From Awakening, A Daily Guide to Conscious Living, written by Shakti Gawain, Revised Edition, 1991 & 2006, October 3 page:
"We are all vulnerable
Most of us are somewhat afraid of our vulnerability. We have various ways of masking it, hiding it, defending it. The key to intimacy, though, is being able to be vulnerable with another person. To do that, we must first be honest with ourselves about our deepest, most vulnerable feelings. We must learn to care for and protect these feelings, not by closing them off and defending them, but by being able to say honestly what we feel and ask for what we need.
As we learn to use our inner strength to support and express our inner vulnerability instead of to repress it, we begin to feel safer and more comfortable opening up to another person.
I am learning to feel comfortable with my vulnerability."
Being vulnerable enough to ask for help is a biggy for me. You can read my previous article "Dealing With Change" found at http://patricia-singleton.blogspot.com/2009/10/dealing-with-change.html for some of those reasons.
Lately, I continue to put myself in a place of being vulnerable to others. I actually do that with everyone of the articles that I write on this blog. I allow myself to be vulnerable when I call my Al-Anon sponsor or my best friend.
I recently started attending a grieving group which gives me plenty of opportunities to be vulnerable with more sharing of my incest story and my recovery experiences. Any time that you are in recovery, you do grieving work. Any time that you go to a counselor or therapist, some, if not most, of the work that you do is grieving work as you learn to face your issues. The homework for our group this week was twofold:
1. Give someone else some of your "experience, strength, and hope" when they ask for your help.
2. Receive help from someone else gracefully.
One very important fact that the class was told last night was that "Help is not help unless the person receiving it perceives it as help." Giving advice, even when it is asked for, isn't always helpful. Most of the time when a person asks for advice, what they really need and want is someone to listen to them as they talk and figure out their own answers.
I know that a lot of my readers come from a childhood of abuse in some form. I am passing my homework assignment along to any of you who are willing to do it this week. Let me know how you did.
In a recent comment, I was asked to share a website with my readers. After looking at the website and emailing back and forth with one of the contributers, I decided to put up a Blog Link with this person, Thomas Dow, and his website. His website is called "Let's Be Present". You can find his site at the following link: http://www.letsbepresent.com/ . Thomas, like me, is a Lightworker who is reaching out to help others heal from their childhood abuse issues as he works to heal his own issues.
Patricia
Friday, October 16, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
Dealing With Change
A blogger friend of mine, Corinne Edwards, whose blog you will find at the following link
http://www.personal-growth-with-corinne-edwards.com/ , recently suggested that I would enjoy reading a new book written by Neale Donald Walsch. The title of the new book is When Everything Changes Change Everything. I finally started reading it last night. As you can tell from my most recent articles, I am involved in change right now.
Mr. Walsch's new book is about 9 changes that he says you all need to make when you are going through changes. These changes can truly change your life. So far, I am reading about the first change.
"Change #1:
Change your decision to 'go it alone'." (page 29)
Mr. Walsch says that most of us tend to isolate when we are having difficulties. I can't speak for you but for me that is so true. I have trouble reaching out and saying that I am having problems and asking for help. A part of me feels ashamed that I am not able to deal with this problem on my own.
Here is what Mr. Walsch says and it makes perfect sense to me.
"The reason that so many of us tend to self-isolate when we are facing big problems---and by the way, have you noticed that almost every really big problem you've ever faced emerged from something that changed?---is that we have never given ourselves permission to be seen as less than perfect, or as someone who does not have it all altogether." (page 29-30)
Does this sound like you? It certainly sounds like me. This is one area that I still have all of the childhood tapes playing in my head.
Mr. Walsch goes on to say, "We've also been taught as children that we should not 'burden others' with our problems. And finally, we've been told that most everything is our own fault anyway, so why would we go to someone else with it? It was made very clear that we made our bed and now we have to lie in it." (page 30)
He goes on to say that none of these things is true and that whoever told you this was wrong about it all. Here is where he really got my attention.
"The need to be 'perfect' and to 'have it all together' is a manifestation of a larger need: the need for approval." (page 30)
I still struggle with this "need for approval". This is where fear of rejection comes into my life. Every time that I write an article on incest or tell a new person or even tell a person who has known me for years but doesn't know that I am an incest survivor, I face my fear of rejection and fear that I will lose your approval and love. This is where I rely upon courage to help me deal with however you react to my article or my disclosure of more information.
