Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse: May Issue Is Posted

The May issue of Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is out at Kate1975's Blog.  Here is the link:

http://kate1975.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/blog-carnival-against-child-abuse-may-2/

Go by and wish Kate a late birthday as this month is her birthday month.  The topic of this month's Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse is self-care.

So many people take it for granted that everyone is raised to take care of their personal needs.  That is true if they are raised in a healthy family.  For those  who are child abuse survivors, that usually isn't true.  The lies that children who are abused are taught tell them that they have no value to their parents or society.  Victims are taught that their needs are not important.  As adults, they continue to believe that their needs are not important.  They are taught to take care of others' needs and to ignore their own needs.  Many times they are taught to hate their bodies and to ignore even their health.  If they get sick as children, they are ignored or made to feel bad because of their illness.  Some are even punished for daring to get sick.

As survivors, many have to learn the basics of self-care.  Many have fears of doctors and dentists in particular.  As a child a doctor was someone who might ask questions, that might demand answers that the abusers didn't want known.  Dentists are often so frightening because of the survivors fight or flight response that is set off anytime that someone, like a dentist, is right there in their face.  Often because of these fears from childhood, the body is ignored when it first starts to hurt.  Many abuse survivors have a high tolerance for pain.  By the time that they give in to the pain and go to the doctor or the dentist what might have been a minor thing has become a major illness or a major problem with their teeth such as an absess or a rotted tooth.  Self-care isn't taught to child abuse victims.  Self-care is often learned from books or mentors when the victim starts their journey as a survivor.

I hope that you will join me in going to the link to Kate1975's Blog at the following link:

http://kate1975.wordpress.com/2011/05/20/blog-carnival-against-child-abuse-may-2/

This month you have your choice of 34 blog posts.  I hope that you will take the time to read all of them.  This month, 5 of the submissions are mine.  Please feel free to leave comments and let each blogger know what you think about their blog post.  If you have any blog posts of your own that you would like to submit to the Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse, the carnival is posted each month.  You can go to Blog Carnival and look for the deadline for posting for Carnival Against Child Abuse and submit your own posts for next month's carnival.
Patricia

Using Cranio-Sacral Chiropractic Adjustments And Emotional Freedom Techiques To Release Body Memories of Incest

Back in April I ran across a blog called Empowering Wellness which is written by Fred Krazeise who is "a Nationally Certified Massage Therapist and Intrinsic Coach" who "combines wellness coaching and therapeutic body work to provide a source of healing for women suffering from physical or emotional pain or stress."  The words in quotation marks comes from Fred's "About Me" page on his blog.
http://empoweringwellnessnow.com/about-me/

The article that Fred wrote that caught my attention was called "Emotional Healing Tissue Memory and Bodywork - What Happens and Why It is a Good Thing."
http://empoweringwellnessnow.com/emotional-healing-tissue-memory-and-bodywork-%E2%80%93-what-happens-and-why-it-is-a-good-thing/

What I got from Fred's article is that abuse survivors have memories stored in the tissues of their bodies.  I have heard this idea before but have not met anyone who does this type of massage as Fred does.  Fred is like many of my healer friends and has incorporated several different healing methods into his own brand of healing.  I have done the same with Reiki and several other healing modalities that I have been exposed to over the years.  Thank you Fred for what you do.  You are a treasure and a blessing to those who know you and to those women that you work with.

I have a dear friend who is a massage therapist so I asked if she knew anybody in our area that did this type of massage.  She didn't.  What she did recommend was that I go to our chiropractor who does Cranio-Sacral adjustments and ask if what he does would work at releasing body memories.  Well, I did that last week.  He also suggested that I use the services of an associate in his office who does EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) for releasing energy that no longer serves the client.  I have experience with EFT.  I have their manual and have used EFT on myself and a friend in the past.  I have even taken two classes over the past few years on different ways to use EFT for healing.  Rather than me trying to explain how EFT works, you can find a lot of information about EFT at the website of its retired founder Gary Craig.
http://www.eftuniverse.com/

I had my first session with my chiropractor last Monday.  I figure it may take awhile before I see any results of the Cranio-Sacral adjustments.  On Monday, I had a regular adjustment to get everything back into alignment, especially my neck.  The chiropractor agreed that my headaches and nausea that I have been experiencing a lot of over the past month could be because my neck was so out of line.

