Monday, July 21, 2008

10 Things That Make Me Happy

Irene Seah from "Light Beckons" tagged me for this meme. You will find Irene's list of "10 Things . . ." at . Anyone that wants to participate by making and posting your own list, feel free to.

Here is my list of "10 Things That Make Me Happy":

1. Spending time with my family. My sister has been visiting more often lately and I have been thoroughly enjoying our time together. We have become friends as well as sisters. My mother-in-law is coming to visit for my husband's birthday in two weeks. I am blessed with a mother-in-law with common interests and that I really like, as well as love, her. Family can be our greatest teachers in life.

2. Being around trees makes me happy. This was on Irene's list too. I just love trees, their greeness, their groundedness, the majesty of reaching up to the sky, their age. Just think of all of the history that trees see in their lifetimes. Trees offer us shelter from the rain and shade from the sun. They give us variety in what we see.

3. Again, like Irene, I love music. There are songs that make me soar and songs that make me sad. There are voices lifted in song that leave me awe struck with tears of joy in my eyes. I am one of those people that when I hear a song, I just have to sing along if I know the words or I will hum along if I don't know the words. Music moves me, literally. One of my first experiences in an Indian ashram was when I got poked from an Indian woman sitting behind me because I was swaying to the beat of the music. She wanted me to sit still. I would miss music more than anything else if I ever lost my hearing.

4. Friends bring me joy. Talking with them. Visiting with them. Just being with them. I am a "people" person.

5. Writing is important to me. It gives me the joy of expressing myself in written form where I can see my thoughts in writing as well as hear them in my head. I love the comments that people leave on my blog. I love the written form of emails and hand-written letters coming through regular mail. Being able to edit my thoughts on paper and watching the power of the statement change by deleting or adding one or more words is a wonderful experience to me. The written word can exert such power. Look at all of the books that we read. Some are several hundred years old or older and are still exerting power over our lives. Incredible!!!

6. The growth from my spiritual journey brings me joy. Looking back to where I come from and seeing the growth and maturity of where I am today is great. Knowing who I am today brings me joy.

7. Books make me happy. I am an avid reader. I usually have at least 2-4 books scattered around the house that I read and absorb a little at a time. I love knowledge. I love the wisdom that I get from books that share the experiences of other people. I love a good book of fiction that lets me escape from my own problems for short periods of time. I love non-fiction books which teach me something that I want to know. I love books that take me on journeys that I might not be able to go on without the pages of my books.

8. I love my church. I love the building and I love the people. It is a small church in the Bible Belt of the South. My church has a "bad" reputation with a lot of people in Hot Springs, Arkansas because we dare to be different. My church houses people who believe in Buddhism, Hinduism, Christianity, Wicca, Edgar Cayse, a Course in Miracles, and God in all forms. We are surrounded by Baptist churches and Churches of Christ and Catholic churches to name a few. We choose to be different. I guess you could call us a church of rebels. My church makes me happy.

9. Babies in any form, human and animal, make me happy. The only time that I feel that my heart is totally open and loving is when I am around a baby. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could be that open all the time.

10. Smiling makes me happy. How much do you smile? Smiling is the simplest thing that you can do that will shift your thoughts and feelings. Smile today at everyone that you meet. Start the day by smiling at yourself in the mirror as you brush your teeth or brush your hair.

Friday, July 18, 2008

Seeking, Truth, Spiritual, Warrior---Words For Who I Am

One of the many books that I am currently reading is "Eat, Pray, Love, One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia" written by Elizabeth Gilbert. On pages 102-105, Elizabeth tells her readers about a discussion that she has with an Italian friend of hers. Elizabeth has come to the realization that Rome isn't where she really belongs even though she loves the country of Italy. Her friend Giulio says the reason she doesn't belong is because her word is not the same as the word of Rome.

His theory is that each city has one word that describes it. Giulo says (paraphrased by Elizabeth) that ". . . every city has a single word that defines it, that identifies most people who live there. If you could read people's thoughts as they were passing you on the streets of any given place, you would discover that most of them are thinking the same thought. Whatever that majority thought might be---that is the word of the city. And if your personal word does not match the word of the city, then you don't really belong there." According to Giulo the word for Rome is SEX. The word for the Vatican is POWER. According to Elizabeth, the word for New York City is probably ACHIEVE and for Los Angeles the word would be SUCCEED.

