My friend Slade Roberson wrote an article on his blog Shift Your Spirits called "Stuck on Outcomes." Slade tells us about how his ego took over his life for a short time recently with a list of "shoulda, woulda, coulda" items and how it affected him.
To use some of Slade's own words, "The Naggot (which is the personification of my ego) got a hold of the microphone some time in the wee hours of the day after Christmas and I woke up already listening to some Shoulda Coulda Woulda Telethon, broadcast live on the Ungrateful Channel, right from my own Special Place In Hell."
Don't you just love Slade's wonderful sense of humor. I know it is part of the reason that I continue to be drawn to him and his blog Shift Your Spirits.
When in his article Slade started talking about how he doesn't do New Year's Resolutions, he really caught my attention. I used to make half-hearted attempts at writing resolutions each year just to beat myself up because I could never follow through and stay focused long enough to do them. I always wondered why I couldn't stick with them. Read Slade's article to see why he says he is a Scanner. I am not sure that I understand the concept fully. Maybe Slade can explain the concept here in a comment?
One thing Slade asked his readers to do was a 2008 Gratitude List. Here is my version of that list. I hope you will take the time to write your own.
2008 Gratitude List:
1. I am grateful for my on-line friends such as Slade Roberson, Corinne Edwards, Stephen Hopson, and so many more who have lead the way for me this year with their shared words of wisdom and their sense of humor.
2. I am grateful for my family and friends who I love very much. Our family and friends are often our greatest teachers because they know us so well and therefore they know which buttons to push to bring up whatever issues we may need to work on.
3. I am grateful for the guidance of my Spirit Guides and Guardian Angels and Ascended Masters. In 2009, I choose to become a better listener.
4. I am grateful for the bad stuff that happens in my life. Why? Because they bring the gift of knowledge and growth to my life. Everything has a purpose for happening and being.
5. I am grateful for my sense of humor which can lighten any heavy load. Laughing at myself is sometimes the best medicine that I can give to myself. No one puts me on a higher pedestal than I sometimes put myself.
6. I am grateful for the people that I meet who are wonderful examples of "what I want to be when I grow up." I may grow up but I don't ever want to grow old and set in my ways.
7. I am grateful for all of those people who have taught me about courage and love. Most of these people I have never met in person. Do you ever wonder how many people are affected by your actions and attitudes? I do.
8. I am grateful to God for all of the talents that I have been gifted with in this lifetime. In 2009, I want to find new ways to use those talents to help others.
9. I am grateful for every minute of Life that I have experienced---past, present and future. Without my past, I would not be who I am today. Without the present, I wouldn't know the joy of being. With the future comes new challenges and new lessons and new joys and excitement.
10. I am grateful for the year 2008 with all of its many lessons and challenges because I have grown through it all. Some of 2008, I would not want to repeat so I hope that I learned all of those lessons.
11. I am grateful to those people who bring love and joy into my life. I have been truly blessed by the people who have shared my life whether the time shared was just a few minutes or years.
12. I am grateful to be who I am and look forward to who I am becoming. I have grown to love who I am. I am excited about who I will become.
Well, Slade those are my 12 for 2008. The year is only a few days away from being over. It has been a glorious year and a challenging year for me in so many ways. I know that 2009 is going to be as good or better. Happy New Year to all.
Patricia
Here are links to some of the articles that have enriched my life today:
"Stuck on Outcomes" written by Slade Roberson found at http://sladeroberson.com/manifesting/stuck-on-outcomes.html/
"HOT FLASHES - and other tragedies of life" written by Corinne Edwards found at http://www.personal-growth-with-corinne-edwards.com/hot-flashes-and-other-tragedies-of-life/
"Detox Your Home And Feel Brand New:" written by Carole Fogarty found at http://thehealthylivinglounge.com/2008/12/29/detox-your-home-and-feel-brand-new/
"Stepping into Spiritual Authenticity" by Andrea Hess found at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/blog/2008/12/26/stepping-into-spiritual-authenticity/
"Stephen Hopson Interview with Lance of Jungle of Life, Part I or II" written by Stephen Hopson found at http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com/2008/12/24/stephen-hopson-interview-with-lance-of-jungle-of-life-part-i-of-ii/
Showing posts with label Andrea Hess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Andrea Hess. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Gifts Of Facing Your Fears
A few days ago I read an article called "Cash in on the Hidden Gold Beneath Your Fears" written by Tom Volkar at Delightful Work. You will find the article at this link: http://www.delightfulwork.com/2008/06/24/cash-in-on-the-hidden-gold-beneath-your-fear/ .
Click on the link above and go read Tom's article, then come back here and read mine. I'll be here when you get back. In the mean time, I will go fix myself a cup of coffee.
People keep telling me that I am courageous to write about incest. I am not any more brave than anyone else. I have just reached the grand age of 56 years old where I don't care as much what other people think about me as I once did. I do care. At 56, my opinion of me is the most important. Doing what is right for me has become more important than your opinion of me.
The praise does feel good so if you want to keep it coming, I won't object. I will even admit that I love it when you tell me how good, nice, courageous, outspoken I am. My ego is still in tact and even still in control at times. So thank you for your words of encouragement. They are appreciated.
I need to set the record straight. I am just as fearful as the rest of you, probably even more so than some of you. Yes, writing down my thoughts on this blog for the world to see is scarey business but the rewards have been well worth facing my fears to do this. Facing my fears has been so rewarding. I can so relate to Tom's article and see that when we face our fears, there is gold hidden beneath the fears.
In one of my recent articles, "Quit Playing Small And Insignificant" ( http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/quit-playing-small-and-insignificant.html ), I faced a major fear of mine---the fear that I might be "powerful beyond measure" (Marianne Williamson in "A Return to Love"). I was fearful of letting my light shine to its full strength because you might think I felt superior to you. My ego might even try to convince me that I am superior to you. As it says in my article, I was fearful of accepting that I am responsible for my life and what I do with that life.
