Sunday, July 29, 2007

If You Don't Feel Strongly About It, Don't Write It.

Hi. I am doing this article as a writing assignment from Clean Cut Blog which you will find at . In this assignment , we are suppose to write about what is "My First Rule Of Writing". So here goes.

My title says it all, "If You Don't Feel Strongly About It, Don't Write It". You know which of your blog articles are your best. They have strength and passion. They bring up some kind of emotion in the reader.

I know that all of the articles that I write don't do that. No blog is going to have that quality of writing every time. This is the level of perfection that, as writers, we all strive for.
From the comments that I get from my readers, I am not doing to bad. I would like to do better.
I want the reader to feel my passion and, sometimes, compassion for myself and for others who have shared my experiences. There is no better compliment that someone can pay me than to say my article brought tears to their eyes because they understood what I was saying in my article. How can I expect my readers to feel passionate about something that I wrote, if I don't feel that same passion when I am writing the article?

I write in the Spiritual Blogging niche. This may not be true for someone that writes in another niche such as computer programming or some other technical niche. If I were in another niche, I might have another #1 rule for my writing.

My goal is to have my readers feel as passionate about my subject as I do. How am I doing?

The Most Influencial Person---#5---Best Friends

My life has been so very blessed by having several people in it that I call my best friends. One of them died a year and a half ago. This article is to let them know that I love them and feel very blessed to have them in my life. Thanks to all of you. All of my gratitude articles have been inspired by Damian Carr whose blog you will find at . Check out his site. It is called Be The Change. Damian very much lives and writes from that standpoint.

Carol died a little after midnight in the early morning hours of December 1, 2005. I miss her still. Some days I feel her presence close by. Some days, I still want her physical presence to talk to, to cry with, to be angry with. Sometimes, I hear her voice in my head or I hear her talking to me through a song on the radio or TV. She loved music. She had a beautiful singing voice. She believed that her angels spoke to her through the words of songs. The week after she died of a heart attack, I heard her talking to me so clearly through the words of a song in a TV commercial. I knew it was Carol. I had to laugh out loud because it was so surprising and so clear of a message that I couldn't be mistaken. The message was from her. One of her favorite song was You Are The Wind Beneath My Wings. It is one of my favorites too. Carol was my best friend and spiritual mentor and teacher. I love you, Carol.

Pamela and I met Carol at the same time when we attended a class on spirituality that she was teaching at Christway Unity Church in Hot Springs. Pamela had attended a Unity church in Tucson, Arizona before moving to Hot Springs. This was my first experience of a New Thought church. Pamela and I took several more of Carol's classes before we started attending church on Sundays. Carol taught me about Unity teachings, about angels and about myself. Carol had regular conversations with her angels. She did an angel reading and told me that I had 8 of them helping me at that time. Several years later, she told me that I had just gotten a whole other crew of 8 new angels to help guide me on my path. I would imagine that I could wear out more than one team with my spiritual growth spurts. Carol has been one of my favorite teachers. Through Spirit, she still teaches me today.

Pamela and I have been best friends almost from the first day we met over 10 years ago. She is the friend that told me that we were twins in a past life. I was just beginning to explore the possibility of re-incarnation when I met Pamela. Pamela and I went for a psychic reading once and we were told that we were triplets with another person in one lifetime. I shocked Pamela when I told her that we were con-joined twins in a past life. During a meditation, Pamela and I were sitting side by side. I suddenly felt our energy entwining on my left side. I suddenly saw a vision of us as con-joined twins. I can't tell you when we lived. I know that we were literally joined at the hip and that the family that we were born into loved and cared for us until we died sometime in our teens. I can't tell you how I know this. I just do. I sometimes get images and sometimes just a knowing about things. With this lifetime information, I got both. Pamela and I have had many lifetimes together. All I know for certain is that I have never felt an instant connection to another person like I did with Pamela when we first met.

Pamela used to get so angry with the people at our small church because, for the first few years, we were often called Pam and Pam. I used to laugh. Pamela would get angry and tell them we were Pam and Pat. Pamela left Hot Springs for 2 years and moved to New Mexico. It was a time of learning for both of us. Pamela needed to leave Hot Springs to realize that it truly had become her home. For me, it was a time of connecting with who I was without Pamela around. People began to call me Pat instead of Pam. Then when Pamela moved back to Hot Springs, we became Pat and Pat. Again, I had to laugh. People still seem to have trouble telling us apart. We really don't look that much alike. I think people have this problem because of our connection to each other. People just seem to feel that twin energy.

