How do I use these books of affirmations? Generally, if I just purchased the book, I will read a topic each day until I have finished the book. Some of the books have an affirmation for each day of the year. Some are written and organized by topic. Others are not. Once I have read a book, if it is one that I like then it becomes one of my bathroom books. Hey, for many years I was a mom with 2 kids running around the house. Part of that time, I also babysat for other parents. The bathroom was one of the few places in the house that I got to sit down for a few minutes.
The reason that I wanted to introduce you to Meditations to Heal Your Life first is that I wanted to share page 87 that I have been reading over and over this week.
"Fear
I feel totally safe everywhere in this Universe.
I am safe.
At every moment we have the opportunity of choosing love or fear. In moments of fear, I remember the sun. It is always shining even though clouds may obscure it for a while. Like the sun, the One Infinite Power is eternally shining its light upon me, even though clouds of negative thinking may temporarily obscure it. I choose to remember the Light. I feel secure in the Light. And when the fears come, I choose to see them as passing clouds in the sky, and I let them go on their way. I am not my fears. It is safe for me to live without guarding and defending myself all the time. I know that what we do in our hearts is very important, so I begin every day in a silent connection with my heart. When I feel afraid, I open my heart and let the love dissolve the fear."
How did I come to pick this page? I let the Universe do it for me. You ask, "How did you do that?" I play a form of Russian roulette (without a gun). I pick up a book. I use this method with most of my meditation and affirmation books. I hold the book in my hands and I ask the Universe, "What do I need to know today?" I flip through the pages, sometimes with my eyes closed, until I feel this is the right place to stop. I open the book and read whatever is on the page. That is the information that I need to know on this day. Usually, I can instantly know that this is definitely what is going on with me right now. This is my answer. Sometimes, I didn't even know that I had a question about this topic until I read the page. Sometimes, like this week, I may choose to read that one page over and over throughout the week.
Why did this topic choose me? My Higher Self knows what my issues are this week and every week. I know exactly why this page was chosen this particular week.
I would like to pretend that my Incest articles are not affecting me, especially with all of the hard work that I have done over the years. It is just because of that hard work and how far I have come down this road that I can't pretend. The wounded little girl in me is still terrified of being judged by you, my readers. Some part of her still thinks that you will say that the incest was her fault. The adult me that has spent all of these years working on our recovery knows that isn't going to happen, but the little girl in me isn't convinced of that yet. That fear is a major fear for most incest survivors who keep silent. The silence is so hard to break because of the shame that we feel as little children. My worst fear, growing up, was that my mom would blame me for what happened if she knew. I don't know if these fears will ever completely go away. I have never met another survivor that has reached that point of recovery so I don't know if it is possible or not. I hope that it is. I am not there yet, even with all of the years of recovery that I have.
I got a migraine this last week that lasted for 4 days. Rarely are my migraines for more than 1 or 2 days. I know why I got the migraine. I was struggling with all of the fears of the inner child about the writing of these articles on incest. That is why the Universe picked this page out of the Louise Hay book for me to read all week so that the inner child could begin to feel safe with breaking our silence about incest. This is not the first time that I have broken my silence. It is the first time that I have broken the silence on this large of a scale.
Instead of hiding my inner struggle, I want you to be aware. Don't ever think that this kind of article is easy to write. They aren't. I would say that it was courageous if I was reading someone else's words but I don't look at myself that way. I just know these words have to be said so that the hurt can stop. I am not talking about just my hurt. I am talking about the hurt of every woman or man who has been abused, not just sexually, but in any form. I am talking about every child who has ever been hurt by someone bigger or stronger or older than them. Did you know that most abusers were abused themselves? I am not saying that as an excuse for their behavior. Many of us who have been abused never go on to abuse others.
The abuse has got to stop. In order for that to happen, the silence must be broken.
13 comments:
Just as the universe brought you that affirmation when you needed it most, you brought it to me when I need it.
I'm sorry I haven't been here in a few days. I got some bad news on Monday and have been sulking a bit.
I came here because, even though your posts are difficult, they are strengthening. They make a difference. This one is making a difference right now.
Thank you.
Geoff
Geoff, thank you for sharing your thoughts. It does make what I am doing right with this blog worth the emotions that it is bringing up for me. Thank you for sharing a small part of your story. It is good for me to know that the Universe, through my words if providing strength to others. Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share.
Dearest Patricia
Your words are so very inspirational.
The bravery and courage it takes to blog yourself
wide open to the world amazes me.
Having lived with 2 alcoholic parents and also a verbally abusive marriage that lasted 16 years, I can relate to what you have written.
