Being An Advocate And Speaking Out Does Mean I Am Stuck In Victim Mode

Wow! June is almost over, half a year is almost gone. Where has 2014 gone? So much has been going on in my house and family lately. I intended to write more here but have just been too busy. Our daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren came to visit. Our son-in-law flew home earlier in the week but our daughter and grandchildren are here for several more weeks. Daniel has taken them hiking at our favorite camping place in Arkansas. Our daughter texted me not long ago to say they were finished with the hiking and were going swimming now. Thankfully, it is only cloudy there, not raining like it has been here off and on for the afternoon. I was supposed to go with them but woke up with a headache and slightly nauseous this morning so I went back to bed for awhile. I just asked if I should think about cooking Supper and was told no so I am here instead.

Recently a family member that I thought understood about my advocacy work and the meaning behind why I blog unfriended me on Facebook because of all of the articles that I post that were taking over her page. She told me that I seemed to be stuck in victim mode and wasn't living my life, that I was stuck in the past and life was passing me by. I was hurt that this person just doesn't understand and doesn't see the good that comes from my advocacy. 

I was angry for awhile too. Then I let go of it. I am sharing this because I know other survivors have been told to "Get over it; to let it go; to get on with their lives; to just stop talking about it." usually by well meaning people that are in denial of their own pain. It does a job on your self-worth when someone so misunderstands you and your mission, especially when it is someone that you thought understood. 

I want this person and others to know that I do have a life off of the computer. So do most survivors. I share my passion for stopping child abuse because it is important if we are going to save all of the children from being abused. I also share because I felt alone so much of my early years of healing. I want other survivors to know they are not alone. I want them to know that they too can have a great life after abuse and healing. Healing work is hard but not as hard as being abused. We need to raise children who don't need healing. As long as pedophiles and molesters are still hurting children, as long as survivors are still being silent about their abuse because they think they are the only ones, my work will not stop. 

Unfriend me if you want to on Facebook, some already have. That is your choice and I honor that choice. Honor my choice to not stop being an advocate for children and survivors. If you choose to be silent then you are part of the group that allows abuse of children to continue. Hide your eyes and close your ears, just don't expect me to.  Child sexual abuse happens in the silence and will continue to happen as long as we let it. I was a part of that silence for too many years before I knew I had a choice to break my silence and speak out. We all have choices. I hope yours protects a child from sexual abuse. We have to educate everyone. If you don't believe me, just look at the court systems who are releasing offenders back out onto the streets to hurt more children. 
Patricia

The Blessings Of Surviving Incest

"Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it."
                                             ---Buddha

I do believe this. I would never wish that another human being experience the abuse of incest that I went through and I know that without my own experiences, I would not be who I am today. I would not have the strength, courage or compassion that I have today. I would not have the ability to offer hope to other survivors. I would not have the wisdom of surviving that I have today. I would not have the stubbornness that refuses to give up even on the hardest of days.


"I Regret 
Nothing in my life
even if my past
was full of hurt,
I still look back & 
smile,
Because
It made me who i am 
today."
                         ---www.omtimes.com  as shared on Facebook

Here is my response to reading the above quote:

I love who I am today. Without the incest, I have no idea who I would be today. I have chosen to take the bad and turn it into sometime good - a me that I can be proud of - full of love and compassion for my fellow human beings. My strength comes from surviving what I experienced as a child. My courage comes from facing my fears and, believe me, they were many more than people looking at me today can see. My compassion for myself and for others comes from my past hurts. I don't want anyone else to hurt like I once did and for those who are hurting today, I can honestly say, "I know what that feels like." 

I expect honesty out of myself and anyone that I trust because as a child there were so many lies from the adults in my life. Once you have earned my trust, I trust you completely. If you betray that trust, I will walk away and not look back. 

Helping other survivors and sharing my story is the best way I know of to bring good out of the abuse.  Being able to help other survivors to heal brings meaning to my life. I have met some of the most amazing people because of becoming an advocate for children and other survivors. 

My world today is rich with friendships and family that I love. Many of those friendships are because of my advocacy work. I love you all. You inspire me to never give up and to keep taking the next step forward in whatever direction it takes me. I know that I am not alone. Neither are you.
Patricia

Child Abuse Prevention And Awareness: What Can You Do?

Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted, the indifference of those who should have known better, the silence of justice when it mattered most, that made it possible for evil to triumph."           ---Haile Selassie

Thank you to my friend, Faith McDaniel, another Advocate for children and survivors of childhood sexual abuse, who shared this quote recently on Facebook. 

