Sunday, May 31, 2009

Why Some People Are Blind To Abuse

Some people are blind to abuse because it isn't in their experience, so they don't see the signs.

Some people are blind to abuse because they don't want to see.

Some people are blind to abuse because they don't want to see what they already know is happening.

Some people are blind to abuse because to see would be to feel their own pain.

Some people are blind to abuse because to see would mean that they would have to act and they are afraid of change.

Some people are blind to abuse because they don't want the responsibility of doing something.

Some people are blind to abuse because they can't believe that another adult would do such things to a child.

Some people are blind to abuse because they don't want to ruin someone else's life if they are wrong.

Some people are blind to abuse because they don't want to stick their nose in somebody else's business.

Some people are blind to abuse because they just don't care.

Please, please don't be any of the above. Become aware. If you can, do something to make yourself more knowledgable of the signs of child abuse. Do a search online. Learn more about how to stop child abuse. Ask a survivor of child abuse what you can do to help them feel valued and safe. Give your child a hug and tell them you love them. Tell them they can come to you to talk about anything.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

May Carnival Against Child Abuse

Marj over at "Survivors Can Thrive" has posted the May Carnival Against Child Abuse. There are some very informative articles there written by child abuse survivors like myself. If you are interested in learning more about child abuse, how to prevent it from happening to the next generation of children, or how child abuse can continue to affect your adult life, then go on over to "Survivors Can Thrive" at the following link:

Here is the word of caution that Marj adds at the beginning of the Carnival articles:
"Trigger Warning: Keep yourself safe as you read. Understandably, child abuse can be a very triggering subject."

The reason for this warning is that most of us who write the articles and some of us who read the articles are Child Abuse Survivors. Certain stories can trigger fear, panic, anger, and even flashbacks in Survivors.

I had some triggers of my own set off over the past few weeks. I have had to deal with a sudden irrational fear of having strangers come into my home. Most of the time I am ok with my husband inviting interesting people that he has met and even some friends into our home. Afterall, he lives here too. I have a few of my friends of my own who have open invitations and come without advance notice.

Because of me writing the recent articles on incest and reading the blogs of other survivors, I have found myself becoming fearful over the past few weeks. That surprised me. I didn't expect it. I told my husband that I know the fear is irrational and I still feel it. I am working through it and telling my husband about it was the first step. As a survivor, I need to feel safe in my own home because as a child, my home wasn't a safe place to be.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

My Name Is Chris And I Am Three Years Old

Hi. This is an email that was sent to me on the internet. I don't know who to give credit for the writing and original posting of this poem. Whoever you are, thanks for showing us the worst side of child abuse.

For those of you who are unaware, WAKE UP! This happens everyday somewhere in the world. Silence lets it happen. If you do a search for incest or sexual abuse on the internet, you will find that many of us who have survived childhood abuse are now speaking up and breaking the silence of our own abuse at the hands of our parents, our neighbors, our siblings, our aunts or uncles, grandfathers, someone else that we trusted and sometimes by complete strangers. Today most of us know someone who is living with abuse or who survived a childhood of abuse. If you don't know the signs of childhood abuse, check out this cite that I just recently found thanks to Surviving By Grace ( ). The site is called Let Go, Let Peace Come In Foundation blog and is found at the following link: .

Here is the poem that I wanted to share with you. Beware of emotions ahead. The name of the poem is "Daddy ............ it hurts".

"My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen,
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All day long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar.

I hear him curse,
My name is called,
I press myself,
Against the wall.

I try to hide,
From his evil eyes,
I'm so afraid now,
I'm starting to cry.

He finds me weeping,
Calls me ugly words,
He says its my fault,
He suffers at work.

He slaps and hits me,
And yells at me more,
I finally get free,
And run for the door.

He already locked it,
And I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me,
Against the hard wall.

I fall to the floor,
With my bones nearly broken,
And my dad continues,
With more bad words spoken.

'I'm sorry!', I scream,
But it's now much too late,
His face has been twisted,
Into an unimaginable shape.

The hurt and the pain,
Again and again,
Oh please God, have mercy,
Oh please let it end.

And he finally stops,
And heads for the door,
While I lay motionless,
Sprawled on the floor.

My name is Chris,
I am three,
Tonight my daddy,
Murdered me................."