Until recently, we were such close friends that we did everything together. That has begun to change in the past year. Pamela seems to be gathering her energy close to herself as I am going through another growing spurt with my spirituality. When I am growing, I am sometimes difficult to keep up with. It is nobody's fault. It is simply a trait that I recognize in myself. I am like a sponge absorbing every bit of knowledge that comes my way until I am so full. Then I become a hermit and begin the processing stage where I turn inward to decide what to do with the information that I have absorbed. What fits becomes a part of my belief system. What doesn't fit gets discarded. To some, during this stage, I seem to not be growing. The reality is that this is the most important stage of my development. I am quiet until the next growing spurt starts. Then the race through life starts all over again.

Where this growing spurt will take me, only the Universe knows. I don't. At this time, I just have to go with the flow of the Universe.

Sherryl is also my best friend. She and I have grown together spiritually for over 10 years. We have been to India together twice and we are going again sometime this year. Sherryl was with me when we were both told to look inward for our spiritual teacher. She is a massage therapist and one of the most talented healers that I have been priviledged to know. I hope that if I tell her that often enough that she will begin to see herself as I see her. I have a lot to learn from Sherryl. She is my Reiki teacher. Sherryl is the friend that I travel the world with. Our first India trip in 1998 was the first time that I had ever been on an airplane. Our flight from Little Rock, Arkansas to Bangalore, India was 22 hours long. My husband told me that I could change my mind anytime before I got on the airplane in New York. Sherryl is a good traveling buddy. On the other hand, the suitcase that she took to India with us on that first trip was not. Sherryl's suitcase got lost. We shared what we could of my clothes and toiletries until Sherryl got her suitcase the fourth day that we were in Bangalore. Our next trip to India in 1999, that suitcase stayed at home. Our trips to India will be a future article. The friendship between Sherryl and I grew very strong in India. It has continued to grow stronger over the years since that last trip.

I love you, Carol, Pamela and Sherryl. You have all 3 blessed my life with your knowledge and your love.

I have 2 more friends to tell you about before I close this article. Both of them are people that I also consider my best friends. I told you that I have been very blessed when it comes to my friends. Both of these friends, Mary and Chris, come and go in my life. When we touch base with each other, sometimes after long absenses, it is as if we have never been apart. Our paths wind and circle and come back together for awhile before they separate again for a period of time.

Mary and I have known each other since around 1990 or 1991. We met through our mutual friend Kathy. We became best friends through our grieving together when Kathy was murdered in 1992. We were all living in Hot Springs, Arkansas at the time that we met. When Kathy was murdered, her family and friends had a memorial service for Kathy here in Hot Springs. When the family took Kathy's body back to Minneapolis, Minnesota to be buried, Mary and I asked if we could go with the family. Mary and I were roommates during this whole experience. We gave support to the family members and each other during that week of travel and mourning. By the time that we returned to Hot Springs after the funeral, Mary and I were best friends. Several years later, Mary and I both found God and religion again. Mary found Him before I did. I almost followed her but something about her church just didn't fit me. I know and like some of the people that Mary goes to church with. I will forever be thankful to Mary's church for giving her the peace and direction and love that she has found with them. They are good to Mary. They suit her need for God.

Soon after, I met Pamela and she and I started attending Christway Unity Church in Hot Springs. I found my church home and a relationship with the God of my understanding. I found a home just as Mary did with her Baptist church. Both of us have grown in our relationship with God. Mary and I will go for months without talking. When one of us reaches out to the other, it is like we haven't spent any time apart. We both still love each other. We just individually tend to get caught up in our lives with our families and churches. We occasionally get together for lunch to catch up on each others lives.

Chris is my last friend that I want to add to this list. He is my only close male friend. Chris and I are buddies on a soul level. He and I have had many past lives together in which we were soldiers togethers. We have a deep friendship. When I first met Chris, I started dreaming that I was fighting in battles each night, sometimes as many as 3 different dreams in one night. I never remembered details. I would wake up tired and know that I had spent the night fighting for my life. I didn't tell any body about my dreams until another friend and teacher told Chris and I both that we were soldiers together in many past lives. It made perfect sense to both of us and explained our connection. Chris has since told me that he felt that in my dreams, we were both fighting to save his life in this lifetime. When I first met him, he was just beginning to come out of post-traumatic stress syndrone from being in Vietnam years before. All I know for sure is that those dreams went on for month after month before they finally stopped and I could sleep peacefully through the night again.

Chris and I will go for months without seeing each other. When we do, it is like we are traveling parallel paths, each doing the same spiritual practices with slight differences. Recently, when we reconnected, we found out that we are both writing. Chris is writing a book on helping young soldiers returning from war to recover from post-traumatic stress syndrone. Since he is experienced with it himself, he understands where these young soldiers are. Chris is excited that I am writing articles for this blog.

Don't let anybody tell you that a man and woman cannot have a platonic friendship without sex involved. They don't know what they are talking about or they are just jealous.