What have been the immediate gold that I found hidden beneath those fears?
1. I have found a new level of self-confidence that I didn't have before. I acted as if I were confident but it was only an act. Now, it is real. I am powerful beyond all measure and so are you. Each of us is powerful as magnificient reflections of the God in each of us.
2. My creativity with my writing for this blog has gone through the roof. I have never written as many articles as I have in the past week. I am not posting them all at once so you will continue to see these articles come out over the next few weeks. I wrote 5 articles last week, three of which have already been posted. This article is the second one in two days that I have written this week.
3. Tools such as Tom's article and the information that I posted from Paula Kawal that you will find in my article "Shame, The Abuser's Friend" found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/shame-abusers-friend.html have come my way to be shared on this blog. Helping others has to come second after helping myself to grow since I choose to help others through sharing my own journey. These tools will give me and you more ways to heal ourselves. This is a lesson I learned about 20 years ago. I can't help others heal until I have done the work of healing myself.
4. Michelle Vandepas and CK Reyes at Divine Purpose Unleashed ( http://divinepurposeunleashed.com/ ) have helped me to look more clearly at what my divine purpose is. This blog is the tool for me to accomplish my divine purpose of reaching out to others who wish to move beyond victim and survivor to become who they really are as Divine Beings.
5. Slade Roberson ( http://sladeroberson.com/ ) and Andrea Hess ( http://www.empoweredsoul.com/ ) have both opened the door for me to learn to communicate more with my Spirit Guides. Hey guys, that voice in your head or your ear doesn't necessarily mean you are going crazy. It could be your guides communicating with you.
6. Michelle Vandepas introduced me to the new Debbie Ford book called "The Secret of the Shadow, The Power of Owning Your Whole Story." You will be hearing more from me about this book. It is the missing piece I have been searching for.
7. As I release more fears, more joy and contentment come into my life.
Next time I find myself faced with my fears, I intend to use Tom's four statements to look at my fears and his four questions to find out exactly what I am afraid of and what actions I can take to release the fears. Thank you Tom for sharing this article with the rest of us. I love it when I find tools that do what they are supposed to. With tools, we are better equipped to deal with life. Life can be beautiful. Life is beautiful. Live it to the fullest. Be as powerful as you truly are.
Your life can be glorious when you choose for it to be.
Patricia
Click on the link above and go read Tom's article, then come back here and read mine. I'll be here when you get back. In the mean time, I will go fix myself a cup of coffee.
People keep telling me that I am courageous to write about incest. I am not any more brave than anyone else. I have just reached the grand age of 56 years old where I don't care as much what other people think about me as I once did. I do care. At 56, my opinion of me is the most important. Doing what is right for me has become more important than your opinion of me.
The praise does feel good so if you want to keep it coming, I won't object. I will even admit that I love it when you tell me how good, nice, courageous, outspoken I am. My ego is still in tact and even still in control at times. So thank you for your words of encouragement. They are appreciated.
I need to set the record straight. I am just as fearful as the rest of you, probably even more so than some of you. Yes, writing down my thoughts on this blog for the world to see is scarey business but the rewards have been well worth facing my fears to do this. Facing my fears has been so rewarding. I can so relate to Tom's article and see that when we face our fears, there is gold hidden beneath the fears.
In one of my recent articles, "Quit Playing Small And Insignificant" ( http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/quit-playing-small-and-insignificant.html ), I faced a major fear of mine---the fear that I might be "powerful beyond measure" (Marianne Williamson in "A Return to Love"). I was fearful of letting my light shine to its full strength because you might think I felt superior to you. My ego might even try to convince me that I am superior to you. As it says in my article, I was fearful of accepting that I am responsible for my life and what I do with that life.
What have been the immediate gold that I found hidden beneath those fears?
1. I have found a new level of self-confidence that I didn't have before. I acted as if I were confident but it was only an act. Now, it is real. I am powerful beyond all measure and so are you. Each of us is powerful as magnificient reflections of the God in each of us.
2. My creativity with my writing for this blog has gone through the roof. I have never written as many articles as I have in the past week. I am not posting them all at once so you will continue to see these articles come out over the next few weeks. I wrote 5 articles last week, three of which have already been posted. This article is the second one in two days that I have written this week.
3. Tools such as Tom's article and the information that I posted from Paula Kawal that you will find in my article "Shame, The Abuser's Friend" found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/shame-abusers-friend.html have come my way to be shared on this blog. Helping others has to come second after helping myself to grow since I choose to help others through sharing my own journey. These tools will give me and you more ways to heal ourselves. This is a lesson I learned about 20 years ago. I can't help others heal until I have done the work of healing myself.
4. Michelle Vandepas and CK Reyes at Divine Purpose Unleashed ( http://divinepurposeunleashed.com/ ) have helped me to look more clearly at what my divine purpose is. This blog is the tool for me to accomplish my divine purpose of reaching out to others who wish to move beyond victim and survivor to become who they really are as Divine Beings.
5. Slade Roberson ( http://sladeroberson.com/ ) and Andrea Hess ( http://www.empoweredsoul.com/ ) have both opened the door for me to learn to communicate more with my Spirit Guides. Hey guys, that voice in your head or your ear doesn't necessarily mean you are going crazy. It could be your guides communicating with you.
6. Michelle Vandepas introduced me to the new Debbie Ford book called "The Secret of the Shadow, The Power of Owning Your Whole Story." You will be hearing more from me about this book. It is the missing piece I have been searching for.
