I have two lists that I want to share with you in case you are a survivor who has trouble remaining sane as you struggle with getting through the holiday season. The first comes from Colleen whose blog Surviving By Grace is one of my favorite survivor blogs. You will find the list "How to Help A Survivor of Child Sexual Abuse" at the following link:
http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/2009/10/how-to-help-survivor-of-child-sexual.html
Stay and spend some time reading some of Colleen's other articles about her courageous journey through breaking her silence about child sexual abuse. You might also be interested in reading the article that I wrote about Colleen's book "The Third Floor Window" and then buying her book to read for yourself. The link for my article is at the following:
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2009/09/out-of-my-comfort-zone-third-floor.html
You can order Colleen's book through her blog or through Amazon.com. I felt like Colleen was telling my story.
The second list that I want to guide you to comes from Grace Davis and her blog which she calls State of Grace. Grace's list is called "An Adult Child Abuse Survivor's Guide to the Holidays". The list starts with a very important suggestion of "DO NOT ABANDON YOURSELF." You will find the rest of the list at the following link:
http://gracedavis.typepad.com/i_am_dr_lauras_worst_nigh/2009/11/a-child-abuse-survivors-guide-to-the-holidays.html
Be sure to read the comment section too. You will find more additions to the original list in the comment section. Join me in checking out the rest of Grace's blog while you are there.
I appreciate the support of these ladies and their lists. Their suggestions can make for an easier, more joy-filled holiday. Thanks.
Patricia
Showing posts with label Surviving By Grace blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Surviving By Grace blog. Show all posts
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Out Of My Comfort Zone---The Third Floor Window
In my previous article, I stated that several things had taken me out of my comfort zone this past week. Well, another of those things was reading the book of an internet friend of mine---Colleen Spiro.
I met Colleen through her blog "Surviving By Grace". ( http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/ ). Colleen and I are about the same age, married, and have grown children. We are both also incest survivors and write about our experiences on our blogs so that we can help ourselves and also reach out and help other survivors by letting them know that they are not alone.
I have been told a number of times over the years that I should write a book about my experiences. Colleen has done just that in 2008. I haven't yet but after reading Colleen's book "The Third Floor Window" I am determined to write one also. It also helps that I have been getting nudges from other people (Slade, Corinne and Sherryl) in the past year to do the same thing and while reading Colleen's book, I ran across, not one, but two books on writing your memoirs. For the first time ever, writing a book of my own seems like a distinct possibility. Did I just make another committment? My week has been full of those. Do they all have to hit me at the same time?
First of all, I want to thank Colleen for writing her book. When I first started looking at my incest issues there weren't many books on the subject around. There were even fewer that were written by people like me that didn't have degrees in psychology or some related field that were actually survivors of incest or childhood abuse. Now, finally people like Colleen are beginning to write their stories. In writing her story, I felt like Colleen had written my story. I was surprised at the similiarities between us.
One of the first pages in Colleen's book, she calls "Telling My Story." On this page, she says the following: "For years I have been silent. For years I have kept the secret of my childhood. But now I feel it is time. It is time to tell my story. A story that is unique because I am unique. And yet I think, in many ways, it is every survivor's story."
In reading page after page, I found that Colleen was indeed telling my story in such a simple, straight forward way that I really appreciate. Incest was a word, that like Colleen, I had trouble with in the beginning. Incest seemed like such a nasty, secretive word. It is. Like Colleen, for many years I was silent and endured the pain without understanding why incest picked me out. I now understand that men who rape little girls do so because they can. They do so for the control that it gives them over another person. A child is small enough that people ignore them, sometimes, even when the signs of abuse are very apparent. Many who choose not to see do so because of their own abuse issues or their own low self-worth. Many people are just afraid.
Colleen writes about the effect of questions from other people:
"Why can't you just forget about it and put it in the past? Why are you whining about something that happened so long ago? Everybody has problems. Get over it."
People often don't understand that for an incest survivor just getting over it isn't an option. The pain of betrayal and being controlled and lied to and misused by an authority figure in your life just goes too deep for recovery to be so easy or fast. For most of us, treatment and recovery takes many years, usually a lifetime.
Colleen explains very well why I write about my incest issues on my blog. She says, "I have a deep need to find meaning in my suffering. I know about redemptive suffering, how God can transform suffering into eternity, into glory, into something good. Seems kind of pie in the sky though unless I can translate it into my everyday life."
Colleen goes on to say, "I am driven by the feeling that if one person is helped by my suffering, if one victim is helped by my telling my story, then it might all seem worth it. My telling of the story which is so hard to do might be worth the effort and the fear and the shame I feel at times. And then if it helped one person, maybe it will help another and another and another... and why should I stop? I feel better knowing my pain helps ease another's pain. It is like balm for my wounds."
Amen to that Colleen. That is exactly why I write about my own experiences. Nobody helped me until years afterwards. I don't want anybody else to feel as alone as I did in this journey.
Colleen grew up in a small town in New England. I grew up in small towns scattered all across northern Louisiana yet our stories seem the same in so many other ways.
People always ask why you didn't tell. It is easier to ask that question than it is to answer. I always felt that the person asking was already judging me, looking for some fault in me that caused the abuse to happen to me. In her book, Colleen does an excellent job of answering this question. Thank you Colleen.
I have never heard anybody else talk about how they had a problem picking out Father's Day and Mother's Day cards because they didn't fit her family. I have felt that way for many years.
