have eaten nothing but raw fruits and veggies. I have never eaten so much fruit in my entire life as I have the past few days. This cleanse is to flush toxins out of my body and mostly what I am losing is water weight. I needed to do something because my weight was slowly moving upward and so was my blood pressure. I was back to having indigestion a lot. I already knew that eating more raw fruits and veggies would have the indigestion out the door in no time.

The only thing that I have cheated on is my morning coffee. I haven't been willing to let go of that first cup of coffee in the morning when I wake up. Guess what, while I have been on the clease, I have been making my morning coffee and pouring myself a full cup but when I get halfway through the coffee, I don't want anymore. I am leaving the goat's milk out of it except for the second morning of the cleanse. That cup of coffee tasted greasey to me so I am just having a half-cup of black coffee. I did not sit down and make a committment to stop my coffee. Allowing my taste buds to tell me what I like and don't like is how I became a vegetarian to begin with about 12 years ago. When the coffee no longer tastes good, I will stop. If I continue to like the taste and the way it makes me feel, I will continue to drink coffee.

This week I was given another award. Seems to be my week for recognition from the blogging world. I appreciate it so very much. I definitely feel loved during a time that I have needed it. Thank you God and my blogging friends.

This week's award came from the blog Just Be Real. The award is called the Just Being Real Blog Award. Thanks to Just Be Real. You made my day. You will find a list of other bloggers that also were given the award at the following link http://justbereal77.blogspot.com/2009/04/just-be-real-award.html .

Surviving by Grace also posted the award winners on her blog. She is one of those who has won the award. Thanks for the recognition. You can find her blog article at the following link
http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/2009/04/just-being-real-award.html .

Another new blogger that I have recently met through my comment section of my blog and on other blogs is Jay from the blog Porsidan. You will find Jay's About Me page at the following link where he sharing a little about himself and what the term porsidan means. Then you can go on to read some of his wonderfully written posts. http://porsidan.com/about-2/ I have enjoyed reading his posts this week.

I know you are all having a wonderfully productive and growing week.
Patricia

Raw Food Diet Adventure

Recently Stephen Hopson of Adversity University has been on a raw food diet. I have experiemented with eating sprouts and raw foods myself in the past. I even took a class just before Christmas last year. The food was wonderful. I just didn't stick with it.

Some of you know that I have been a vegetarian for about 11 years. You might ask what is the difference between being a vegetarian and eating raw foods. Being a vegetarian, I cook most of my foods just like all of you meat eaters. I love soups in just about any form, especially in the fall and winter months.

Well, reading Stephen's articles on his raw food adventure has inspired me to give eating raw foods another look. The book that Stephen used and I bought a copy of this past week is
The Raw Food Detox Diet
written by Natalia Rose. The subtitle to the book says "The Five-Step Plan For Vibrant Health and Maximum Weight Loss." Natalia Rose is a "nutritionist and founder of the Raw Food Detox Weight Loss Program."

I love that I can go on the internet and research any topic that comes to mind and find information that is useful. I did that with Raw Foods. I found and also purchased two DVD's to use for inspiration and information in this new journey.

The DVD Simply Raw, Reversing Diabetes in 30 Days
"chronicles six Americans with diabetes who switch to a diet consisting entirely of vegan, organic, live, raw foods in order to reverse diabetes naturally. The participants are challenged to give up meat, diary, sugar, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, soda, junk food, fast food, processed food, and even cooked food - as well as go without their loved ones and many of their creature comforts - for 30 days. The results are amazing." (The above quote came from the back of the DVD cover.) After watching the DVD, I was inspired.

The second DVD that I purchased, I haven't finished watching yet. It is called
Raw For Life, The Ultimate Encyclopedia Of The Raw Food Lifestyle.
This is a two disc set that includes interviews of 30 experts.

I am still reading The Raw Food Detox Diet. I also bought another book by Natalia Rose called Raw Food Life Force Energy and a book by Jeremy A. Safron called The Raw Truth The Art of Preparing Living Foods.

As you can see, I have a lot of reading ahead of me. That is how I always approach live. I love the search for knowledge. I never approach any new endeavor half-heartedly. I love digging in and finding new information. I read somewhere that it is a trait of most Saggittarians.

I have also subscribed to several raw food newsletters this week. One of those that Stephen recommended is called Raw Success written by Matt Monarch and found at http://mattmonarch.blogspot.com/ .

