Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio and Abuse Recovery March Guests

One of the things that has taken up a lot of my time over the past few months, in addition to helping Daniel with his book, Standing on the Edge of Time, has been listening to the radio programs of Butterfly Dreams Talk Radio and Abuse Recovery on Monday, Wednesday and Friday evenings starting at 7:00 p.m. EST here in the U. S.

Patricia McKnight is the founder of these programs. The topics for some of the past programs have been child abuse, incest, child abductions, domestic violence, and bullying. Trish, as she is called by friends, works well with co-host Michal Madison.

If you are interested in joining me in listening to these programs, here is the link for the list of programs for March:

http://survivorsjustice.com/2013/03/04/fascinating-march-guest-line-up-for-talk-radio-show/

If the timing of the programs doesn't fit your schedule, the programs are archived for later listening. I seem to miss most of the Friday night ones so I usually have to listen to the archive for those programs myself. There is a chat room that is always active with each of these programs. You can sign into the chatroom with your Facebook or Twitter accounts.

Monday and Wednesday evening programs are hosted by Trish and Michal. Friday nights programs are hosted by Annie O'Sullivan and Kelly Behr. Some of the programs are information gathered by Trish followed by call-ins from the listeners and others have scheduled guests with lots of information about the topics of interest. I have grown so much because of the sharing of information in these programs which are called "Generation No More" on Monday nights, "Survivor's World" on Wednesday nights and Annie's show on Friday evenings is called "Can You Hear Me Now".

Don't get discouraged because the program sometimes has technical difficulties at the beginning. Wednesday night's program of Survivor's World was like that. I stuck with it and was able to finally connect and the program was one of the best that I have heard. Janet Nestor was the guest talking about her new book on self-care. So many survivors have no clue on how to take care of their bodies or their emotional needs because they weren't taught as a child that those were important to having a good life. I certainly wasn't taught self-care. I was so disconnected from my body and my feelings just to survive the incest. I had to learn how to do the simple things of self-care. Here is the link to Monday evenings program:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery/2013/03/07/survivors-world-welcomes-Janet-Nestor

On Friday evening, Annie O'Sullivan on "Can You Hear Me Now" is hosting her first HAPPY HOUR call-in program. The question she is asking is, "What makes you a survivor and not a victim?" I hope that you will join the program and call in your answer to the Annie's question. The link for Friday night's program is:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/butterflydreamsabuserecovery/2013/03/09/can-you-hear-me-now-w-annie-osullivan



One more radio program that I stumbled across just this week because of my friend Cyrus Webb is of an interview that he did with a fellow survivor and activist Hank Estrada. Here is the link for that radio interview between Cyrus and Hank:

http://tobtr.com/s/4479447

I hope you will join me in listening to these programs. Some of them do need Trigger Warnings. If the topic is too sensitive for your place of comfort, do what is necessary to take care of you first.
Patricia

March Submissions for Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse

I haven't submitted any of my blog articles to Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse in awhile. I just got so busy that I started missing the submission dates. I need to get active again in this.

Thank you to Tracie of the blog from Tracie for continuing to host this Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. If you are interested in reading some of the past blog carnival articles or in joining me in submitting your own articles about child abuse, please go to the following link:

http://www.fromtracie.com/2013/03/now-accepting-submissions-for-march.html

The deadline for submissions is March 27.
Patricia

Standing on the Edge of Time by Daniel Singleton

Where did February go? Several times I thought about sitting down and writing another article here for you to read, but then I would get busy with something else and the day would be gone. The whole month was like that.

A lot of my time lately has been taken up in helping my husband get his book self-published. We decided to go through AuthorHouse. I checked out three different self-publishers online and decided on AuthorHouse. It wasn't the cheapest place to publish but it seems to suit my husband Daniel's needs just a little better than the other two. They have also been kind with my limited computer skills. Daniel has less skills that I do with the computer so that work fell in my lap. Also all of the phone conversations have been mine because Daniel's hearing loss that he has had since childhood has gotten much worse over the past 5 years. He now has problems hearing some people over the phone so I have become his spokesperson. Because of a misunderstanding on my part with the first salesperson that I spoke with, Daniel's book is under my name for all correspondence from AuthorHouse. He is just listed as the author. It would have cost us more time and money to change it all to his name.