Again, Colleen describes my family when she said, "Dad was the one with the power. To me, he was the ultimate authority. I saw that he made all of the major decisions, such as where we lived and what car we owned. He made the rules and he was the one who disciplined me when I broke them. He made the money so he was the one to give Mom money when she needed it. When I was a little girl, Mom didn't drive so he was the one to drive us places when we asked him."
Next Colleen says, "Dad was king of our little kingdom. He had all of the control. His word was law. So when Dad told me not to tell anyone, I knew I had better obey."
This was my family. My dad was the dictator. I compared him to Hitler.
My mom learned to drive sometime in my early teens. Colleen could have been describing my mother learning to drive with us in the truck. Dad shouting at every mistake that Mom made, us kids sitting in the truck terrified to say anything or to even breathe too loudly. I didn't learn to drive until I was in my 40's because of all of those old terrors that I had to overcome from those long ago driving lessons.
Colleen mentions that she read an article online about a survey that was done on college students in which they were asked about the effects of sexual abuse on their lives. The majority denied that they had any problems. My immediate response was to say that they were in denial. As a college student and for many years after, I was in denial of my own issues and the effects that were bothering me. I would bet if those same college students were asked to do the survey when they were older, in their 30's or 40's, their answers would be more honest.
I finished reading Colleen's book several nights ago. I couldn't write any sooner than today about the experience. It is a book that I hope that each of you who are reading this article will go and buy. "The Third Floor Window" isn't an easy read. It is a must read if you want to understand incest and what effects it has upon its victims. Colleen shows how she went from being a victim to a survivor.
I am still processing the emotions that reading "The Third Floor Window" has brought up for me. I don't have the words to tell you everything that I am feeling about this book. Feeling is good. It is still sometimes a jumble of emotions that I don't always know what to do with or how to feel about. This is an area that I am still in grade school learning how to do. I ate lots of things that I shouldn't when reading this book because eating gives me comfort when I am distressed. One of these days, I will learn better ways of dealing with these feelings, but not today. That is one more thing that Colleen's book gave me---hope that someday all of the pain will stop or at least be at manageable levels.
I hope you will click on the following link and go to the blog "Heartfelt Heartlook" to read the review that she wrote about "The Third Floor Window":
http://heartfeltheartlook.blogspot.com/2009/08/third-floor-window-survivors-story-of.html
Heartfelt and I write from different views of the book.
Colleen, thank you for the courage that you had to break the silence in the form of writing your book.
Patricia
I met Colleen through her blog "Surviving By Grace". ( http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/ ). Colleen and I are about the same age, married, and have grown children. We are both also incest survivors and write about our experiences on our blogs so that we can help ourselves and also reach out and help other survivors by letting them know that they are not alone.
I have been told a number of times over the years that I should write a book about my experiences. Colleen has done just that in 2008. I haven't yet but after reading Colleen's book "The Third Floor Window" I am determined to write one also. It also helps that I have been getting nudges from other people (Slade, Corinne and Sherryl) in the past year to do the same thing and while reading Colleen's book, I ran across, not one, but two books on writing your memoirs. For the first time ever, writing a book of my own seems like a distinct possibility. Did I just make another committment? My week has been full of those. Do they all have to hit me at the same time?
First of all, I want to thank Colleen for writing her book. When I first started looking at my incest issues there weren't many books on the subject around. There were even fewer that were written by people like me that didn't have degrees in psychology or some related field that were actually survivors of incest or childhood abuse. Now, finally people like Colleen are beginning to write their stories. In writing her story, I felt like Colleen had written my story. I was surprised at the similiarities between us.
One of the first pages in Colleen's book, she calls "Telling My Story." On this page, she says the following: "For years I have been silent. For years I have kept the secret of my childhood. But now I feel it is time. It is time to tell my story. A story that is unique because I am unique. And yet I think, in many ways, it is every survivor's story."
In reading page after page, I found that Colleen was indeed telling my story in such a simple, straight forward way that I really appreciate. Incest was a word, that like Colleen, I had trouble with in the beginning. Incest seemed like such a nasty, secretive word. It is. Like Colleen, for many years I was silent and endured the pain without understanding why incest picked me out. I now understand that men who rape little girls do so because they can. They do so for the control that it gives them over another person. A child is small enough that people ignore them, sometimes, even when the signs of abuse are very apparent. Many who choose not to see do so because of their own abuse issues or their own low self-worth. Many people are just afraid.
Colleen writes about the effect of questions from other people:
"Why can't you just forget about it and put it in the past? Why are you whining about something that happened so long ago? Everybody has problems. Get over it."
People often don't understand that for an incest survivor just getting over it isn't an option. The pain of betrayal and being controlled and lied to and misused by an authority figure in your life just goes too deep for recovery to be so easy or fast. For most of us, treatment and recovery takes many years, usually a lifetime.
Colleen explains very well why I write about my incest issues on my blog. She says, "I have a deep need to find meaning in my suffering. I know about redemptive suffering, how God can transform suffering into eternity, into glory, into something good. Seems kind of pie in the sky though unless I can translate it into my everyday life."
Colleen goes on to say, "I am driven by the feeling that if one person is helped by my suffering, if one victim is helped by my telling my story, then it might all seem worth it. My telling of the story which is so hard to do might be worth the effort and the fear and the shame I feel at times. And then if it helped one person, maybe it will help another and another and another... and why should I stop? I feel better knowing my pain helps ease another's pain. It is like balm for my wounds."