My friendship with Chris, like my friendships with Carol, Pamela, Sherryl and Mary have all enriched my life so very much. I could not ask for a better support group than I have with these friends. They know who I really am and love me any way, just as I love them. Thanks, guys or should I say, Thanks, ya'll, since we are in the deep South.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

The Secret---Manifesting---Create What You Want With Your Thoughts And Words

Since reading The Secret, I have been paying more attention to my thoughts and listening to the words that come out of my mouth. I am using affirmations to change my thoughts. That is a future article.

My life is going through some changes---good ones. Even good changes can bring up fears, for me and for those who are close to me. My best friend and I are going through some changes in our relationship. At this point, I don't know where the relationship is going. That uncertainty has brought up anger and fear for me. I would say the same is true for my friend, but that is making an assumption. Making assumptions is something that I need to stop doing. I can't assume that others think and feel as I do.

What I do know is that my friend and I don't talk as often as we did before I started my current growth spurt. Talking less started happening when I started trying to force my friend to move forward with me, at my pace. I completely disregarded what her pace might be. I can't force someone else to move forward at my pace. For that, I apologize to my friend.

Instead of talking every day, we now talk only once or twice a week. When people asked me how my friend was doing, until this week, I would tell them that I didn't know since my friend and I seemed to be moving down separate paths.

Last week, when I heard myself say that we were going down separate paths, I realized that is what I am creating every time I say those words. I thought that I had been fighting against this split happening. The reality was that, with my words to others, I was creating what I didn't want. Now, if someone asks me how my friend is doing, I will answer that she was ok the last time we talked. In this way, I am not creating a future that I don't want.

Where is this relationship going? I don't know. As I change, my relationships change, as they should. Instead of forcing change, I have found another area that I need to "Let Go and Let God." Change is good. It is how we grow. I welcome growth and her changes.

What are you manifesting with your thoughts and words? Is it the future that you want? Are you still creating what you don't want in some areas of your life? Pay attention to your thoughts and words. They manifest your future.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

All Women Blogging Carnival

Hi everyone. I am excited. I just submitted my article, The Most Influencial Person---#3---Recovery ( ) to my first Blog Carnival.

You can find the All Women Blogging Carnival at .

I hope you will take the time to check out the other articles from this carnival.

I thank Linda Jo Martin of Geniyyah Healing ( ) for inviting me to participate.

Just the day before Linda contacted me, I had asked another blogger how to start doing carnivals to get more exposure for my blog. Talk about instant manifesting!!! I seem to be doing a lot of that recently as I grow spiritually. Thanks to all of my readers.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

The Most Influencial Person---#4---Birth Of A Dream

How did Slade Roberson rate an article on my blog? Well, without Slade's technical advice and step-by-step E-book tutorial, 21st Century Author's Guide To Problogging, my blog would not exist.

I have always wanted to write, to possibly be a published author. The need to write has always been a part of who I am. Writing has been my biggest tool for understanding my life, for making sense of the abuse.

Have you ever had dream that you had all but given up on happening? Well, that is how I felt when I first met Slade online. We started emailing back and forth. We became friends.

I first met Slade through his blog Shift Your Spirits found at .

Slade recently wrote an article at Shift Your Spirits called "Manifesting the WHAT---not the HOW". The article tells of Chris who has a book that he wants to write if only he had the money. Step by step, Slade gave Chris solutions that cost little or no money.

Slade, I had to laugh at every negative thought and fear that Chris brought up when you gave him suggestions. Did I do that when you were encouraging me to write and then to start my own blog? I saw myself in Chris. I know that I did wait a whole month after buying your tutorial before I got it out to read. I was that afraid of the whole process. I didn't think I could do the technical stuff to set up a blog.

Once I read the tutorial, I decided the process was something that I could do, even though I don't know much about how computers work. I made the decision to work on setting up my blog one day at a time. Over the course of the next week, I did a little work each day toward getting the blog set up until it was finished and all that was left was to start writing articles.

Slade suggested that I start out with at least 12 written articles before I officially launched my blog. I posted the first article on June 1, 2007. On June 25, I sent out emails to all of my family and friends to officially launch my blog with 13 written articles. The article that I launched this blog with was "I Am A Lightworker." That article discusses why I decided to call myself a Lightworker. At the end of the article, I said, "Stepping out of my own shadow of fear is what I hope to do with this newsletter. I hope that by sharing where I have been and my journey out of the pain will help others to do the same. You are not alone." That is the purpose of this blog.