Mr. Walsch goes on to say, "People want to help us. They do not feel 'burdened' by doing so. Quite the opposite. They feel uplifted.
Knowing that we've helped others brings us value, skyrocketing our feelings of self-worth. Life suddenly begins to make sense. Or at least to give us, in that moment, a sense of higher purpose." (page 31)
"We're all just running around trying to help somebody. Knowing this should make it easier to accept help---from a professional or from a loved one---when our own need is particularly acute. Why would we make it more difficult for someone to help us when help is exactly what we need, and exactly what others want to give?" (page 31)
I hope that sharing these wise words of Neale Donald Walsch will help you to be able to ask for help the next time that you need it. I know it makes it easier for me. I know that I don't have to try so hard to be perfect and I still find myself doing it in certain areas of my life.
Does any of this ring true for you?
Patricia
http://www.personal-growth-with-corinne-edwards.com/ , recently suggested that I would enjoy reading a new book written by Neale Donald Walsch. The title of the new book is When Everything Changes Change Everything. I finally started reading it last night. As you can tell from my most recent articles, I am involved in change right now.
Mr. Walsch's new book is about 9 changes that he says you all need to make when you are going through changes. These changes can truly change your life. So far, I am reading about the first change.
"Change #1:
Change your decision to 'go it alone'." (page 29)
Mr. Walsch says that most of us tend to isolate when we are having difficulties. I can't speak for you but for me that is so true. I have trouble reaching out and saying that I am having problems and asking for help. A part of me feels ashamed that I am not able to deal with this problem on my own.
Here is what Mr. Walsch says and it makes perfect sense to me.
"The reason that so many of us tend to self-isolate when we are facing big problems---and by the way, have you noticed that almost every really big problem you've ever faced emerged from something that changed?---is that we have never given ourselves permission to be seen as less than perfect, or as someone who does not have it all altogether." (page 29-30)
Does this sound like you? It certainly sounds like me. This is one area that I still have all of the childhood tapes playing in my head.
Mr. Walsch goes on to say, "We've also been taught as children that we should not 'burden others' with our problems. And finally, we've been told that most everything is our own fault anyway, so why would we go to someone else with it? It was made very clear that we made our bed and now we have to lie in it." (page 30)
He goes on to say that none of these things is true and that whoever told you this was wrong about it all. Here is where he really got my attention.
"The need to be 'perfect' and to 'have it all together' is a manifestation of a larger need: the need for approval." (page 30)
I still struggle with this "need for approval". This is where fear of rejection comes into my life. Every time that I write an article on incest or tell a new person or even tell a person who has known me for years but doesn't know that I am an incest survivor, I face my fear of rejection and fear that I will lose your approval and love. This is where I rely upon courage to help me deal with however you react to my article or my disclosure of more information.
Mr. Walsch goes on to say, "People want to help us. They do not feel 'burdened' by doing so. Quite the opposite. They feel uplifted.
Knowing that we've helped others brings us value, skyrocketing our feelings of self-worth. Life suddenly begins to make sense. Or at least to give us, in that moment, a sense of higher purpose." (page 31)
"We're all just running around trying to help somebody. Knowing this should make it easier to accept help---from a professional or from a loved one---when our own need is particularly acute. Why would we make it more difficult for someone to help us when help is exactly what we need, and exactly what others want to give?" (page 31)
I hope that sharing these wise words of Neale Donald Walsch will help you to be able to ask for help the next time that you need it. I know it makes it easier for me. I know that I don't have to try so hard to be perfect and I still find myself doing it in certain areas of my life.
Does any of this ring true for you?
Patricia
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Resistance Is Futile---How Do You Deal With Change?
From Daybreak, Meditations For Women Survivors Of Sexual Abuse, written by Maureen Brady, Page for April 19:
"Letting go is a never-ending process of relating to my resistance.
When I let go of my nearly unrelenting need to control, my belief that I can bend even iron with my will, I am released into serenity and trust in a power greater than myself. Then, almost immediately, I drop the most powerful lesson I have learned and take up my willfulness again. I ask myself in some bewilderment, why would I do this?
