You will find the blog The Last Straw at http://thelaststraw.wordpress.com/ . My friend Deb from Deb_Inside sent me to this site a few days ago. Thanks Deb. The Last Straw is a site that says it is for "Support, Motivation, Tips and Warning Signs of Domestic Violence." It is also a site that allows survivors to speak out against Domestic Violence. Rebecca does a great service with her site by giving survivors a chance to share their experiences with other survivors.
Here is a comment that I wrote and left on The Last Straw site:
"Rebecca, your site is offering such a wonderful service in giving survivors a chance to speak out and share their stories. A friend found your site and sent me here since she knows that I am an incest survivor who blogs about my own experiences and recovery.
I never thought that I was a survivor of domestic violence too but I am. My dad was not physically violent except for a few occasions. Most of my abuse other than the incest was from emotional violence and the threat of physical violence. The threat was always in place if we didn't behave like we were supposed to. My mom didn't leave until years after all three of her children were grown and married ourselves. The only reason she left then was because she found out about the other woman.
I got the courage to leave when I was 19. Then I knew he couldn't make me come back. I was a year over the legal age of 18 and considered an adult by the courts. Having the courage to leave was the hardest thing that I have ever done. It took every bit of courage that I could muster to do it. I left without telling my dad. I was going to tell him the night before I left and my mom stopped me. I had just finished my second year at a small community college. A friend from college who was 10 years older than my parents offered me a place to stay for the summer and offered to help me get a job for the summer. I had been accepted into a four year college in the following September of 1971.
My mom waited two days before she told my dad the truth that I wasn't coming home. He came after me. My mom called his older brother who was a police detective. My uncle refereed the meeting between my dad and me. I went home for the weekend. My dad tried everything including threats of suicide if I left again. On Sunday afternoon, my friend picked me up where my mom dropped me off at the community college. I knew that if I had given in to my dad's demands that I would have lived the rest of my life under his control. I knew I would have died and become a shell of who I was if I returned home. That gave me the courage to refuse to be manipulated by my dad's demands and threats."
I had left a letter for my mom and sister so that someone knew where I was going and why. I know that living with the threat of violence is not the same as living with the actual violence. I also know that the damage to your emotions and mind can lead to the same results---feelings of low self-worth and the recreation of the same environment that you grew up in, among other things.
On an inspirational note, I am including a link to the blog of Lyman Reed who has a link to a video that is well worth watching. You will find the video on Lyman's site at http://creatingabetterlife.net/2008/02/17/the-last-lecture/ . Check it out. This is the best 12 minutes that I spent this week.