I had my first session with EFT on Thursday of last week.  EFT works on the assumption that "The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body's energy system." (From "The Timeless Principles of EFT" from the above EFT website)

I really didn't know where to start with the EFT.  I told my therapist/counselor (Not sure what to call him.  I will have to ask next time that I see him.) that I have been working on incest issues for over 20 years and have healed quite a lot over the years.  I told him that I am wanting to find out if I have any body memories that need to be released.

I mentioned that every time that I do work on my issues that I have to acknowledge that a part of me resists doing the work.  A part of me is very resistant to change of any kind.  We did some tapping on releasing this resistance.  I believe that a lot of my headaches come from this resistance.  Those headaches may be an area for us to work on next time.

We then moved to him asking me where I felt anger.  I told him that I feel anger/rage in my solar plexus.  He asked what it looked like and I told him a big black ball of rage that I carry in my solar plexus.  Then we did some tapping on the different energy meridians in the body as I repeated whatever affirmations he told me to say.  You will need to go to the above EFT link and do some reading about how to do EFT if you want to understand how it works.  I know I am not doing a good job of explaining it but I don't remember a lot of what we said.  I know that the next step was to look to see what the remaining anger looked like and it was cleared out of my solar plexus.  It was gone.  I remember at some point being asked to let the anger/rage flow out of my body however it wanted and in whatever direction it wanted to flow.  I remember it flowed down my legs and out of my feet into the earth.  Then we replaced the anger/rage with healing light.  I remember that the light was yellow.  When I run healing light through my body, I have learned to be okay with whatever color it chooses to be.  Sometimes it is white.  Sometimes it is yellow.  Sometimes it is the pink light of love.

Next we went to the sadness that is in my heart.  I told him that sadness has been almost a life-time companion.  We did the tapping and the affirmations.  The sadness was resistant to completely leave.  Only about one-fourth of it left the first time.  We did some more tapping and affirmations and then one of the affirmations that he had me say was something along the lines of "I live my life fully."  When he said that I started to cry and my voice got shaky.  I told him that it has been many, many years since I have fully lived my life.  We did more tapping and affirmations along those lines until the tears and the shaky voice stopped.

What I know from reading about EFT in the past is that when you hit a major issue, the emotions, usually with tears will begin.  When we finished the tapping with this statement of affirmation, the tears were gone and so was the sadness and heaviness in my heart.  I felt joyful and lighter.


When we had the energy flowing from the solar plexus I was aware that it flowed downward into my legs and feet and into the earth.  When we started the energy flowing from my heart to be released, it came out of my heart straight in front of my body and then flowed upward like going toward the sky, toward the heavens.  When we ran healing light to fill the empty space left from releasing the black energy of sadness, the healing light flowed and filled my whole body.  I felt the joy of healing light flowing through me.  This is where we chose to end the session until two weeks from now.

I will be alternating the Cranio-Sacral adjustments one week and the next week will be the EFT sessions for awhile.  I scheduled them on Thursdays because Thursdays are when I also have my Grief Class.  That way I have the class that night to talk about anything that comes up that I may need extra time to talk about afterwords.

I know that I haven't been writing as many posts over the past month or so as I usually do.  I have had several of my readers who are also friends come back and leave messages and hugs as they check up on me.  I thank you all for that.  You are greatly appreciated.

Since I started the Inner Child Letters Series of posts and before that the post about the abuse by my uncle, I have been slower at processes some of the stuff that has come up for me.  I am taking care of myself by not pushing too hard and by just going with the flow.  I thank you all for your love and patience.  I am in a better place now than I was when I first started the Series.

One of my Inner Child Letters Series posts did not get mailed out by Blogger.com or if it did, it didn't get sent to me like all of the others do.  I don't know how many of you got that post so I am going to put the link to that post here.  It is a really important post in the series ending the letters to the three-year-old inner child.  The name of the post is, "Three Year Old Adultress Carries The Shame Of Incest - Inner Child Letter Series." This is the post that talks about the healing of the shame of incest for me.  The link for that post is as follows:
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2010/06/three-year-old-adultress-carries-shame.html

Thank you Fred for giving me the information to start this part of my journey.  I honor you for the amazing work that you do with women.  I wish you were here in my part of the world.  I will do my best to take advantage of what God has put here for me to use.