Giulo then proceeded to ask Elizabeth, "What was the word in your family when you were growing up?" Then he asked Elizabeth was her word was?

The word in my family when I was growing up would have to be RAGE. Rage overpowered every word, every act, every thought in my family when I was growing up. What was the word for your family? Are you still living that word or has it changed? Has that word become the pattern that you have recreated in relationship after relationship in your adulthood? Many of us do this until something causes us to wake up and see what we are creating.

What would be my word today? SEEKING could be my word. TRUTH could be another. It is really difficult to stick with just one. SPIRITUAL would be good. Some days, WARRIOR is true.

When I first left home, APPROVAL was probably my word. I wanted the approval of others at any cost. If I had your approval, I must be ok. I must have value. I must be good enough if you liked me. Today, it is ok if you approve of me but my own approval is much more valuable to me. If you don't approve of me today, that is ok too. I know that I can't please everyone. For the most part, as long as I am true to who I am, I really don't care much what you think. My true value comes from me, not you.

What is your word?

Friday, July 11, 2008

Healing And Letting Go Of Repressed Emotions

From Opening The Energy Gates Of Your Body, Chi Gung for Lifelong Health, written by Bruce Frantzis, 1993,2006, page 43-44:

"The Taoist view of the transformation of emotional energy differs radically from the cathartic practices of either Eastern kundalini or Western group therapy. In the Shaktipat kundalini practice, catharsis is sometimes called kriya, or action. Here, the idea, in the early developmental stages, is to discharge emotional energy by various actions, such as screaming, yelling, crying, curling into the fetal position---moving through blocked emotional states until they are freed up. In group therapy (from primal scream to encounter, bioenergetics, and psychodrama) the idea is to emote your pain and agony externally, the louder the better, heaping verbal and physical abuse on a pillow or a person, as the case may be. Though these approaches are sometimes successful, the ancient Taoists detected an inherent problem with such techniques."

"When pressure builds up in a pressure cooker, there are---within the cathartic model---only three options you have to handle the situation: 1) turn the heat off (i.e., deny, repress); 2) let some steam out at intervals; or 3) let all the steam out at once. Turning the heat off leaves the basic emotional situation unchanged. If you only let steam partially out, after a period, the pressure will build to again reach a critical level. All the 'steam' can be let out of a trapped emotion at one blow, but the reality is that this particular event rarely occurs. Far more common for people with emotional blockages is that they let some, but not all, of the emotional pressure out, and then---as mentioned---the pressure rebuilds until they have to 'cathart' again."

"The cathartic release of violent emotions irritates and exhausts the system, and can sometimes foster an addictive need to feel those violent emotions in ever-stranger forms. Cathartic methods may easily turn practitioners into therapy junkies---angry people become angrier still, for instance, or depressed people sink deeper into depression, while deluding themselves into thinking that they are working on self-improvement."

In my search for better health and well-being, I found the book Opening The Energy Gates Of Your Body, Chi Gung for Lifelong Health. Why a book on Chi Gung? A close friend of mine resently told me if he could only do one exercise program, Chi Gung would be it. I am taking a Tai Chi class from another friend. I love the way the Tai Chi makes me feel. Am I any good at it? No. Do I have a great teacher? Yes. He is patient and lets each of us learn the movements at our own pace. Is it helping? Yes, I am a Reiki practicioner. About a month after starting Tai Chi, I would notice at some point during the exercise that the Reiki energy would start to flow from my hands. Now, the energy starts to flow within minutes of starting the Tai Chi movements so I know the energy flow through my body is much better. I also feel more contented, peaceful and centered after a Tai Chi class. My body doesn't hurt like it does after more conventional exercise classes that I have done in the past.