Amen to that Colleen. That is exactly why I write about my own experiences. Nobody helped me until years afterwards. I don't want anybody else to feel as alone as I did in this journey.
Colleen grew up in a small town in New England. I grew up in small towns scattered all across northern Louisiana yet our stories seem the same in so many other ways.
People always ask why you didn't tell. It is easier to ask that question than it is to answer. I always felt that the person asking was already judging me, looking for some fault in me that caused the abuse to happen to me. In her book, Colleen does an excellent job of answering this question. Thank you Colleen.
I have never heard anybody else talk about how they had a problem picking out Father's Day and Mother's Day cards because they didn't fit her family. I have felt that way for many years.
Again, Colleen describes my family when she said, "Dad was the one with the power. To me, he was the ultimate authority. I saw that he made all of the major decisions, such as where we lived and what car we owned. He made the rules and he was the one who disciplined me when I broke them. He made the money so he was the one to give Mom money when she needed it. When I was a little girl, Mom didn't drive so he was the one to drive us places when we asked him."
Next Colleen says, "Dad was king of our little kingdom. He had all of the control. His word was law. So when Dad told me not to tell anyone, I knew I had better obey."
This was my family. My dad was the dictator. I compared him to Hitler.
My mom learned to drive sometime in my early teens. Colleen could have been describing my mother learning to drive with us in the truck. Dad shouting at every mistake that Mom made, us kids sitting in the truck terrified to say anything or to even breathe too loudly. I didn't learn to drive until I was in my 40's because of all of those old terrors that I had to overcome from those long ago driving lessons.
Colleen mentions that she read an article online about a survey that was done on college students in which they were asked about the effects of sexual abuse on their lives. The majority denied that they had any problems. My immediate response was to say that they were in denial. As a college student and for many years after, I was in denial of my own issues and the effects that were bothering me. I would bet if those same college students were asked to do the survey when they were older, in their 30's or 40's, their answers would be more honest.
I finished reading Colleen's book several nights ago. I couldn't write any sooner than today about the experience. It is a book that I hope that each of you who are reading this article will go and buy. "The Third Floor Window" isn't an easy read. It is a must read if you want to understand incest and what effects it has upon its victims. Colleen shows how she went from being a victim to a survivor.
I am still processing the emotions that reading "The Third Floor Window" has brought up for me. I don't have the words to tell you everything that I am feeling about this book. Feeling is good. It is still sometimes a jumble of emotions that I don't always know what to do with or how to feel about. This is an area that I am still in grade school learning how to do. I ate lots of things that I shouldn't when reading this book because eating gives me comfort when I am distressed. One of these days, I will learn better ways of dealing with these feelings, but not today. That is one more thing that Colleen's book gave me---hope that someday all of the pain will stop or at least be at manageable levels.
I hope you will click on the following link and go to the blog "Heartfelt Heartlook" to read the review that she wrote about "The Third Floor Window":
http://heartfeltheartlook.blogspot.com/2009/08/third-floor-window-survivors-story-of.html
Heartfelt and I write from different views of the book.
Colleen, thank you for the courage that you had to break the silence in the form of writing your book.
Patricia
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Independence Day
July 4 is Independence Day in the U. S. A. We have lots of cook-outs, family gatherings and fireworks displays to attend. Many people spend time in their back yards with family and friends or go swimming, fishing and boating on our many lakes.
Some of us use this day to declare our independence from our abusive past. Some of this comes out in blogs such as "Surviving By Grace" which posted the following article she called Declaration of Independence. I have been reading Colleen's blog for awhile now. Colleen is a woman of great courage whom I have come to admire as she handles her struggles toward independence from an abusive father. Her words are heart felt and full of courage and strength. Her journey hasn't been an easy one as she struggles to reconnect with her personal power. You can find Colleen's personal Declaration of Independence at the following link: http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/2009/06/declaration-of-independence.html . When you visit Colleen's blog, take the time to read the articles that tell of her journey to reach the point of declaring her independence.
Over the past few weeks, I have been sorting through some of my old writings looking for a particular few pages that are still eluding my searches. Instead I found a Bill of Rights list that I wrote for myself over 10 years ago that I want to share with you now.
Some of us use this day to declare our independence from our abusive past. Some of this comes out in blogs such as "Surviving By Grace" which posted the following article she called Declaration of Independence. I have been reading Colleen's blog for awhile now. Colleen is a woman of great courage whom I have come to admire as she handles her struggles toward independence from an abusive father. Her words are heart felt and full of courage and strength. Her journey hasn't been an easy one as she struggles to reconnect with her personal power. You can find Colleen's personal Declaration of Independence at the following link: http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/2009/06/declaration-of-independence.html . When you visit Colleen's blog, take the time to read the articles that tell of her journey to reach the point of declaring her independence.
Over the past few weeks, I have been sorting through some of my old writings looking for a particular few pages that are still eluding my searches. Instead I found a Bill of Rights list that I wrote for myself over 10 years ago that I want to share with you now.
BILL OF RIGHTS
I, Patricia Caldwell Singleton, have the right to be protected from active or passive abuses including physical incest, emotional incest, physical battering, verbal abuse and any other violation of physical or emotional boundaries.
I, Patricia Caldwell Singleton, should not have been subjected as a child to the following abuses: physical and emotional incest, verbal abuse, slappings, spiritual abuse and the violation of my physical and emotional boundaries.
I, Patricia Caldwell Singleton, give myself my assurance as an adult that I will never allow myself to be subjected to these abuses again, either at the hand of others or by my own hand.
