Last Wednesday night was the first of six classes on developing your intuition that I am taking over the telephone with Andrea Hess. Andrea is a great teacher as well as being one of my favorite bloggers. Check out her blog and classes at http://www.empoweredsoul.com/ .
For homework this week, we are learning to meditate. You meditate on the light of a white tapered candle as you count your breaths for 15 minutes in the morning as soon as you wake up. For the evening meditation you have your eyes closed and just look at the space between your eyebrows. Both of these are slightly different ways to learn to quiet your mind and your thoughts. That doesn't mean you won't have thoughts. You will. Stilling your mind isn't easy. It takes a lot of practice. With practice, you will occasionally find that there are no thoughts. Most of the time, I find myself with just brief moments of silence followed by hearing my thoughts. When I notice my thoughts, then I go back to counting the breaths or to focusing on the third eye area depending upon which meditation I am doing. The secret is to just let go of the thoughts and refocus your attention.
Meditating is not new to me. I learned to meditate about 10 years ago using very similar techniques to those that Andrea has shared with her class.
I remember my very first session of meditation so clearly. I found myself face to face with a terrified little girl who was screaming that she didn't want to go there again. She was hysterical. She was crying. I was crying. She was me.
I had never realized before that day that when the sexual abuse happened to me as a little girl that I went into my head. I disconnected from my body in the only way that I could by going into my head. I stayed there for many, many years totally disconnected from my body and my emotions.
So before I could learn to quiet my mind to meditate, I had to quieten the cries of the little girl in me. I had to learn to comfort her and let her know that she was safe and the abuse wasn't still happening. Getting that little girl to trust me has probably been some of the hardest work that I have done in recovery.