Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Three Year Old Adultress Carries The Shame Of Incest - Inner Child Letters Series

 As I have said before in this series, I don't have any memories of incest from my three year old inner child.  The mind and body protects itself sometimes by just shutting down and shutting out those memories that might affect its survival.  Since I don't have any memories of incest from the three year old, I have to assume that is what happened in this instance.  Because of an inner child session that I went through with two friends about six to eight years ago, I got in touch with my inner three year old and found that she felt  a tremendous amount of shame.  She felt so shameful that she didn't even feel that she deserved to have guardian angels around her.  She could not see any Light.  All she felt was shame and darkness.  Remember, this is a three year old that I am talking about.  No three year old should carry shame.  Here is my second letter to my self-acclaimed three year old adultress.

Dear three year old Little Patty,
I am so sorry that I didn't call you by your name in my first letter to you.  The adult me needed the space that not naming you provided for me to be able to write that letter.  Since I have processed all of your grief, the adult me can now call you by name, Little Patty. 

First of all, you can't possibly be an adultress at three years old. You were much too young to even know about sex and to know about adultry.  To be an adultress, you had to be having sex with someone while you were married.  You couldn't be married at three years old.  I have to assume for you to label yourself as an adultress, that someone was being sexual with you.  For you to carry the shame of abuse, someone was abusing you.  I know that is a hard thing for a three year old to carry which is probably part of why I have no memories of the abuse happening that young.

Know that I love you and am sorry for any pain that you have experienced in the past.  I want to go back to that day at Carol's house about six or eight years ago.  I felt your pain and your shame that day.  I felt your desperation, your self-hatred, your hurt and the darkness that you saw all around you.  Know that none of that was you.  I don't know what happened to you to cause that much pain.  Maybe one day we will both have that secret revealed to us.  It is okay if we don't.  If we ever get that information and memories back, it will mean that we are strong enough to deal with it and survive.  You survived the original pain and I am proud of you for being able to do that.  You are a very brave little girl.  If we don't ever retrieve those memories, I won't think any less of either of us.  We have both had more than our share of pain, humiliation, and shame directed toward us in this lifetime.  Shame belongs to your abuser, not to you.

I am here today to tell you that none of the shame that you felt back then was yours.  Shame comes from the abuser who knows that what he or she is doing is wrong.  Since they can't seem to live with themselves while carrying their guilt, they pass it on to those that they abuse and it becomes shame.  Shame tells us that something is wrong with us.  Shame tells us that we are the cause of our abuse.  Shame keeps us silent so that the abuse can continue.  Shame becomes who we think we are.  Shame tells us to be afraid and that others will blame us for our own abuse.  Shame keeps us in a cage of our abuser's making, afraid of others and of our abusers.  Shame makes us afraid to feel and to speak out.  Shame makes us afraid that you will see the shame in us and condemn us for it.

Little One, my beautiful Little Patty, shame is not who you are.  It never was.  That is just what the abusers wanted you to believe.  The abuse, in whatever form it took with you, was not your fault.  You did not deserve the abuse that you suffered.  You did not deserve to be neglected either.

That day at Carol's you were surrounded by guardian angels who only wanted to protect and comfort you.  You did not think that you deserved their love and comfort.  You did not want me any where near you either.  You were so full of hurt and rage that day.  None of that was you.  It all came from what was done to you.  You could not protect yourself as a three year old and I wasn't around for many more years to protect you, as I am today.  You had taken on the darkness from your abusers.  You were not the darkness of abuse.  It was never who you were.

You were and still are a beautiful child of God.  Before the abuse, you were full of love and laughter and joy.  Today, you can be that child, again, full of love and laughter and joy.  Know that I love you with all my heart and my soul.  I am doing everything that I can think of to make your life more joy filled.  You do not have to continue to carry the shame of our abusers.  It is not yours.  You can release it.  Let it be removed from your body.

Our angels will help you to let go of the pain, the fear, the shame that should have never been yours.  Let our angels wrap the shame in a blanket of white Light and carry it to the center of the Sun to be transformed into beautiful life giving rays of sunshine to nurture and feed our planet and all of the Universe.  Let that space inside of you be filled with Love.  Love is who you are.  Love is who you were always meant to be.  Feel the Love.  Be the Love.  That is who you are, beautiful Little Patty.

In my mind's eye, I see you Little Patty clapping your hands with a beautiful smile on your face and happiness in your eyes and your own being.  I feel you in my heart.  Thank you for finally letting go of all of that Hurt from our past.  Now you can become the beautiful child you were meant to be - happy and free, loving and loved.  I love you Little Patty.

Link Love to other survivor blogs and articles:
"making friends with our fear"  @ sharing our spaces blog @ http://sharingourspaces.blogspot.com/2010/06/making-friends-with-our-fear.html

Victim, Survivor, Thriver blog @ http://www.squidoo.com/victim-survivor-thriver . This is a blog that I discovered this week that is full of stories and information for survivors of abuse.

This Tangled Web blog is also a recently discovered blog for survivors of abuse that I wanted to share with my readers @ http://www.thistangledweb.co.uk

Becoming Myself blog has many articles about working with her inner child @ http://pneumeier.blogspot.com

Oprah had a show from an interview that she did with 4 child molesters this week.  You will find an article from the show called "4 Things You Need to Know About Child Molestation" at the following link:  http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/4-Things-to-Know-About-Child-Molestation


Angela Artemis said...

Thank you for sharing your story with us. It has to be very hard to relive the emotions of shame. I think it's a blessing that you cannot remember the details.

Blessings for your recovery.

Patricia Singleton said...

Angela, thank you for your comment and encouragement. You are welcome. In ways not remembering is probably a blessing. In other ways it is frustrating knowing something was wrong but not knowing what.

Hold Fast said...

Beautiful, just beautiful. I can feel all the love you hold for little Patty. Hopefully she will begin to trust you soon and accept the love you are willing to give her. She is very lucky to have you. Keep up reassuring your hurt little girl.

Patricia Singleton said...

Hold Fast, thank you. As I was writing the post and doing the releasing part the love was flowing back and forth between Little Patty and me. She is loving me back and has decided to trust me. She has fully released the shame. There is no shame left in her.

Hold Fast said...

Praise God!!!

Patricia Singleton said...

Hold Fast, I feel the same way. Thank you.

me as i am said...

Dear Patricia and little patty, you are both so brave. I'm so glad that you are here and that you are safe now and able to begin to let go of the shame that you never should have been made to feel in the first place. I'm so sorry you felt that shame at all and for so long. No child ever deserves that. You are loved in a safe and healing way now. Sending loving thoughts and peaceful wishes you way...

Patricia Singleton said...

Katie, thank you from both of us. You are right that no child ever deserves to be the carrier of shame.

Darlene Ouimet said...

Patricia, this is beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing your expierence with everyone. You are such a blessing.
I was thinking about you today when I realized that I was facing something that happened when I was a 6 year old. I thought about your courage and inspiration.
Hugs, Darlene

Patricia Singleton said...

Darlene, thank you. You have that same courage and you are my inspiration. It is wonderful watching you grow. It inspires me to keep going on those days that I feel discouraged.

Patricia Singleton said...

This is the fourth post in my Inner Child Letters Series to be included in the September 2010 Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse: Inner Child edition hosted by Dan L. Hays at http://danlhays.wordpress.com/2010/09-17/september-2010-blog-carnival-against-child-abuse-inner-child/
Thanks Dan for including all of my posts.