Thanks to Slade, I am no longer alone on my journey. I have new friends like Slade Roberson, K-L Masina, Jeffrey Paul Lilly, Damian Carr, Linda Martin, Albert (the Urban Monk, I don't know your last name), and Jason Randhawa. To meet all of these great Spiritual Bloggers click on the links under "Check Out These Great Sites". Your life will be as enriched as mine has become by reading their articles. Thanks to you all for welcoming me into the Spiritual Blogging community. How did I meet all of these great people? By following another suggestion of Slade's. He told me, to help build up my subscriptions and to get to know others in our Spiritual Blogging niche, to read and leave comments on other sites. I have done that but only when I really had something of value to add to a conversation. I don't leave comments just to be leaving behind useless words. I have been blessed by my association with these great Spiritual Bloggers and so will you.

I just got an email from Chris Garrett of and Both of these are great sites for learning how to blog. Chris asked me to identify a successful authority blogger in a niche that I read. Well, Slade, you are that Authority Blogger, for me, in Spiritual Blogging. Why you even have a blog by that name, don't you?

To use Slade's own words, "Slade Roberson is a professional blogger. Shift Your Spirits is about transforming the life you're already living into the creative, powerful, spiritual mission you know it's supposed to be. Spiritual Blogging shares behind-the-screens internet marketing, self-publishing, and professional blogging strategies with other writers who want to broadcast their mission on a global scale."


The inspiration for me writing all of my "The Most Influencial Person" series comes from Damian Carr at Be The Change found at . Damian is a great writer, an English Bard. I love that title, Damian. I just had to use it. It is so grand sounding. Thanks for being in my life with your writings.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Secret---Loving Yourself

I just finished reading the book The Secret written by Rhonda Byrne. I have seen the DVD version of the book at least 5 times. The movie is good. The book is great. I will probably do as a friend of mine is doing and read it over and over again to absorb it into my thoughts and actions.
One of the truths that I hardily believe in is the following from page 172 of the book stated by Michael Bernard Beckwith:

"To not love ourselves can keep what we want from us. When we don't love ourselves, we are literally pushing things away from us."

Dr. Beckwith goes on to say ". . . to transmit the highest frequency of love, you must love yourself, . . ."

This goes hand in hand with what the Bible says about loving your neighbor as yourself. In order to love your neighbor, you must love yourself first. Until and unless you love yourself, you can't possibly know what love really is.

One of the first issues for most people in recovery of any kind is that of low self-esteem. Webster's Dictionary lists esteem as "to regard with respect or affection; to set a value on; to rate highly."

I had low self-esteem because I didn't love myself. My sense of self-worth or value was not very high. It was almost none existent. I valued everybody else above myself, even my abusers. I didn't want to hurt their feelings by saying "no". They were adults. I was a child. As a child, I was basically told that I didn't matter. I didn't have the right to say no or talk back or do anything disrespectful to an adult. The end result was that I learned to not have respect for myself. I learned that I had no value.

As an adult, in recovery, I had to undo all of those beliefs. I had to learn to love myself. Now after reading The Secret, I know that loving myself is even more important if I want to manifest the world of my dreams.

On page 181 of The Secret, we are told to "Embrace Your Magnificence." What a beautiful idea. I challenge you to do this. Let me know how it works for you.

I love the story that Lisa Nichols shared on Oprah. Lisa and I share similar backgrounds of childhood sexual abuse. Like me, it took Lisa a long time to learn to love herself, to know that she was lovable for the person that she was. Probably because of the similiarities in our childhoods, I was especially impressed by Lisa's story of finding herself and accepting who she was on her own terms rather than that of society.

I first accepted that if others could love me---my husband, children, friends---then there must be something in me that I could love about myself. I started out with a list of things that I was good at. I was good at listening, writing, solving others' problems. At the time, I didn't realize that fixing others' problems was co-dependent and a trait that kept me from looking at myself and my problems. That came later. I was a good wife, a good mother, a good friend. These gave me something that I could start to feel good about. It was a beginning. I was still a very long way from loving and accepting myself.

It has taken years of hard work to build my self-esteem into what it is today. Most of the time, I feel good about who I am. Today I know that none of those titles---mother, friend, child, wife, writer, listener---none of those are the real me. The real me is a spiritual being learning and growing through the experiences of this physical body. My soul thrives on the challenges of this lifetime and the many lifetimes before. If you like me that is ok. If you don't like me that is ok too. Why, because I love myself and that is what is really important.

If you don't love yourself, start today by accepting yourself as being right where you are. Accepting yourself is the first step in learning to love yourself. You are worth loving. We all are.

The real me is a being of love and light, a being of pure energy and infinite possibilities. I Am the Creator of my life and my dreams.

Saturday, July 14, 2007

Labeling Myself vs. Experiencing What Is.

I recently read a set of 6 interviews done by Karl Staib on his website, .