7. As I release more fears, more joy and contentment come into my life.
Next time I find myself faced with my fears, I intend to use Tom's four statements to look at my fears and his four questions to find out exactly what I am afraid of and what actions I can take to release the fears. Thank you Tom for sharing this article with the rest of us. I love it when I find tools that do what they are supposed to. With tools, we are better equipped to deal with life. Life can be beautiful. Life is beautiful. Live it to the fullest. Be as powerful as you truly are.
Your life can be glorious when you choose for it to be.
Patricia
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Processing Life's Journey
Have you ever found yourself in a position where, on the outside, it looks like you are sitting completely still, doing nothing? You aren't stuck, in a rut, afraid to move forward. You know what that feels like and this isn't stuck. Nothing appears to be happening on the outside and your guides are giving you one word, "Wait."
What do you do? Struggle with impatience? Think you are just procrastinating? Are you confused? Are you resisting being still? What are you feeling? Too many emotions to separate them and give them a name.
I call it processing. I know from long experience that eventually I will get the "Go Ahead" signal. Why do I hate waiting? Because I am an overachiever who hates standing still. There are too many things I could be doing like making a baby quilt for my neice's new son who was born in February, making a quilt for my grandson who turned 6 back in December, writing more articles for my blog, etc., etc., etc. Do you see what I mean about being an overachiever? The list of things I want to do can go on and on. The things I should do is just as long, but I am learning that doing things out of obligation isn't always that good either. (Andrea Hess's article on obligation found at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/blog/2008/05/01/releasing-the-energy-of-obligation/ )
The important thing for me to know is that I am moving forward. It just doesn't look that way on the outside. All of my current processing is internal rather than external. Look out world when I come out of what appears to be hibernation. Then I will be in hyperdrive until the next processing period. This is my cycle for experiencing my life. Can anybody else relate?
Patricia
What do you do? Struggle with impatience? Think you are just procrastinating? Are you confused? Are you resisting being still? What are you feeling? Too many emotions to separate them and give them a name.
I call it processing. I know from long experience that eventually I will get the "Go Ahead" signal. Why do I hate waiting? Because I am an overachiever who hates standing still. There are too many things I could be doing like making a baby quilt for my neice's new son who was born in February, making a quilt for my grandson who turned 6 back in December, writing more articles for my blog, etc., etc., etc. Do you see what I mean about being an overachiever? The list of things I want to do can go on and on. The things I should do is just as long, but I am learning that doing things out of obligation isn't always that good either. (Andrea Hess's article on obligation found at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/blog/2008/05/01/releasing-the-energy-of-obligation/ )
The important thing for me to know is that I am moving forward. It just doesn't look that way on the outside. All of my current processing is internal rather than external. Look out world when I come out of what appears to be hibernation. Then I will be in hyperdrive until the next processing period. This is my cycle for experiencing my life. Can anybody else relate?
Patricia
Friday, April 11, 2008
Gratitude
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Andrea Hess from Empowered Soul at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/ taught us in her class "7 Keys to Intuitive Development" this week that any time you ask for something from your guides, angels, Higher Self, or God that you should end the request with the words, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." The gratitude opens you up to receive more. I do it because I like the way that my heart feels more expansive when I am in the feeling of being grateful. Being open to more receiving is an added bonus for me. Andrea, thank you for being such a wonderful, wise teacher.
Stephen Hopson at Adversity University at http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com/2008/04/10/end-of-the-week-gratitude-theme-23/
writes a gratitude article each Friday to express his gratitude about people and events that have inspired him each week. This week he is sharing a preview of his soon-to-be published book. Thank you for being an inspiration in my life and for the inspiration to write my own gratitude article today.
Pat Ruppel of Plain Talk and Ordinary Wisdom at http://plain-talk-ordinary-wisdom.blogspot.com/ has fast become one of my favorite bloggers to read. She recently wrote an article about the power of hugging a tree and feeling its silent courage. As the title of her blog says, she gives you "plain talk" and "ordinary wisdom." Your articles enriched my life. Pat thanks for being so down-to-earth with your brand of wisdom.
Another wonderfully wise and loving blogger that I have met is Corinne Edwards of Personal Growth with Corinne Edwards at http://www.personal-growth-with-corinne-edwards.com/ . I personally grow with the reading of each of Corinne's articles. Thank you, Corinne, for sharing yourself through your blog articles.
This wasn't the article that I planned on writing today. That article is still somewhere in the ethers of my mind. This is the article that came out of me when I sat down to write after reading Stephen Hopson's Friday gratitude article. This is the article that came about from the flow of the Universe when I asked for inspiration to write today's article so I chose to go with it instead of the one that I had in mind for today. The other article will come out, or not, when it is supposed to, so I say, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." to the Universe, God, my guides and my angels for giving me the people above who inspired this article. Have a glorious day. I am enjoying the glorious sunshine coming in my office window as I sit here typing. It is warm and bright and glorious after all of the rain that we got here in Arkansas the past two days. Thank God that we didn't get the servere weather that was predicted.
Love to you all,
Patricia
Andrea Hess from Empowered Soul at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/ taught us in her class "7 Keys to Intuitive Development" this week that any time you ask for something from your guides, angels, Higher Self, or God that you should end the request with the words, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." The gratitude opens you up to receive more. I do it because I like the way that my heart feels more expansive when I am in the feeling of being grateful. Being open to more receiving is an added bonus for me. Andrea, thank you for being such a wonderful, wise teacher.
Stephen Hopson at Adversity University at http://www.adversityuniversityblog.com/2008/04/10/end-of-the-week-gratitude-theme-23/
writes a gratitude article each Friday to express his gratitude about people and events that have inspired him each week. This week he is sharing a preview of his soon-to-be published book. Thank you for being an inspiration in my life and for the inspiration to write my own gratitude article today.
