Friday, October 23, 2009

Courage Isn't Just About The Big Stuff

Courage isn't just about the big stuff. Some days courage is about doing what is necessary to just get though the day. The comments that you leave here on my blog often speak about how courageous you believe I am. I appreciate the words of encouragement that you leave at the end of my articles. Many of you are just as courageous or even more so with what you deal with daily in your lives. Congratulate yourself for a job well done in overcoming your own childhood abuse in whatever form it takes.

As I visit blogs of other incest survivors, I see more examples of courage. Setting boundaries with family members, saying no to any more abuse, saying yes to spiritual growth, saying yes to change in your life---all of these are daily examples of courage that I see on the survivor blogs that I visit each week.

Some instances of showing courage would be saying no to an abusive relationship, getting a divorce instead of staying because it is more comfortable than facing the unknown, confronting your abuser with what he/she has done and letting them know this behavior is not acceptable, being a parent instead of a friend to your children, sharing your story with others (The first time is the hardest.), setting healthy boundaries when you had no boundaries before. All of these show the courage that each of us is capable of.

The every day kind of courage comes about when you learn to say no instead of stretching yourself to unbearable limits, learning to care for and nurture the lost and hurting inner child, putting your needs first and not feeling guilty so that you aren't an empty vessel that isn't capable of helping anybody, getting counseling for yourself to help you deal with the abuse issues, sharing your childhood story of abuse with a close friend or loved one.

You may not see yourself as being strong or being courageous. If you are working on your abuse issues, you are both. Courage is being afraid and moving forward and making choices anyway. Hugs and blessings to all of you.


Alene said...


I stumbled upon your fantastic blog today while googling on "people who push your buttons" because I have been dealing with feelings of betrayal lately, I've been struggling to end a friendship with a coworker that has become abusive. So far just reading a handful of your posts has been helpful and healing for me. What you say about courage and boundaries is something I should know by now, but never it hurts to be reminded of that. Thank you.

Patricia Singleton said...

Alene, than you. It is always good to know that I have helped someone else. That is the purpose of my blog.

Anonymous said...

what a wonderful and affirming post! thank you for the encouragement you offer to others~

and i don't know how you feel about these, but i think you are certainly deserving:

Patricia Singleton said...

MountainMama, you are very welcome. Thank you for the beautiful award. It means a lot to me. I am glad that someone else is helped by my words. Ilive the award.

Corinne Edwards said...

Courage is also about the BIG STUFF.

Like you DID.

Make your plan and GET OUT.

Or, go to your parish priest, the police, an advisor at school.


Your family may not believe you.

Colleen said...

Beautiful post. Thank you for reminding us that just by speaking out or writing or sharing with each other, we are being courageous. Sometimes I feel like such a wimp. You are very courageous too. Your words of wisdom here and your sharing reaches out to all of us. And I will always remember what you wrote about my book. It helps me go on when I get discouraged. Blessings and hugs.

Patricia Singleton said...

Corinne, yes, courage is about the big stuff too. Leaving home at 19, basically running away, was the most frightening thing that I had ever done at that time. I didn't know if I was going to have the courage to follow through with it or not. I was so scared of facing my dad. I did it.

Patricia Singleton said...

Colleen, you are welcome and thank you for your comment. You are one of the most courageous women that I have met online.

Dealing with the sometimes daily frustrations of working through your abuse issues takes courage than some people don't have. Rather than face the abuse, they self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, sex or food. Life isn't easy being an incest survivor. It takes daily courage to move ahead. You have that courage.

April_optimist said...

What a wonderful post! So absolutely true, too.

Patricia Singleton said...

Thanks, April.

sarah said...

Hey Patricia, this is a great post, positive and affirming. Tons of blessings to you. Sarah

Patricia Singleton said...

Sarah, thank you. Blessings back to you for what you write on your blog. It is a help to those without hope.

Michael Finley said...

For me it takes the most courage to do what I do not have to do. To face what can be avoided.

There is courage in how one faces what they can not avoid, for me it is a different dynamic.

Courage is personal. I used walk and hang steel beams. It took no courage I was not afraid.

Patricia Singleton said...

Michael, you are right. Our fears and what we have courage to do can be a personal thing. I would be terrified walking steel beams. I am afraid of heights. It takes courage for me to climb a ladder or ride a ferris wheel because of my fear of heights. Thanks for your comment. Have a glorious day.