Karl interviewed Kara-Leah Masina who has her own website, .

This was the first time that I had checked out Karl Staib's site. I will go back and read more. I found Karl by looking at the sites that Kara-Leah Masina recommended on her website.

I have been reading Kara-Leah's articles since I first set up my own blog. She was listed on the blogroll of another friend. I have read quite a few of Kara-Leah's articles because I feel so connected to her brand of wisdom. I deeply get what she says in her writings. When I saw that Karl had interviewed Kara-Leah on his site, well, I just had to read them. I left a comment for one of the interviews and that is where the idea for this article came from. Thank you Karl and Kara-Leah. Reading all 6 of the interviews is well worth your time.

In Kara-Leah's Interview Part #5 of 6---"Dive into the Fear", Kara-Leah says, "the fear is a pointer - it is a light that tells us where we need to go. It is not us that experiences fear, but the ego, for the ego knows that to go further along the path in that direction is to let the ego GO, and more than anything the ego wants to build itself up. Hence fear is ultimately the ego's fear of DEATH."

Kara-Leah goes on to say, "dive into the fear".

I have spent a large part of my life doing the opposite - running from the fear. I now know that any time that I am binge eating; any time that I am being controlling; any time that I am trying to fix someone else; then I am running from my own fears. It is always easier to stuff the fear with food or ignore it by trying to fix others rather than fixing myself.

My ego is terrified that I might turn and face my fears. When I have the courage to face my fears, than ego becomes smaller along with the fears. When I face my fears, out of its own terror, ego throws more fear at me to test my resolve in facing my fears.

Just try worrying for awhile if you want to see if my statements are true. How many old fears can your ego drag out of its closet to add to what you initially started worrying about? Then, how many new fears will come and form into line with the old fears? Once you make the decision to not worry, some of your fears will simply disappear because you aren't feeding them any more by worrying.

Worry is food to fear.

I like the saying, "If you have faith, why worry?" If you still worry, you are expressing doubt. If you have doubts, the Universe will give you more reasons to doubt. More reasons to doubt just means more fears.

Ego loves Doubt, which feeds Worry, which in turn feeds Fear. Fear makes the Ego feel strong.

Kara-Leah says that you have to go into the fear, the pain, the grief, the hurt, and the loss. I have learned that if I want to heal, I must do as she suggests. My recent article "Being Honest With Myself" was written because I caught myself running from my feelings. Kara-Leah gave me a new tool for "diving into the fear" when she said rather than saying "I am afraid" say "I am experiencing fear." Kara-Leah, thank you for this new tool.

At this point, I am going to share the comment that I left on Karl's site because my comment sums up what I learned from the Interview. "I will definitely begin using the phrase, 'I am experiencing'. Such a simply yet profound way of looking at one's life. I have never heard the story about searching for God's home and being afraid when you do. (Check out the interview on Karl's site for the details of this wonderful tale.) I can so relate to this message. Once I was an incest victim. Then I was in recovery and became an incest survivor. I lived in this survivor stage for about 15 years. Then I gave up that title because I realized how it was limiting who I was, even though it was far superior to being a victim. I was diagnosed and became a diabetic about 5 years ago. I called myself a diabetic and wore a medical bracelet saying that I was a diabetic. I took that bracelet off 2 weeks ago when I realized what a friend has been telling me for awhile. I don't need to accept that title as being me. I am experiencing a blood sugar disorder. I am not that disorder. Thank you both for clarifying those thoughts for me."

Giving up the title of diabetic and taking off the bracelet happened at church one Sunday just before I wrote the above comment. Rev. Joe Rowe had done a sermon about not claiming an illness as who we are. When he said that, I got it. Any illnesses that my body may have are not who I am. The illness is what my body is experiencing. The illness is not who I am. Thanks, Karl, Kara-Leah and Rev. Joe.

To read the articles that inspired me to write this article go to: .

For more articles by Kara-Leah Masina go to: .

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Most Influencial Person---#3---Recovery

How do you thank someone who played so many roles in your life? Kathy was my best friend, mentor, counselor, and a healthy woman role model all in one little package. She was a recovering alcoholic and an incest survivor. Kathy was a woman, a mother, a wife, and a friend to many people. She befriended a lot of people, including the man who murdered her on the day after Christmas 1992.

Many people loved and admired Kathy including me. Kathy taught me about myself as a woman and as an incest survivor. She taught me that it was ok to feel whatever I felt. Rage, fear, self-hatred, sadness, hurt, joy and love---she taught me how to feel all of those. I should rephrase that---she taught me how to bring them to the surface. I always felt them. I just denied the feelings and surpressed them. I was afraid of my feelings, but that is another story. Kathy gave me hope that I could heal. She showed me how to do the necessary work for me to heal and gave me a safe place to do that work. She was one of the angels that God has put in my life. I only knew Kathy for a very short 3 years.