To some extent my need to control may have become excessive and obsessive because the loss of control in the sexual abuse was so great that I needed to make up for it. But regardless of my story, it is also a very human characteristic to grasp for control. The way to work with this is through a daily practice of noticing what I am clinging to---a thought, a feeling, a memory, a determination to make a situation come out a certain way---and uncurling my grip as a gesture of release and watching what I am clinging to float away. Releasing my willful attachments creates space and sustenance for my soul."
How often do you resist change? I find myself resisting change just about every time that it comes into my life. I deal better with smaller changes than I do big ones so that is some improvement. I have to remind myself, to use a phrase from Star Trek Next Generation, "Resistance is futile." Resistance just makes change harder and slower but change still moves forward anyway despite my resistance. Often resistance just gives me a headache and it still doesn't stop the change from happening.
Resisting change is very much about the need to control---your environment, other people and their behavior, and your reactions to those people and environments. If you are controlling then you can feel safe. Controlling, as I have said many times before, is just an illusion that you are in control. Life, the Universe, God---these are what are really in control. Your choice is to go with the flow or to resist. Going with the flow doesn't mean that you don't have dreams or make plans for your future. Going with the flow means that you don't resist the change that Life sometimes throws at you when you don't know what the bigger picture is. It means letting go of the need to control what isn't my responsibility in the first place.
You might be interested in reading the article from the blog The Rat Race Trap written by Stephen Mills at the following link:
http://www.ratracetrap.com/the-rat-race-trap/an-optimal-balance-to-your-life.html . The article is called "An Optimal Balance to Your Life. Part of my above paragraph came from my comment to Stephen's article about balance.
Patricia
"Letting go is a never-ending process of relating to my resistance.
When I let go of my nearly unrelenting need to control, my belief that I can bend even iron with my will, I am released into serenity and trust in a power greater than myself. Then, almost immediately, I drop the most powerful lesson I have learned and take up my willfulness again. I ask myself in some bewilderment, why would I do this?
To some extent my need to control may have become excessive and obsessive because the loss of control in the sexual abuse was so great that I needed to make up for it. But regardless of my story, it is also a very human characteristic to grasp for control. The way to work with this is through a daily practice of noticing what I am clinging to---a thought, a feeling, a memory, a determination to make a situation come out a certain way---and uncurling my grip as a gesture of release and watching what I am clinging to float away. Releasing my willful attachments creates space and sustenance for my soul."
How often do you resist change? I find myself resisting change just about every time that it comes into my life. I deal better with smaller changes than I do big ones so that is some improvement. I have to remind myself, to use a phrase from Star Trek Next Generation, "Resistance is futile." Resistance just makes change harder and slower but change still moves forward anyway despite my resistance. Often resistance just gives me a headache and it still doesn't stop the change from happening.
Resisting change is very much about the need to control---your environment, other people and their behavior, and your reactions to those people and environments. If you are controlling then you can feel safe. Controlling, as I have said many times before, is just an illusion that you are in control. Life, the Universe, God---these are what are really in control. Your choice is to go with the flow or to resist. Going with the flow doesn't mean that you don't have dreams or make plans for your future. Going with the flow means that you don't resist the change that Life sometimes throws at you when you don't know what the bigger picture is. It means letting go of the need to control what isn't my responsibility in the first place.
You might be interested in reading the article from the blog The Rat Race Trap written by Stephen Mills at the following link:
http://www.ratracetrap.com/the-rat-race-trap/an-optimal-balance-to-your-life.html . The article is called "An Optimal Balance to Your Life. Part of my above paragraph came from my comment to Stephen's article about balance.
Patricia
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Relationships And Trust
From Awakening, A Daily Guide to Conscious Living, written by Shakti Gawain, New World Library, Novato, California, 1991, Revised 2006, October 1 page:
"We need relationships
Our primary relationship is with ourselves, and ultimately that's the only one that can provide the foundation for wholeness. That's the place where we need to find integration and balance. And at the same time, we need relationships with other people in order to be happy and fulfilled in life. If we only look for wholeness and completion within ourselves, we disown the part of ourselves that also needs other people.
Human beings are social creatures. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually --- we absolutely need close contact with other people. We need love, support, understanding, recognition, and stimulation reflected to us by others.
I spend time cultivating my relationship with myself and time reaching out to receive what I need from others."
I recently picked this book up at a used book store. Years ago, I read a book by Shakti Gawain and just didn't connect with it at all. I am connecting with what this book has to offer.