You can find Stephen Hopson's articles on his own raw food adventure at the following links:

Update on the Raw Food 30-Day Experiment
http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com/2008/10/08/update-on-the-raw-food-30-day-experiment/

Raw Food Journey: Let's Clear Up Some Myths
http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com/2008/10/12/raw-food-journey-lets-clear-up-some-myths/

End of the Week Gratitude Theme #50
http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com/2008/10/24/end-of-the-week-gratitude-theme-50/

Be sure to check out Stephen's articles.

I am not going to eat 100% raw foods. That is not my goal. For me that just isn't a factor right now. I love my coffee and soups too much. I also love cheese. I will reduce the amounts right now. Cheese is just about the only dairy that I do still eat with an occasional ice cream. I use goat milk in my coffee because I am lactose-intolerant. I know how cheese affects me and I still choose to eat it. I will begin to substitute goat cheese more for the dairy cheese but I don't see myself totally giving up cheese at this point. That could change in the future. Natalia Rose does not make going 100% raw a requirement of her diet. For most of us, that is totally unrealistic, at least in the beginning. I am going to ease into this change. I am looking forward to making some of the recipes in her book.

Like Stephen, I will keep you posted with my changes. As of this morning, I have already lost one and one-fourth pounds from just one day on the diet. I had Stephen's Favorite Green Smoothie drink yesterday and today. You will find his recipe for this in the last link above. My kitchen is stocked with a huge salad that I made yesterday and lots of other fruits and veggies to be consumed over the next few days.

I hope that all of you are having a really great day. The Autumn weather we have been experiencing here in Arkansas lately has been invigorating. Autumn is my favorite season.
Patricia

Healing And Letting Go Of Repressed Emotions

From Opening The Energy Gates Of Your Body, Chi Gung for Lifelong Health, written by Bruce Frantzis, 1993,2006, page 43-44:

"The Taoist view of the transformation of emotional energy differs radically from the cathartic practices of either Eastern kundalini or Western group therapy. In the Shaktipat kundalini practice, catharsis is sometimes called kriya, or action. Here, the idea, in the early developmental stages, is to discharge emotional energy by various actions, such as screaming, yelling, crying, curling into the fetal position---moving through blocked emotional states until they are freed up. In group therapy (from primal scream to encounter, bioenergetics, and psychodrama) the idea is to emote your pain and agony externally, the louder the better, heaping verbal and physical abuse on a pillow or a person, as the case may be. Though these approaches are sometimes successful, the ancient Taoists detected an inherent problem with such techniques."

"When pressure builds up in a pressure cooker, there are---within the cathartic model---only three options you have to handle the situation: 1) turn the heat off (i.e., deny, repress); 2) let some steam out at intervals; or 3) let all the steam out at once. Turning the heat off leaves the basic emotional situation unchanged. If you only let steam partially out, after a period, the pressure will build to again reach a critical level. All the 'steam' can be let out of a trapped emotion at one blow, but the reality is that this particular event rarely occurs. Far more common for people with emotional blockages is that they let some, but not all, of the emotional pressure out, and then---as mentioned---the pressure rebuilds until they have to 'cathart' again."

"The cathartic release of violent emotions irritates and exhausts the system, and can sometimes foster an addictive need to feel those violent emotions in ever-stranger forms. Cathartic methods may easily turn practitioners into therapy junkies---angry people become angrier still, for instance, or depressed people sink deeper into depression, while deluding themselves into thinking that they are working on self-improvement."



In my search for better health and well-being, I found the book Opening The Energy Gates Of Your Body, Chi Gung for Lifelong Health. Why a book on Chi Gung? A close friend of mine resently told me if he could only do one exercise program, Chi Gung would be it. I am taking a Tai Chi class from another friend. I love the way the Tai Chi makes me feel. Am I any good at it? No. Do I have a great teacher? Yes. He is patient and lets each of us learn the movements at our own pace. Is it helping? Yes, I am a Reiki practicioner. About a month after starting Tai Chi, I would notice at some point during the exercise that the Reiki energy would start to flow from my hands. Now, the energy starts to flow within minutes of starting the Tai Chi movements so I know the energy flow through my body is much better. I also feel more contented, peaceful and centered after a Tai Chi class. My body doesn't hurt like it does after more conventional exercise classes that I have done in the past.