When I first met Kathy, my friend, Jack, brought her to Hot Springs, Arkansas specifically to meet me. Jack and I had been friends for less than a year when he introduced Kathy and I. Kathy was from Minneapolis, Minnesota. She and Jack met when he went to Minneapolis to get a college degree in Substance Abuse Counseling. Kathy was doing the same. She and Jack got their degrees and moved to Hot Springs. She and Jack got married in Hot Springs in 1990.

Kathy's dream was to help women in recovery from drugs and incest. She and Jack set up a women's group of incest survivors that met in their home for a year before she died. Kathy was the real leader of the group because she was an incest survivor herself and a recovering bulimic. Because of her own experiences, she always knew what to say and when to say it. Jack had the book knowledge but not the empathy that Kathy had. She lead a group of 6-8 women onto the road to discovery and recovery. She taught me that it was ok to say "no". She taught me to address my anger when it came up rather than stuffing it back down. Before I met Kathy, I was like a volcano whose pressure would build until one day I would explode in rage all over Daniel. Daniel was usually the one who would get the worst of my rage. Most people have never even seen me angry. Kathy taught me better ways to release my anger so it wouldn't hurt others or myself.

Kathy was no saint. She was a woman with real problems in her life. As a young woman, she spent some time in jail because one of her husbands left her in the car while he went in and robbed a store. She got caught. Because of her 5 children, whom she loved very much, she decided it was time to heal and change her life. When I met her, I think she had about 10 years in Alcoholics Anonymous. She was very proud of that. She had been a recovering bulimic for a number of years when I met her.

Kathy taught me that it was ok to be angry with God. I always told myself that God had turned His back on me when the incest happened. In my heart, I knew it wasn't true but it felt good to blame someone. I thought that I wasn't good enough for God to love me. Kathy taught me that this wasn't true. She told me that God's shoulders were broad enough that He could take any anger that I wanted to throw at Him and that He would still love me. In Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous, I learned about a God of my understanding. With Kathy's help, I realized that it was me who turned my back on God and He was just waiting for me to turn back around.

Kathy was a real woman whose life was cut short by a bullet to the back of her head. The man who shot her needed help. She heeded his call for help and paid the ultimate price with her life. She died several hours later in the hospital. This was the same hospital which she had tried to take the man who shot her. A young woman that Kathy knew had asked her to drive her and the man to the hospital. He had taken himself off of his medicines, started drinking and was feeling suicidal. The 2 women got into the front seat of the car. The man got into the back seat. Neither of the women knew what would happen next. He pulled out a gun and shot them both. The young woman died instantly. She left behind a husband and small baby who was less than a year old.

A friend once told me that she thought that Kathy's death was the payment of a karmic debt between her and the man who shot her. I don't know if that is so or not. What I do know is that Kathy died doing what she loved---helping others.

Kathy, I love you and thank you for the huge impact that you have had on my life. You saved my life and my family with the things that you taught me. You were with me when I faced my mom and told her about the incest. You helped me deal with my anger at my mom before this confrontation so that I would not abuse her with that anger. You helped me go from self-hatred to loving and nurturing myself. You taught me to play again.

There is one day that you and I shared that I will always cherish. I wore shorts and tennis shoes and had my hair in pig tails. So did you. We were a sight and we didn't care. We were going to spend the whole day, just the 2 of us, playing. We went to Tiny Town with all of its miniature buildings. We went to the animal I. Q. Zoo and the parrot flew at us when the cannon went off. We laughed and laughed that day. We ended the day with you buying me a small crystal to remember the day by. We were 2 little girls playing and laughing. It was one of the best days of my life. You started me on the road to a better life. I thank you.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Geniyyah Healing

This week I met, via the internet, a new friend, Linda Jo Martin. I met Linda through a forum at . We have both signed up as participants in the forum. Linda contacted me first to tell me that she thought we had similar blogs. I checked out Linda's blog at .

Linda's blog is called Geniyyah Healing. I have been reading Linda's articles all week. I liked what I saw so much that I wanted to share it with my readers. So please, check out her site. You will be glad that you did.

Linda started blogging in 2000. She actually has more than one blog. In addition to blogging, Linda is an energy healer. You will read articles about the kinds of healing that Linda uses on herself and others. She has an extensive list of healing modalities that she uses. I am a beginner in blogging and in healing work compared to Linda. I look forward to learning more from her.

Here is what Linda says about her site. "Geniyyah Healing is my personal brand of integrated energy healing, energy therapy, intuitive healing, Reiki, entity removal, Quantum Touch, shamanism, spiritual healing, psychic healing, Emotional Healing Techniques: EFT, attitude healing and related topics."

