Sunday, October 4, 2009

Relationships And Trust

From Awakening, A Daily Guide to Conscious Living, written by Shakti Gawain, New World Library, Novato, California, 1991, Revised 2006, October 1 page:

"We need relationships

Our primary relationship is with ourselves, and ultimately that's the only one that can provide the foundation for wholeness. That's the place where we need to find integration and balance. And at the same time, we need relationships with other people in order to be happy and fulfilled in life. If we only look for wholeness and completion within ourselves, we disown the part of ourselves that also needs other people.

Human beings are social creatures. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually --- we absolutely need close contact with other people. We need love, support, understanding, recognition, and stimulation reflected to us by others.

I spend time cultivating my relationship with myself and time reaching out to receive what I need from others."

I recently picked this book up at a used book store. Years ago, I read a book by Shakti Gawain and just didn't connect with it at all. I am connecting with what this book has to offer.

As a Saggittarian, my natal chart shows me that this lifetime for me is all about relationships. My major work this lifetime has to do with all kinds of relationships. Maybe that is why the lessons have been so difficult with my parents. We often learn the most from our greatest struggles in life.

As an incest survivor, my early relationships were full of pain (physical and emotional) and betrayal. Trust has been one of my biggest issues that I struggle with. My newest relationship is with my Al-Anon sponsor. God has blessed me by putting this wonderful lady in my life. She has wisdom and years in Al-Anon that I don't have. That doesn't mean that she doesn't have struggles in life. She does. She allows me to see her struggles and that is good. I can see, first hand, how she handles her own struggles in life and therefore, I learn more by her example than by her words. I know that I can trust what she says because I can see her using it herself. When she is in trouble and overwhelmed, what does she do? She calls her sponsor and works her Steps in the program of Al-Anon, things that I am also learning to do.

It isn't easy for me to call another person and admit that I need help and that I don't have all of the answers. It isn't easy for me to show you my vulnerabilities because in the past those vulnerabilities were used to hurt me. It isn't easy for me to say, "I am hurting." In my childhood, I was shamed when I let it be known that I was unhappy, sad, hurting, angry, crying.....

So, how are your relationships going today? I am learning about myself through my relationships. I am learning that I have value. I am learning that I can care about you and not get hurt. I am learning that you have value. I am learning that I learn best by watching other people and seeing what works for them and what doesn't work for them. I am learning to love myself completely as I am. I am learning to love you completely as you are. I don't have to change you and you don't have to change me. As children of God, we are all perfect and that is as it should be. What have your relationships taught you?


positively present said...

Really great post... Loved this one!

Patricia Singleton said...

Positively Present, thank you. I love it too. I just reread it myself and I so connect with what it says about my healing. Often, I forget to congratulate myself on the work that I have done and how very far I have come in this lifetime.

I thank God, who is my Higher Power, for the grace that has come my way in this lifetime and every lifetime before this one. Have a glorious day.

April_optimist said...

Wonderful post. I'm learning to nurture the relationships that are good and walk away from ones that are toxic. Relationships really do matter.

Patricia Singleton said...

April, thank you. Sometimes when we start taking care of ourselves that means walking away from old relationships that are toxic and harmful to us.

Just Be Real said...

Patricia, appreciate this post very much! A lot of good information. Blessings to you and yours.

Patricia Singleton said...

Just Be Real, thank you so much for the blessings. Healthy relationships are something that I had to learn about. I didn't grow up seeing healthy role models for relationships.

Marj aka Thriver said...

Unfortunately, my dissociative disorder seems to really be getting in the way of my friendships. I do better with folks in the cyber world. It makes me sad to admit that I really don't have any "IRL" in-real-life friends right now.

But, relationships are important to me and I am certainly working on them at home with my husband and son. The work has paid off for all of us, I'm happy to say!

Patricia Singleton said...

Marj, you are a wonderful person to know. I am glad that you are a part of my life, cyber or otherwise. You are a continuing inspiration to me in my own journey.