The title of Daniel's book is Standing on the Edge of Time: Civil War 1862, Crisis in the West. I got all of the necessary information and pictures sent in last week, with a picture of Daniel for the About the Author page being the last thing to send in. This coming week, all of the pages will go to the Design Team. According to our new Check-in Coordinator, the book will go to the printer in about 60 days. The waiting is so discouraging for Daniel.

To borrow from the front of Daniel's book, here is what his historical novel is about:

"The Story of Private Robert G. Jarman and the 4th Arkansas Infantry,
                Confederate States of America
In the Battles of Elkhorn Tavern, Arkansas; Famrington, Mississippi;  Richmond, Kentucky; and           Murfreesboro, Tennessee
Also the Siege of Corinth, Mississippi, and the 1862 Kirby Smith Kentucky Raid

Includes 253 eye-witness accounts, 437 letters and reports written between the commanders, 545 newspaper articles, a list of 125 damaged or burned cities & the 85 bloodiest battles

A Historical Novel by Daniel Singleton"

Daniel has worked on his novel for 9 years researching and reporting what the Civil War might have been like for his ancestor Robert G. Jarman, just one of Daniel's six direct ancestors who fought in the Civil War.  I have watched Daniel spend time and money, get excited about some of his finds and get discouraged several times because of the lengthy process of writing. I am proud of him and his accomplishment. I always knew he was a wonderful storyteller. Now he is truly a writer.

With my part in getting this book out there done, I will now have time to write my own book about healing from incest. You will see some of the same information in my book that you read in my blog articles that I have written over the past five years. Some of it, I am sure, you have never seen because it hasn't been presented to me yet.  Just this past week, some issues have presented themselves to me but that is stuff for another blog post. For now, I wanted to introduce you to my wonderful, supportive, kind, and stubborn husband and his book. I will let you know where Daniel's book is on the market in case any of you are fellow historians. Til then have a glorious week everyone.

Patricia

Fear And Change

I have learned that if I live my life in fear, nothing changes. I have to continue to face my fears as they show their faces to me. If I don't face my fears, I don't grow and I stay stuck in one place. I stay miserable and I make excuses for not taking charge of my life. My fears then grow more plentiful.

I refuse to live my life full of fear. As a child, I didn't have that choice. As an adult, I do.

I am worth whatever efforts it takes to change my life if I am unhappy with it.

You, too, are worth the efforts to heal. You are all worthy of being in a safe environment. No one else can do the healing work for you. You have to do it for yourself, just as I have to do it for myself. You have to take the first steps to change. As you face your fears, they become smaller. Are you willing to take that first step? You are worth it. Healing is worth doing.

Just thinking about changing doesn't change anything. You have to be willing to take the necessary actions to make any worthwhile change in your life. Are you ready?
Patricia

Lucinda Bassett Truth Be Told Book Review

"I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear."
                 ---Nelson Mandela

My introduction to Lucinda Bassett came recently when she reached out to me and asked if I would be interested in being interviewed on her radio program. Of course, I said yes. I was talking to a new audience of listeners about being an adult child of an alcoholic and also about healing from incest. Here is the link to that interview if you missed it:

http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2012/12/revisiting-my-interview-on-la-talk-live.html

Lucinda Bassett's book Truth Be Told: A Memoir of Success, Suicide, and Survival will be available to buy on March 5, 2013. I was asked to write a book review. What I know from reading just the Prologue and Introduction of the book is that Lucinda is a courageous woman who cares very deeply about her family. When you lose a loved one to death of any kind, you hurt. When your loved one commits suicide, so many questions are left unanswered. So many words are left unsaid. I can only imagine the hurt that Lucinda and her children feel over the suicide of her husband and their father.

