Friday, June 27, 2008

Gifts Of Facing Your Fears

A few days ago I read an article called "Cash in on the Hidden Gold Beneath Your Fears" written by Tom Volkar at Delightful Work. You will find the article at this link: .

Click on the link above and go read Tom's article, then come back here and read mine. I'll be here when you get back. In the mean time, I will go fix myself a cup of coffee.

People keep telling me that I am courageous to write about incest. I am not any more brave than anyone else. I have just reached the grand age of 56 years old where I don't care as much what other people think about me as I once did. I do care. At 56, my opinion of me is the most important. Doing what is right for me has become more important than your opinion of me.

The praise does feel good so if you want to keep it coming, I won't object. I will even admit that I love it when you tell me how good, nice, courageous, outspoken I am. My ego is still in tact and even still in control at times. So thank you for your words of encouragement. They are appreciated.

I need to set the record straight. I am just as fearful as the rest of you, probably even more so than some of you. Yes, writing down my thoughts on this blog for the world to see is scarey business but the rewards have been well worth facing my fears to do this. Facing my fears has been so rewarding. I can so relate to Tom's article and see that when we face our fears, there is gold hidden beneath the fears.

In one of my recent articles, "Quit Playing Small And Insignificant" ( ), I faced a major fear of mine---the fear that I might be "powerful beyond measure" (Marianne Williamson in "A Return to Love"). I was fearful of letting my light shine to its full strength because you might think I felt superior to you. My ego might even try to convince me that I am superior to you. As it says in my article, I was fearful of accepting that I am responsible for my life and what I do with that life.

What have been the immediate gold that I found hidden beneath those fears?
1. I have found a new level of self-confidence that I didn't have before. I acted as if I were confident but it was only an act. Now, it is real. I am powerful beyond all measure and so are you. Each of us is powerful as magnificient reflections of the God in each of us.

2. My creativity with my writing for this blog has gone through the roof. I have never written as many articles as I have in the past week. I am not posting them all at once so you will continue to see these articles come out over the next few weeks. I wrote 5 articles last week, three of which have already been posted. This article is the second one in two days that I have written this week.

3. Tools such as Tom's article and the information that I posted from Paula Kawal that you will find in my article "Shame, The Abuser's Friend" found at have come my way to be shared on this blog. Helping others has to come second after helping myself to grow since I choose to help others through sharing my own journey. These tools will give me and you more ways to heal ourselves. This is a lesson I learned about 20 years ago. I can't help others heal until I have done the work of healing myself.

4. Michelle Vandepas and CK Reyes at Divine Purpose Unleashed ( ) have helped me to look more clearly at what my divine purpose is. This blog is the tool for me to accomplish my divine purpose of reaching out to others who wish to move beyond victim and survivor to become who they really are as Divine Beings.

5. Slade Roberson ( ) and Andrea Hess ( ) have both opened the door for me to learn to communicate more with my Spirit Guides. Hey guys, that voice in your head or your ear doesn't necessarily mean you are going crazy. It could be your guides communicating with you.

6. Michelle Vandepas introduced me to the new Debbie Ford book called "The Secret of the Shadow, The Power of Owning Your Whole Story." You will be hearing more from me about this book. It is the missing piece I have been searching for.

7. As I release more fears, more joy and contentment come into my life.

Next time I find myself faced with my fears, I intend to use Tom's four statements to look at my fears and his four questions to find out exactly what I am afraid of and what actions I can take to release the fears. Thank you Tom for sharing this article with the rest of us. I love it when I find tools that do what they are supposed to. With tools, we are better equipped to deal with life. Life can be beautiful. Life is beautiful. Live it to the fullest. Be as powerful as you truly are.

Your life can be glorious when you choose for it to be.


Anonymous said...

You have a good idea. Look back on your life and see how your fears have helped make you a stronger person. My favorite fear that I've learned from is overcoming public speaking. It still makes me nervous but I do enjoy it.

Patricia Singleton said...

Karl, in my second year of college, I took a Speech class that terrified me. I would get so scared that I would take a ten minute speech and give it in three minutes. I learned so much about myself in that class. That was the first major fear that I faced and won. I loved the class even through it terrified me.

Evan said...

Thanks Patricia.

Tom's post is great I think.

I like yours a lot too.

And yes, I do think you are brave to blog about surviving incest. Thankfully, I haven't experienced this myself but I have talked with many who have, so I have some idea of what it is like.

Anonymous said...

Patricia thank you for actually using the tools I suggested in my article. I think that's the greatest compliment a blogger can receive. Instead of just talking about exercises - you often do them. That's another testament to your courage.

I like what you said about your creativity and productivity being enhanced once you faced your fears. It's obvious that our true selves can come out once the illusion of fear evaporates.

Patricia Singleton said...

Evan, thanks for your comment. Sadly, incest and sexual abuse is probably more prevalent than most people are aware of. Like rape, many victims choose not to talk about incest. I didn't for most of my life. Now, I talk about ways to heal from it and how to stop being a victim. There is hope. There is a better way of life. We can all do something to stop the wave of abuse, in any form, from affecting the next generation of children.

Patricia Singleton said...

Tom, thanks. You can read about how to heal all day, every day but if you don't do the work of healing nothing happens. Doing the exercises is what makes me better off for doing the work. The desire to end the pain is why I choose to do the work. Pain is a great motivator and sometimes the only one that inspires us to do something different.

Anonymous said...

Hi Patricia,

Writing/posting to a blog is therapeutic to us and helpful to others. It's when we bottle emotions inside that our health (physical and emotional) suffers. I'm so proud of you for having the courage to "come forward" share what you've experienced and provide links to the resources that helped (and continue to help you). Can you imagine how beneficial the information you provide can be to a young person who has been a child of incest? Sadly it took you over 50 years to find healing. Based on your blog posts, a young person may find help much earlier and save themselves decades of grief.

Keep doing what you're doing. You'll be a Godsend to many.

Patricia Singleton said...

Barbara, I post my writings on incest and healing just so that others might see and start their own recovery earlier than I did. I was 38 years old when I started my own process of healing.

I wrote to a friend yesterday that "Writing is my voice." It really is. That was my Truth for the day. I really got it when I wrote it. Writing really is my voice. The internet and my blog has become a very valuable tool for spreading the word of hope and compassion and healing to the world. I am surprised when I see readers from China, Indonesia, India, Australia and other far away places click on my site day after day to read what I have to say. Thank you to all of my readers. The internet really does make the earth a smaller place. Just imagine that one of these days our words could even go out into the Universe. As we each grow, our world becomes so much bigger than we ever imagined before.

Anonymous said...

Patricia,i am writing also for my own recovery,i have been writing in an anonymous site and write my journals there for more than 5 years was there what kept me sane,so i could pour my feelings out,be it anger,sadness and fear and giving was there i detailed how i was "Taken" at 19, ,maybe i was not yet that BRAVE then,more than 5 years ago because i hid under an alias there,but in my fb now under my real name,i am opening up already and it amazed me on my "boldness" and my "guts" there speaking about my real emotions there..i realized i can be a brave person if i really want to.

Patricia Singleton said...

G, in the short time that I have known you online, you have grown tremendously in courage. You should be so proud of yourself. Yes, you are a brave person. Speaking out about our abuse gives us a new courage. I am proud of you.