Monday, March 8, 2010

Denial, FEAR's Companion And BFF

Sometimes denial can help us to survive an unbearable situation. Sometimes denial can keep us trapped in that unbearable situation. How do you know the difference?

Denial can be FEAR's closest companion and helper in keeping you trapped in its tight-fisted hold. Denial keeps you from seeing FEAR for what it is. Denial might be considered FEAR's BFF---today's slang meaning "Best Friends Forever". That is how close denial and fear can be to each other. Denial can help fear to become the monster FEAR. A friend recently said that his serenity comes from accepting that "what is is." Denial doesn't let you do that. Denial doesn't want you to do acceptance of your circumstances because if you do denial dies. Denial's death is the beginning of letting go of your fears. When you face your fears, then FEAR is on his way out of your life. Letting go of denial is when you can finally start chipping away at your fears one at a time. FEAR can't live if you do away with its BFF denial and all of its little fears.


Whether you know it or not, you have the courage to face down FEAR. Breaking it down to all of its parts makes FEAR go away. FEAR can't exist in the same room with awareness and acceptance. Have you made your list of fears that I invited you to do in my previous article? I hope that you have because that is the beginning of taming FEAR and running him out of your life. Once you do that don't leave a vacuum around you where FEAR used to reside because he can slip back in. Fill that space with hobbies that you love, people that you love. Fill that space with Love, joy and contentment. "Let Go and Let God" is one of the slogans from Al-Anon that I use to let go of a lot of my fears over the years. Letting God, your Higher Power (whatever that means to you), your Higher Self, a recovery group, your counselor or therapist, your best friend, your spouse, whatever support system that you have be there to help you face your fears and release them from your life. Ask for help when you need it. Asking for help can be one of your fears---fear of rejection, fear of being judged. Face that fear. Reach out to someone who loves you. You don't have to do this work by yourself.

Below you will find links to other articles that I have posted about fear. I invite you to click on the links for more information on the topic of fear.

Gifts Of Facing Your Fears:
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/06/gifts-of-facing-your-fears.html

Tools Of The Ego:
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/04/tools-of-ego.html

Fear Expressed:
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/08/fear-expressed.html

Fear Is My Friend:
http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2009/01/fear-is-my-friend.html

Let me know how you are dealing with facing your fears? Is your fear still the monster FEAR or have you chopped him down to a manageable size? What has worked for you? What didn't work? Remember, you don't have to go through your fears alone.
Patricia

12 comments:

sarah said...

great post on fear....for me..I've dealt alot with fears that kept me stuck...I try to give the ones I struggle with now over to God. He can handle them...I can't. Sarah

Patricia Singleton said...

Sarah, thank you. I agree that turning our fears over to God is a good thing to do. He sees the bigger picture that we don't.

Just Be Real/God Whispers In The Wind said...

Pat thank you as always. Thank you so much for your recent encouraging comment on my blog. Helps me! Blessings dear one.

Patricia Singleton said...

JBR, I love your title "God Whispers In The Wind." Windy days and Fall colors are my favorite times of the year.

You are always very welcome. The encouragement that we get from each other is always beneficial to us all.

Your recent blog article "How Does Fear Define You" which I linked back to your blog an article or two ago, is the reason that I started my current series on fear so thank you for the inspiration. Your courage shines through so clearly.

For those of you who haven't read the article yet, here is the link to JBR's article:
http://justbereal77.blogspot.com/2010/02/how-does-fear-define-you.html

Shen said...

I recently did my fifth step in coda. (I wrote about it in my blog a couple weeks ago.) Most of my fourth step was about resentment and fear. Letting go of both of those is a struggle for me. I can feel that vaccuum. As I'm working through steps six and seven I will try to remember not to let fear back in and I will remember the visual you gave me in this post today.

thank you.

Patricia Singleton said...

Shen, you are welcome. I am glad that the visual helps. I miss the friend who gave it to me. She died close to 4 years ago. That visual aid is one of the blessings that she gave to me in our years of being friends.

Darlene Ouimet said...

Hi Patricia
I wanted to share that I had a strange reaction when I read fear as a "HE". I guess I always thought of fear as an "IT" but thinking of it as a he made a difference. It creeped me out, but I also got a few images in my head where fear still lurks that I didn't realize was still there.

I have realized that fear was only the tip of the iceburg when it came to deep recovery. Picture slicing off the top of a mountain and then having to dig out the rest it. The fear was almost like protection, the outer coating that I believed would keep me safe, but it didn't because it kept me shut down. (shut down was safe but it was also not living)
So when I did (and do) face those fears, I am able to understand where they have come from and how to overcome them so that I can live a full life in freedom and wholeness.
Love your blog!
Darlene

Patricia Singleton said...

Darlene, thank you for sharing your thoughts about fear and about my article. I personified FEAR on purpose. That is how strong FEAR can be in our lives. My initial thought about your comment was, "Yes, she got it!" It always feels good when someone "gets" the message the way that I intended. Glad that you love my blog. Like you, I wasn't really living as long as my feelings were shut down by my fears.

katie said...

dear patricia, i've been thinking of you lately as i've felt like i've taken a few new steps in facing my fears. it doesn't seem like stuff i haven't done before. writing, speaking out, being honest. but lately i've FELT different. i've felt more of an absence of fear. more peaceful lately. it's felt so great. thank you for bringing this up, i'm not sure all that has been at work in helping me lately, but i think reading your posts is there in the mix.

wishing you well today and always!

Patricia Singleton said...

Katie, thank you for your comment. I believe that as a community, albeit an online one, we are all helping each other with our articles on recovery. Enjoy that peaceful feeling. As you face more and more fears and they go away, you will find peace more and more a part of your life.

Today I handled a minor emergency with calm and in the process got to spend some quality time with my son's fiance whom I have only recently met so I am doing well today.

katie said...

thanks, patricia~ i feel the same way about this recovery blogging community. i'm grateful for the support and inspiration i find here.

and that's wonderful about your day. i'm happy for you~~

Patricia Singleton said...

Katie, thank you and your welcome. The support is important to me and we are all an inspirational bunch of people. Acts of courage are always inspirational to me.