I, Patricia Caldwell Singleton, will never knowingly inflict upon any other child these or any other passive or active abuses. The children I come in contact with, by my procreation or the procreation of others, deserve, as I did, to be protected from boundary violations and other inflictions that will damage their self-image or otherwise hinder their development into confident, healthy adults capable of loving and being loved.
The idea for the above Bill of Rights probably came from the book, Love Hunger Weight-Loss Workbook written by Dr. Frank Minirth, Dr. Paul Meier, Dr. Robert Hemfelt and Dr. Sharon Sneed. The other papers that I found with this page were dated as being written on October 20, 1993.
Writing a Bill of Rights or a Declaration of Independence is all about reclaiming your personal power from the abuser. It is about taking on the responsibility of your own growth. One of my favorite bloggers from Australia, Craig Harper who writes the blog "Renovate Your Life" resently wrote two articles on personal power. You will find his articles at the following links:
Taking Back Your Personal Power (Part 1) found at http://www.craigharper.com.au/personal-development/taking-back-your-personal-power-part-1/
Taking Back Your Personal Power (Part 2) found at http://www.craigharper.com.au/personal-development/taking-back-your-personal-power-part-2/
I hope that those of you who live in the U. S. A. had a wonderful 4th of July holiday and didn't eat so much food that you were miserable afterwards. My husband was out of town for July 4-5 so I spent the day with my sister who is visiting from Texas for a few days and my son. It was a quiet day that I enjoyed spending with two of my favorite people.
Patricia
Related Articles:
Grieving---A Necessary Process For Healing found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/05/grieving-necessary-process-for-healing.html
True Independence Comes From In-dependence found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/07/true-independence-comes-from-in.html
Independence, Not Just For A Day found at http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/07/independence-not-just-for-day.html
Sunday, May 24, 2009
My Name Is Chris And I Am Three Years Old
Hi. This is an email that was sent to me on the internet. I don't know who to give credit for the writing and original posting of this poem. Whoever you are, thanks for showing us the worst side of child abuse.
For those of you who are unaware, WAKE UP! This happens everyday somewhere in the world. Silence lets it happen. If you do a search for incest or sexual abuse on the internet, you will find that many of us who have survived childhood abuse are now speaking up and breaking the silence of our own abuse at the hands of our parents, our neighbors, our siblings, our aunts or uncles, grandfathers, someone else that we trusted and sometimes by complete strangers. Today most of us know someone who is living with abuse or who survived a childhood of abuse. If you don't know the signs of childhood abuse, check out this cite that I just recently found thanks to Surviving By Grace ( http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/ ). The site is called Let Go, Let Peace Come In Foundation blog and is found at the following link:
http://www.letgoletpeacecomein.org/ .
Here is the poem that I wanted to share with you. Beware of emotions ahead. The name of the poem is "Daddy ............ it hurts".
"My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen,
I cannot see.
I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.
I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All day long.
When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get,
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar.
I hear him curse,
My name is called,
I press myself,
Against the wall.
I try to hide,
From his evil eyes,
I'm so afraid now,
I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping,
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault,
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me,
And yells at me more,
I finally get free,
And run for the door.
He already locked it,
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me,
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor,
With my bones nearly broken,
And my dad continues,
With more bad words spoken.
'I'm sorry!', I scream,
But it's now much too late,
His face has been twisted,
Into an unimaginable shape.
The hurt and the pain,
Again and again,
Oh please God, have mercy,
Oh please let it end.
And he finally stops,
And heads for the door,
While I lay motionless,
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Chris,
I am three,
Tonight my daddy,
Murdered me................."
Unknown Author
I know that this is hard to read and it is the truth of abuse. Even if you survive the physical abuse, there are the scars of emotional abuse to deal with.
Patricia
For those of you who are unaware, WAKE UP! This happens everyday somewhere in the world. Silence lets it happen. If you do a search for incest or sexual abuse on the internet, you will find that many of us who have survived childhood abuse are now speaking up and breaking the silence of our own abuse at the hands of our parents, our neighbors, our siblings, our aunts or uncles, grandfathers, someone else that we trusted and sometimes by complete strangers. Today most of us know someone who is living with abuse or who survived a childhood of abuse. If you don't know the signs of childhood abuse, check out this cite that I just recently found thanks to Surviving By Grace ( http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/ ). The site is called Let Go, Let Peace Come In Foundation blog and is found at the following link:
http://www.letgoletpeacecomein.org/ .
Here is the poem that I wanted to share with you. Beware of emotions ahead. The name of the poem is "Daddy ............ it hurts".
"My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen,
I cannot see.
I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?
I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.
I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All day long.
When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.
When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get,
One whipping tonight.
I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar.
I hear him curse,
My name is called,
I press myself,
Against the wall.
I try to hide,
From his evil eyes,
I'm so afraid now,
I'm starting to cry.
He finds me weeping,
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault,
He suffers at work.
He slaps and hits me,
And yells at me more,
I finally get free,
And run for the door.
He already locked it,
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me,
Against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor,
With my bones nearly broken,
And my dad continues,
With more bad words spoken.
'I'm sorry!', I scream,
But it's now much too late,
His face has been twisted,
Into an unimaginable shape.
The hurt and the pain,
Again and again,
Oh please God, have mercy,
Oh please let it end.
And he finally stops,
And heads for the door,
While I lay motionless,
Sprawled on the floor.