Lucinda talks about the cycle of  guilt-blame-anger-and-shame that she as a survivor of someone else's suicide feels every time she is reminded of her husband and the fact that he took his own life. The prologue to the book was written only three years after his death. Feelings are still fresh and very painful for Lucinda while her children are still in the denial stage of grief. Being young, her children just don't want to deal with the death of their dad. Anger is quick to flare.

In the Introduction of her book, Lucinda starts out by quoting Mother Teresa when she says,

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.
     I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

Sometimes I, too, have felt that way in wanting to wish away some of my troubles. Sometimes it just seems like too much for one person to bear. Lucinda is here today as a survivor, stronger because of the experience, knowing more about herself because of the pain and the healing. Through the growing and the healing, Lucinda is now able to reach out and to help other survivors through her books and her radio program. 


Lucinda doesn't call herself a Lightworker, but I do. She expresses that she feels she is "supposed to share what I have learned with others. Others who stand in fear, unable to function, destroyed by some unbearable trauma, believing there is no light at the end of the tunnel---no help, no hope, no happiness. So here I stand once again, humbled and open, sharing my life experience with you...for it is now an open book. If I can come out sane and grateful to be here, you can too." (Prologue, page 4). I can't think of a better description of what I and other survivors do when we share our Light to let others know there is a way out of the darkness of despair and pain.

Lucinda Bassett is a true survivor. I look forward to reading the rest of her book Truth Be Told: A Memoir of Success, Suicide, and Survival when it is published in March 2013. I hope you will join me in reading her book when it comes out.

You can follow Lucinda Bassett on Twitter at this link:   http://www.twitter.com/lbtruthbetold

Lucinda Bassett is on Facebook at the link:    http://www.facebook.com/lbtruthbetold

Lucinda Bassett is on YouTube at the following link:    http://www.youtube.com/lbtruthbetold

I hope that you all had a glorious Christmas season. Mine ended a little earlier than planned because of Winter Storm Euclid blowing through Arkansas on Christmas day leaving us with between four to seven and a half inches of snow in our yard. I walked around with a measuring stick to see how much snow we got. We also have a neighbor's tree laying across our fence in our back yard. We were blessed that we didn't lose our electricity as some of my friends who are on Day 4 with no power did. Most of the snow melted yesterday and today. Tonight's temperature is supposed to be back down to 18 degrees. I am glad that my husband and I got home around noon on Christmas day before the snow started.

Happy New Year to all. May 2013 be the best year ever for all of us.
Patricia

Revisiting My Interview On LA Talk Live - Truth Be Told Hosted By Lucinda Bassett

If you haven't listened to my talk on LA Talk Live - Truth Be Told which was hosted by Lucinda Bassett on November 29, 2012, then you now have two links to choose from. The easiest link to go to would be the link on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QXWwDIvw7IM

Or if you would like more information about Lucinda Bassett and her book Truth Be Told which is coming out in March 2013, you can go to her website at the following link:

http://latalklive.com/new/truth-be-told

Be sure to listen to my interview about being an adult child of an alcoholic and an incest survivor. As I said in at the beginning of the program, I wasn't sure which of the two topics that I was going to talk about. I talked about both being an adult child and about being an incest survivor. Both are parts of my childhood history that continue to affect me, even today as I heal.

For my interview done by Lucinda Bassett, click on the right hand side of the page on the interview labeled:

11/29/2012 - Truth Be Told hosted by Lucinda Bassett
Guest:Lauren Etheridge / Patricia Singleton

Next click on the big white arrow on the left with LA TALK LIVE! under it and enjoy the interview. Lauren Etheridge is on the first 30 minutes and shares what it is like to be a 25-year-old living with the effects and memories of being an adult child of an alcoholic.  I admire Lauren for being able to talk about growing up with an alcoholic and how it is affecting her today. I wasn't strong enough or brave enough to tell anyone about the incest or alcoholism at her age. At 25 years old, I was still in denial that any of my past was still affecting me. I thought that if I didn't talk about it or think about it that the pain would go away. At least, that is what I hoped at that place in my life.