Why did I choose to share the above quotes with you? Because it is the best explanation that I have ever seen for how some therapy sessions have worked for me in the past. I especially liked the "pressure cooker" analogy. It is one that I have used for many year explaining how I used to do emotions. I have also called the process feeling like I was a volcano waiting to explode. I denied and suppressed my emotions because I was afraid and didn't know how to deal with them. I learned from Raymond (dad) that emotions were explosive and often violent. I learned that there was no safe way to acknowledge what you were feeling. I also felt so angry that Rage wasn't even an adequate description. It was so volatile, like a volcano or pressure cooker waiting to explode when the pressure got to be more than I could control. I was deeply afraid of my own anger. I was afraid that I would use it to hurt others if I let it out. The reality was that when the volcano or pressure cooker did explode my husband and kids were the ones that I hurt with my angry words. If you are sarcastic, that is what you are doing to yourself and others---hurting them. They aren't the source of your anger but they are the closest ones to you.

None of the above therapy methods worked for me. They may work for some people. They did not work for me. They only gave me temporary relief.

Meditations, dreams, talking and writing is what has worked for me to get back in touch with my emotions. Looking at the part that I play in my life is what has worked for me. Writing these articles is what has worked for me. Reading about the struggles and wonderful adventures to recovery of others is what has worked for me. Placing responsibility where it belongs is what has worked for me. Loving myself is what has worked for me. Being vulnerable and trusting myself and others is what has worked for me. Taking myself out of abusive relationships and circumstances is what has worked for me. Finding out what is healthy (Notice I did not say normal. Normal isn't always healthy.) is what has worked for me.

I haven't found any simple, instantly miraculous cures. They may exist for you. If so, I am happy for you. My journey has been about hard work. I could have stayed a victim and always held on to my rage and fears. Some people never come out of that. If I had, I would have missed out on so many of the miracles of my life. I usually only see the miracles when I am looking back. They weren't instant. They, like my life, evolved. The person that you meet today is not the person that I was 20 years ago, 50 years ago, or even yesterday and that is the way that I want it to be. Growing, evolving is what life for me is about. Join me. Let me know how your life is evolving? What is different about you today?

If you are visiting for the first time or read my articles but haven't commented on what you're reading, please leave me a comment and let me know what you think. Am I doing a good job of expressing myself? Do I tell too many personal stories? If this is your first time to visit my blog, I welcome you. Let me know what you think. Your comments are valuable to me and my readers. They let me know that you understand what the articles are about. They let me know that you care. I have met some really wonderful people through comments here and on the blogs that I read. One of those communities that I am just beginning to connect with belongs to James and Harry and their blog "Men with Pens." Jame's latest article you will find at .

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Independence, Not Just For A Day

On July 4, in the United States, we celebrated our Independence Day from England way back in 1776. To Americans that seems like a long time---232 years of freedom. Out in the rest of the nations of the world, we are still babies. You go to other parts of the world and see buildings, monuments and temples older than our country is.

I consider myself to be a patriotic American. I love my country and I cherish my freedoms as an American. Still, I am beginning to question some of the decisions that are being made by the leaders of my country. After traveling to other parts of the world, I can understand how some countries think we are arrogant Americans. We tend to take our freedoms for granted. Not everyone in the world has those freedoms that we do. Not every country in the world grants those freedoms to their people.

This isn't meant to be a political statement and I am not asking for support or criticisms for my thoughts about July 4. For that is all they are---some thoughts that went through my head as I sat down to write this article. This isn't even what I planned to write about. All I really want to make you aware of, as Americans, is that we truly are blessed to be Americans and to have the freedom to disagree or agree with our leaders. Not all people have that right as we do. I feel that we truly are blessed to be born American at this time in the history of the world. Don't take your freedoms for granted. Not everyone has them.

Freedom does come with responsibilities. One of the freedoms that I have and take advantage of with my blog is the Freedom of Speech. That Freedom of Speech gives me the right to speak and write about any topic that I choose on my blog. I didn't always feel that I had this right.

In my family, freedom of speech was only granted to one person---my dad. From now on, or at least when I remember to, I am going to call him by his name, Raymond. Paula Kawal says that lessens the power that he has over my ability to recover from the abuse of my childhood. ( ). So you see even some people in the United States don't always have the power of speech, or they don't know that they do. It is not a freedom to be taken for granted. I didn't know until I was 19 and left home that I could speak my mind and that it was ok to have an opinion different than Raymond's. It was many years later at the age of 38 before I really found the Freedom of Speech to take about the incest. When I started to talk about it, then is when I experienced real freedom for the first time. Even then, I was afraid that God or Raymond or someone was going to come and strike me down dead or call me a whore or something just as bad that my mind would conjure up. None of those things happened. I felt my first taste of freedom and it grew from that moment.