Pat Ruppel of Plain Talk and Ordinary Wisdom at http://plain-talk-ordinary-wisdom.blogspot.com/ has fast become one of my favorite bloggers to read. She recently wrote an article about the power of hugging a tree and feeling its silent courage. As the title of her blog says, she gives you "plain talk" and "ordinary wisdom." Your articles enriched my life. Pat thanks for being so down-to-earth with your brand of wisdom.
Another wonderfully wise and loving blogger that I have met is Corinne Edwards of Personal Growth with Corinne Edwards at http://www.personal-growth-with-corinne-edwards.com/ . I personally grow with the reading of each of Corinne's articles. Thank you, Corinne, for sharing yourself through your blog articles.
This wasn't the article that I planned on writing today. That article is still somewhere in the ethers of my mind. This is the article that came out of me when I sat down to write after reading Stephen Hopson's Friday gratitude article. This is the article that came about from the flow of the Universe when I asked for inspiration to write today's article so I chose to go with it instead of the one that I had in mind for today. The other article will come out, or not, when it is supposed to, so I say, "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you." to the Universe, God, my guides and my angels for giving me the people above who inspired this article. Have a glorious day. I am enjoying the glorious sunshine coming in my office window as I sit here typing. It is warm and bright and glorious after all of the rain that we got here in Arkansas the past two days. Thank God that we didn't get the servere weather that was predicted.
Love to you all,
Patricia
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Remembering My First Meditation Experience
Last Wednesday night was the first of six classes on developing your intuition that I am taking over the telephone with Andrea Hess. Andrea is a great teacher as well as being one of my favorite bloggers. Check out her blog and classes at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/ .
For homework this week, we are learning to meditate. You meditate on the light of a white tapered candle as you count your breaths for 15 minutes in the morning as soon as you wake up. For the evening meditation you have your eyes closed and just look at the space between your eyebrows. Both of these are slightly different ways to learn to quiet your mind and your thoughts. That doesn't mean you won't have thoughts. You will. Stilling your mind isn't easy. It takes a lot of practice. With practice, you will occasionally find that there are no thoughts. Most of the time, I find myself with just brief moments of silence followed by hearing my thoughts. When I notice my thoughts, then I go back to counting the breaths or to focusing on the third eye area depending upon which meditation I am doing. The secret is to just let go of the thoughts and refocus your attention.
Meditating is not new to me. I learned to meditate about 10 years ago using very similar techniques to those that Andrea has shared with her class.
I remember my very first session of meditation so clearly. I found myself face to face with a terrified little girl who was screaming that she didn't want to go there again. She was hysterical. She was crying. I was crying. She was me.
I had never realized before that day that when the sexual abuse happened to me as a little girl that I went into my head. I disconnected from my body in the only way that I could by going into my head. I stayed there for many, many years totally disconnected from my body and my emotions.
So before I could learn to quiet my mind to meditate, I had to quieten the cries of the little girl in me. I had to learn to comfort her and let her know that she was safe and the abuse wasn't still happening. Getting that little girl to trust me has probably been some of the hardest work that I have done in recovery.
Patricia
For homework this week, we are learning to meditate. You meditate on the light of a white tapered candle as you count your breaths for 15 minutes in the morning as soon as you wake up. For the evening meditation you have your eyes closed and just look at the space between your eyebrows. Both of these are slightly different ways to learn to quiet your mind and your thoughts. That doesn't mean you won't have thoughts. You will. Stilling your mind isn't easy. It takes a lot of practice. With practice, you will occasionally find that there are no thoughts. Most of the time, I find myself with just brief moments of silence followed by hearing my thoughts. When I notice my thoughts, then I go back to counting the breaths or to focusing on the third eye area depending upon which meditation I am doing. The secret is to just let go of the thoughts and refocus your attention.
Meditating is not new to me. I learned to meditate about 10 years ago using very similar techniques to those that Andrea has shared with her class.
I remember my very first session of meditation so clearly. I found myself face to face with a terrified little girl who was screaming that she didn't want to go there again. She was hysterical. She was crying. I was crying. She was me.
I had never realized before that day that when the sexual abuse happened to me as a little girl that I went into my head. I disconnected from my body in the only way that I could by going into my head. I stayed there for many, many years totally disconnected from my body and my emotions.
So before I could learn to quiet my mind to meditate, I had to quieten the cries of the little girl in me. I had to learn to comfort her and let her know that she was safe and the abuse wasn't still happening. Getting that little girl to trust me has probably been some of the hardest work that I have done in recovery.
Patricia
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
My Stories Are A Point Of Reference
I got an email yesterday from a blogger friend, Deb Estep. I asked if I could share what she wrote to me. She said yes, so here it is.
"Hi Patricia,
This comment that you left at Andrea's blog is SO VERY HUGE to helping ME understand you, and every thing you write about on you blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have read about your being abused, and I will have to say that there have been moments when I have wondered .... IS Patricia stuck back there? PLEASE understand I've not thought that in a judgmental way, but one of concern for you.
I am wondering IF you might consider adding all these words to your ABOUT YOU page. I really think it is critical for a blog reader who might land on your blog, via a web search and then go check out your about page to learn more about you.
IT certainly was VERY critical information in helping me understand you... my friend. :)))))))
Love
Deb"
Here is what Deb wanted me to add to my About Me page:
"My stories are just a point of reference for who I am today. I don't go around identifying myself as all of my experiences. Before I started blogging, I had even stopped calling myself an Incest Survivor because that wasn't who I was any longer. I only do it now as a point of reference to offer what I have learned about myself because of the incest to others who might need the hope and the love that I have learned. We are all so much more than our experiences can define us as."