Unknown Author

I know that this is hard to read and it is the truth of abuse. Even if you survive the physical abuse, there are the scars of emotional abuse to deal with.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Comments From My Readers

First of all, I want to say "Thank You" to each of my readers who leave a comment at the end of my posts. Your comments add to the body of my posts. Thank you. Your comments expand my thoughts. I appreciate your sharing of your feelings and thoughts on what I write.

I do not mind having your comments express a difference of opinion. I don't expect everybody to agree with my thoughts and feelings. The world would be a dull place if we were all alike. Differences make me think about things in a different light. I have no problem accepting our differences of opinion. Being a Saggittarian, I even thrive on our differences.

With my topic of incest, I expect feelings to sometimes be expressed quite strongly. I have no problem with that. You should have strong emotions about incest and the perpetrators. Those strong emotions are what will help us to stop child sexual abuse. I want you to feel strongly when I write my posts about incest.

When I write about my spiritual beliefs, I know that some people will disagree. That is fine too. I know that my spiritual beliefs are possibly disturbing to some people because their beliefs are different. My spiritual beliefs are pretty broad for some people and I know that. I am ok with that. I do not expect everyone to agree with me. That is ok.

What I do expect is that if you disagree with me and you express that disagreement, do it with respect for me and for my readers. I resently got a series of three comments from a person who left a comment that was very judgmental and attacked the organization that I talked about in the post. I published the first comment but I rejected that next two. As the writer of this blog, I have that right.

I know that my beliefs are different than a lot of people. I am ok with being different. I am not ok with being told that I am going to Hell for those beliefs. I am not ok with a personal attack on me or those that I write about. All those type of comments do is spread more venom and hatred in the world. I will not allow my blog to be a part of spreading hate in the world. Expressing anger at a person because of his/her actions is not the same thing as bigotry. Bigot according to the dictionary is "One intolerant of or prejudiced against those of differing religious beliefs, political opinion, etc." (The Doubleday Dictionary For Home, School, and Office, Doubleday & Company, Inc., 1975, page 70).

I will not be a part of spreading more hatred into the world. Please be honest and respectful with your comments. Do not attack another person or organization. If you disagree that strongly with my view points, you have the choice to not visit my blog again. Express your opinions and your feelings, just don't attack me with those opinions and feelings. That is abuse and I am not the child who couldn't protect herself. I will protect myself and my readers from your hurtful words.

If you are one of my readers who is a survivor of any form of childhood abuse and are angry at your perpretrators, I am not asking that you monitor your feelings. I know how that anger can feel. That is not what this article is talking about. If you are angry with your perpretrator, feel free to say so in your comments. I want this blog to be a help in your healing. I am not asking you to pretend that you are ok when you are not. I am asking for honesty in your feelings if you choose to leave a comment on something that I have written. You can express feelings without the use of vulgar language. I want my readers who are survivors to feel free to express their feelings. Again, I want to tell you that you are not the ones that this article is written about. You are the reason that I write to share my experience of recovery and hope for a better life. As a survivor, you have the right to have a better life.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

A Little Girl's Story---Incest May Be A Part Of My Life Series---Part 8

This is a little girl with a story to tell. She lives inside an ugly, dirty yellow wall of fear. From behind this wall she sees a world full of anger and hate. She's crying because she knows this anger and hate also hide inside herself. She sees the reds and blacks of rage. This makes her more afraid because her own anger has been held in for so long. She is afraid if she lets it out, it will consume her. She's crying because it hurts to be so angry. She's crying because no one sees what she feels. No one sees her. She lives inside my head.

She has no mouth because she can't tell anyone about her anger. They wouldn't like her. They would say she was bad. She would be punished. She has no mouth because the screams are silent ones inside her head. She has no mouth to tell others about the abuse. They might not believe her and that would hurt more than the abuse.

She has no feet because she can't run away. Where would she go? She would die alone. She feels so helpless. All she ever wanted was someone to love her. All she ever wanted was to be herself. She would die alone because she is only 3 years old. Even at 11 years old, she still needs her mom and dad to take care of her.