As a Saggittarian, my natal chart shows me that this lifetime for me is all about relationships. My major work this lifetime has to do with all kinds of relationships. Maybe that is why the lessons have been so difficult with my parents. We often learn the most from our greatest struggles in life.
As an incest survivor, my early relationships were full of pain (physical and emotional) and betrayal. Trust has been one of my biggest issues that I struggle with. My newest relationship is with my Al-Anon sponsor. God has blessed me by putting this wonderful lady in my life. She has wisdom and years in Al-Anon that I don't have. That doesn't mean that she doesn't have struggles in life. She does. She allows me to see her struggles and that is good. I can see, first hand, how she handles her own struggles in life and therefore, I learn more by her example than by her words. I know that I can trust what she says because I can see her using it herself. When she is in trouble and overwhelmed, what does she do? She calls her sponsor and works her Steps in the program of Al-Anon, things that I am also learning to do.
It isn't easy for me to call another person and admit that I need help and that I don't have all of the answers. It isn't easy for me to show you my vulnerabilities because in the past those vulnerabilities were used to hurt me. It isn't easy for me to say, "I am hurting." In my childhood, I was shamed when I let it be known that I was unhappy, sad, hurting, angry, crying.....
So, how are your relationships going today? I am learning about myself through my relationships. I am learning that I have value. I am learning that I can care about you and not get hurt. I am learning that you have value. I am learning that I learn best by watching other people and seeing what works for them and what doesn't work for them. I am learning to love myself completely as I am. I am learning to love you completely as you are. I don't have to change you and you don't have to change me. As children of God, we are all perfect and that is as it should be. What have your relationships taught you?
Patricia
"We need relationships
Our primary relationship is with ourselves, and ultimately that's the only one that can provide the foundation for wholeness. That's the place where we need to find integration and balance. And at the same time, we need relationships with other people in order to be happy and fulfilled in life. If we only look for wholeness and completion within ourselves, we disown the part of ourselves that also needs other people.
Human beings are social creatures. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually --- we absolutely need close contact with other people. We need love, support, understanding, recognition, and stimulation reflected to us by others.
I spend time cultivating my relationship with myself and time reaching out to receive what I need from others."
I recently picked this book up at a used book store. Years ago, I read a book by Shakti Gawain and just didn't connect with it at all. I am connecting with what this book has to offer.
As a Saggittarian, my natal chart shows me that this lifetime for me is all about relationships. My major work this lifetime has to do with all kinds of relationships. Maybe that is why the lessons have been so difficult with my parents. We often learn the most from our greatest struggles in life.
As an incest survivor, my early relationships were full of pain (physical and emotional) and betrayal. Trust has been one of my biggest issues that I struggle with. My newest relationship is with my Al-Anon sponsor. God has blessed me by putting this wonderful lady in my life. She has wisdom and years in Al-Anon that I don't have. That doesn't mean that she doesn't have struggles in life. She does. She allows me to see her struggles and that is good. I can see, first hand, how she handles her own struggles in life and therefore, I learn more by her example than by her words. I know that I can trust what she says because I can see her using it herself. When she is in trouble and overwhelmed, what does she do? She calls her sponsor and works her Steps in the program of Al-Anon, things that I am also learning to do.
It isn't easy for me to call another person and admit that I need help and that I don't have all of the answers. It isn't easy for me to show you my vulnerabilities because in the past those vulnerabilities were used to hurt me. It isn't easy for me to say, "I am hurting." In my childhood, I was shamed when I let it be known that I was unhappy, sad, hurting, angry, crying.....
So, how are your relationships going today? I am learning about myself through my relationships. I am learning that I have value. I am learning that I can care about you and not get hurt. I am learning that you have value. I am learning that I learn best by watching other people and seeing what works for them and what doesn't work for them. I am learning to love myself completely as I am. I am learning to love you completely as you are. I don't have to change you and you don't have to change me. As children of God, we are all perfect and that is as it should be. What have your relationships taught you?
Patricia
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Your Outer Conflicts Mirror Your Inner Conflicts
Awakening, A Daily Guide to Conscious Living written by Shakti Gawain, Revised Edition, Nataraj Publishing, a division of New World Library, Novato, California, 1991, 2006, page September 27:
"Outer conflict is a mirror of inner conflict
Most of our conflicts in relationships or in situations in our lives are projections of inner conflicts. People we are in conflict with are usually mirroring some parts of ourselves with which we are uncomfortable or unresolved."