Thanks, Deb for your concern and for believing in me enough to reach out and tell me what you felt and thought. It says so much about the kind person that you are. I decided to share this in a post as well as put it in my About Me page. Deb has a blog of her own called Deb_Inside that you will find at http://deb_inside.typepad.com/ .
My comment that caused Deb to write her comment to me you will find at the blog of Andrea Hess in the comment section of her article called "What's Your Story" found at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/blog/?p=171 . You will find an informative discussion in the comments at the end of the article that is well worth reading too.
My friend, Slade Roberson wrote his own article from his thoughts from Andrea's article. You will find Slade's article at http://sladeroberson.com/manifesting/spinning-your-story.html . Slade's article is called "Spinning Your Story". Slade, thanks for the encouragement and support that you always give to me.
One of the best benefits of writing this blog has been the wonderful friends and readers that I have met through my writing.
"Hi Patricia,
This comment that you left at Andrea's blog is SO VERY HUGE to helping ME understand you, and every thing you write about on you blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have read about your being abused, and I will have to say that there have been moments when I have wondered .... IS Patricia stuck back there? PLEASE understand I've not thought that in a judgmental way, but one of concern for you.
I am wondering IF you might consider adding all these words to your ABOUT YOU page. I really think it is critical for a blog reader who might land on your blog, via a web search and then go check out your about page to learn more about you.
IT certainly was VERY critical information in helping me understand you... my friend. :)))))))
Love
Deb"
Here is what Deb wanted me to add to my About Me page:
"My stories are just a point of reference for who I am today. I don't go around identifying myself as all of my experiences. Before I started blogging, I had even stopped calling myself an Incest Survivor because that wasn't who I was any longer. I only do it now as a point of reference to offer what I have learned about myself because of the incest to others who might need the hope and the love that I have learned. We are all so much more than our experiences can define us as."
Thanks, Deb for your concern and for believing in me enough to reach out and tell me what you felt and thought. It says so much about the kind person that you are. I decided to share this in a post as well as put it in my About Me page. Deb has a blog of her own called Deb_Inside that you will find at http://deb_inside.typepad.com/ .
My comment that caused Deb to write her comment to me you will find at the blog of Andrea Hess in the comment section of her article called "What's Your Story" found at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/blog/?p=171 . You will find an informative discussion in the comments at the end of the article that is well worth reading too.
My friend, Slade Roberson wrote his own article from his thoughts from Andrea's article. You will find Slade's article at http://sladeroberson.com/manifesting/spinning-your-story.html . Slade's article is called "Spinning Your Story". Slade, thanks for the encouragement and support that you always give to me.
One of the best benefits of writing this blog has been the wonderful friends and readers that I have met through my writing.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Blame Keeps You Stuck---Incest May Be A Part Of My Life Series---Part 7
The Doubleday Dictionary For Home, School, and Office gives the definition of blame as:
1. To accuse of fault;
2. To find fault with; reproach;
3. To hold responsible for something undesirable.
Blame can keep you stuck in the abuse in two ways.
When I was a child and a young adult, I didn't tell anyone about the incest because I thought they would blame me and say the abuse was my fault. I was so afraid of being judged as bad that I kept the secret inside of me for many years after the abuse stopped.
In many ways, I was told that women were sex objects that drew the abuse to them. I didn't know any different. I grew up believing the there was something really, really wrong with me or men wouldn't treat me that way. I never thought I was pretty so that couldn't be what drew the abuse to me. I thought that there was something about me that was just inherently bad. I didn't know that I didn't deserve to be treated that way.
Today, I know better. Today, I have healthy boundaries. Today, I know that incest and child abuse in any form are never the fault of the child. Today, I know that the shame lies with the abuser, not the abused. Today, I have self-love and self-respect so that is how others treat me.
Another way to let blame keep you stuck in the abuse is when you make blaming your life story. You can get so caught up in what happened to you that you live in the past or you recreate it in your present by the choices that you make. If you are actively playing the victim role, you invite people into your life who will abuse you. What you expect from life, Life gives you. People will treat you the exact way that you expect them to.
Yes, I was sexually abused as a child. Yes, my abuser was at fault. Yes, I can make better choices in my life today. Yes, I can choose to walk away from people who want to abuse me today. Yes, I can build a better life for myself than I had as a child. Yes, I can allow hope, love and joy into my life. Yes, I can refuse to be a victim any longer. Yes, I can forgive myself and, if I choose, I can also forgive my abusers.
Are any of these stories who I am today? No, I am not my story. I can use my story to help others if I choose to. I am. We all are so much more than our stories can ever tell. Don't let blaming keep you stuck in the abuse any longer.
I have been reading and commenting at some great blogs this week. I am going to share those with you today. I hope that you check them out and meet the wonderful people behind these blogs:
Andrea Hess writes an article called "What's Your Story" found at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/blog/?p=171
Slade Roberson wrote an article called "The Stories That No Longer Serve You" found at http://sladeroberson.com/language/the-stories-that-no-longer-serve-you.html
Matthew Spears at Loving Awareness wrote an article called "The Essence of Compassion Part 2" found at http://www.lovingawareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/
SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED has an article called "Blame: One Painful Way of Defeating Yourself" found at http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/05/blame-one-painful-way-of-defeating.html . This is the January 2008 edition.
There are two Blog Carnivals that I also want to share with you:
1. To accuse of fault;
2. To find fault with; reproach;
3. To hold responsible for something undesirable.
Blame can keep you stuck in the abuse in two ways.
When I was a child and a young adult, I didn't tell anyone about the incest because I thought they would blame me and say the abuse was my fault. I was so afraid of being judged as bad that I kept the secret inside of me for many years after the abuse stopped.