Several of these techniques are new to me. I look forward to getting to know more about them. For myself, I have a Level 2 Reiki certification. I also use EFT which is Emotional Freedom Technique. I just recently took a class in EFT.

One of Linda's articles that I read was entitled "My Birth Vision and Learning My Purpose In Life". In the article, Linda discusses why she chose her particular family to be born into. Some believe that you all make the choice, before you are born, as to what family group you will be born into. This choice has to do with what lessons you want to learn in this particular lifetime. I tend to agree with this line of thought. I know for myself, my birth family members have been my greatest teachers. Read her article to see what conclusions she came to.
In another of Linda's articles, entitled "Energy Healing For My Daughter", Linda tells us a little about her process for doing intuitive healing. She also mentions some of her other healing modalities that she uses. I think that Linda and I both tend to take each of the different modalities of healing that we have learned and mix them together in various ways that make them our own. In this article, Linda talks about removing an entity that was attaching itself to her daughter through the use of cords. Linda tells us how she removes these cords of attachment. It is an idea that I have not heard before and intend to use myself the next time I have an opportunity.

"Clearing Emotional Distress" is another of Linda's articles. She lists a 5-step method for clearing emotional distress. Linda has articles on Chakra Healing, Reiki Attunements, Intuitive Healing, among others. On her website, Linda has another blog called "No More Meds" which caught my eye because of my own experiences with the medical profession over the past few years.

I look forward to reading more of Linda's articles in the future as she posts them at .

I hope you will join me there too.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

The Most Influencial Person---#2---Survival

A friend and his 6-year-old son came to visit recently. It has been several years since the son has been to my house. As we are walking through the house, the 6-year-old whispered to his dad that he liked my stuff. Right now, I need to buy several more bookshelves to hold and organize my clutter of books and papers. This sweet little boy, with his child's wisdom and wonder in his eyes, looked up at me and said, "You must be rich." I laughed and then said, "Yes, in some ways, I am rich. I am very rich in friends."

This is my second article about the most influencial people in my life. For this one, I will take you back to when I was 19 years old and getting ready to leave home for the first time. I was just finishing up with my second year of college. I lived at home and rode back and forth to school with my mom who would drop me off on her way to her job every morning.

I met Althea that year in one of my classes. We were actually in 2 classes together. We were both attending a little junior college in Bossier City, Louisiana. This junior college started out as a pilot program that was located on one floor of Airline High School. We had a small student lounge at one end of the hall where the college students could sit and visit in between classes. Althea and I got to know each other in the lounge.

I told her that I was thinking about leaving home whenever I took my last college exam. I needed to find a job so that I could earn some money to pay for my next year of college. I had already been accepted for my junior year at Northwestern State University of Louisiana in Natchitoches, Louisiana. I had applied for and been accepted for a student aid loan and job starting in September of 1970. At that time, I was studying to teach Special Education in Elementary School.

Althea is about 10 years older than both of my parents so some people might think ours is an odd friendship. I have always been blessed with friends of all ages. I just love people. Althea has 4 children of her own, 2 sons and 2 daughters. At the time her oldest son was married and out on his own. The oldest daughter is 11 days older than I am. We became fast friends. Althea's youngest son was in high school when I first met him and her youngest daughter was 12 years old. Althea and her husband moved their family to Shreveport, Louisiana when her husband retired at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City the year that we met.

When I made up my mind to leave home, I didn't have a clue as to where I was going to live until September when I could go to Northwestern. All I knew was that I had to leave home or I would never be able to get out from under my dad's rule. My dad was a dictator, an alcoholic, and a rageaholic. I had reached a breaking point. I knew that if I didn't leave then, that I would have a nervous breakdown of some kind and totally lose myself. I was desperate to leave the abuse behind. I knew this was my one and only chance to leave.

I believe that God put Althea in that class for my sake. Without her intervention, I would not have survived. I told Althea that as soon as I finished my last test at school that I was leaving home. She asked if I would want to live with her and her family that summer. She said that she would help me find a summer job. I said yes. That night I went home and wrote a letter to my mom. I started to tell my dad that night that I was leaving and not coming home the next day. My mom interrupted me and would not let me tell him. I went to my room and packed a few changes of clothing and went to bed.

The next morning, I told my sister bye and gave her my letter. I asked her to give the letter to mom when she came in from work that evening. I hated leaving my sister behind but there was no way that I could take her with me. She was 16 and still a minor.

Mom dropped me off at school. She asked me if I was coming home that evening. I lied and told her I didn't know. It seemed easier than telling her the truth. I went to classes and took my last tests and then went home with Althea.

