Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse: May Issue Is Posted

The May issue of Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is out at Kate1975's Blog.  Here is the link:

http://kate1975.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/blog-carnival-against-child-abuse-may-2/

Go by and wish Kate a late birthday as this month is her birthday month.  The topic of this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is self-care.

So many people take it for granted that everyone is raised to take care of their personal needs.  That is true if they are raised in a healthy family.  For those  who are child abuse survivors, that usually isn't true.  The lies that children who are abused are taught tell them that they have no value to their parents or society.  Victims are taught that their needs are not important.  As adults, they continue to believe that their needs are not important.  They are taught to take care of others' needs and to ignore their own needs.  Many times they are taught to hate their bodies and to ignore even their health.  If they get sick as children, they are ignored or made to feel bad because of their illness.  Some are even punished for daring to get sick.

As survivors, many have to learn the basics of self-care.  Many have fears of doctors and dentists in particular.  As a child a doctor was someone who might ask questions, that might demand answers that the abusers didn't want known.  Dentists are often so frightening because of the survivors fight or flight response that is set off anytime that someone, like a dentist, is right there in their face.  Often because of these fears from childhood, the body is ignored when it first starts to hurt.  Many abuse survivors have a high tolerance for pain.  By the time that they give in to the pain and go to the doctor or the dentist what might have been a minor thing has become a major illness or a major problem with their teeth such as an absess or a rotted tooth.  Self-care isn't taught to child abuse victims.  Self-care is often learned from books or mentors when the victim starts their journey as a survivor.

I hope that you will join me in going to the link to Kate1975's Blog at the following link:

http://kate1975.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/blog-carnival-against-child-abuse-may-2/

This month you have your choice of 34 blog posts.  I hope that you will take the time to read all of them.  This month, 5 of the submissions are mine.  Please feel free to leave comments and let each blogger know what you think about their blog post.  If you have any blog posts of your own that you would like to submit to the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, the carnival is posted each month.  You can go to Blog Carnival and look for the deadline for posting for Carnival Against Child Abuse and submit your own posts for next month's carnival.
Patricia

Ego-centered selfishness vs. Spirit-centered Selfishness

My husband Daniel and I just got back from having lunch with a friend. On the way back home, I happened to see a church sign that said, "Love God, Love your neighbor, Serve Both." I agree with that statement as far as it goes.


Daniel and I got into a discussion when I told him that the sign left out the most important part of "Love Yourself." Even the Bible says to "Love your neighbor as yourself." Most churches forget the "as yourself" part when they are doing sermons. I can get quite passionate about this topic because I had to learn to love myself before I could truly love anybody else. That is what I believe the Bible quote is telling us.


Back to our discussion, Daniel said, "What about the 20 % of the population (Don't ask me where he got his percentage. He probably made it up to make his point.) that love only themselves?" I told him that is not real love.


Real love is not about being selfish. Loving yourself is not about being selfish. Taking care of yourself so that you are full and able to give to others is different than being so selfish that you are completely self-centered. Ego-centered might be a better way to phrase that. When you are ego filled you have nothing that you want to give to others unless you get something back in exchange for what you have given.


Ego-centered people don't love themselves. They become ego-centered to overcompensate for the fact that they don't love themselves. Ego doesn't want us to love ourselves. It wants us to love it. When you love ego, it feels puffed up and self-important and gratified to be the center of your attention. Ego does nothing for anyone else without expecting something in return. Ego-centered people are constantly striving for the next achievement or the next pay-off so they can feel self-important. The reality is that they are not "self" important. Very often, they hate themselves and are very busy being ego-centered in order to hide their true feelings of self-hatred.


When you truly love yourself, you become spirit-centered or Self-centered. When you become Self-centered, you do everything out of love for God, yourself and others. When you are Self-centered, you listen to your body when it tells you what it needs---rest, food, less food, water, less stress, more exercise. When you are Self-centered you are grounded in the Christ-consciousness that says we are all one. Taking care of your needs is not selfish. It is Selfish. There is a difference.

"Survivor Needs" Meme List

Just before Christmas, I was tagged by Marj aka Thriver over at http://survivorscanthrive.blogspot.com/ to participate in my first Meme. The theme is about paying attention to our needs during the holidays. Survivors are notorious for taking care of everybody but themselves. Didn't you know we are dispensable. At least our needs are. That is what I was taught as a child.

I am going to use Marj's title for my list. I am supposed to list 25 needs and 5 wants.

My Survivor Needs:
As a survivor trying to thrive:

1. I need to feel better emotionally.
2. I need to feel better physically --- no more migraines.
3. I need to stop having nightmares about being lost and snakes.
4. I need to look at the role that I play in my relationship with my brother and sister.
5. I need to look at the source of my anger and sadness.
6. I need to go to bed before 2:00 a.m. every night.
7. I need to stop eating sugar.
8. I need to control my overeating.
9. I need to do activities that are fun.
10. I need to continue to write articles on my blog about my recovery from incest.
11. I need to be more compassionate with myself and with others.
12. I need to connect more with nature to be more grounded.
13. I need to take out my inner children to play more.
14. I need to give myself the full value that I give to others.
15. I need to be more aware of my needs and work on getting them fulfilled.
16. I need to become more comfortable with the sexual side of myself.
17. I need to be in touch with all of my feelings.
18. I need to be more comfortable inside of my own body.
19. I need to remember to acknowledge the growth that I have done in the past year.
20. I need to reach out to other survivors with love and support for them and for myself.
21. I need to heal.
22. I need to love myself more.
23. I need to remember to tell my husband thanks for staying in my life through the difficult times.
24. I need to remember that others are just a mirror for what is going on inside of me.
25. I need to be more compassionate for those who are still in victim mode.

Here is my list of Wants:
1. I want coffee in the morning and afternoon and sometimes in the early evening.
2. I want chocolate.
3. I want to make everyone aware of Incest and Sexual Abuse and Child Abuse in any form so that it can stop.
4. I want my blog to be popular and have lots of subscribers.
5. I want Christmas to be a time of love and fun and joy.

I am supposed to tag 5 other survivors. The only ones I know have already been tagged by Marj. Now, I am off to read the lists written by the other 9 people that Marj tagged on her site. Thanks Marj for the opportunity for me to participate. Thanks for your continued support.