Father's Day And Incest

I know that Father's Day, and Mother's Day too, for that matter, can be hard days to get through if you were abused as a child by your parents. You just don't have the good feelings that you would have if your parents were good at their jobs. You can even envy your friends who had good parents. You can take it so far as to resent that your own kids have good parents. No one says feelings have to be rational. They aren't always. 

I decided a long time ago, before my dad died, that I could celebrate the fact that my husband Daniel is a good father to our two children. I could teach my children to honor their father in the way that I can't honor my dad who sexually abused me as a child. 

Daniel is a good dad. He has always played an active part in the lives of our children. He changed diapers and cleaned up messes as well as being there for the good parts of being a dad. I was more the disciplinarian but most moms are. Daniel played with the kids more and made us all laugh. He has always been there for our children and still is today with our children moving into their late 30's. I think he has always tried to be the dad that he didn't have as a child. Daniel's dad was 55 when he was born and health issues prevented him from doing the recreational things that Daniel made sure that he did with our two children when they were growing up. Daniel's dad died shortly after retirement when Daniel was still in high school.

Neither of our grown children have had a chance to wish their dad Happy Father's Day yet because he went to a reenactment this weekend in Mississippi. He will be home around early evening probably. I know he had a good time because he and I have talked briefly a few times since he left but not today. I don't know if he realizes that today is Father's Day. I didn't until sometime Friday afternoon. 

Happy Father's Day, Daniel and to any of my readers who are good dad's to your children.

As I came on Facebook today and also checked my emails, I read other blogger friends' articles about Father's Day and so I am sharing those links with you here. They all talk about the mixed emotions that survivors share about their parents and why Father's Day is difficult for them.
Patricia

Fathers Day! @
http://speak4change.com/blogging/fathers-day/ 

Father's Day - Lessons learned, Love lost, Life Reclaimed @
http://www.mskinnermusic/home/fathers-day-lessons-learned-love-lost-life-reclaimed/ 

When Dad Enables Mom in Emotionally Abusive Family Relationships @
http://emergingfrombroken.com/when-dad-enables-mom-in-emotionally-abusive-family-relationships/ 

Childhood Sexual Abuse Links

It has been awhile since I have shared very many links from other blogs with you. Here are some that have been helpful to me lately:

1.  Triggers; what are they and how do we work through them? @
      http://survivorsjustice.com/2014/02/26/triggers-what-are-they-and-how-do-we-work-through-them/

2.  What I Wish I Had Known @
     http://speak4change.com/blogging/what-i-wish-i-had-known/

3.  15 Things I Wish I'd Known About Grief @
     http://identityrenewed.com/2013/11/21/15-things-i-wish-id-known-about-grief/

4.  Grooming - How Do Sexual Abuse Predators Get Into Our Lives? @
     http://together-we-heal.org/2013/06/17/grooming-how-do-sexual-predators-get-into-our-lives/

5.  Intimate Partner Violence @
     http://www.butterflydreamsabuserecovery.com/intimate_partner_violence.html#.Uxu474WtyYF


6.  Adolescent Male Victims Of Sexual Abuse - The Psychological Effects @
     http://whatislove-2010.blogspot.com/2014/01/adolescent-male-victims-of-sexual-abuse.html

7.  Incest Survivors United Voices of America @
     http://www.isuvoa.com/

I know the Intimate Partner Violence article and the article about Grief aren't about Childhood Sexual Abuse as the name of the blog post says but they could be in the life of a survivor. As children being abused, you have much grieving to do in the healing process. Every time an issue comes up to be healed, you start the healing with facing the grief that comes up because of the losses in your childhood. Many of us who are sexually abused also grow up with Domestic Violence in our homes. Many grow up to live with intimate partner violence because of your poor sense of self-worth that says you don't deserve better treatment from your loved ones.
Patricia    

April Blog Link Love

Yes, I know that today is May 1. I have been busy this week. Then yesterday we had thunderstorms that started in the afternoon and kept coming until late in the evening. I always unplug my computer during the threat of thunderstorms. I have a friend who lost her computer when her house was hit by lightning a few years ago.

So my blog link list for April is late in being published. Here it is.