This article came about because of a person on Facebook asking the question (paraphrased) what can just one person do to stop child abuse. His comment was that child abuse is so big, how can one person make a difference. Here is my answer to him.

You begin with one day at a time, one child at a time, and one survivor at a time. If you continue to do nothing as previous generations have done, nothing changes. 

I am proud to be in our generation which is no longer being silent about the abuse we have suffered from and through. I am proud that we do have a voice and aren't afraid to use it. One day we will stop child abuse in all of its ugly, evil forms, but we won't do it by remaining silent and afraid.

Any start is better than no start at all. Instead of the question, "What can we do to stop child abuse?" bring it down to the question, "What can I do to stop child abuse?" Make it personal. Make it real. 

Find one small thing you can do today and do it. Don't just talk about doing it. Don't say you will try. Try gives you a way to do nothing but talk. Do. Then tomorrow do something else. 

Have a conversation with someone about the signs of child abuse. Educate yourself if you don't know those signs. Post something about child abuse on your Facebook page or Twitter to educate others. Education is so important for parents and for children.

If you remain silent, nothing changes. Mentor a child. Give them a healthy role model of what it means to be an adult. Allow them to be children. Listen to the child when they talk to you. Really listen. You may be the only one who does. 

If you suspect child abuse, report it. Tell the agency that you call what you think is happening or what your feelings are. Don't keep quiet because you might be wrong. What is worse is that you might be right and you may be the only hope that child has. If you ask a child if they are being abused and they say no, that child may be too afraid of their abusers to tell you the truth. What does your gut tell you? If you tried to get help for the child and failed, remain a mentor to the child. You may be the only kind and loving adult in that child's life. You may be their lifeline to sanity.

Just think of the changes that could happen and the children who could be saved and protected if each one of us did just one thing each day to change the status quo. We can do it one child at a time.
Patricia

Silence Allows Child Abuse To Continue - I Will Not Be Silenced!

"I can't read this stuff anymore."  This is the second comment of this sort that I have received over the past two days in response to the abuse articles that I post on my Facebook page. This particular response came under the following article with the title of "Father who killed his daughter, 3, with an 'immense' blow to the stomach and failed to call for help jailed for seven years." Here is the link to the article if you want to read it. I warn you, it isn't an easy article to read. I also wonder why such a light sentence - 7 years for killing a 3-year-old - was given?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2370455/Father-killed-daughter-3-immense-blow-stomach-failed-help-jailed-seven-years.html

Anyone who enjoys reading this stuff is sick. I don't read them because I enjoy them. I don't share them because I want someone to enjoy reading them. I want you to read them so that you are educated about child abuse. It isn't an imaginary thing that is happening to someone else. Children are getting abused every day and every day, children, like this 3-year-old, are dying. She is one of the few that we know about. Society - people, families, neighbors, aunts and uncles - don't acknowledge child abuse and then do something to stop it nearly enough. There are still too many children who are being abused and nobody does anything to stop it until it is too late, like for this little girl who died at the hands of someone who should have loved and protected her. Instead he killed her. He got seven years. She got death. Is that fair? She died before she had a real chance to live. Are you as outraged as I am over his seven year sentence?

Our court systems aren't giving heavy enough sentences, in my opinion, especially with cases of child molestation. Many are getting light sentences, as short as 3 years or less, and then they are back out abusing more children. I see this every day in the articles that I read. I question the thinking of the judges that put them back out on the streets so quickly. I question the society that I live in that allows this to happen. Why aren't more people joining me and voicing their concerns?

Back to my readers' comments from Facebook. The first person told me that she had to sort thru so much garbage (my word, not hers) to get to the gems (her word) that I share. I share both - garbage and gems. I do share a lot of inspiring stuff on my page to conteract the darkness of the evil in the articles that I also share. I told this person that it was okay with me if she unfriended me on Facebook if she had trouble with what I put on my page. I also told her that I won't stop posting about the evil side of child abuse.

Why do I continue to share this crap? Because we have to know what is happening if we have any chance of changing it and stopping it. It is my prayer that one day there will be no more child abuse articles to share. Will I stop because, as my friend above says, she can't read anymore? No, I won't. The topic of child abuse and stopping it is too important.