I have asked two of my friends if they could see any differences in my aura since my EFT session last Thursday.  Both said yes.  One said my aura was not so dark as it was before.  The other said that there is blue above my crown chakra.  Blue is one of the healing colors.  She said the blue hasn't been there in a long time.  I see both of those as proof of the progress that I have already made with these two procedures.
Patricia
 

We Are All Vulnerable To Life And Other People

From Awakening, A Daily Guide to Conscious Living, written by Shakti Gawain, Revised Edition, 1991 & 2006, October 3 page:

"We are all vulnerable

Most of us are somewhat afraid of our vulnerability. We have various ways of masking it, hiding it, defending it. The key to intimacy, though, is being able to be vulnerable with another person. To do that, we must first be honest with ourselves about our deepest, most vulnerable feelings. We must learn to care for and protect these feelings, not by closing them off and defending them, but by being able to say honestly what we feel and ask for what we need.

As we learn to use our inner strength to support and express our inner vulnerability instead of to repress it, we begin to feel safer and more comfortable opening up to another person.

I am learning to feel comfortable with my vulnerability."


Being vulnerable enough to ask for help is a biggy for me. You can read my previous article "Dealing With Change" found at http://patricia-singleton.blogspot.com/2009/10/dealing-with-change.html for some of those reasons.

Lately, I continue to put myself in a place of being vulnerable to others. I actually do that with everyone of the articles that I write on this blog. I allow myself to be vulnerable when I call my Al-Anon sponsor or my best friend.

I recently started attending a grieving group which gives me plenty of opportunities to be vulnerable with more sharing of my incest story and my recovery experiences. Any time that you are in recovery, you do grieving work. Any time that you go to a counselor or therapist, some, if not most, of the work that you do is grieving work as you learn to face your issues. The homework for our group this week was twofold:
1. Give someone else some of your "experience, strength, and hope" when they ask for your help.
2. Receive help from someone else gracefully.

One very important fact that the class was told last night was that "Help is not help unless the person receiving it perceives it as help." Giving advice, even when it is asked for, isn't always helpful. Most of the time when a person asks for advice, what they really need and want is someone to listen to them as they talk and figure out their own answers.

I know that a lot of my readers come from a childhood of abuse in some form. I am passing my homework assignment along to any of you who are willing to do it this week. Let me know how you did.

In a recent comment, I was asked to share a website with my readers. After looking at the website and emailing back and forth with one of the contributers, I decided to put up a Blog Link with this person, Thomas Dow, and his website. His website is called "Let's Be Present". You can find his site at the following link: http://www.letsbepresent.com/ . Thomas, like me, is a Lightworker who is reaching out to help others heal from their childhood abuse issues as he works to heal his own issues.
Patricia

Swine Flu---Buy Into The Fear Or Not

If you have had your TV on or read your newspaper this week, all of the headlines are busy predicting the possible pandemic of swine flu this year. Are you buying into the fear? I'm not. I ask each of you who is reading this to stop the fear and send Light out to the Universe.

I am not saying that you shouldn't be cautious with your health. I am saying don't let fear of getting the flu take over your every waking moment. You don't have to do that. Do what is necessary to take care of your health and that of your families. You should already be doing that. Eat healthier. Take your supplements, if you already do. If you get sick, stay home and take care of yourself. If you need to, like I do, get your body in better shape. Get the sleep that your body needs to operate. Drink more water and less sodas, tea and coffee.

Those of you who are reading this article, I am asking that you spend some time in prayer or meditation, whichever feels better to you, or do both. I am. Surround first yourself with a bubble of white light which strengthens your body and shields you from having your energy sucked out of you. It also helps your attitude which is always a plus for me. Use whatever color of Light that your inner voice suggests.