My name is Chris,
I am three,
Tonight my daddy,
Murdered me................."
Unknown Author
I know that this is hard to read and it is the truth of abuse. Even if you survive the physical abuse, there are the scars of emotional abuse to deal with.
Patricia
Friday, May 1, 2009
Swine Flu---Buy Into The Fear Or Not
If you have had your TV on or read your newspaper this week, all of the headlines are busy predicting the possible pandemic of swine flu this year. Are you buying into the fear? I'm not. I ask each of you who is reading this to stop the fear and send Light out to the Universe.
I am not saying that you shouldn't be cautious with your health. I am saying don't let fear of getting the flu take over your every waking moment. You don't have to do that. Do what is necessary to take care of your health and that of your families. You should already be doing that. Eat healthier. Take your supplements, if you already do. If you get sick, stay home and take care of yourself. If you need to, like I do, get your body in better shape. Get the sleep that your body needs to operate. Drink more water and less sodas, tea and coffee.
Those of you who are reading this article, I am asking that you spend some time in prayer or meditation, whichever feels better to you, or do both. I am. Surround first yourself with a bubble of white light which strengthens your body and shields you from having your energy sucked out of you. It also helps your attitude which is always a plus for me. Use whatever color of Light that your inner voice suggests.
Next I want you to shine that Light on your neighborhood, your city, your state, and your country. Then I want you to send the Light totally around the world lighting up every being and every plant, every body of water that it comes in contact with. See the whole world surrounded by this bright, bright white Light.
Then ask for the help of your guardian angels and spirit guides to make you more aware of your thoughts, actions, and body. To keep your body healthy, you have to be aware of it. To keep your mind happy, you have to be aware of your thoughts. Be pure in thoughts, words and deeds.
Do whatever you methods you use to keep yourself grounded during this time of upheaval and challenges. I like to use the image of being a tree with branches going up into the Heavens and roots going down into the Earth with energy flowing in from the top of my head and up through the bottoms of my feet. Then whenever you think about it today, next week, next month, next year, send out Love and Light from your heart center into the world. See if we can make the world a better and safer place to be.
What are you doing to keep yourself and your family healthy so that you aren't succeptable to the flu or any other illness?
This week I have been on a raw fruits, raw vegetables, drinking only water in a Spring Cleanse. So far this week, I have lost 4 1/2 pounds. This is the fourth day of my cleanse. (Today is Wednesday. The post won't be posted until Sunday.) For the first time in my life, I have eaten nothing but raw fruits and veggies. I have never eaten so much fruit in my entire life as I have the past few days. This cleanse is to flush toxins out of my body and mostly what I am losing is water weight. I needed to do something because my weight was slowly moving upward and so was my blood pressure. I was back to having indigestion a lot. I already knew that eating more raw fruits and veggies would have the indigestion out the door in no time.
The only thing that I have cheated on is my morning coffee. I haven't been willing to let go of that first cup of coffee in the morning when I wake up. Guess what, while I have been on the clease, I have been making my morning coffee and pouring myself a full cup but when I get halfway through the coffee, I don't want anymore. I am leaving the goat's milk out of it except for the second morning of the cleanse. That cup of coffee tasted greasey to me so I am just having a half-cup of black coffee. I did not sit down and make a committment to stop my coffee. Allowing my taste buds to tell me what I like and don't like is how I became a vegetarian to begin with about 12 years ago. When the coffee no longer tastes good, I will stop. If I continue to like the taste and the way it makes me feel, I will continue to drink coffee.
This week I was given another award. Seems to be my week for recognition from the blogging world. I appreciate it so very much. I definitely feel loved during a time that I have needed it. Thank you God and my blogging friends.
This week's award came from the blog Just Be Real. The award is called the Just Being Real Blog Award. Thanks to Just Be Real. You made my day. You will find a list of other bloggers that also were given the award at the following link http://justbereal77.blogspot.com/2009/04/just-be-real-award.html .
Surviving by Grace also posted the award winners on her blog. She is one of those who has won the award. Thanks for the recognition. You can find her blog article at the following link
http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/2009/04/just-being-real-award.html .
Another new blogger that I have recently met through my comment section of my blog and on other blogs is Jay from the blog Porsidan. You will find Jay's About Me page at the following link where he sharing a little about himself and what the term porsidan means. Then you can go on to read some of his wonderfully written posts. http://porsidan.com/about-2/ I have enjoyed reading his posts this week.
I know you are all having a wonderfully productive and growing week.
Patricia
I am not saying that you shouldn't be cautious with your health. I am saying don't let fear of getting the flu take over your every waking moment. You don't have to do that. Do what is necessary to take care of your health and that of your families. You should already be doing that. Eat healthier. Take your supplements, if you already do. If you get sick, stay home and take care of yourself. If you need to, like I do, get your body in better shape. Get the sleep that your body needs to operate. Drink more water and less sodas, tea and coffee.
Those of you who are reading this article, I am asking that you spend some time in prayer or meditation, whichever feels better to you, or do both. I am. Surround first yourself with a bubble of white light which strengthens your body and shields you from having your energy sucked out of you. It also helps your attitude which is always a plus for me. Use whatever color of Light that your inner voice suggests.
Next I want you to shine that Light on your neighborhood, your city, your state, and your country. Then I want you to send the Light totally around the world lighting up every being and every plant, every body of water that it comes in contact with. See the whole world surrounded by this bright, bright white Light.
