Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Secret---Loving Yourself

I just finished reading the book The Secret written by Rhonda Byrne. I have seen the DVD version of the book at least 5 times. The movie is good. The book is great. I will probably do as a friend of mine is doing and read it over and over again to absorb it into my thoughts and actions.
One of the truths that I hardily believe in is the following from page 172 of the book stated by Michael Bernard Beckwith:

"To not love ourselves can keep what we want from us. When we don't love ourselves, we are literally pushing things away from us."

Dr. Beckwith goes on to say ". . . to transmit the highest frequency of love, you must love yourself, . . ."

This goes hand in hand with what the Bible says about loving your neighbor as yourself. In order to love your neighbor, you must love yourself first. Until and unless you love yourself, you can't possibly know what love really is.

One of the first issues for most people in recovery of any kind is that of low self-esteem. Webster's Dictionary lists esteem as "to regard with respect or affection; to set a value on; to rate highly."

I had low self-esteem because I didn't love myself. My sense of self-worth or value was not very high. It was almost none existent. I valued everybody else above myself, even my abusers. I didn't want to hurt their feelings by saying "no". They were adults. I was a child. As a child, I was basically told that I didn't matter. I didn't have the right to say no or talk back or do anything disrespectful to an adult. The end result was that I learned to not have respect for myself. I learned that I had no value.

As an adult, in recovery, I had to undo all of those beliefs. I had to learn to love myself. Now after reading The Secret, I know that loving myself is even more important if I want to manifest the world of my dreams.

On page 181 of The Secret, we are told to "Embrace Your Magnificence." What a beautiful idea. I challenge you to do this. Let me know how it works for you.

I love the story that Lisa Nichols shared on Oprah. Lisa and I share similar backgrounds of childhood sexual abuse. Like me, it took Lisa a long time to learn to love herself, to know that she was lovable for the person that she was. Probably because of the similiarities in our childhoods, I was especially impressed by Lisa's story of finding herself and accepting who she was on her own terms rather than that of society.

I first accepted that if others could love me---my husband, children, friends---then there must be something in me that I could love about myself. I started out with a list of things that I was good at. I was good at listening, writing, solving others' problems. At the time, I didn't realize that fixing others' problems was co-dependent and a trait that kept me from looking at myself and my problems. That came later. I was a good wife, a good mother, a good friend. These gave me something that I could start to feel good about. It was a beginning. I was still a very long way from loving and accepting myself.

It has taken years of hard work to build my self-esteem into what it is today. Most of the time, I feel good about who I am. Today I know that none of those titles---mother, friend, child, wife, writer, listener---none of those are the real me. The real me is a spiritual being learning and growing through the experiences of this physical body. My soul thrives on the challenges of this lifetime and the many lifetimes before. If you like me that is ok. If you don't like me that is ok too. Why, because I love myself and that is what is really important.

If you don't love yourself, start today by accepting yourself as being right where you are. Accepting yourself is the first step in learning to love yourself. You are worth loving. We all are.

The real me is a being of love and light, a being of pure energy and infinite possibilities. I Am the Creator of my life and my dreams.


Pamm said...

Lovely post, Patricia..and I, too, see that loving the self is the most important piece in all this. Thanks.

Patricia Singleton said...

You are welcome. Learning to love myself has been the most valuable work that I have done for me in my spiritual journey. Glad you liked the post. I liked your site as well and will continue to visit an read more of your articles.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your insight and framing it with your life journey.

A friend once shared this very
important quote with me.....

"Be Your Own Best Friend"

xo xo

Patricia Singleton said...

Deb, thanks for sharing the quote. This is something that I have had to learn.

Patricia Singleton said...

This article was included in the Abundance Thinking:Blog Carnival 2 on July 30, 2007. You will find the carnival at Check out all of the great articles.

Patricia Singleton said...


Anonymous said...

I watch the movie as well, and I truly believe if you can't accept yourself and love yourself before others, others will do the same to you too.


Patricia Singleton said...

Joanne, I agree with you. I learned that others will treat you just as you expect them to. If you don't respect yourself and love yourself, it will show up in the way that you allow others to treat you. Others follow our example. Thanks for commenting.

Patricia Singleton said...

This article has been accepted in the Carnival of Lightwork #2. This Carnival is hosted by Beyond Zen at Check out the great articles.

Patricia Singleton said...

For Carnivals, this is easily turning into my best article. The Secret---Loving Yourself has been accepted into Evolving Times' Law of Attraction Carnival #25: 1 Year of Attraction In Action found at . If you have never read Evolving Times, you are missing out.

Patricia Singleton said...

I put in the wrong site address for Evolving Times Law of Attraction Carnival. Here is the correct one: . One of these days I will ask someone what the difference is between using the / symbol or html or htm on the end of your article address is. I am still sometimes making technical mistakes. I am learning. Thanks for your patience.

Dean Lacono said...

Hi Patricia,

Thank you for this nice article.

Even if one is appreciative of their life expereinces, I now see more value in extending this to loving oneself.

Blessed Be,

Patricia Singleton said...

Dean, thank you. This has been one of my most difficult and most rewarding lessons.

Good Vibe Coach said...

Patricia, I couldn't have said it better. I offer this message to every single client I work with, as I think it's truly the key to successful manifesting.

I listed you and this article in my blog post today (, so hopefully more people will hear this important message! Thanks for all you do!

Love & Miracles -

Patricia Singleton said...

Jeannette, thank you for the link and encouragement and my readers can check out your article as well. I know that I will be reading your article.

Anonymous said...

Perfect, Patricia... I can't see how it could have been said better. It's funny (not ha-ha, but strange) how our culture tells us that loving ourselves is egotistical and wrong. What a great way to control the masses - just tell them that they aren't good enough, and that they have to listen to the people who are "smarter" than they are to take care of them.

Whoops, there goes my conspiracy theory brain! :)

Thanks for the reminder to love myself today.

Patricia Singleton said...

Lyman, you are very welcome. Not loving myself has been the bottom line that I find in just about every problem that I have ever spent time working on. Loving yourself is the most important work that anyone can do. I enjoyed your article as well at the Law of Attraction Carnival. It is wonderful to have one place to go to find all of these great articles.

Anonymous said...

Patricia, one of my favourite posts on your blog and so true too! I believe time heals all is rubbish - LOVE heals all! Thanks for the great post.

Patricia Singleton said...

Albert, I am glad you like the article. Thanks, have a glorious day.