Next I want you to shine that Light on your neighborhood, your city, your state, and your country. Then I want you to send the Light totally around the world lighting up every being and every plant, every body of water that it comes in contact with. See the whole world surrounded by this bright, bright white Light.

Then ask for the help of your guardian angels and spirit guides to make you more aware of your thoughts, actions, and body. To keep your body healthy, you have to be aware of it. To keep your mind happy, you have to be aware of your thoughts. Be pure in thoughts, words and deeds.

Do whatever you methods you use to keep yourself grounded during this time of upheaval and challenges. I like to use the image of being a tree with branches going up into the Heavens and roots going down into the Earth with energy flowing in from the top of my head and up through the bottoms of my feet. Then whenever you think about it today, next week, next month, next year, send out Love and Light from your heart center into the world. See if we can make the world a better and safer place to be.

What are you doing to keep yourself and your family healthy so that you aren't succeptable to the flu or any other illness?

This week I have been on a raw fruits, raw vegetables, drinking only water in a Spring Cleanse. So far this week, I have lost 4 1/2 pounds. This is the fourth day of my cleanse. (Today is Wednesday. The post won't be posted until Sunday.) For the first time in my life, I have eaten nothing but raw fruits and veggies. I have never eaten so much fruit in my entire life as I have the past few days. This cleanse is to flush toxins out of my body and mostly what I am losing is water weight. I needed to do something because my weight was slowly moving upward and so was my blood pressure. I was back to having indigestion a lot. I already knew that eating more raw fruits and veggies would have the indigestion out the door in no time.

The only thing that I have cheated on is my morning coffee. I haven't been willing to let go of that first cup of coffee in the morning when I wake up. Guess what, while I have been on the clease, I have been making my morning coffee and pouring myself a full cup but when I get halfway through the coffee, I don't want anymore. I am leaving the goat's milk out of it except for the second morning of the cleanse. That cup of coffee tasted greasey to me so I am just having a half-cup of black coffee. I did not sit down and make a committment to stop my coffee. Allowing my taste buds to tell me what I like and don't like is how I became a vegetarian to begin with about 12 years ago. When the coffee no longer tastes good, I will stop. If I continue to like the taste and the way it makes me feel, I will continue to drink coffee.

This week I was given another award. Seems to be my week for recognition from the blogging world. I appreciate it so very much. I definitely feel loved during a time that I have needed it. Thank you God and my blogging friends.

This week's award came from the blog Just Be Real. The award is called the Just Being Real Blog Award. Thanks to Just Be Real. You made my day. You will find a list of other bloggers that also were given the award at the following link http://justbereal77.blogspot.com/2009/04/just-be-real-award.html .

Surviving by Grace also posted the award winners on her blog. She is one of those who has won the award. Thanks for the recognition. You can find her blog article at the following link
http://thethirdfloorwindow.blogspot.com/2009/04/just-being-real-award.html .

Another new blogger that I have recently met through my comment section of my blog and on other blogs is Jay from the blog Porsidan. You will find Jay's About Me page at the following link where he sharing a little about himself and what the term porsidan means. Then you can go on to read some of his wonderfully written posts. http://porsidan.com/about-2/ I have enjoyed reading his posts this week.

I know you are all having a wonderfully productive and growing week.
Patricia

Incest Is One Of My Stories

Who Would You Be Without Your Story? Dialogues with Byron Katie, page 70:
"We use our story of another to delude ourselves. I heard a woman say, in one of the sessions yesterday, 'I just realized that my father did what he did not because of me, but because of his story!' Did you hear that?"

When I read that, for a few seconds, I couldn't breathe. Not because I was rejecting the idea, but because it is so true. I recognised the truth as something that I have known for awhile.

As a child, I believed that the incest was my fault, that it happened because of something that I did or because I was bad and was getting what I deserved as punishment for my existing. Even as a young adult, I still believed those thoughts about myself.

By reading Byron Katie's book and looking at my own thoughts, today I know that these thoughts are no longer correct. Actually, these thoughts were never correct. But because they were my thoughts, I did believe them. Now I don't. I believe that the incest is just one of my stories, one of many, that I am starting to be ok with dropping from my mind. Katie doesn't ever ask you to drop your stories. She just asks that you be willing to look at what your life would be like without those stories.