1. No longer a victim and much more than a survivor from the blog A Journey. The subtitle for this blog says, "Seek Knowledge find Wisdom live your Truth"

http://zebraspolkadotsandplaids.blogspot.com/2012/04/no-longer-victim-and-much-more-than.html

2. The Art Of Letting Go from the blog Rejuvenation Lounge

http://thehealthylivinglounge.com/2012/04/19/letting-go/

3. 5 THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT CHILD SEXUAL OFFENDERS from the blog The Resurgence

http://theresurgence.com/2012/04/14/5-things-you-should-know-about-child-sexual-offenders

4. Beyond Survivor: Interview with Jan Frayne from the blog healthpsychologyconsultancy

http://healthpsychologyconsultancy.wordpress.com/2012/04/16/beyond-survivor-interview-with-jan-frayne/

5. Are you being abused? What can you do to stop it? from the blog Appalachian Child (which is also the book by author Bea B. Todd)

http://beabtodd.authorsxpress.com/2012/04/02/are-you-being-abused-what-can-you-do-to-stop-it/

6. Snowball from the blog My Life as a Strife Survivor

http://strifesurvivor.blogspot.com/2012/04/snowball.html

7. The Seeds of Power from the blog As Ashes Scatter

http://asashesscatter.com/2012/03/22/the-seeds-of-power/

8. Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse April 2012 Edition found at the blog Child Abuse Survivor

http://www.childabusesurvivor.net/wordpress/2012/04/27/blog-carnival-against-child-abuse-april-2012-edition/

9. The Mystery in History #ChildAbuse #Recovery from the blog The Wounded Warrior

http://whatislove-2010.blogspot.com/2012/04/mystery-in-history-childabuse-recovery.html

10.  A Profile of the Child Molester from the website DreamCatchers For Abused Children

http://dreamcatchersforabusedchildren.com/2012/04/profile-of-the-child-molester/

11. Grief Has A Mind of Its Own from the blog Soulseeds

http://www.soulseeds.com/grapevine/2011/08/grief-has-a-mind-of-its-own/

12. Statistics Confirm the High Rate of Incest and Victim's Secrecy from the blog Evil Sits at the Dinner Table

http://ordinaryevil.wordpress.com/2012/03/31/statistics-confirm-the-high-rate-of-incest-and-victims-secrecy/

Keep in mind that any or all of these blog articles can be triggering to a child abuse survivor. Read at your own risk.
Patricia

March 2012 Blog Links Love

It is time for to share more of the blogs that I have read this month. Let me and them know what you found interesting or educating. Warning: Some of these may be triggers if you are a survivor.

1.  From the blog, Evil Sits at the Dinner Table, the article entitled "Denial, Repression, and Dissociation in Child Sexual Abusers @
http://ordinaryevil.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/denial-repression-and-dissociation-in-child-sexual-abusers/

2.  A second blog post from the blog, Evil Sits at the Dinner Table, the article is "Suburban Secrets: Affluent, Well-Dressed Fathers Sometimes Rape Their Children" @
http://ordinaryevil.wordpress.com/2012/03/%2017/suburban-secrets-affluent-well-dressed-fathers-sometimes-rape-their-children/

3.  This one is an article from The New York Times and is about the Catholic Church and Survivors' Network. The name of the article is "Church Puts Legal Pressure on Abuse Victims' Group found at the following link @
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/13/us/catholic-church-pressures-victims-network-with-subpoenas.html

4. The blog is called The Secret Survivor and the post is listed under Poems as "Incested" and "A Choice". Here is the link @
http://secret-survivor.blogspot.com/2012/02/choice.html

5.  The blog is called Get the Lid OFF! and the article is "OTB... Cont'd ~ It Wasn't Enough" found at the following link @
http://getthelidoff.blogspot.com/2011/11/otb-contd-it-wasnt-enough.html

6.  With this blog, take you pick of what you want to read. They are all encouraging and uplifting.  pinwheel girls: helping women be true to themselves is one of my favorites to read every week. Here is the link @
http://pinwheelgirls.com/

7.  Silence Is Not Golden is the next site to visit. You will find the JustJess Blog and other information for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse at the link @
http://www.silenceisnotgolden.us/

8.  At the blog healthpsychologyconsultancy blog, you will find the following article: "Counsellor Training: The Importance of Personal Life History" @
http://healthpsychologyconsultancy.wordpress.com/2012/02/18/counsellor-training-the-importance-of-personal-life-history/

9.  School Bullying Council wrote the blog post "Teens join anti-bullying effort" @
http://www.schoolbullyingcouncil.com/teens-join-anti-bullying-effort/

10.  The last website is called Who Invented The Internet. The article is "Stop Bullying Now: What should I do if I'm being bullied?" @
http://whoinventedinternet.com/stop-bullying-now/

More Blog Link Love

Here are links to some of the blogs that I have read during the month of February 2012.