To step out and share such as you have will empower others who have lived with abuse.
They will know that there is healing.
I removed myself and primarily my children from the marriage so that the 'hurt would stop'.
My children were young enough, 12 and 10 at the time of the divorce 13 years ago that I am certain the cycle has stopped.
My parents are many years in recovery, and my ex husband went on to seek counseling and help for his problem.
The little girl that was me reaches out to dance a ~ happy dance ~ with the little girl that was you, then as adult women we
continue that dance......
knowing NOW that
~*~ we always were so VERY special ~*~
God Bless You Patricia for reaching out to extend healing to others.
Deb, Thank you for your words of praise and encouragement. Your children thank you for the courage that you had to walk away from an abusive marriage. I used to pray that my mom would find that courage. My parents were finally divorced when I was in my 30's and I cried for the ending of my fairy tale dream that said one day my parents would become the kind of parents that would make a "perfect, happy ever after home for themselves and their children." Deb, thanks for sharing. If more people would have the courage that you do, the abuse cycle would truly stop.
Deb, I hear the joyful music and I cherish the moments of dancing. I see you and me as children, dancing and giggling and full of joy. I, too, see you and me as the beautiful women that we are today dancing a dance of joy and still giggling. Thanks for sharing yourself.
Hi Patricia,
Now I am leaking THOSE happy tears thinking....
"Patricia REALLY gets ME".
I was picturing ring around the rosy in a field of tiny flowers...and giggles FOR SURE.
It's taken me SO many years to get to the place of understanding that it was NEVER about ME....
And you know... Your Mom lived
in a different era, where
divorce was not as acceptable.
My choice to leave was prompted by the contemplation of ending not only my life, but my children's too.
I just shared these words to a young woman who is going through a difficult time in her life....
They were LIFE saving words for me.......
I might have quit the marriage,
but I did not quit on living.....
Don't Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low and the debts are high.
And when you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit -
Rest if you must, but don't quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns.
As everyone of us sometimes learns.
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than
It seems to a faint and faltering man;
When he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down.
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out -
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.
by Leo Piggoti 1931
Deb, Thanks for sharing the poem, Don't Quit. It is one of my favorite poems. I am happy to be the cause of "happy" tears. I feel that way about a lot of the comments that I have been getting on my articles. It is great when somebody "gets" us through understanding our words. Have a glorious day.
Hi, everybody. Hope you are having a glorious night. I was doing my usual late night thing tonight of checking out some of my favorite blogs and some new ones that I haven't read before. I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that Karl Staib had included this article in his "Top 5 Greatest Links of the Week 8/18/07". Check out Karl's blog called "Mind and Body Health" at http://karlstaib.com/ You will be glad that you did.
This article has been accepted in the Meditation, Yoga & Spiritual Growth Carnival - Edition #7 found at http://anmolmehta.com/blog/2007/09/15/meditation-yoga-spiritual-growth-carnival-edition-7/ . Check out the great articles. I intend to.
I can't imagine how hard it is to write so publically about your past. I love Louise Hay, and I've done exactly what you've described about picking a page too. It does work well.
I don't know if it will help, but I know a great site about inventing your "second childhood". It's at www.kimandjason.com/ Mostly their site is about letting go of our "serious" adult side and having more fun. But if you go type in "second adulthood" in the search box and read that article. I hope it might help you give you inner child permission to play and have fun. :0)
With love,
Shirley
Funspirit, I love your name. Thanks for the website. I will check it out. Surprisingly to me, it was more difficult that I thought it would be to write about the childhood incest. I am not a newcomer to recovery. I have been working on releasing and healing my issues since 1989. I still have some issues that need healing is what I discovered when I started writing in my blog.
Patricia,
Thank you for sharing this with us. I, too, am at a spot in my growth where I have come to realize that although I thought I had finally dealt with my incest issues, my wounded child doesn't agree. I have just recently come to realize that the silence factor is an area that I too must deal with. At this point, my prayers are for this guidance. I was just getting ready to do spend some time meditating, and was looking for an affirmation for incest survivors, when I found your blog. I have one of Louise Hay's books, "You Can Heal Your Life." However, there was no listing in the index for incest, and so I decided to do a google search for it, which brought me here.
Again, thank you.
All of our questions are already answered. We need only open our eyes to all of creation. Within and without are one.
Divine Essense, I love your name and the last statement that you made. I truly believe that we all have all of our answers. We just have to know when and how to ask the right questions and then be open to recieve. Have a glorious day.
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