In many ways, I was told that women were sex objects that drew the abuse to them. I didn't know any different. I grew up believing the there was something really, really wrong with me or men wouldn't treat me that way. I never thought I was pretty so that couldn't be what drew the abuse to me. I thought that there was something about me that was just inherently bad. I didn't know that I didn't deserve to be treated that way.
Today, I know better. Today, I have healthy boundaries. Today, I know that incest and child abuse in any form are never the fault of the child. Today, I know that the shame lies with the abuser, not the abused. Today, I have self-love and self-respect so that is how others treat me.
Another way to let blame keep you stuck in the abuse is when you make blaming your life story. You can get so caught up in what happened to you that you live in the past or you recreate it in your present by the choices that you make. If you are actively playing the victim role, you invite people into your life who will abuse you. What you expect from life, Life gives you. People will treat you the exact way that you expect them to.
Yes, I was sexually abused as a child. Yes, my abuser was at fault. Yes, I can make better choices in my life today. Yes, I can choose to walk away from people who want to abuse me today. Yes, I can build a better life for myself than I had as a child. Yes, I can allow hope, love and joy into my life. Yes, I can refuse to be a victim any longer. Yes, I can forgive myself and, if I choose, I can also forgive my abusers.
Are any of these stories who I am today? No, I am not my story. I can use my story to help others if I choose to. I am. We all are so much more than our stories can ever tell. Don't let blaming keep you stuck in the abuse any longer.
I have been reading and commenting at some great blogs this week. I am going to share those with you today. I hope that you check them out and meet the wonderful people behind these blogs:
Andrea Hess writes an article called "What's Your Story" found at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/blog/?p=171
Slade Roberson wrote an article called "The Stories That No Longer Serve You" found at http://sladeroberson.com/language/the-stories-that-no-longer-serve-you.html
Matthew Spears at Loving Awareness wrote an article called "The Essence of Compassion Part 2" found at http://www.lovingawareness.org/2008/01/02/the-essence-of-compassion-part-2/
SANCTUARY FOR THE ABUSED has an article called "Blame: One Painful Way of Defeating Yourself" found at http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/05/blame-one-painful-way-of-defeating.html . This is the January 2008 edition.
There are two Blog Carnivals that I also want to share with you:
Carnival Against Child Abuse---You will find the current carnival at http://aswaterspassingby.org/blessedfearscapes/?p=64 . This is the January 2008 edition.
Carnival Against Sexual Violence 39---You will find the January 15, 2008 edition of this carnival at http://abyss2hope.blogspot.com/2008/01/carvival-against-sexual-violence-39.html
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Surrender---Using A God Box
I recently read an article called How To Eliminate Worry written by Andrea Hess and found at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/blog/?p=169 .
I left a comment:
"Many years ago, a friend told me about her God Box. You make or use any box of your choice. You can decorate it all pretty or leave it plain. Mine was actually a metal can that I had and liked. What do you do with the box? When you have something that worries you, write it on a piece of paper. Fold the paper and put it in your God Box. Then you let go and ask God to handle it. At the end of the year, you get your God Box and read all of the pieces of paper that are in the Box. You will be surprised at how many are no longer problems simply because you let go of them and let God handle the problem."
Andrea's comment back to me:
"Patricia - I love that image of a 'God Box.' What I always am concerned about, though, is that fine line between appropriate surrender, and abdicating our responsibility as Creator of our experience. Any thoughts?"
My comment, in answer to Andrea's question:
"Andrea, I do believe in taking the appropriate action on my part before putting my problem in the God Box. I believe in taking responsibility for being a Co-Creator (with God) of my reality. Putting something in my God Box is so that I give God the space to do his part rather than worrying it to death and creating the opposite of what I want. The God Box gets ego out of the way. It stops any obessive behaviors from getting out of hand. Worry just makes the situation worse. Once it goes in the God Box, I am able to stop the worry. First, I do my part, then I turn it over to God for the results."
That is the end of my comments with Andrea. I did tell her that I would be doing this article. I have intended to do it for some time. This is one gift that I would like to share with my readers that was given to me by my friend Kathy White. Some of you have read about Kathy and may remember her name from one of my early articles called The Most Influencial Person---#3---Recovery. To read more about Kathy go to http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/07/most-influencial-person-3-recovery.html
This article is dedicated to her memory. The idea of doing a God Box is probably the best gift that Kathy ever gave me. It helped teach me the idea of surrender.
For an incest survivor, the idea of surrender is a difficult one to even think about, much less do. Surrender takes a lot of trust which incest survivors are usually short on. Surrender doesn't mean playing victim and doing nothing. It means doing whatever you can, in your power, to solve a problem and then surrendering or turning over the results to God. That is where the God Box comes in.
The process that I take in using my God Box is to do the necessary action to solve whatever my problem is, then write it down on a small piece of paper. Fold the paper and put it in my God Box. Say a prayer asking God to handle the results. Put the God Box away and forget about it until the next problem comes up. Then the process starts all over again. At the end of the year, you take out your God Box, open it and read all of the small pieces of paper that you put into it during the year. You will have forgotten some of the problems totally. Others you will remember, how once you got ego out of the way, the problems seem to just disappear. Others may still be something that is a problem. Put it back into the Box. Don't take it out of God's hands.
I haven't actually used my God Box in a long time. I surrender things a lot easier than I used to. Today I simply say a prayer and turn it over to God. The God Box was just a tool that I used to teach me to surrender and to trust God and myself.
My first year of using a God Box, I wasn't very good at surrender. I only put 4 things in it. The second year, I was a little better and had over 40 items in my God Box at the end of the year. The third year, I either did pretty good or had more problems or both. I had over 100 items that I released to God that year.
The God Box is a great tool for learning about surrender. It also taught me that I didn't have to carry everything on my shoulders. I am not in control of the world. I am not even in control of my little bit of the world. Guess what? The world didn't fall apart because I was able to surrender control. Control could be a whole other article. Not today.