With my blog, I have taken it a step further in writing about the incest. As a lady from another country made me aware of recently, I now have a voice that the whole world can hear when I speak about incest. Notice that I am not calling it "my incest." (I may forget and slip there occasionally. This particular awareness is new to me.) It is no longer "my incest." I am in the process of stepping away from the "my" part. I am not in denial. I am not suppressing anything. I am giving myself the freedom to be me without the pain and struggle of my story. My story is not who I am. ( )

I just finished reading the Debbie Ford book "The Secret of the Shadow, The Power of Owning Your Whole Story". It is a powerful book that has given me many new awarenesses to work with. You will continue to hear me mention this book in more articles to come as I share the wisdom of Debbie's words and the differences it is making in my thinking.

Can you see that this 4th of July Independence Day has a special significance for me? Personal freedom is a new idea for me because I am connecting with it on new, deeper levels as I work on releasing the past. Living in the past, you don't have freedom. Freedom comes from living in the moment. You aren't there when you are feeling the pain of the past. Having the ability to reach out to others around the world through the internet expands the Freedom of Speech for me. I can use my words to reach out and help others heal from the pain of their stories of incest or other forms of abuse. We all have the freedom to not stay stuck in that pain. Reaching out to others gives us the beginnings of that freedom.

Another freedom that I decided to use the past two weeks was the freedom to say no. I said no to two job opportunities because neither was right for me. One I would have been bored silly within a month of accepting the job and would have come to resent my boss and myself for putting me into that situation. Instead I said, "No thank you. This job isn't for me." The second was much more than a job opportunity, it was a position of leadership as a healer in the healing community. I turned it down because the timing is not right and because I don't want to feel pressured to be something that I am not. I may pursue this avenue in the future but not until I have explored all of my healing abilities, my talents and spiritual gifts to know which direction is the right one for me. I am just beginning to ask my spiritual guides to show me the direction that my healing abilities need to go. I want to learn those healing abilities before I can possibly teach them to others. I know that I could be a leader. I know that through my blog my voice is just beginning to be heard. For now, that is the avenue that I will follow as I continue to explore new avenues to express my Divine nature.

I did not make either of those job decisions from a place of fear. This week, I stepped into my full personal power in being in charge of my life instead of letting others direct my life. That is a glorious feeling. It is also a freedom that I have not always felt that I had. Today I know that I do have that freedom of personal power.

Now to what I intended this article to be about. On Friday, July 4, 2008, just one year one month and three days after writing my first blog article (June 1 was my blog's one year birthday.), the number of views of my blog went over 10,000. On July 4, the total views of my blog was 10,022 of the 117 articles that I have posted on Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker. On June 1, 2007, my first article was "Three Of My Past Life Experiences" found at . Take the time now to click on the link and go read that article if you haven't already. Most of you haven't. Leave a comment and let me know what you think of that first article. I know it may be a stretch for some of you who may not believe in reencarnation. That is ok. All I ask is that you be open to the possibility. I wasn't always open either. Now I am since I have knowledge of some of mine.

I have between 130-157 subscribers daily now. Thank you to all of my subscribers and to those of you who have taken the time to view my blog over the past year. The average is 138 subscribers daily now. My growth has been a steady upward journey in my personal life as well as my blog. People from the following countries have looked at my blog: the United States, the United Kingdom, Canada, India, Israel, France, Germany, Indonesia, Australia, Chile, China, and Sweden. I hope I haven't forgotten anybody. China and Sweden have been the most resent countries to view my blog. I thank you all for honoring me with your continued presence on my blog. I thank you for becoming part of my journey and for allowing me to become a part of your journey toward Oneness and Freedom for all.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

True Independence Comes From In-dependence

True independence comes from in-dependence. This thought went through my mind today. We are not truly independent until we learn to turn inward and become dependent upon our inner self---that part of us that comes from Divine Source. For a few years now, my guidance has been telling me that instead of an outer teacher that I should pay attention to my inner teacher. We all have a connection to the Divine Source of all knowledge and wisdom. It is from that Divine Source that is inside of each of us that our answers come. I don't think I am going to say any more about this. I want you to think about what this means to you individually. Please share your thoughts with me.

