I am starting this post out with an email that I received today. I don't know the source of the written words called "JUST A MOM?" If I did, I would include you as the author, but I don't know who you are. Thank you for your words of humor and truth.
JUST A MOM?
A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's Office, was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation.
She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.
"What I mean is," explained the recorder,
"Do you have a job or are you just a ....?"
"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.
"I'm a Mom."
"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'Housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.
I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
"What is your occupation?" she probed.
What made me say it? I do not know? The words simply popped out.
"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations."
The clerk paused, ball-point frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.
I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written, in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.
"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"
Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research, (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field, (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities, (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction rather than just money."
There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.
As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model, (a 6 month old baby), in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."
What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door.
Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations"
And great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates?" I think so.
I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants."
I love the humor of the above words and titles. Why does it take a title to give a mother the importance that she deserves. Mothers play such an important role in the lives of their children and therefore the world. I hope that I was this type of mother - one who researches and grows as her children grow. In my own eyes, I often fell short as a mother. Why? I wasn't given the proper tools to be the kind of mother that I wanted to be to my children. Who is? Especially those of us who comes from homes with dysfunction and abuse.
I grew up wanting to be a better mother than my mother was to me. Yes, my mother did the best that she could with the tools that she was given, and it wasn't good enough. I did not want to repeat that pattern with my own children, especially the patterns of abuse and emotional abandonment.
I believe that mothers are the most important role model for their daughters because we are both women. Mothers fill so many roles in the life of a child. Mothers teach us about loving and caring for others. They teach us kindness and how to nurture ourselves and others. As little girls, mothers teach us how to be women just as daddies teach little boys how to be men. So much of who I am comes from my mother.
To quote a comment that I left on my Facebook page today, "My mother/daughter relationship was confusing and difficult. I always told myself that my mother loved me. I now know that my mother couldn't love me because she didn't love herself. She was so shut down emotionally. The only emotion that got through from her to the world [and to me] was rage and she did that silently. She didn't know what love was. She wasn't taught to love. Dysfunctional families cannot teach what they don't have - self love."
My inspiration for this post came from fellow blogger Darlene Ouimet. On her blog Emerging From Broken, Darlene has been writing a series of articles about the relationship that she had with her mother. The latest article is called "Mother Daughter Relationship Nightmares." You will find this blog article are the following link:
I warn you that some of the comments for this article of Darlene's are brutally honest and may be tear triggering for some of you. Everyone of the people - women and men - are being courageous in sharing their stories of pain and healing in their comments. I thank you Darlene for being the one to bring this out into the open so that we can all break the silence of abuse and continue to heal.
Your Parents Did The Best They Could found at