Kathy, thanks for teaching me about surrendering and God Boxes.
I left a comment:
"Many years ago, a friend told me about her God Box. You make or use any box of your choice. You can decorate it all pretty or leave it plain. Mine was actually a metal can that I had and liked. What do you do with the box? When you have something that worries you, write it on a piece of paper. Fold the paper and put it in your God Box. Then you let go and ask God to handle it. At the end of the year, you get your God Box and read all of the pieces of paper that are in the Box. You will be surprised at how many are no longer problems simply because you let go of them and let God handle the problem."
Andrea's comment back to me:
"Patricia - I love that image of a 'God Box.' What I always am concerned about, though, is that fine line between appropriate surrender, and abdicating our responsibility as Creator of our experience. Any thoughts?"
My comment, in answer to Andrea's question:
"Andrea, I do believe in taking the appropriate action on my part before putting my problem in the God Box. I believe in taking responsibility for being a Co-Creator (with God) of my reality. Putting something in my God Box is so that I give God the space to do his part rather than worrying it to death and creating the opposite of what I want. The God Box gets ego out of the way. It stops any obessive behaviors from getting out of hand. Worry just makes the situation worse. Once it goes in the God Box, I am able to stop the worry. First, I do my part, then I turn it over to God for the results."
That is the end of my comments with Andrea. I did tell her that I would be doing this article. I have intended to do it for some time. This is one gift that I would like to share with my readers that was given to me by my friend Kathy White. Some of you have read about Kathy and may remember her name from one of my early articles called The Most Influencial Person---#3---Recovery. To read more about Kathy go to http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/07/most-influencial-person-3-recovery.html
This article is dedicated to her memory. The idea of doing a God Box is probably the best gift that Kathy ever gave me. It helped teach me the idea of surrender.
For an incest survivor, the idea of surrender is a difficult one to even think about, much less do. Surrender takes a lot of trust which incest survivors are usually short on. Surrender doesn't mean playing victim and doing nothing. It means doing whatever you can, in your power, to solve a problem and then surrendering or turning over the results to God. That is where the God Box comes in.
The process that I take in using my God Box is to do the necessary action to solve whatever my problem is, then write it down on a small piece of paper. Fold the paper and put it in my God Box. Say a prayer asking God to handle the results. Put the God Box away and forget about it until the next problem comes up. Then the process starts all over again. At the end of the year, you take out your God Box, open it and read all of the small pieces of paper that you put into it during the year. You will have forgotten some of the problems totally. Others you will remember, how once you got ego out of the way, the problems seem to just disappear. Others may still be something that is a problem. Put it back into the Box. Don't take it out of God's hands.
I haven't actually used my God Box in a long time. I surrender things a lot easier than I used to. Today I simply say a prayer and turn it over to God. The God Box was just a tool that I used to teach me to surrender and to trust God and myself.
My first year of using a God Box, I wasn't very good at surrender. I only put 4 things in it. The second year, I was a little better and had over 40 items in my God Box at the end of the year. The third year, I either did pretty good or had more problems or both. I had over 100 items that I released to God that year.
The God Box is a great tool for learning about surrender. It also taught me that I didn't have to carry everything on my shoulders. I am not in control of the world. I am not even in control of my little bit of the world. Guess what? The world didn't fall apart because I was able to surrender control. Control could be a whole other article. Not today.
Kathy, thanks for teaching me about surrendering and God Boxes.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Journey Within Coaching Session With Paula Kawal
First of all, I want you to be aware of a teleclass that Andrea Hess is doing on Saturday, December 29 at 9:00 a.m. PST/Noon EST called Setting Your Intentions For 2008. Andrea says you will "Learn how to make New Year's Resolutions that actually stick!" I am looking forward to hearing what she has to say. You need to visit her site at http://clicks.aweber.com/y/ct/?1=GTHya&m=1a06Jq4HPAarnP&b=yb3JTogckkgbrS_pq3zMyA
to register for the teleclass.
Yesterday at 1:00 p.m. CST, I was blessed with a free session with Paula Kawal which I won by leaving a comment on her article Celebrate the Wellspring and Win a Free Coaching Session found on her website http://www.paulakawal.com . If you aren't aware or haven't visited in awhile, visit Paula at her site. You will be glad that you did. The writing and the coaching sessions that she does are fantastic.
The session that I was gifted with is called a Focus Session. The session required that I have total concentration on our phone call for 1 1/2 - 2 hours on the date that we set for me to call Paula. After I set up the time for the session with Paula, I became terrified. I struggled with the terror for days with the thought of changing the date until after the holidays. The rational side of me knew that I needed the session right now so I didn't change the date. When Paula answered her phone and asked how I was, in my usual honest manner, I said, "I am terrified." We both laughed. I told her that I had been overeating all week partly because of the terror of doing this session.
Early last week, Paula sent me a Welcome package through an email that had pages of information for me to read and fill out and fax back to her before the session. She emailed me on Saturday because I hadn't sent it to her yet. I emailed back and told her that part of me was resisting filling out the forms. I made myself sit down that night and finish the pages. I didn't completely fill out the answers. I did the best that I could and decided to leave it at that. My husband went and faxed the pages to Paula on Sunday afternoon for me.
All day on Tuesday, before time for the session, I looked at what I was thinking and feeling. Finally an hour before the session, I got an answer about my fears. Albert, part of this is thanks to an email that you sent me last week too. I realized that the anger and sadness have been a part of me for such a long time that I was afraid of who I might be without them. I didn't know who I would be without those parts of me. I shared this with Paula before we started the session.