I wrote the original story back on June 23, 1989 one month after I did an oil painting, my first, on feelings. I had read that art therapy was a good way to get in touch with your feelings. I wanted to know what it was like to feel. I had shut down that part of myself as a way to survive the incest when I was a child. After doing the painting, I still didn't feel anything. People that I shared the painting with said that the feelings were plain to see in the painting. I was still a few years away from reconnecting with my feelings but that painting and the words were my first steps in that direction.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Swine Flu---Buy Into The Fear Or Not

If you have had your TV on or read your newspaper this week, all of the headlines are busy predicting the possible pandemic of swine flu this year. Are you buying into the fear? I'm not. I ask each of you who is reading this to stop the fear and send Light out to the Universe.

I am not saying that you shouldn't be cautious with your health. I am saying don't let fear of getting the flu take over your every waking moment. You don't have to do that. Do what is necessary to take care of your health and that of your families. You should already be doing that. Eat healthier. Take your supplements, if you already do. If you get sick, stay home and take care of yourself. If you need to, like I do, get your body in better shape. Get the sleep that your body needs to operate. Drink more water and less sodas, tea and coffee.

Those of you who are reading this article, I am asking that you spend some time in prayer or meditation, whichever feels better to you, or do both. I am. Surround first yourself with a bubble of white light which strengthens your body and shields you from having your energy sucked out of you. It also helps your attitude which is always a plus for me. Use whatever color of Light that your inner voice suggests.

Next I want you to shine that Light on your neighborhood, your city, your state, and your country. Then I want you to send the Light totally around the world lighting up every being and every plant, every body of water that it comes in contact with. See the whole world surrounded by this bright, bright white Light.

Then ask for the help of your guardian angels and spirit guides to make you more aware of your thoughts, actions, and body. To keep your body healthy, you have to be aware of it. To keep your mind happy, you have to be aware of your thoughts. Be pure in thoughts, words and deeds.

Do whatever you methods you use to keep yourself grounded during this time of upheaval and challenges. I like to use the image of being a tree with branches going up into the Heavens and roots going down into the Earth with energy flowing in from the top of my head and up through the bottoms of my feet. Then whenever you think about it today, next week, next month, next year, send out Love and Light from your heart center into the world. See if we can make the world a better and safer place to be.

What are you doing to keep yourself and your family healthy so that you aren't succeptable to the flu or any other illness?

This week I have been on a raw fruits, raw vegetables, drinking only water in a Spring Cleanse. So far this week, I have lost 4 1/2 pounds. This is the fourth day of my cleanse. (Today is Wednesday. The post won't be posted until Sunday.) For the first time in my life, I have eaten nothing but raw fruits and veggies. I have never eaten so much fruit in my entire life as I have the past few days. This cleanse is to flush toxins out of my body and mostly what I am losing is water weight. I needed to do something because my weight was slowly moving upward and so was my blood pressure. I was back to having indigestion a lot. I already knew that eating more raw fruits and veggies would have the indigestion out the door in no time.

The only thing that I have cheated on is my morning coffee. I haven't been willing to let go of that first cup of coffee in the morning when I wake up. Guess what, while I have been on the clease, I have been making my morning coffee and pouring myself a full cup but when I get halfway through the coffee, I don't want anymore. I am leaving the goat's milk out of it except for the second morning of the cleanse. That cup of coffee tasted greasey to me so I am just having a half-cup of black coffee. I did not sit down and make a committment to stop my coffee. Allowing my taste buds to tell me what I like and don't like is how I became a vegetarian to begin with about 12 years ago. When the coffee no longer tastes good, I will stop. If I continue to like the taste and the way it makes me feel, I will continue to drink coffee.

This week I was given another award. Seems to be my week for recognition from the blogging world. I appreciate it so very much. I definitely feel loved during a time that I have needed it. Thank you God and my blogging friends.

This week's award came from the blog Just Be Real. The award is called the Just Being Real Blog Award. Thanks to Just Be Real. You made my day. You will find a list of other bloggers that also were given the award at the following link .

Surviving by Grace also posted the award winners on her blog. She is one of those who has won the award. Thanks for the recognition. You can find her blog article at the following link .

Another new blogger that I have recently met through my comment section of my blog and on other blogs is Jay from the blog Porsidan. You will find Jay's About Me page at the following link where he sharing a little about himself and what the term porsidan means. Then you can go on to read some of his wonderfully written posts. I have enjoyed reading his posts this week.

I know you are all having a wonderfully productive and growing week.