Why did I choose to share the above quotes with you? Because it is the best explanation that I have ever seen for how some therapy sessions have worked for me in the past. I especially liked the "pressure cooker" analogy. It is one that I have used for many year explaining how I used to do emotions. I have also called the process feeling like I was a volcano waiting to explode. I denied and suppressed my emotions because I was afraid and didn't know how to deal with them. I learned from Raymond (dad) that emotions were explosive and often violent. I learned that there was no safe way to acknowledge what you were feeling. I also felt so angry that Rage wasn't even an adequate description. It was so volatile, like a volcano or pressure cooker waiting to explode when the pressure got to be more than I could control. I was deeply afraid of my own anger. I was afraid that I would use it to hurt others if I let it out. The reality was that when the volcano or pressure cooker did explode my husband and kids were the ones that I hurt with my angry words. If you are sarcastic, that is what you are doing to yourself and others---hurting them. They aren't the source of your anger but they are the closest ones to you.

None of the above therapy methods worked for me. They may work for some people. They did not work for me. They only gave me temporary relief.

Meditations, dreams, talking and writing is what has worked for me to get back in touch with my emotions. Looking at the part that I play in my life is what has worked for me. Writing these articles is what has worked for me. Reading about the struggles and wonderful adventures to recovery of others is what has worked for me. Placing responsibility where it belongs is what has worked for me. Loving myself is what has worked for me. Being vulnerable and trusting myself and others is what has worked for me. Taking myself out of abusive relationships and circumstances is what has worked for me. Finding out what is healthy (Notice I did not say normal. Normal isn't always healthy.) is what has worked for me.

I haven't found any simple, instantly miraculous cures. They may exist for you. If so, I am happy for you. My journey has been about hard work. I could have stayed a victim and always held on to my rage and fears. Some people never come out of that. If I had, I would have missed out on so many of the miracles of my life. I usually only see the miracles when I am looking back. They weren't instant. They, like my life, evolved. The person that you meet today is not the person that I was 20 years ago, 50 years ago, or even yesterday and that is the way that I want it to be. Growing, evolving is what life for me is about. Join me. Let me know how your life is evolving? What is different about you today?

If you are visiting for the first time or read my articles but haven't commented on what you're reading, please leave me a comment and let me know what you think. Am I doing a good job of expressing myself? Do I tell too many personal stories? If this is your first time to visit my blog, I welcome you. Let me know what you think. Your comments are valuable to me and my readers. They let me know that you understand what the articles are about. They let me know that you care. I have met some really wonderful people through comments here and on the blogs that I read. One of those communities that I am just beginning to connect with belongs to James and Harry and their blog "Men with Pens." Jame's latest article you will find at http://menwithpens.ca/how-to-welcome-your-blog-community .
Patricia

Health And Wellness Is Your Responsibility

Hi. This is to let you know about the guest author post that I did on the blog "Best Of Mother Earth." You will find the article posted at http://bestwellnessconsultant.com/2008/06/18/guest-post-by-patricia-singleton-testimony-best-of-mother-earth.aspx . Karen is an online friend that I met through visiting her blog over the past six months and leaving comments.


In my search for better health and taking responsibility for my own life, I find Karen's wellness counselor advice to be sound and helpful. I realized a long time ago that doctors don't have all of the answers and they don't know my body as well as I do.


Over the past 15 years, my body has become more allergic to things in the air, in medicines and in foods. Because of that, I have chosen to take a more active part in my own health care. As I said in my guest article, the pharmacist that we have used for 20 years recently told my husband that the list of antibiotics that I am allergic to makes it impossible for me to take any of the antibiotics currently on the market. Of the list of medicines that I am allergic to, the pharmacist said that one of those ingredients is in every single antibiotic that is at our disposal today.


What are my choices? Stay healthy, which is my first choice. Or, find natural forms of treatment that work without the harmful side effects of regular medicines. I would much prefer to stay in peak health. Living in our society of air pollution, water pollution, outbreaks of bad food and drugs, I am not sure that is possible.


Because of my food, air and medical allergies, I decided to learn more about my body, about being healthy, about natural ways to do that. I have learned to use Reiki and EFT to work on my body and my emotional issues to help me be healthier. I have learned what herbs and suppliments will help. I have learned to ask questions and search out information. I have learned not to blindly follow doctor's instructions and to look at the possible side effects of any medicines that they may prescribe.


Some of the medicines on the market today have side effects that can kill you or make your health worse than what you started with. Is it worth it??? Not to me. I think the reason that the drug companies have gotten so out of control is so that people will wake up and decide that we need to be more in control of what goes on in and with our bodies and our health.


Part of my searching for more information took me to Karen's site "Best Of Mother Earth." She gives good information. She is willing to answer questions. She doesn't think she is God like some doctors that I have had the misfortune to run across. Karen is very down to earth. That is one of the qualities that have her friends referring to her as "Mother Earth."


I hope that this article guides each of you to take a more active part in your own health and wellness. Have a glorious day.
Patricia