In the session, with Paula's guidance, I was able to embrace the sadness and the rage that are inside of me. As Andrea pointed out in a comment to my Feelings article found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/12/feelings.html , I am not the rage and sadness. They are not who I am. Sometimes, I think, most of us lose sight of that and do believe that our feelings are us. They are not who we really are. They are tools that help us to be aware, but that is all they are.
At one pivotal point in the session, I found myself embracing the part of me that holds my rage in my arms. I held her with love and compassion and she started to cry and talk to me. Before I held her, she was yelling at me with all of her pentup rage. I could see her, in my mind's eye, but I couldn't hear the words that she was screaming. I told Paula that I had done a painting years ago where she was surrounded by clouds of red and black which represented her rage and despair. In the painting she had no mouth because no one could hear her screams of pain and rage.
As I held Rage in my arms, she started to cry and she told me that she just wanted to be acknowledged. She wanted to be heard. A different voice said to bring her into the Light. She has been in the darkness for so long. I envisioned her and I both standing in the most brilliant, loving light that you can imagine. She started to smile. Then the voice said to bring in Sadness also. I did. The three of us were there standing in the Light, smiling and holding each other. This was the biggest instance of healing for me in the entire session. We all three felt such love and joy. Love, joy and peace were the three things that Rage and Sadness both said that they wanted. Now we all have it.
Rage and Sadness are no longer Shadow parts of me living in the darkness. They are in the Light of my love and compassion. Thank you so very much for the gift of the session Paula. If I need any more help, I will definitely be contacting you. Paula, last night, I started straightening up in the living room to have room to put up Christmas decorations. I haven't decided yet if I want to put up the tree at this late date but I am going to put out some Christmas decorations which, up to this point, I couldn't make myself exert the effort to feel any passion for doing so.
Paula works with NLP in her sessions. For more information on Paula's work go to http://www.journeyinwardcoaching.com/index-5.html .
For prices for working with Paula with her Journey Inward Coaching go to http://www.journeyinwardcoaching.com/index-2.html .
I strongly recommend Paula and her work. The session has made a difference in how I feel. Thank you, Paula.
to register for the teleclass.
Yesterday at 1:00 p.m. CST, I was blessed with a free session with Paula Kawal which I won by leaving a comment on her article Celebrate the Wellspring and Win a Free Coaching Session found on her website http://www.paulakawal.com . If you aren't aware or haven't visited in awhile, visit Paula at her site. You will be glad that you did. The writing and the coaching sessions that she does are fantastic.
The session that I was gifted with is called a Focus Session. The session required that I have total concentration on our phone call for 1 1/2 - 2 hours on the date that we set for me to call Paula. After I set up the time for the session with Paula, I became terrified. I struggled with the terror for days with the thought of changing the date until after the holidays. The rational side of me knew that I needed the session right now so I didn't change the date. When Paula answered her phone and asked how I was, in my usual honest manner, I said, "I am terrified." We both laughed. I told her that I had been overeating all week partly because of the terror of doing this session.
Early last week, Paula sent me a Welcome package through an email that had pages of information for me to read and fill out and fax back to her before the session. She emailed me on Saturday because I hadn't sent it to her yet. I emailed back and told her that part of me was resisting filling out the forms. I made myself sit down that night and finish the pages. I didn't completely fill out the answers. I did the best that I could and decided to leave it at that. My husband went and faxed the pages to Paula on Sunday afternoon for me.
All day on Tuesday, before time for the session, I looked at what I was thinking and feeling. Finally an hour before the session, I got an answer about my fears. Albert, part of this is thanks to an email that you sent me last week too. I realized that the anger and sadness have been a part of me for such a long time that I was afraid of who I might be without them. I didn't know who I would be without those parts of me. I shared this with Paula before we started the session.
In the session, with Paula's guidance, I was able to embrace the sadness and the rage that are inside of me. As Andrea pointed out in a comment to my Feelings article found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/12/feelings.html , I am not the rage and sadness. They are not who I am. Sometimes, I think, most of us lose sight of that and do believe that our feelings are us. They are not who we really are. They are tools that help us to be aware, but that is all they are.
At one pivotal point in the session, I found myself embracing the part of me that holds my rage in my arms. I held her with love and compassion and she started to cry and talk to me. Before I held her, she was yelling at me with all of her pentup rage. I could see her, in my mind's eye, but I couldn't hear the words that she was screaming. I told Paula that I had done a painting years ago where she was surrounded by clouds of red and black which represented her rage and despair. In the painting she had no mouth because no one could hear her screams of pain and rage.
As I held Rage in my arms, she started to cry and she told me that she just wanted to be acknowledged. She wanted to be heard. A different voice said to bring her into the Light. She has been in the darkness for so long. I envisioned her and I both standing in the most brilliant, loving light that you can imagine. She started to smile. Then the voice said to bring in Sadness also. I did. The three of us were there standing in the Light, smiling and holding each other. This was the biggest instance of healing for me in the entire session. We all three felt such love and joy. Love, joy and peace were the three things that Rage and Sadness both said that they wanted. Now we all have it.
Rage and Sadness are no longer Shadow parts of me living in the darkness. They are in the Light of my love and compassion. Thank you so very much for the gift of the session Paula. If I need any more help, I will definitely be contacting you. Paula, last night, I started straightening up in the living room to have room to put up Christmas decorations. I haven't decided yet if I want to put up the tree at this late date but I am going to put out some Christmas decorations which, up to this point, I couldn't make myself exert the effort to feel any passion for doing so.
Paula works with NLP in her sessions. For more information on Paula's work go to http://www.journeyinwardcoaching.com/index-5.html .
For prices for working with Paula with her Journey Inward Coaching go to http://www.journeyinwardcoaching.com/index-2.html .
I strongly recommend Paula and her work. The session has made a difference in how I feel. Thank you, Paula.
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