Friday, June 27, 2014

Being An Advocate And Speaking Out Does Mean I Am Stuck In Victim Mode

Wow! June is almost over, half a year is almost gone. Where has 2014 gone? So much has been going on in my house and family lately. I intended to write more here but have just been too busy. Our daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren came to visit. Our son-in-law flew home earlier in the week but our daughter and grandchildren are here for several more weeks. Daniel has taken them hiking at our favorite camping place in Arkansas. Our daughter texted me not long ago to say they were finished with the hiking and were going swimming now. Thankfully, it is only cloudy there, not raining like it has been here off and on for the afternoon. I was supposed to go with them but woke up with a headache and slightly nauseous this morning so I went back to bed for awhile. I just asked if I should think about cooking Supper and was told no so I am here instead.

Recently a family member that I thought understood about my advocacy work and the meaning behind why I blog unfriended me on Facebook because of all of the articles that I post that were taking over her page. She told me that I seemed to be stuck in victim mode and wasn't living my life, that I was stuck in the past and life was passing me by. I was hurt that this person just doesn't understand and doesn't see the good that comes from my advocacy. 

I was angry for awhile too. Then I let go of it. I am sharing this because I know other survivors have been told to "Get over it; to let it go; to get on with their lives; to just stop talking about it." usually by well meaning people that are in denial of their own pain. It does a job on your self-worth when someone so misunderstands you and your mission, especially when it is someone that you thought understood. 

I want this person and others to know that I do have a life off of the computer. So do most survivors. I share my passion for stopping child abuse because it is important if we are going to save all of the children from being abused. I also share because I felt alone so much of my early years of healing. I want other survivors to know they are not alone. I want them to know that they too can have a great life after abuse and healing. Healing work is hard but not as hard as being abused. We need to raise children who don't need healing. As long as pedophiles and molesters are still hurting children, as long as survivors are still being silent about their abuse because they think they are the only ones, my work will not stop. 

Unfriend me if you want to on Facebook, some already have. That is your choice and I honor that choice. Honor my choice to not stop being an advocate for children and survivors. If you choose to be silent then you are part of the group that allows abuse of children to continue. Hide your eyes and close your ears, just don't expect me to.  Child sexual abuse happens in the silence and will continue to happen as long as we let it. I was a part of that silence for too many years before I knew I had a choice to break my silence and speak out. We all have choices. I hope yours protects a child from sexual abuse. We have to educate everyone. If you don't believe me, just look at the court systems who are releasing offenders back out onto the streets to hurt more children. 


Unknown said...

Well said my wonderful friend. I agree with you 100%. If others don't want to see what we do and why we do it, then unfriend us, but we are NOT going to stop being advocates for children, they need us. No one was there for us to protect us, to love us, so we now can be their protectors and love them, the way we wanted. Great blog post Pat, and I'm sorry your family member feels that way, and can't see what you do is to help protect children. We don't live in the past, it is gone, we live here now, to protect innocent victims. Love you my friend. <3

Vigabo said...

Well said Patricia. Just ask those who criticize what you do, what they are doing to help raise awareness of cold sexual abuse. Like most, the answer will be silence.

Alene Gone Bad said...

Patricia, you cannot possibly be in victim mode, you are taking courageous steps every day by speaking out and overcoming your fears. You've moved far beyond that to do some real public education and make people aware of how extensive the problem is. Silence is dangerous. I'm glad you are doing what you do. Keep on.

Patricia Singleton said...

Mary, Cruiseroo, and Alene, Thank you all for your love and support and for getting what I said.

Colleen said...

Amen to your post and amen to what everyone said here. The child abuser's best friend is silence. And the darkness that goes with it.
My father and his wife are so angry that I wrote my book. We have not spoken in many years. They do not understand that I did not write the book to hurt my father. I wrote the book to help other survivors. They don't get it.
Your family member does not get it. Too bad. She is missing out on many things. Not the least of which, is to know a brave woman who is not afraid to speak the truth and bring light to a dark subject. God bless you Patricia!

Patricia Singleton said...

Colleen, Thank you. (((Hugs))) to you. I know you understand my position.

Marj aka Thriver said...

I don't think of you as a victim at all. I sure would rather get some useful advocacy info coming through my feed on Facebook instead of yet another cute kitty photo or something like that (don't get me wrong: I LOVE cats).

Actually posted on my old dusty blog today to update folks (if anyone still stops by) about my new nature art website. So, checking links that still work and stopping by to say hello. Great to "see" you!

Patricia Singleton said...

Marj, Thank you my friend. I have missed you. It is great to see you here. Yours was one of the first blogs about healing from incest that I followed and read. I learned and grew from reading your blog articles.