"This situation won't change until we're willing to see the outer conflicts as mirroring our inner conflicts. As we become aware of and accept all aspects of ourselves, outer conflicts melt away.
I am learning to see outer conflict as a mirror of my own inner conflict."
This isn't new information for me. It is just a reminder of what I already knew. My home is a good example of this. I can keep the majority of my house in some kind of order in all areas except my bedroom. My bedroom is almost always a mess. I am organized in most areas of my life except for this one area. I guess this means the day that all of my incest issues are fully resolved (Do you think that will ever happen? I am not sure that it will.), then I will be able to keep my bedroom straightened up and in some kind of order.
My husband prays for that day. I can't blame any of the disorder on him. His side of the bedroom is neat and ordered.
Does it make sense to you that an incest survivor would have a messy bedroom because of the internal mess around sex and sexuality? It makes perfect sense to me. Are there any areas of your life that mirror your internal self?
By the way, this is my 200th article written and posted on my blog. Today is an anniversary for my family also. Twenty-one years ago today, we moved to Hot Springs, Arkansas.
Patricia
"Outer conflict is a mirror of inner conflict
Most of our conflicts in relationships or in situations in our lives are projections of inner conflicts. People we are in conflict with are usually mirroring some parts of ourselves with which we are uncomfortable or unresolved."
"This situation won't change until we're willing to see the outer conflicts as mirroring our inner conflicts. As we become aware of and accept all aspects of ourselves, outer conflicts melt away.
I am learning to see outer conflict as a mirror of my own inner conflict."
This isn't new information for me. It is just a reminder of what I already knew. My home is a good example of this. I can keep the majority of my house in some kind of order in all areas except my bedroom. My bedroom is almost always a mess. I am organized in most areas of my life except for this one area. I guess this means the day that all of my incest issues are fully resolved (Do you think that will ever happen? I am not sure that it will.), then I will be able to keep my bedroom straightened up and in some kind of order.
My husband prays for that day. I can't blame any of the disorder on him. His side of the bedroom is neat and ordered.
Does it make sense to you that an incest survivor would have a messy bedroom because of the internal mess around sex and sexuality? It makes perfect sense to me. Are there any areas of your life that mirror your internal self?
By the way, this is my 200th article written and posted on my blog. Today is an anniversary for my family also. Twenty-one years ago today, we moved to Hot Springs, Arkansas.
Patricia
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse Posted at Mind Parts Blog
The Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse (September 2009) has been posted by Paul at his blog MIND PARTS. Here is the blog link: http://www.mindparts.org/2009/09/blog-carnival-sept09.html . Thank you Paul for hosting this month's Carnival. I didn't participate this month because it never entered my mind. Being busy with vacation plans, trip and return, I just didn't think about it.
I look forward to reading all of this month's articles. There are a lot of new submitters this month that I haven't met before. I look forward to reading their articles as well as the supporters who submit articles most months. Supporting this Carnival helps to build our online community of survivors and supporters. I hope that you will follow me as I go to MIND PARTS to read this month's Carnival.
Patricia
I look forward to reading all of this month's articles. There are a lot of new submitters this month that I haven't met before. I look forward to reading their articles as well as the supporters who submit articles most months. Supporting this Carnival helps to build our online community of survivors and supporters. I hope that you will follow me as I go to MIND PARTS to read this month's Carnival.
Patricia
Friday, September 25, 2009
Vacation Revisited
My husband Daniel and I have been home from our 10-day vacation to visit our daughter and her family for 10 days. We were gone from home from Sunday, September 6 until just before midnight on Tuesday, September 15.
We had a wonderful trip. It was time that we laughed and teased each other. We made a lot of bathroom stops for me and a lot of stops for Daniel to get out and walk so that his leg would stop hurting. Let's face facts here, as much as our daughter doesn't want it to be true, we have gotten older. Daniel just turned 60 years old in August and I have my 58th birthday coming up in December. We are both slowing down a little. Long trips are harder for us to make. Daniel surprised me when he decided to drive to Idaho. He had said no more long trips out West. He got to missing his daughter and grandchildren so much that he decided to make the trip anyway. I am glad that he did.
