Warning: Reading the following series may be injurious to your peace of mind. They are intended to be. Without knowledge, we cannot prevent child abuse from happening. Go beyond this point at your own risk. Join me for the painful, frightening, emotional, freeing journey.
This journey isn't starting how I envisioned it. It is starting with an email that I sent out to a website called sadlynormal.org.
Wow!!! I just left your website. I found it a few days ago and found out that I still have incest issues that were in hiding. I haven't actively had to work on my incest issues in nearly 10 years. I am 56 years old. I guess I set myself up for this to happen. On June 1, 2007, I started a blog called Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker because I wanted to write about my life of sexual abuse and my journey out of the pain and into recovery just in case it might help just one person not have to suffer as long as I did in silence.
Yesterday, I left a comment on someone else's blog and used the label of "Incest Survivor" for myself. I haven't called myself by that label in awhile. I felt that I had gone beyond being just a survivor and am actually fully living my life and having longer and longer moments of happiness and joy.
When I found your sadlynormal.org site last week, I left it feeling a knot in my solar plexus. I let the feelings sit without pushing them away and without ignoring them. I did have my husband go to get me a Chocolate/M. & M.'s Blizzard from Dairy Queen. I haven't done that in awhile and I didn't eat the whole thing at one sitting like I would have done years ago when I was in the middle of working on my incest issues.
Two nights later, I ran across a blog about a young lady who has 30 days clean from a drug addiction. It was on her site that I left a comment letting her know that there is hope at the end of the day once you let go of some of the pain of addiction. (This is where I called myself an "incest survivor".)
On that same night, I went to another blog in the Blog Carnival that I was involved in. The article was on spanking her daughter because she was caught in a possibly life threatening situation that she had been warned not to do. (I don't intend to discuss spanking, that would be off the topic that I want to focus on.) What got my attention on that blog was a man who responded that all mothers must really have a spanking fetish about exposing and spanking a child with the child's pants down. This man went on and on about what his mother did to him as a child. I began to feel dirty and discusted from his comments. The man just went on and on. It felt like he was getting excited by what he wrote. I couldn't read the majority of what he wrote because my feelings were getting so intense. I went on and read the few other comments after his. When it was time for me to comment, I spoke up and told him that what S did by spanking her daughter was nothing like what his mother did to him. I told him that if it was still bothering him 30 something years later that he needed to get help for himself because what his mother did was not normal or healthy.
The frightened child in me would have fled the site and eaten and eaten and eaten until she was so full of food that there was no place left for emotions.
The adult part of me who is responsible for her own recovery is who wrote the comment. I am proud of the growth that I have worked so hard to accomplish. I have been thinking about how to write an article about this on my blog. I even started writing last night. I think this letter to you will be my first entry, other than my Biography---Part 1 that I have submitted to your Blog Carnival on August 24, on the subject of incest and my continuing recovery efforts.
This issue will no longer rule over my life. I will feel the feelings as they come up. I will deal with the knot in my stomach. I will meditate more to stay centered and balanced.
Incest may be a part of my life, and it no longer rules my life. I am in total charge of WHO I am.
Sincerely,
Patricia Caldwell Singleton
August 1, 2007
You may want to go to the following website to check out what caused me to decide to start this series of articles. The website is at http://sadlynormal.org/
27 comments:
Excellent work Patricia. Progress not perfection. I appreciate you sharing candidly. I look forward to reading more of your posts. You are a courageous woman. I am proud of you.
God bless you.
Craig
Craig, thank you. Sometimes it is just putting one foot in front of the other one and moving forward when all you want to do is run away.
Patricia, you said "Sometimes it is just putting one foot in front of the other one and moving forward when all you want to do is run away."
I think that is the epitomy of courage, and you are at the very least a couragous survivor. I'm sure at best, you are so much more than that. God bless you, guide you and protect you through your journey.
Christi, thanks for your words of encouragement. It is always easier to see courage in others than to see it in ourselves. Love and Blessings to All.
patricia, yes, what courage! and this connection between incest and eating ... what a familiar tale ... thanks for sharing your journey with the world. the world needs it!
Isabella, maybe we can heal the world one person at a time. Thanks for stopping by. Love and Blessings to All
Hi Patricia. Great post!
This series will do so much to help others that might not know how to handle the same situation.
I look forward to the rest of the series.
Takuin, thanks, all of the comments left so far tell me that you are right and that I am right to have taken this step. It is a step that I have been a little hesitant to take. I still have to remind myself that being vulnerable is ok. It helps other people be the same.
I do not know a lot about this subject from personal experience but I worked in a family mental health agency for eight years. You are a survivor and courageous. Good luck on your journey Patrician and thank you for sharing it - I suspect you know just how many people you will never know whom you've helped by writing this.
Jill, thanks for your comment. The main reason that I am revisiting this issue is because of the people that it will hopefully help. I have been blessed to always have help when I needed it.
hi Patricia, its nice to meet you. Its actually Lucynda's husband that writes on that blog, she just does the hosting and that kind of stuff for it. We live in Russellville Arkansas.
Bear, I thought that it was written from a man's point of view but addressed my comment to the name on the article. It is nice to meet a fellow Arkansan online.
Thank you for sharing Isabella, I really respect what you are doing. God bless you dear.
Alan, Thanks for leaving a comment.
Patricia, this is a great letter you wrote. You are indeed a survivor. The series you started will help a lot of people, I'm sure.
Simonne, thanks for your kind words.
Wow.
It takes a lot of courage to reach so deeply within yourself, to face the fears you thought long overcome all over again.
Keep walking your path with openness and love!
Vitor, thanks for reaching out. I, for one, would be reading your blog once you get it going, if it were in English instead of Spanish. I know it will be a big success just from the comments you have been leaving on Damian's site. Thanks for enriching our lives.
Patricia,
Actually, my first english post just went up yesterday! I think about 20-25% of my content will be english, so expect a post every 1-2 weeks or so. Haven't figured out the details yet though.
Vitor, congratulations. Let me know when your site is up and running. I will look forward to reading your English articles. I tried clicking on your name and it didn't take me to a site.
Included a correct link now. Don't know what happened there. I'm posting this as a comment as I can't find a contact form... feel free to delete if I'm spamming you too much ;)
Vitor, I just visited your site and left comments on the 2 articles that I read. Please keep me informed of the next articles that you post in English. Both articles were great.
I am proud to announce that Kara-Leah Masina of Be Conscious Now has picked this article to be in her 6th Carnival of Truth. You will find the Be Conscious Now 6th Carnival of Truth at http://www.klmasina.co.nz/2007/08/21/carnival-of-truth-6/
If you haven't visited Kara-Leah's site yet, do. Her site is one of my favorites as you can probably tell by all of the comments that I leave there.
Hi Patricia,
Its posts like your's which is why I'm starting to love Spiritual Blogging. You don't know, but you're admission and acceptance gives not just you strength, but others as well. Others who read your post.
In healing yourself, you helped others gain strength.
Ohm to you. I hope God gives you,and everyone, Peace.
River of Karma, I seem to be all teary eyed tonight. Thank you for your wonderful words. The kind words of encouragement that I have received from my readers tell me that I am doing what I am supposed to be in sharing this difficult, painful, healing part of my journey.
This article has been accepted into the Carnival Against Sexual Violence 31 found at http://abyss2hope.blogspot.com.2007/09/carnival-against-sexual-violence-31.html
Correction: http://abyss2hope.blogspot.com/2007/09/carnival-against-sexual-violence-31.html
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