Monday, October 19, 2009

Daybreak---The End Of Night

From Daybreak, Meditations For Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse, written by Maureen Brady, 1991, February 26 page:

I regret the abuse I suffered, yet I value the way healing from it has deepened me.

All human beings, whether survivors of childhood abuse or not, are confronted with illness, accidents, loss of loved ones, and a whole host of other injuries that hurt us and we wish hadn't happened. Yet don't we learn from these times how to value what we may have taken for granted---good health, for instance? And don't we discover resources that migh have otherwise lain dormant in us?

As I deal with my memories of abuse, I often rail against my lot, wishing this history belonged to someone else, that I could be free from it. But then I wonder, who would this someone else be? I realize how much strength I've observed in myself as I've grappled with my pain. I've found the me who came through. I've found the freedom to leave behind more superficial masks that otherwise might have covered my face for a lifetime."

I find comfort in reading that. Why did I choose to name this article "Daybreak---The End Of Night after reading the above daily meditation? First of all, this book Daybreak, Meditations For Women Survivors of Sexual Abuse brings me much comfort. It gives me hope that one day I may actually leave the darkness of incest---the nighttime of my childhood---behind. If someone else can do this, so can I. So can you.

This meditation reminded me of all of the incest survivor blogs that I read and all of the other survivors who are struggling, as I struggle, to face the hurt and anger and to leave the past behind. Letting go of the pain---the hurt, anger, alienation, betrayal, inner messages of negativity, the isolation, the secrets---I believe that all of this is possible. I also know it isn't as easy as some would like you to believe. Don't you think if it were that easy that more people would instantly do it? Nobody that I know really enjoys being an incest survivor.

If you are an incest survivor or a child abuse survivor, you can look at the right sidebar and find a list of the sites that I frequently read written by other survivors who are in recovery and learning to thrive despite their childhood abuse. Each of these blog writers shares their journey through abuse on their blogs. Learning that you are not the only one makes the journey easier. I appreciate each of these bloggers for the courage that they show me daily. The journey is easier when it is shared. Thank you each and everyone. Have a glorious day.


Anonymous said...

thank you for your blog, patricia. i often follow along silently, but i wanted to speak up today to let you know how much i appreciate your writing. your meditations that you share. your wisdom and your hope.

"letting go of the past" has always been a threatening notion to me. for to me, remembering the past and dealing with it was the way i needed to heal. to go through it. to honor myself by telling my story. instead of complying with the denial and suppression encouraged within my family.

yet only now do i see the value in beginning to move into the present or *today* - but it's on my terms. not because i'm doing anyone a favor by "for god's sake not talking about that stuff". but instead, for myself. for my own life. not a denial. nor a forgetting.

but a refocusing. but only when i feel ready. there are days i need to go back to the past to revisit. when old pain is refreshed. but increasingly there are days when the past truly feels in the past. and that makes me feel so hopeful.

thank you again for your blog~

Liara Covert said...

Letting go of a perception of a struggle is an empowering process. People learn mind is conditioned to hang on to memories of pain and suffering. Yet, free will enables everyone to make choices that resonate with their own expansion and self-understanding. I invite you and others to read this post, especially comments by Lara Jane:

Patricia Singleton said...

MountainMama, I agree with you wholeheartedly. Denial, my own or someone else's, doesn't work for me either. Being comfortable in my own skin is much more important to me than making someone else comfortable by not speaking about my incest issues.

Thank you for your encouragement and your comment. Thanks for letting me know that you are a regular around here.

Patricia Singleton said...

Liara, thanks for your comment with the link to your article and Lara Jane. I read your article and her comment and left a comment on your site. I am off to read the article that Lara Jane wrote also.

Colleen said...

Beautiful post. I so agree with what you said, especially about it not being easy to let go. Every time I think I am doing it, something comes up and slaps in me in the face. My sister is going thru stuff right now. So, we have good days and bad ones right? I think the good days are winning though. At least right now! :)

Patricia Singleton said...

Colleen, thank you. Your courage is inspiring. It is nice that you and your sister can support each other through the bad days. My bad days are definitely fewer than the good days now.

Just Be Real said...

This is one post of strength Patricia. So much appreciate your words. Letting go is not easy, I too agree!!

Patricia Singleton said...

Just Be Real, thank you. I agree that letting go is not easy. The rewards are worth the letting go.