The visiting with our daughter and her family was not nearly long enough. Half of the trip is spent traveling to and from the houses. We live in Arkansas and she lives in Idaho---two and a half days of travel and 2 nights in motels along the way.
My daughter and I both took pictures galore of everything that we did together. I have over 200 pictures of my own to look at and our daughter is sending me copies of hers as well which is another 200 pictures. If I had the know-how, I would post some of the pictures on here but I don't. I have pictures of our daugher and her husband whom we also love very much, even though he has no clue as to why we should love him. He does his best to take care of our daughter and grandchildren.
I have so many pictures of our beautiful and talented grandchildren ages 3, 5, 7, and 9 years old. The 3-year-old wasn't talking the last time that we saw him. He is not only talking but he is also very polite in saying "Thank You." and "I love you." Daniel teased him about his middle name also being Daniel. They both loved it.
The 5-year-old is in kindergarten and loved it that we would come to her school with her mom and little brother to pick her up at noon every day. It has been about 2 years now since she last cut her hair. For about 2 years before that, her mom had to hide the scissors from her. She still managed to find her older sister's school scissors and cut her hair shorter and shorter about 3 times. I bought her hats to wear until the hair could grow back out the last time that she cut it so short that people didn't know if she was a boy or girl. She loved the hats. It was nice to have a half day of time with the two youngest grandchildren before the oldest two would get home from school.
Our 7-year-old grandson was a joy to be with for the first time since he was about 2 years old. He was a happy little boy so full of energy and happiness. He has not been a happy child since his first vaccination shots when he was about two years old. The so-called experts can't decide what label to put on him for school. Right now we are back to saying he is ADHD. Last year, he was placed on medication for ADHD at the insistence of his teachers and school. Over the summer, he was taken off the medications because my daughter and son-in-law didn't like the effect that they had on his personality. Recently he was diagnosed as having anxiety disorder and is currently on medication for that. He doesn't appear to be drugged like he was with the ADHD medicines. He is very active and talkative and what he says makes sense. He seems happy. Grandma's only problem is that he talks so fast that I have to really, really listen to catch everything that he says. He is happy. That seems almost like a miracle. It is such a difference in how he was last year. Thank you God.
Our 9-year-old granddaughter is so smart and fun to be around. She questions life and everyone who is around her. She is the oldest and right now, according to her, is tired of being the oldest sister. Being an oldest sister myself, I know about the responsibilities that sometimes go with being the oldest of the kids. I told her that there will be times when she is glad that she is the oldest. It has its advantages as well as disadvantages just like all the other positions in a family. This grandchild is at the top of her class and has been since 1st grade. She got to dance with her grandfather at a Civil War style dance during our vacation and they both loved it. She will be our fashion expert in the family. She loves anything to do with Hannah Montana.
I hope that our daughter knows how much we love her and miss her and how much these trips mean to us. Both of us share a love of photography and travel. Her daddy is the one who suffers from empty nest syndrone. I know how important it is to be able to let go of your children and let them grow into the adults that they are supposed to be. Because of my own childhood of being smothered by a demanding, controlling father and a codependent mother, I was able to let go easier than Daniel. That doesn't mean that I don't love my children. I do, very much. I enjoy seeing the adults that they have become even when occasionally we don't agree about somethings.
On our way home from Idaho, we went through Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas and Oklahoma. If you are traveling by car, in the near future, stay away from I-40 as much as possible. Our country's tax money is being put to good use in reconstruction of I-40 at least every 20 miles it seemed on our trip home. I have never seen so much road construction going on before. If you ever travel though Utah, plan to visit Arches National Park outside of Moab, Utah. It is absolutely gorgeous. We are already talking about maybe meeting our daughter and her family there and camping out sometime next summer, money and time permitting. The kids would love it. I love the reds and browns and yellows of the rock formations.
Enough of me talking about our vacation. We are back home, house cleaned, packing undone, clothes washed, mail sorted through, bills paid, and mind and body mostly rested from the trip home. I missed you all while I was gone and am glad to be back in my own space and time.
Patricia
We had a wonderful trip. It was time that we laughed and teased each other. We made a lot of bathroom stops for me and a lot of stops for Daniel to get out and walk so that his leg would stop hurting. Let's face facts here, as much as our daughter doesn't want it to be true, we have gotten older. Daniel just turned 60 years old in August and I have my 58th birthday coming up in December. We are both slowing down a little. Long trips are harder for us to make. Daniel surprised me when he decided to drive to Idaho. He had said no more long trips out West. He got to missing his daughter and grandchildren so much that he decided to make the trip anyway. I am glad that he did.