1.  Why Do You Blog? written by Christian Hollingsworth on his blog smart boy designs @
http://smartboydesigns.com/2011/06/21/why-do-you-blog/

2.  This post is called "About a Boy." It comes from the blog Soulseeds that I have been reading for a very short while. I love the job that the mother does in answering your son. Here is the link:
https://www.soulseeds.com/grassroots/2012/02/about-a-boy/


3.  Daily Om: As the Earth Allows the Rain, Sitting With Feelings @
http://www.dailyom.com/articles/2012/32083.html

4.  The Wounded Warrior: Leaving the Shadows of Child Sexual Abuse at healthpsychologyconsultancy blog @
http://healthpsychologyconsultancy.wordpress.com/2012/02/07/the-wounded-warrior-leaving-the-shadows-of-child-sexual-abuse/

5. This blog link is to an incest survivor blog so use caution when visiting. I read several blog articles on the blog Get This. I chose the About Me post to introduce you to this blogger. You choose if you want to go any further @
http://cairngrow.blogspot.com/p/about-me_25.html

6.  This blog post is from a friend who hasn't been blogging much lately so I  was really pleased to receive this blog post in my email a few days ago. Albert, at UrbanMonk.Net blog, is a young man with a lot of wisdom for his age. His post is called "Self-Blame and Taking Responsibility". You will find his post at the following link:
http://www.urbanmonk.net/1017/self-blame-and-taking-responsibility/

7.  justjess, One Survivor To Another is a new blog that I only recently discovered and liked all of the articles that I read so I am sharing the whole blog rather than just one of Jess's articles with you. Here is the link to her blog:
http://jlreece.blog.com/  Some of the articles may be triggering.

8.  This article is from my friend Dan L. Hays, who like me is an Adult Child of an Alcoholic. The post is called "Walk In His Shoes" and can be found at the following link:
http://danlhays.wordpress.com/2012/02/20/walk-in-his-shoes/

9.  SHATTERED INTO ONE PIECE is the name of the next blog written by an abuse survivor.  This one may need a Trigger Warning also. Here is the link:
http://shatteredintoonepiece.blogspot.com/

10.  The last blog for this month is called My Life as a Strife Survivor. The article that I read is called "The Dark Hour" and can be found at the following link:
http://strifesurvivor.blogspot.com/2012/02/dark-hour.html  The arthor herself gives a Warning of confrontation at the beginning of the post.


I am thinking about sharing links like these once a month. Let me know how you feel about that and the blogs that I am sharing. I have read so many great articles this month that I found it difficult to keep my offerings down to just 10 but I don't want to overwhelm anyone with the numbers either. I won't say that I hope you will enjoy my selection of posts because enjoy is not the right word to use when talking about incest or any form of child abuse. I hope that they will inspire you and give you awarenesses that you didn't have before reading them.
Patricia

Blogs That I Have Read This Week - Link Love

Hi everyone. January 2012 is almost over in just a few days. Where has this month gone?

Today as you read this post, I am in Texas visiting with my sister and her family. Since Daniel and I were in Idaho spending Christmas with our daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren, we haven't visited either of our families for Christmas yet. 

While I am enjoying our cookout (no turkey and dressing), I thought I would let you check out some of the blogs that I have read this week. This is just a sampling of what I read.  I read a lot of blogs every week on a lot of different topics that interest me. They are not all on incest or child abuse. I warn you that the ones that are on incest or child abuse may be triggering for some.

1.  The Doing Project: A Review @
http://www.craigharper.com.au/productivity/the-doing-project-a-review/
I participated in The Doing Project with Craig Harper and a lot of other people for 7 days. The challenges were just what I needed to start off 2012 to make it the great year it is going to be for me.

2. The Daily Awe: 50 Things I'm Grateful For - turning the blues into gratitude @  http://www.thedailyawe.com/2012/01/50-things-im-grateful-for-turning-the-blues-into-gratitude/

3.  Singing over the bones & rising from the ashes: Today's the day.... @
http://singingoverthebonesandrisingfromtheashes.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/todays-the-day/

4.  A Rape Survivor's Journey: My Story of Domestic Violence @
http://arapesurvivorsjourney.blogspot.com/

5.  Daily Om:  The Wisdom of Surrender @
http://dailyom.com/articles/2012/31868.html

6.  healthpsychologyconsultancy: What Constitutes Child Sexual Abuse? @
http://healthpsychologyconsultancy.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/what-constitutes-child-sexual-abuse/

7.  Knowledge Is Power - KIP Central: 9 Lessons on Loss, Forgiveness, and Healing / Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In @
http://kipcentral.wordpress.com/2012/01/28/9-lessons-on-loss-forgiveness-and-healing-tiny-buddha-wisdom-quotes-letting-go-letting-happiness-in/

8.  The Wounded Warrior:  Empty @
http://whatislove-2010.blogspot.com/2012/01/empty.html

9.  smart boy designs: Kim Peek's Guide for Creating Endless Blog Content @
http://smartboydesigns.com/2012/01/26/kim-peeks-guide-creating-endless-blog-content/

10.  More than a Survivor: Too Young to Know Part III @
http://transformingjourney-celesteka.blogspot.com/2012/01/too-young-to-know-part-iii.html

Some of these bloggers are seasoned and some are relatively new to blogging. Please leave a comment on each of the blogs and let the bloggers know what you think. Have a glorious weekend. I am.
Patricia