The incest was done to me because it was my dad's story that he created. I was one of the participants because I believed my own stories.

We are coming out of the Winter season. Spring has begun with mostly warmer days but with some of the storms and chill of winter trying to hold out a little longer.

Because of the work that I have done on my incest issues which are my stories, I have been in an extended Winter in my life. Sometimes working on your issues can make life seem harder than it appeared when I was in denial and stuffing emotions rather than living them. Life seemed harder for awhile because the anger, sadness and hurt were out in the open rather than being hidden. Hidden, they were still causing problems but the problems were not as obvious as when the emotions are being openly expressed and felt.

Winter is the death of the old. Spring is the birth of the new.
Winter is wearing a coat of sad heaviness to protect against the hurts of life. Spring is releasing all of those thoughts and allowing joy into your life.
Winter is holding on to the old. Spring is letting in the light and newness of Life.

Now I am entering the Spring of my life. Spring means new growth, flowers blooming, green life beginning to come up out of the ground and new leaves showing on the trees again. The Spring of my life means being open to all experiences and experiencing new pleasures daily, exploring all that there is to explore. Spring is knowing that Life is glorious each and every day.
Patricia

How Will People Remember You?

Craig Harper from "Motivational Speaker" asks the question what would the people at your funeral say if you died today? That may not be Craig's exact words. That's my interpretation of what he said. Go to http://craigharper.com.au/2008/02/just-another-life.html to read what Craig says. My thoughts afterwards are the reason for this article.


In my comment on Craig's site, I told how my dad's funeral was the saddest day of my life. As a friend of mine said when her mom died, she felt like an orphan on that day. Her dad had died years before.

I can truthfully say that I had no regrets where my dad is concerned. A year and a half before he died, my sister and I visited him in his hospital room when he was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. The surgery removed as much of the tumor as the doctors could safely remove. They gave him six months to live. He fooled them and lived a year and a half. When we visited my dad that day in his hospital room, I spoke to his higher self and told him that I forgave him for the incest.


Did my dad use that year and a half to make changes in his life? No, the older my dad got, the meaner he got. He died alone living in a bus sitting on the side of the road. The bus had been converted into a camper trailer. He and a friend (the only friend who came to his funeral) both had a bus sitting end to end next to each other on the property of the friend's brother. My dad's death certificate says he died from alcohol and cigarette abuse. I assume that means that his heart just stopped beating. My dad was 68 years old. He looked like he was 80-90 years old. It took his friend a week to find any family to notify of my dad's death.


Why was my dad's funeral the saddest day of my life? When I gave everybody the opportunity to say something about my dad at his funeral, nobody said a word. I was too numb to think of anything to say. I was shocked that none of his ten brothers and sisters or his mom said a word. It is sad to me that none of the good things about my dad came to mind for anybody to speak about at his funeral. There must have been some good memories from the years before he became an alcoholic.


His friend was angered and was openly critical of me for the way that I handled things that day. I didn't react to his criticism. My thought was that he apparently knew a different person than I did.



I want to share some of Craig's words from his article with you because they are important to me:
"In the context of 'time' we're only on this planet for a moment, and in the overall scheme of things we are but tiny specks on the face of humanity. In a way we're insignificant, but at the same time we're giants, if we choose to be. Of course I'm not talking about our physical size, but rather the size of the contribution we make to others; our brothers and sisters here on the big blue ball. The legacy we leave behind. That contribution may be on a 'family and friends' level, a community level, a national level or it might be something we do, which in some way has global implications. If we operate from the premise that life is ultimately about what we can give, (as opposed what we can get - the opposite of what 'modern culture' teaches), then we begin to move from selfishness to significance. And on focusing on the giving we become richer (on every level) then we ever would have by focusing on the getting. Clever that. Selfish people rarely become rich. Generous poeple - often. And don't assume that people with loads of money are necessarily rich. Many of them are paupers; spiritually, emotionally and mentally bankrupt. Not all of course, but some."


So, my question to you is, "Do you want to live life like my dad where nobody has anything good to say about you at your funeral or do you want to be remembered for your contributions and good will? Do you want to be a real person who is loved and remembered by all because of who you are?