Keep listening because I am on the second part of the program with Lucinda. I enjoyed being interviewed by Lucinda and think that I did a good job of answering her questions. I talk about incest toward the end of the program.

My healing from being an adult child of an alcoholic started in January 1989 when I read the book Adult Children of Alcoholics which was written by Janet G. Woititz. The book was on the New York Times Bestseller and is still available if you would like to read it. A week later I was reading the newspaper and saw an Adult Children of Alcoholics 12-Step meeting listed. I went to my first meeting a few days later. Almost all of the characteristics of an adult child fit me. One of the first things that I was given was called The Laundry List. That fit me too. I will list the link below to the post that I wrote about The Laundry List in case you are interested in knowing more about being an Adult Child.

One question that Lucinda asked me about on the program that I wanted to expand on has to do with her question if either of my children drink or are alcoholics. I told her that my daughter doesn't drink at all but that my son does. I need to say that, as of today, he is not an alcoholic. It is just my fear that he could become one if he continues to drink more as he ages. I am not around him when he drinks so I don't know how much he drinks or how often. It is none of my business. Because of the history of alcoholism in both sides of my family, I will always have the fear that, if either of my children or my siblings drink, they can become alcoholics. I am not saying that any of them are alcoholics.

Now, I hope that, if you haven't listened to the program, you will now and come back here with any comments that you have about the show. Thank you Lucinda Bassett for having me on as a guest speaker. I do hope that you will consider having me on again so that we can have a conversation about incest and how it affects the adult survivor.

Lauren Etheridge, I wish you the best in your life and hope that you have a support system to help you heal from being an adult child of an alcoholic. I know your pain because I grew up with alcoholism in my family too.

I have made a new friend on Twitter in the past few weeks. His name is David Pittman and he is the head of a non-profit organization called Together We Heal. Lucinda Bassett interviewed David on her radio program too. Here is the link for David's interview:

http://latalklive.com/new/truth-be-told

Click on the interview labelled as 12/6/2012 Truth Be Told - Guests: Dr. Arlene Drake / David Pittman

Click on the big white arrow to listen to the program.

David's interview covers the subject of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Dr. Arlene Drake is the expert that talks during the first part of the program. David is on during the last part of the program. I wish that David had been able to talk in more detail about the topic of Childhood Sexual Abuse. Anyone that reads my blog knows that I am passionate about protecting children from being sexually abused as I was by my dad when I was a child.

Like me, David Pittman has a blog at the following link:

http://togetherweheal.wordpress.com

David can tell you about his organization and what it does better than I can, so I am using his words here to tell you about Together We Heal.

"Together We Heal is for those who have suffered the trauma of childhood sexual abuse. It exists to give aid and counseling to those in need, educate any who seek information on how to best protect our children and to expose the predators and their methods. Together we can do all of these things and begin the process of healing. There is a real need to change statute of limitation laws on child molestation and sexual abuse. We are here to promote that change and provide a safe forum for victims of abuse to share, learn and heal. 'One person cannot change the world, but you can change the world of one person' - Help us do just that..... Please follow us on Twitter @Together_WeHeal"

Thank you David for coming into my life through Together We Heal on Twitter. Together we will reach more survivors and we will save more children from sexual abuse. I thank everyone who comes to my blog to read my posts and for those who take the time to leave comments. I love you all.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 61 years old. For the first time ever, I have had eight different people wish me Happy Birthday early. My husband had to be join in when I told him about the other seven. My son and daughter-in-law are going out to dinner with my husband and I later tonight because they are both working tomorrow night. So I am even celebrating early. One of my best friends called me on Saturday and wished me Happy Birthday by singing the song Happy Birthday to me over the phone. She sang it to the tune of I Want to Wish You A Merry Christmas. Then we argued about her being early. She thought it was the 11th and I had to tell her that the 11th was on Tuesday. My mother-in-law called me today as well as a friend on Facebook wishing me happy birthday.