For the first day, my mom lied and told my dad that I was spending the night with a friend. The second night that I didn't come home she told him where I was. Mom called to tell me that Daddy was on his way to Althea's to get me.

My dad's oldest brother was a police detective for the city of Shreveport. Mom gave me his phone number. I called him and explained the situation and told him that I had left home and was not going back. I asked if he would come over to Althea's to help me talk to Daddy. He agreed. He got to Althea's just before Daddy did. Daddy, Uncle Odis and I went out and sat in Uncle Odis's car to talk. I was afraid to let Daddy in Althea's house because of Daddy's temper. He told me that night that if he ever caught Althea out on the highway that he would run her car into the ditch. I believed him. Daddy and Uncle Odis convinced me to go home for the weekend so that we could talk about my plans. I told Daddy that I would go home with him for the weekend only if he would promise to bring me back to Althea's on Sunday afternoon. He said he would. I thanked Uncle Odis for his help and told Althea my plans for the weekend.

I went home to a weekend of crying and threats and then when that didn't work, Daddy decided to threaten suicide. Instead he went out and got drunk and came back several hours later and went to bed. That was the hardest weekend I have ever lived through. I experienced fear for myself, for my entire family, for my dad in case he did commit suicide. I knew he was doing everything he could think of to keep me at home. I felt sadness over leaving my mom, sister and brother at home. I felt guilty for leaving my sister behind but I knew my dad would not let me take her. I decided I would not feel guilty if Daddy did follow through with his suicide thread. I knew I could not be responsible for his actions if he did decide to take his own life. I knew that my survival was at stake. I would have fallen apart and totally lost my self if I had stayed at home any longer. I was very close to breaking and I knew it. I knew that I couldn't be strong much longer before I gave into the fear.

I think that I was feeling deep echoes of a past life in which I did just give up. In that past lifetime, I remember the feelings of being so helpless to control my own life that one day I just went to bed and never got up. I quit eating and just laid there in my bed until I died of starvation of food and spirit. In that lifetime, I was raped too. In some deep recess of my mind, I remembered and I knew I did not want to do that again. I did not want to be so sad that I would just quit living. I also knew that I wasn't far from doing just that if I didn't get away from my dad.

My mom drove me back to Airline Junior College on that long ago Sunday afternoon. Althea met us there. I didn't go home again until just a week before I left for Northwestern State University.

Althea helped me find my first job working as a line worker in a cafeteria. What a wonderful job that was for a country girl with no special training of any kind. I was extremely quiet and shy. I was also the only worker there that summer that was below the age of 30. Everyone took me under their wings and protected me and helped me begin to blossom.

Althea and her family took me in, nurtured me and protected me and started me on my path to adulthood. I learned what some semblance of a normal American family was. They unofficially adopted me into their family. I gained 2 more brothers and 2 more sisters and a second set of parents. Althea has always been one of my best friends and my second mom combined.

Althea, I can't measure the love and admiration that I still have for you today. You hold a special place in my heart. You really did save my life that long ago day that you invited me into your heart and home. Thank you for your love and kindness in taking in that sad, lonely girl that I once was. You have played an important part in helping me to become the woman that I am today. You are one of the strongest women that I know. I love you.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Keeper Of My Creativity

I have a picture in my mind of myself as a very young child. This child was very curious about everything in her world. She was full of love, joy and the excitement of living. She always found good in everyone and always wore a smile on her face. She wanted to learn all she could about anything and everything. Her world was such a wonderful, special place.

When I thought of this little girl, I thought she was dead. I thought I had lost her because of the abuse.

I am discovering that she only went into hiding deep inside of me. As I work on recovery, I see her sunny, happy face peek out at me more often.

She is the keeper of my creativity, my love of people, and my joy of just being. She is my contact with my Higher Power. She is a very special part of me that I am learning to love as I become more aware of her existence.

I am so thankful that I didn't lose her. It is so much fun experiencing her joy of life. She is teaching me how to play.

She is my serenity. This little girl child makes the pain of recovery worth going through.

As I let go of the anger, the hurt and the tears, I feel her presence more.

With all the garbage gone from my life, I have room for her joy. It becomes my joy.
She becomes me.

I wrote this on November 21, 1991. It was true back then and it is even more true today. Sometimes, I forget to nurture this inner child of mine and she gets frightened and goes back into hiding. I won't forget her ever again. She is that mystical, magical part of myself that wants to heal herself, me and the world.

I think I will let her.

Do you have a wounded, hurting, frightened inner child? Have you forgotten how to play, how to have fun, how to laugh? Help her/him see the sunshine or a rainbow when it rains. Your life will be so enriched if you take the time to reconnect with this wonderful, mystical child that is inside of you. Have a glorious day.