Then ask for the help of your guardian angels and spirit guides to make you more aware of your thoughts, actions, and body. To keep your body healthy, you have to be aware of it. To keep your mind happy, you have to be aware of your thoughts. Be pure in thoughts, words and deeds.
Do whatever you methods you use to keep yourself grounded during this time of upheaval and challenges. I like to use the image of being a tree with branches going up into the Heavens and roots going down into the Earth with energy flowing in from the top of my head and up through the bottoms of my feet. Then whenever you think about it today, next week, next month, next year, send out Love and Light from your heart center into the world. See if we can make the world a better and safer place to be.
What are you doing to keep yourself and your family healthy so that you aren't succeptable to the flu or any other illness?
This week I have been on a raw fruits, raw vegetables, drinking only water in a Spring Cleanse. So far this week, I have lost 4 1/2 pounds. This is the fourth day of my cleanse. (Today is Wednesday. The post won't be posted until Sunday.) For the first time in my life, I have eaten nothing but raw fruits and veggies. I have never eaten so much fruit in my entire life as I have the past few days. This cleanse is to flush toxins out of my body and mostly what I am losing is water weight. I needed to do something because my weight was slowly moving upward and so was my blood pressure. I was back to having indigestion a lot. I already knew that eating more raw fruits and veggies would have the indigestion out the door in no time.
The only thing that I have cheated on is my morning coffee. I haven't been willing to let go of that first cup of coffee in the morning when I wake up. Guess what, while I have been on the clease, I have been making my morning coffee and pouring myself a full cup but when I get halfway through the coffee, I don't want anymore. I am leaving the goat's milk out of it except for the second morning of the cleanse. That cup of coffee tasted greasey to me so I am just having a half-cup of black coffee. I did not sit down and make a committment to stop my coffee. Allowing my taste buds to tell me what I like and don't like is how I became a vegetarian to begin with about 12 years ago. When the coffee no longer tastes good, I will stop. If I continue to like the taste and the way it makes me feel, I will continue to drink coffee.
This week I was given another award. Seems to be my week for recognition from the blogging world. I appreciate it so very much. I definitely feel loved during a time that I have needed it. Thank you God and my blogging friends.
This week's award came from the blog Just Be Real. The award is called the Just Being Real Blog Award. Thanks to Just Be Real. You made my day. You will find a list of other bloggers that also were given the award at the following link http://justbereal77.blogspot.com/2009/04/just-be-real-award.html .
Surviving by Grace also posted the award winners on her blog. She is one of those who has won the award. Thanks for the recognition. You can find her blog article at the following link
http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/2009/04/just-being-real-award.html .
Another new blogger that I have recently met through my comment section of my blog and on other blogs is Jay from the blog Porsidan. You will find Jay's About Me page at the following link where he sharing a little about himself and what the term porsidan means. Then you can go on to read some of his wonderfully written posts. http://porsidan.com/about-2/ I have enjoyed reading his posts this week.
I know you are all having a wonderfully productive and growing week.
Patricia
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
We Are Here---Survivors
I borrowed the title of this article from a blog that I want my readers to check out. The blog is called Confessions of an Onion Girl. It is written by a beautiful woman who is a survivor of childhood abuse. You will find her story of abuse at the following link:
http://oniongirl13.wordpress.com/abuse/ .
I warn you, this is not an easy story to read.
I have been reading stories like Onion Girl's for several weeks now online. There is quite a community online now, not like the days that I started my own recovery work from incest in the late 1980's. I thank all of you survivors for the courage that you have to write online about your abuse so that other survivors can find you and know that they are not alone, as I felt for many years.
In Onion Girl's post called "We Are Here", she says, "I realized that in our solidarity we are strong, and in our purpose to heal one another we are united. We are here."
To continue by quoting from Onion Girl's post, "We come from all walks of life. We are doctors, students, drive through attendants, IT specialists and engineers. We are Christians, Buddhists, Pagans, and any other stripe of religion you can think of. We are women. We are men. We are children as young as you can imagine and adults taking our last breaths remembering the crimes perpetrated against us, hopefully with some closure and peace. We are fat and thin, sane and insane, wild and cautious, but most of all, we are everywhere.
We are here.
Wherever you look, we are here. We are in your schools, your homes, your classrooms, and your places of worship. Our faces are written with a common sadness, but also with a common strength. We are in your reflection and in the window looking out at you, seeing you look in at us.
We are here."
I could continue and quote the rest of her article but I won't. I want you, my readers, to click on the following link and go to Onion Girl's blog Confessions of an Onion Girl to read the rest of her post.
http://oniongirl13.wordpress.com/2009/04/15/we-are-here/
Onion Girl wrote this to use in a speech that she was giving the next day on her childhood sexual abuse. After reading this post, you will be aware of how far reaching the arm of abuse is in our world. Everybody is affected by it. With awareness, we can change the world.
In writing her speech, Onion Girl speaks out for all of us who have survived childhood abuse and for those who didn't survive. You hear the stories more and more frequently on the TV news channels of a child who was killed by a parent or friend of the family because they were being punished and it got out of hand, at least that is what the abuser wants you to believe. Too many of our children are dying of abuse. Too many more are surviving and in the silence growing up to live as wounded adults. Most of us stop the abuse with our generation and don't pass it on to our children and grandchildren. Some of us become abusers ourselves. Some of us end the pain with the taking of our own lives. Some of us are strong enough to go on to recover. Some of us continue to live in the pain because we can't find any way out of it. Some of us share our knowledge and pain with others and build a community of love and support for ourselves. The internet has become a very valuable tool for spreading our love and hope for a brighter future for us, our children and the rest of mankind. With knowledge, the abuse can stop. Please help us to stop the abuse. Thank you Onion Girl for writing this informative post. Thanks for sharing yourself and your inner thoughts with the world.