Tomorrow is a big day for my husband too. He is going to the printer to pick up his novel that he has worked the last 9 years writing. His book is called Standing On The Edge of Time. It is a novel about the Civil War and what Daniel thinks it might have been like for his great-grandfather to fight with the 4th Arkansas Infantry during the first two years of the war. What took so long for my husband to write was all of the research that he did on the 4th Arkansas Infantry and their part in the war. He has included many factual resources as well. He is excited so tomorrow we will be celebrating my birthday but also the birth of his baby - Standing On The Edge of Time. Have a glorious day everyone.
Patricia

Related Blog Articles:

The Laundry List of Adult Children Of Alcoholics @
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2010/10/laundry-list-of-adult-children-of.html

Al-Anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics Played Major Roles In My Recovery From Incest @
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/01/al-anon-and-adult-children-of.html

Growing Up With Alcoholism In The Family @
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/09/growing-up-with-alcoholism-in-family.html

Resources For An Incest Survivor And Adult Children Of Dysfunctional Families @
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2012/04/resources-for-incest-survivor-and-adult.html

My Story Of Incest Guest Post on Survivor Advocacy @
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2012/11/my-story-of-incest-guest-post-on.html

Time Does Not Heal All The Wounds Of Incest

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.'
I do not agree.
The wounds remain. In time, the mind,
protecting its sanity,
covers them with scar tissue
and the pain lessens.
But it is never gone."
    - Rose Kennedy -

I borrowed this quote, with permission, from http://facebook.com/groups/rapesurvivorsunite . The page is called Rape Survivors Unite.

I don't get angry when I hear someone say, "time heals all wounds." but in my mind I add the words, "unless you are a child abuse or incest victim/survivor." I don't get angry at these people because I know they are well-intensioned and probably feel helpless in the face of the horrors of child abuse and incest. Just imagine how those of us who have lived through child abuse or incest must feel. We don't need platitudes from well-meaning people. We need authentic love and support and we need to be believed when we tell our stories.

I have never questioned whether my memories are true, but some survivors do. I have too many memories of being told I was going somewhere with my dad in his truck. I lived with the knowledge and stress of knowing that before we came home my dad would find some quiet dirt road or an empty pasture to pull into to rape me before returning home to pretend that nothing had happened and to pretend that everything was normal.

For a long time, I didn't call the sexual abuse by its name of rape. I always thought of rape as being physically violent. Someone then told me that rape happened anytime you are threatened or coerced into having sex that you didn't want and that you didn't give permission for. Incest with a child by an adult counts as rape because a child can't give his or her permission to be sexually violated. My emotional scars are much deeper than any physical scars might be. Physical scars affect your body and eventually fade and disappear. Emotional scars are much harder to heal and may never completely go away. As Rose Kennedy says the pain lessens but the scars are still there.

I would love to believe that "time heals all wounds." Incest and rape affect your mind, emotions, and your body on so many levels. Some levels heal quickly. Others don't. At almost 61 years old, I am still waiting to see if time heals all. I have been doing this healing work since 1989. If I lived to be 1000 years old, I might could say "time heals all wounds." So far time has not healed all of my wounds.

When I was 38 years old in 1989, I finally had the courage to open the door to incest and to look it in the face. I didn't know, that at almost 61, I would still be working to clean out that room of issues. The cleaning out is still taking place but isn't as intense or of long duration now but it is still going on. Because of my own healing journey, I know that your life can get better. Mine is so much better now than it has ever been. The support and love of my husband is the greatest blessing that has enabled me to work on my own healing. I love you, Daniel.
Patricia