Compassion, The Ultimate Act Of Love

I have been intending to write this article for awhile and because of where I was emotionally I did not think that I could do it justice. I did not want any of my emotional upset to effect the story that I want to tell.


This is a story of compassion and love demonstrated by a simple act of kindness and caring by a husband for his wife.


The Three Monks are doing a Spread the Love Now! Group Writing Project. For the rules for submitting an article go to one of their websites.

http://www.urbanmonk.net/233/spread-the-love-now-group-writing-project/

http://kentonwhitman.com/blog/2007/12/21/spread-the-love-now-group-writing-project/

http://themiddleway.net/2007/12/21/spread-the-love-now-group-writing-project

Well, just a few days ago, I did a reading from The Healing Runes written by Ralph H. Blum and Susat Loughan. Of the three Runes that I drew, the second one was Compassion. The other two were Courage and Acceptance.

The following quote from the book may sound familiar to my regular readers because I have used it before. It is appropriate to the sharing of my story. On page 116, the book states, "It has been said that when we have compassion for one another, we shall be of one mind. For in living a compassionate life, we are practicing the Presence of God in a simple and universal way. Drawing this Rune reminds us to take time to show compassion for those we meet on our healing journey." The book goes on to say, ". . . remember to have compassion for yourself." This Rune further reminds us to look at the world through the eyes of compassion.

I drew the Rune for Compassion quite a bit while I was in India and since I have been back home. One of the best examples of compassion that I have ever seen was when I was at the ashram of Sathya Sai Baba in Puttiparthi, India.

My friend Ki does foot reflexology. She was staying near the ashram when my friend Sherryl and I arrived. Ki invited Sherryl and I to go with her to meet a couple from Austria. Ki thought that maybe Sherryl could do some healing work on the wife with her Reiki and Cranio-sacral adjustments that Sherryl is trained to do as well as being a massage therapist. I was too sick to accompany them for the first two visits.

On the third visit, I went with Ki and Sherryl to visit Hans and Marguerite. Marguerite had been paralyzed and not able to move anything except her head for over two months when we met her. She had been diagnosed with Gillian Barre Syndrome. Sherryl has known three other people who had contracted the disease back in the United States so she was able to give Hans and Marguerite some encouraging information about the disease. Two of the three people had complete recoveries from the disease. The third person was Sherryl's elderly uncle who only recovered partially. Because of his advanced age, he still walks with the aid of canes. Sherryl was able to tell Marguerite that since she was in her thirties and did not need mechanical help with breathing that she would probably have a full recovery. When Sherryl was massaging Marguerite's leg muscles, Marguerite felt pain from the muscles cramping. Sherryl was able to tell her that it was good news. Her muscles were beginning to get the feeling back in them so recovery was already beginning.

The most compassionate moment that I was blessed to be able to see was between Marguerite and her husband Hans who was her major caregiver during the entire two months that she had been completely helpless. Hans worked very hard to make sure that Marguerite was as comfortable as he could make her during this whole time. Sherryl's words gave Hans encouragement also. Hans was able to find people who could come in and do reflexology and massage to help keep Marguerite's muscles from atrophying.

As Ki was doing reflexology on Hans' feet and Sherryl was doing a massage on Marguerite's legs, I sat at their dining room table watching and holding the safe space for the healing work of the other two and sending Reiki energy to both Hans and Marguerite.

As tired as Hans was, he was always very gentle and loving towards Marguerite. She would ask a question or make a comment and he would patiently answer her. At one point, Marguerite gave a little cry of pain and then asked Hans a question. Hans gently and lovingly reached out and patted Marguerite's hand as he softly talked to her answering her question and reassuring her.

This simple act of patting Marguerite's hand was the most loving act of compassion that I have ever experienced. This simple act spoke volumes. I felt so blessed to be a part of the love and healing that took place in that small room.

That was the most beautiful experience that I had during my trip to India. I think that I have hesitated to share this experience because it was so personal and I was afraid that I would not do it justice in describing it. Three Monks, thanks for giving me a reason to make the attempt.
What better time than the Christmas season to spread some love.