A blogger friend of mine, Corinne Edwards, whose blog you will find at the following link
http://www.personal-growth-with-corinne-edwards.com/ , recently suggested that I would enjoy reading a new book written by Neale Donald Walsch. The title of the new book is When Everything Changes Change Everything. I finally started reading it last night. As you can tell from my most recent articles, I am involved in change right now.
Mr. Walsch's new book is about 9 changes that he says you all need to make when you are going through changes. These changes can truly change your life. So far, I am reading about the first change.
Change your decision to 'go it alone'." (page 29)
Mr. Walsch says that most of us tend to isolate when we are having difficulties. I can't speak for you but for me that is so true. I have trouble reaching out and saying that I am having problems and asking for help. A part of me feels ashamed that I am not able to deal with this problem on my own.
Here is what Mr. Walsch says and it makes perfect sense to me.
"The reason that so many of us tend to self-isolate when we are facing big problems---and by the way, have you noticed that almost every really big problem you've ever faced emerged from something that changed?---is that we have never given ourselves permission to be seen as less than perfect, or as someone who does not have it all altogether." (page 29-30)
Does this sound like you? It certainly sounds like me. This is one area that I still have all of the childhood tapes playing in my head.
Mr. Walsch goes on to say, "We've also been taught as children that we should not 'burden others' with our problems. And finally, we've been told that most everything is our own fault anyway, so why would we go to someone else with it? It was made very clear that we made our bed and now we have to lie in it." (page 30)
He goes on to say that none of these things is true and that whoever told you this was wrong about it all. Here is where he really got my attention.
"The need to be 'perfect' and to 'have it all together' is a manifestation of a larger need: the need for approval." (page 30)
I still struggle with this "need for approval". This is where fear of rejection comes into my life. Every time that I write an article on incest or tell a new person or even tell a person who has known me for years but doesn't know that I am an incest survivor, I face my fear of rejection and fear that I will lose your approval and love. This is where I rely upon courage to help me deal with however you react to my article or my disclosure of more information.
Mr. Walsch goes on to say, "People want to help us. They do not feel 'burdened' by doing so. Quite the opposite. They feel uplifted.
Knowing that we've helped others brings us value, skyrocketing our feelings of self-worth. Life suddenly begins to make sense. Or at least to give us, in that moment, a sense of higher purpose." (page 31)
"We're all just running around trying to help somebody. Knowing this should make it easier to accept help---from a professional or from a loved one---when our own need is particularly acute. Why would we make it more difficult for someone to help us when help is exactly what we need, and exactly what others want to give?" (page 31)
I hope that sharing these wise words of Neale Donald Walsch will help you to be able to ask for help the next time that you need it. I know it makes it easier for me. I know that I don't have to try so hard to be perfect and I still find myself doing it in certain areas of my life.
Does any of this ring true for you?