How do I use these books of affirmations? Generally, if I just purchased the book, I will read a topic each day until I have finished the book. Some of the books have an affirmation for each day of the year. Some are written and organized by topic. Others are not. Once I have read a book, if it is one that I like then it becomes one of my bathroom books. Hey, for many years I was a mom with 2 kids running around the house. Part of that time, I also babysat for other parents. The bathroom was one of the few places in the house that I got to sit down for a few minutes.
The reason that I wanted to introduce you to Meditations to Heal Your Life first is that I wanted to share page 87 that I have been reading over and over this week.
I feel totally safe everywhere in this Universe.
I am safe.
At every moment we have the opportunity of choosing love or fear. In moments of fear, I remember the sun. It is always shining even though clouds may obscure it for a while. Like the sun, the One Infinite Power is eternally shining its light upon me, even though clouds of negative thinking may temporarily obscure it. I choose to remember the Light. I feel secure in the Light. And when the fears come, I choose to see them as passing clouds in the sky, and I let them go on their way. I am not my fears. It is safe for me to live without guarding and defending myself all the time. I know that what we do in our hearts is very important, so I begin every day in a silent connection with my heart. When I feel afraid, I open my heart and let the love dissolve the fear."
How did I come to pick this page? I let the Universe do it for me. You ask, "How did you do that?" I play a form of Russian roulette (without a gun). I pick up a book. I use this method with most of my meditation and affirmation books. I hold the book in my hands and I ask the Universe, "What do I need to know today?" I flip through the pages, sometimes with my eyes closed, until I feel this is the right place to stop. I open the book and read whatever is on the page. That is the information that I need to know on this day. Usually, I can instantly know that this is definitely what is going on with me right now. This is my answer. Sometimes, I didn't even know that I had a question about this topic until I read the page. Sometimes, like this week, I may choose to read that one page over and over throughout the week.
Why did this topic choose me? My Higher Self knows what my issues are this week and every week. I know exactly why this page was chosen this particular week.
I would like to pretend that my Incest articles are not affecting me, especially with all of the hard work that I have done over the years. It is just because of that hard work and how far I have come down this road that I can't pretend. The wounded little girl in me is still terrified of being judged by you, my readers. Some part of her still thinks that you will say that the incest was her fault. The adult me that has spent all of these years working on our recovery knows that isn't going to happen, but the little girl in me isn't convinced of that yet. That fear is a major fear for most incest survivors who keep silent. The silence is so hard to break because of the shame that we feel as little children. My worst fear, growing up, was that my mom would blame me for what happened if she knew. I don't know if these fears will ever completely go away. I have never met another survivor that has reached that point of recovery so I don't know if it is possible or not. I hope that it is. I am not there yet, even with all of the years of recovery that I have.
I got a migraine this last week that lasted for 4 days. Rarely are my migraines for more than 1 or 2 days. I know why I got the migraine. I was struggling with all of the fears of the inner child about the writing of these articles on incest. That is why the Universe picked this page out of the Louise Hay book for me to read all week so that the inner child could begin to feel safe with breaking our silence about incest. This is not the first time that I have broken my silence. It is the first time that I have broken the silence on this large of a scale.
Instead of hiding my inner struggle, I want you to be aware. Don't ever think that this kind of article is easy to write. They aren't. I would say that it was courageous if I was reading someone else's words but I don't look at myself that way. I just know these words have to be said so that the hurt can stop. I am not talking about just my hurt. I am talking about the hurt of every woman or man who has been abused, not just sexually, but in any form. I am talking about every child who has ever been hurt by someone bigger or stronger or older than them. Did you know that most abusers were abused themselves? I am not saying that as an excuse for their behavior. Many of us who have been abused never go on to abuse others.
The abuse has got to stop. In order for that to happen, the silence must be broken.