The visiting with our daughter and her family was not nearly long enough. Half of the trip is spent traveling to and from the houses. We live in Arkansas and she lives in Idaho---two and a half days of travel and 2 nights in motels along the way.
My daughter and I both took pictures galore of everything that we did together. I have over 200 pictures of my own to look at and our daughter is sending me copies of hers as well which is another 200 pictures. If I had the know-how, I would post some of the pictures on here but I don't. I have pictures of our daugher and her husband whom we also love very much, even though he has no clue as to why we should love him. He does his best to take care of our daughter and grandchildren.
I have so many pictures of our beautiful and talented grandchildren ages 3, 5, 7, and 9 years old. The 3-year-old wasn't talking the last time that we saw him. He is not only talking but he is also very polite in saying "Thank You." and "I love you." Daniel teased him about his middle name also being Daniel. They both loved it.
The 5-year-old is in kindergarten and loved it that we would come to her school with her mom and little brother to pick her up at noon every day. It has been about 2 years now since she last cut her hair. For about 2 years before that, her mom had to hide the scissors from her. She still managed to find her older sister's school scissors and cut her hair shorter and shorter about 3 times. I bought her hats to wear until the hair could grow back out the last time that she cut it so short that people didn't know if she was a boy or girl. She loved the hats. It was nice to have a half day of time with the two youngest grandchildren before the oldest two would get home from school.
Our 7-year-old grandson was a joy to be with for the first time since he was about 2 years old. He was a happy little boy so full of energy and happiness. He has not been a happy child since his first vaccination shots when he was about two years old. The so-called experts can't decide what label to put on him for school. Right now we are back to saying he is ADHD. Last year, he was placed on medication for ADHD at the insistence of his teachers and school. Over the summer, he was taken off the medications because my daughter and son-in-law didn't like the effect that they had on his personality. Recently he was diagnosed as having anxiety disorder and is currently on medication for that. He doesn't appear to be drugged like he was with the ADHD medicines. He is very active and talkative and what he says makes sense. He seems happy. Grandma's only problem is that he talks so fast that I have to really, really listen to catch everything that he says. He is happy. That seems almost like a miracle. It is such a difference in how he was last year. Thank you God.
Our 9-year-old granddaughter is so smart and fun to be around. She questions life and everyone who is around her. She is the oldest and right now, according to her, is tired of being the oldest sister. Being an oldest sister myself, I know about the responsibilities that sometimes go with being the oldest of the kids. I told her that there will be times when she is glad that she is the oldest. It has its advantages as well as disadvantages just like all the other positions in a family. This grandchild is at the top of her class and has been since 1st grade. She got to dance with her grandfather at a Civil War style dance during our vacation and they both loved it. She will be our fashion expert in the family. She loves anything to do with Hannah Montana.
I hope that our daughter knows how much we love her and miss her and how much these trips mean to us. Both of us share a love of photography and travel. Her daddy is the one who suffers from empty nest syndrone. I know how important it is to be able to let go of your children and let them grow into the adults that they are supposed to be. Because of my own childhood of being smothered by a demanding, controlling father and a codependent mother, I was able to let go easier than Daniel. That doesn't mean that I don't love my children. I do, very much. I enjoy seeing the adults that they have become even when occasionally we don't agree about somethings.
On our way home from Idaho, we went through Utah, Colorado, New Mexico, Texas and Oklahoma. If you are traveling by car, in the near future, stay away from I-40 as much as possible. Our country's tax money is being put to good use in reconstruction of I-40 at least every 20 miles it seemed on our trip home. I have never seen so much road construction going on before. If you ever travel though Utah, plan to visit Arches National Park outside of Moab, Utah. It is absolutely gorgeous. We are already talking about maybe meeting our daughter and her family there and camping out sometime next summer, money and time permitting. The kids would love it. I love the reds and browns and yellows of the rock formations.
Enough of me talking about our vacation. We are back home, house cleaned, packing undone, clothes washed, mail sorted through, bills paid, and mind and body mostly rested from the trip home. I missed you all while I was gone and am glad to be back in my own space and time.
Patricia
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