Warning: Reading the following series may be injurious to your peace of mind. They are intended to be. Without knowledge, we cannot prevent child abuse from happening. Go beyond this point at your own risk. Join me for the painful, frightening, emotional, freeing journey.
This journey isn't starting how I envisioned it. It is starting with an email that I sent out to a website called sadlynormal.org.
Wow!!! I just left your website. I found it a few days ago and found out that I still have incest issues that were in hiding. I haven't actively had to work on my incest issues in nearly 10 years. I am 56 years old. I guess I set myself up for this to happen. On June 1, 2007, I started a blog called Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker because I wanted to write about my life of sexual abuse and my journey out of the pain and into recovery just in case it might help just one person not have to suffer as long as I did in silence.
Yesterday, I left a comment on someone else's blog and used the label of "Incest Survivor" for myself. I haven't called myself by that label in awhile. I felt that I had gone beyond being just a survivor and am actually fully living my life and having longer and longer moments of happiness and joy.
When I found your sadlynormal.org site last week, I left it feeling a knot in my solar plexus. I let the feelings sit without pushing them away and without ignoring them. I did have my husband go to get me a Chocolate/M. & M.'s Blizzard from Dairy Queen. I haven't done that in awhile and I didn't eat the whole thing at one sitting like I would have done years ago when I was in the middle of working on my incest issues.
Two nights later, I ran across a blog about a young lady who has 30 days clean from a drug addiction. It was on her site that I left a comment letting her know that there is hope at the end of the day once you let go of some of the pain of addiction. (This is where I called myself an "incest survivor".)
On that same night, I went to another blog in the Blog Carnival that I was involved in. The article was on spanking her daughter because she was caught in a possibly life threatening situation that she had been warned not to do. (I don't intend to discuss spanking, that would be off the topic that I want to focus on.) What got my attention on that blog was a man who responded that all mothers must really have a spanking fetish about exposing and spanking a child with the child's pants down. This man went on and on about what his mother did to him as a child. I began to feel dirty and discusted from his comments. The man just went on and on. It felt like he was getting excited by what he wrote. I couldn't read the majority of what he wrote because my feelings were getting so intense. I went on and read the few other comments after his. When it was time for me to comment, I spoke up and told him that what S did by spanking her daughter was nothing like what his mother did to him. I told him that if it was still bothering him 30 something years later that he needed to get help for himself because what his mother did was not normal or healthy.
The frightened child in me would have fled the site and eaten and eaten and eaten until she was so full of food that there was no place left for emotions.
The adult part of me who is responsible for her own recovery is who wrote the comment. I am proud of the growth that I have worked so hard to accomplish. I have been thinking about how to write an article about this on my blog. I even started writing last night. I think this letter to you will be my first entry, other than my Biography---Part 1 that I have submitted to your Blog Carnival on August 24, on the subject of incest and my continuing recovery efforts.
This issue will no longer rule over my life. I will feel the feelings as they come up. I will deal with the knot in my stomach. I will meditate more to stay centered and balanced.
Incest may be a part of my life, and it no longer rules my life. I am in total charge of WHO I am.
Patricia Caldwell Singleton
August 1, 2007
You may want to go to the following website to check out what caused me to decide to start this series of articles. The website is at http://sadlynormal.org/