Monday, May 7, 2012

Denial: Pretending Everything Is Okay Doesn't Mean Everything Is Okay

Most of the time denial is not helpful. Sometimes it is. Denial can actually save a life or at least a person's sanity, for awhile, when that person is living with abuse on a daily basis like many children do.

Using denial to leave the abuse behind at home helped me to feel safe each day when I went to school. I always loved going to school. I hated summers and holidays that I couldn't go to school.

I had teachers who cared about me and helped me to feel proud that I could excel at something and make good grades. I didn't get that praise and acknowledgment at home.

On the other hand, those same teachers didn't recognise that I was being abused at home. I had no physical signs of abuse on my body but even if I had, I don't know that the teachers could have or would have done anything about the incest in the 1950's and 1960's in America. A man had more freedom then to do as he pleased with his wife and children and often the law would not intervene. The awareness of abuse just wasn't there or if it was, it was rarely acted upon.

Pretending that everything is okay when it isn't, as an adult, is not helpful most of the time. The very same denial, that protected me as a child, worked against me as an adult. Denial comes at a high cost to the human body and mind.

Holding back emotions, hiding from memories, refusing to see the abuse that is going on or went on in the past - all of these can cause stress that wears out the body and harms the mind of the victim. I didn't know how much energy it took to hold on to my denial until I let go of it.

Holding in emotions rather than feeling them takes tremendous mental control. Your body carries all of that stress whether you want to accept it or not. The stress of shutting down emotionally can do harm in the physical realm of the body by causing symptoms like high blood pressure, heart disease, diabetes and many other conditions.

If you are in denial, stop. Give your mind and body a break. You deserve to have a full life. That doesn't happen when you are in denial. For you to heal, and you are definitely worth taking the time and effort to heal, the denial must go. Yes, letting go of the denial, initially, hurts more. That stage doesn't last. You can get past the hurt. You can survive feeling the hurt. Then as you let go of the hurt, through feeling it, you will heal.

As you heal, joy and peace become a possibility that you can open yourself up to. Ask any survivor/thriver, if letting go of the denial and feeling the pain was worth what they have today. They will tell you that it was. Please do this for yourself. You are worth it.

Related Articles:

Resources For An Incest Survivor And Adult Children Of Dysfunctional Families @

Childhood Memories @

Dialogues With Dignity And 22 Ways To Love Yourself @

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

April Blog Link Love

Yes, I know that today is May 1. I have been busy this week. Then yesterday we had thunderstorms that started in the afternoon and kept coming until late in the evening. I always unplug my computer during the threat of thunderstorms. I have a friend who lost her computer when her house was hit by lightning a few years ago.

So my blog link list for April is late in being published. Here it is.

1. No longer a victim and much more than a survivor from the blog A Journey. The subtitle for this blog says, "Seek Knowledge find Wisdom live your Truth"

2. The Art Of Letting Go from the blog Rejuvenation Lounge


4. Beyond Survivor: Interview with Jan Frayne from the blog healthpsychologyconsultancy

5. Are you being abused? What can you do to stop it? from the blog Appalachian Child (which is also the book by author Bea B. Todd)

6. Snowball from the blog My Life as a Strife Survivor

7. The Seeds of Power from the blog As Ashes Scatter

8. Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse April 2012 Edition found at the blog Child Abuse Survivor

9. The Mystery in History #ChildAbuse #Recovery from the blog The Wounded Warrior

10.  A Profile of the Child Molester from the website DreamCatchers For Abused Children

11. Grief Has A Mind of Its Own from the blog Soulseeds

12. Statistics Confirm the High Rate of Incest and Victim's Secrecy from the blog Evil Sits at the Dinner Table

Keep in mind that any or all of these blog articles can be triggering to a child abuse survivor. Read at your own risk.