Too many of us have been silent for too long. Please join me in using your Facebook page, Twitter page and your blog, if you have one, as a weapon against those who commit child abuse. Don't let abusers continue to maim and murder their children in silence. Join me and break the silence of child abuse. Even those of us who survived a childhood of abuse still have invisible scars that affect our lives even as adults. If you are an adult survivor, share your story with someone. By sharing your story, you may be giving someone else the permission that they need to tell their own stories. Be sure to share your healing too. By sharing your healing, you may inspire someone else to take the first step on their own healing journey. If you don't like what I share on my Facebook page or here on my blog - good. I don't like it either. But I won't stop sharing as long as child abuse, especially child sexual abuse, is still happening.
Patricia

Hurricane Sandy and Elections

Where does time go these days? I just cannot keep up with everything that I want to do and visit with everyone that I want to talk to. Is it because I am getting older or is time really speeding up? I am not sure but I don't like it.

These past few weeks will be remembered in the U. S. for a long time. Hurricane Sandy has come and gone and left a lot of damage in the lives of many Americans as well as in Haiti and the other islands that she hit before the U. S. I am continuing to pray for all of those people who have been affected by the destructive path of Hurricane Sandy. Events like this should bring out the compassion and generosity in all people.

I pray that President Obama who won re-election yesterday has the best interest of the American people at heart with any and all decisions that he makes over the next four years. I am so glad that all of the political advertisements are gone for another few years until election time comes around again. I wish that all politicians, not just the presential ones, would take an oath to say nothing but the truth when they open their mouths. I am proud of all the the Americans who took the time to vote yesterday. Voting is a privilege that not all people have the option to do in other countries in the world.

I don't usually express my political views on here but I am so grateful for the defeat of the three politicians who mouthed off stupid things in sharing their beliefs about rape and pregnancy. I have faith in Americans in stepping up and saying no to child abuse and no to rape. I am proud of the women and men who voted against those politicians. None of them were in my state of Arkansas or I would have voted against them.

As an advocate for children and survivors of child sexual abuse, I am so proud of everyone who is breaking the silence of abuse and domestic violence.  I had a conversation on Twitter this morning from someone who thought that most of my tweets and retweets were very negative and dark. He was afraid that they would trigger him to drink. I told him to take care of himself and if he needed to he could Unfollow me without it hurting me. I went on to tell him that I would not stop retweeting the type of posts that I tweet. I told him that negativity and darkness is the reality of children who are being sexually abused. People need to be aware of what those children are dealing with and how much adult survivors struggle with issues of incest and/or domestic violence and rape. Not of those situations are rosey colored and pretty so my tweets and retweets aren't either. I understand about triggers so I am not angry or upset with this young man. He understood my position as well.

It is time for people to take their heads out of the sand and pay attention to what is going on in their homes, communities and the world where children live. I do tweet and retweet a lot of inspirational tweets too because I know that we all need to be encouraged and uplifted, especially if you are a survivor. I do the same thing on my Facebook page. I won't stop talking about child abuse, rape and domestic violence until there are no more victims and every child is safe.
Patricia

Today Honor All Survivors Of Child Sexual Abuse

Something I wrote a short while ago on Twitter says, "Today honor all the Survivors that you know with a hug &/or kind words. We all struggle at times. We can heal." Today I ask you to do this for any Survivors that you know.  With the statistics saying that one in four girls and one in six boys today are sexually abused before the age of 18, chances are very good that you know at least one survivor. Another statistic that says your odds of knowing a survivor are even better is the one that says for every survivor that tells about their abuse, another six never report their sexual abuse.

I ran across a site a few days ago that calls itself RANDOM FACTS. Here are two lists that I read and want to share with you. Warning: Some of what you read in these two lists may be disturbing. I hope they are.  Education and understanding is necessary if we are ever going to stop child predators from abusing children.

64 Facts About . . .
Child Sexual Abuse
http://facts.randomhistory.com/child-sexual-abuse-facts.html


55 Little Known Facts About . . .
Human Trafficking
http://facts.randomhistory.com/human-trafficking-facts.html


I will leave you with one more of my Tweets from this week. "I have always known even as a child that I would find a way to make something good come out of the incest." Reaching out to other incest survivors with my blog, my facebook page where I go by my full name Patricia Caldwell Singleton and on Twitter where I go by patriciasinglet is one way that I make something good come from being sexually abused as a little girl.  You will find me talking and sharing with other survivors in all three places. Supporting each other makes our healing a little less of a struggle than doing it alone. Now go tell your Survivor friend or family member that you love them and you are there for them. They will appreciate you for it. Have a glorious day.
Patricia