This week, I received two awards. I received a Love Ya Award first from Surviving By Grace at
http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/2009/04/love-ya-award.html and second a Love Ya Award from Heal and Forgive at http://healandforgive.blogspot.com/2009/04/love-ya-award.html . Thank you to both of these beautiful ladies for the honor that they have given me. With both awards, I am in good company. Click on both of the links and check out the other blogs that the awards were given to.
Patricia
http://oniongirl13.wordpress.com/abuse/ .
I warn you, this is not an easy story to read.
I have been reading stories like Onion Girl's for several weeks now online. There is quite a community online now, not like the days that I started my own recovery work from incest in the late 1980's. I thank all of you survivors for the courage that you have to write online about your abuse so that other survivors can find you and know that they are not alone, as I felt for many years.
In Onion Girl's post called "We Are Here", she says, "I realized that in our solidarity we are strong, and in our purpose to heal one another we are united. We are here."
To continue by quoting from Onion Girl's post, "We come from all walks of life. We are doctors, students, drive through attendants, IT specialists and engineers. We are Christians, Buddhists, Pagans, and any other stripe of religion you can think of. We are women. We are men. We are children as young as you can imagine and adults taking our last breaths remembering the crimes perpetrated against us, hopefully with some closure and peace. We are fat and thin, sane and insane, wild and cautious, but most of all, we are everywhere.
We are here.
Wherever you look, we are here. We are in your schools, your homes, your classrooms, and your places of worship. Our faces are written with a common sadness, but also with a common strength. We are in your reflection and in the window looking out at you, seeing you look in at us.
We are here."
I could continue and quote the rest of her article but I won't. I want you, my readers, to click on the following link and go to Onion Girl's blog Confessions of an Onion Girl to read the rest of her post.
http://oniongirl13.wordpress.com/2009/04/15/we-are-here/
Onion Girl wrote this to use in a speech that she was giving the next day on her childhood sexual abuse. After reading this post, you will be aware of how far reaching the arm of abuse is in our world. Everybody is affected by it. With awareness, we can change the world.
In writing her speech, Onion Girl speaks out for all of us who have survived childhood abuse and for those who didn't survive. You hear the stories more and more frequently on the TV news channels of a child who was killed by a parent or friend of the family because they were being punished and it got out of hand, at least that is what the abuser wants you to believe. Too many of our children are dying of abuse. Too many more are surviving and in the silence growing up to live as wounded adults. Most of us stop the abuse with our generation and don't pass it on to our children and grandchildren. Some of us become abusers ourselves. Some of us end the pain with the taking of our own lives. Some of us are strong enough to go on to recover. Some of us continue to live in the pain because we can't find any way out of it. Some of us share our knowledge and pain with others and build a community of love and support for ourselves. The internet has become a very valuable tool for spreading our love and hope for a brighter future for us, our children and the rest of mankind. With knowledge, the abuse can stop. Please help us to stop the abuse. Thank you Onion Girl for writing this informative post. Thanks for sharing yourself and your inner thoughts with the world.
This week, I received two awards. I received a Love Ya Award first from Surviving By Grace at
http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/2009/04/love-ya-award.html and second a Love Ya Award from Heal and Forgive at http://healandforgive.blogspot.com/2009/04/love-ya-award.html . Thank you to both of these beautiful ladies for the honor that they have given me. With both awards, I am in good company. Click on both of the links and check out the other blogs that the awards were given to.
Patricia
Thursday, April 16, 2009
How Dreams Can Help You Heal From Childhood Sexual Abuse
From The Complete Dream Dictionary written by Pamela Ball, Chartwell Books, Inc., Edison, New Jersey, 2000, page 324:
"If ideas of rape appear in a dream, then it can be as much to do with violation of personal space as with the sexual act. Sexual rape is unlikely to appear in the dreams of sexually abused children, though the adult may later suffer from nightmares. Rape itself may only manifest when the adult is ready to deal with the trauma. Most rape dreams are based around the need for, or perception of power issues between the male and female."
Why did I search out the above quote to share with you? I had a dream a few days ago in which I was raped. I looked in my dream dictionary for more meaning to the dream than I, alone, may have given it.
This isn't the first dream of rape that I have ever had. Years ago, after I had been working on my incest issues for awhile and was learning about choices, I had a dream in which a man was going to rape me. I remember that there were two men and that I couldn't prevent the rape but I could choose which of the two men were going to rape me. I remember looking into the eyes of both men and making my decision. I knew that one would be kinder than the other. He is the one that I chose to rape me. I woke up in a lot of confusion until I realized that the dream was more about the fact that I had choices, that I could actually choose the path that my life and my recovery was going to take. That is when I really learned that our choices control the path that we take in life. Choices, which I never felt that I had as a child, gave me a sense of freedom that I had never experienced before that dream.
I do believe that many of my dreams are about healing. As small as making the choice of who would rape me would seem to others, for me, it was the beginning of knowing, really knowing, that I could make a better life for myself, a life in which I felt safe and valued. My choices, my opinions mattered. Unless you are a survivor, you may not understand how really big that dream was to me.