Dealing With People Who Push Your Buttons

Do you have this person in your life that just pushes everyone of your buttons and you automatically start negative thoughts going off in your mind. It happens before you can catch yourself because this person sets off so many alarms.

He isn't trustworthy. She doesn't look you in the eyes when you talk to her. He hurt you more than once. She chews you out to someone else rather than saying those things to your face fully expecting that person to tell you every word she said. Which they do. Which leaves you feeling angry and raw and probably directing your anger at the wrong person.

That happened to me this morning, in my own home when a group of people came to visit. The button pusher was all nice and even asked how I was doing---like I really want to be honest and tell him.

I don't like giving up my power to this person and that is just what I did. I was polite and friendly and he has no idea of the thoughts going through my mind. I know the reasons that he behaves the way that he does and it doesn't make any difference in the way I feel about him.

What do I need to do about this situation? I will continue to run into this person because of the group that he belongs to. So I have to deal with him a few times a year. I will continue to protect myself and not give him any more ammunition to use against me.

I used to like this person. I even considered him a friend. I still like some things about him. I understand about his wounded childhood and his lack of trust of other people and his extreme fear of being used and hurt. I see those things in him and others because for many years it was part of my makeup. He becomes your friend because he so desperately wants your friendship and approval. Then he gets scared, terrified is probably a better word, and he does things to push you away. Knowing this about him is why I am able to understand and not get angry and lash out at him which would only have me making the situation worse.

Two angry, scared people trading rude comments and name-calling just makes the problem worse. It is what I grew up seeing my parents do so I know nothing gets solved. When this person isn't in my face, I can see clearly and send him love and light. Maybe after looking at this situation while I am writing this will remove the emotional sting so that I can just send him love and light rather than getting pulled into his game playing and my mind chatter.

Today, every time that I think about him I going to surround him with love and light and see the mirror that he has been for me today. Sorting out all of this does help. I won't know until next time that I see him how much this has made a difference.

Do you have any people in your life like this? I am not saying to accept abuse from the people. I am saying don't add to the situation by adding your own abusive behavior back to this person. Pay back, as pleasant as it sounds sometimes, doesn't solve the problem. Don't abuse others. Don't allow yourself to be abused. If possible remove yourself from the company of this person. And most important of all, don't abuse yourself or blame yourself for having the kind of thoughts that I had earlier today. See your thoughts for what they are---a negative reaction that doesn't have to be acted upon. Don't stuff those negative emotions because that can do damage to you. Feeling them doesn't mean you have to act on them. Feel them. Look at the cause. Look at the lesson. Then let them go.

When you find yourself in a situation like mine, look at what the person is mirroring in you. If needed, work on healing that part of yourself that is doing the reacting. This is just one way of dealing with troublesome people that works for me. What works for you?

I am sending love and light to this person, to you and to myself. Have a glorious day.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

We Can Only See Who We Are

I found this quote in the book "Reiki & Other Rays of Touch Healing" written by Kathleen Milner on page 33:

"We can only see who we are. What we do not like, even hate and despise in others, is where we need to begin our own healing. It is a difficult realization and a most uncomfortable process to go through. Denial is far easier. However, for those with the strength of heart to look within and ask, 'What is this individual mirroring in me?' Great change, release and transformation is possible. In this way, we all serve as teachers to one another."

This is one book that I read that had some confusing ideas for me and some ideas that I just couldn't even go there but the above quote, I thought was well worth sharing. It is what I have come to believe. You don't have to agree with me any more than I agree with some of what I read in the book. What sometimes works for me is to just be open to the possibility that there is some truth in the statement or the idea.

So often we think the above quote, "We can only see who we are" applies to just the things that we don't like in other people. That isn't true. It also applies to the things that we like and even love about other people. The things that we admire in other people---trustworthiness, compassion, kindness, joy, healing abilities and so much more---we also have in us or we would not recognise it in others. When you see someone that you greatly admire or look up to, you have those very same qualities in yourself. We all carry that same greatness in us. If we didn't, we wouldn't recognise it in others.

Today, I challenge you to step up and meet the greatness that is you.