In my dream of a few days ago, I didn't see the rape happen. I just knew that I had been raped as well as the other two women in my dream. I may have dreamed about the rape happening but if I did, I didn't carry those memories to my waking state. I remember leaving the two women behind as I walked and cried, walked and cried, walked and cried. I have cried over the years in my waking state with the grief of dealing with my incest issues. I have never cried with the deep, deep grief that I cried in this dream. The grief was so consuming that I can see myself stopping and just crying before starting to walk again until more grief came through.
In the next part of the dream, I found myself walking into a courtroom with people all around. I knew that I was going to tell them about the rape. That is when I woke up. Just as I woke up, I heard the word "justice" and knew that was why I chose a courthouse. I knew that I wasn't going to remain quiet as I did after my childhood rapes by my uncle and dad. I knew that I would no longer be silenced by the men.
I believe that this was a healing dream in that I deeply grieved and I was willing to seek justice for myself whether the other two women did or not. Also, those two women are reflections of female parts of me that are still living in the abuse and afraid to speak for themselves. So there is still some healing for me to do.
I have been taught that numbers are always important in dreams. In my dream there were three women, counting myself. I called a friend who does numerology and asked her the significance of the number three. She told me that the number three is about expression, creativity and the trinity. In this case, I think that the trinity has to do with my healing on the emotional, physical and spiritual levels of my being. Emotional healing also means physical healing because of the tears and pain that my body releases and no longer carries around. Any time that you let go of emotional pain, it gives more room for spiritual growth and love to enter your body and heart.
As my dream dictionary says the rape happened in my dream because I have made the decision to deal with any remaining incest issues that may come up. Because of this dream, I know that my decision is right. Divine timing is always right. I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my journey.
Thanks to Enola ( http://enola-survivor.blogspot.com/2009/04/wear-blue-on-friday-child-abuse.html ) and Surviving by Grace ( http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/ ) for letting me know that April is Child Abuse Prevention Month across the U. S. Use this month to make yourself more knowledgable about the signs of Child Abuse and how you might be able to do something to save a child.
Patricia
"If ideas of rape appear in a dream, then it can be as much to do with violation of personal space as with the sexual act. Sexual rape is unlikely to appear in the dreams of sexually abused children, though the adult may later suffer from nightmares. Rape itself may only manifest when the adult is ready to deal with the trauma. Most rape dreams are based around the need for, or perception of power issues between the male and female."
Why did I search out the above quote to share with you? I had a dream a few days ago in which I was raped. I looked in my dream dictionary for more meaning to the dream than I, alone, may have given it.
This isn't the first dream of rape that I have ever had. Years ago, after I had been working on my incest issues for awhile and was learning about choices, I had a dream in which a man was going to rape me. I remember that there were two men and that I couldn't prevent the rape but I could choose which of the two men were going to rape me. I remember looking into the eyes of both men and making my decision. I knew that one would be kinder than the other. He is the one that I chose to rape me. I woke up in a lot of confusion until I realized that the dream was more about the fact that I had choices, that I could actually choose the path that my life and my recovery was going to take. That is when I really learned that our choices control the path that we take in life. Choices, which I never felt that I had as a child, gave me a sense of freedom that I had never experienced before that dream.
I do believe that many of my dreams are about healing. As small as making the choice of who would rape me would seem to others, for me, it was the beginning of knowing, really knowing, that I could make a better life for myself, a life in which I felt safe and valued. My choices, my opinions mattered. Unless you are a survivor, you may not understand how really big that dream was to me.
In my dream of a few days ago, I didn't see the rape happen. I just knew that I had been raped as well as the other two women in my dream. I may have dreamed about the rape happening but if I did, I didn't carry those memories to my waking state. I remember leaving the two women behind as I walked and cried, walked and cried, walked and cried. I have cried over the years in my waking state with the grief of dealing with my incest issues. I have never cried with the deep, deep grief that I cried in this dream. The grief was so consuming that I can see myself stopping and just crying before starting to walk again until more grief came through.
In the next part of the dream, I found myself walking into a courtroom with people all around. I knew that I was going to tell them about the rape. That is when I woke up. Just as I woke up, I heard the word "justice" and knew that was why I chose a courthouse. I knew that I wasn't going to remain quiet as I did after my childhood rapes by my uncle and dad. I knew that I would no longer be silenced by the men.
I believe that this was a healing dream in that I deeply grieved and I was willing to seek justice for myself whether the other two women did or not. Also, those two women are reflections of female parts of me that are still living in the abuse and afraid to speak for themselves. So there is still some healing for me to do.
I have been taught that numbers are always important in dreams. In my dream there were three women, counting myself. I called a friend who does numerology and asked her the significance of the number three. She told me that the number three is about expression, creativity and the trinity. In this case, I think that the trinity has to do with my healing on the emotional, physical and spiritual levels of my being. Emotional healing also means physical healing because of the tears and pain that my body releases and no longer carries around. Any time that you let go of emotional pain, it gives more room for spiritual growth and love to enter your body and heart.
As my dream dictionary says the rape happened in my dream because I have made the decision to deal with any remaining incest issues that may come up. Because of this dream, I know that my decision is right. Divine timing is always right. I am exactly where I am supposed to be in my journey.
Thanks to Enola ( http://enola-survivor.blogspot.com/2009/04/wear-blue-on-friday-child-abuse.html ) and Surviving by Grace ( http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/ ) for letting me know that April is Child Abuse Prevention Month across the U. S. Use this month to make yourself more knowledgable about the signs of Child Abuse and how you might be able to do something to save a child.
Patricia
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