Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Blessings Of Surviving Incest

"Every experience, no matter how bad it seems, holds within it a blessing of some kind. The goal is to find it."

I do believe this. I would never wish that another human being experience the abuse of incest that I went through and I know that without my own experiences, I would not be who I am today. I would not have the strength, courage or compassion that I have today. I would not have the ability to offer hope to other survivors. I would not have the wisdom of surviving that I have today. I would not have the stubbornness that refuses to give up even on the hardest of days.

"I Regret 

Nothing in my life
even if my past
was full of hurt,
I still look back & 
It made me who i am 
                 as shared on Facebook

Here is my response to reading the above quote:

I love who I am today. Without the incest, I have no idea who I would be today. I have chosen to take the bad and turn it into sometime good - a me that I can be proud of - full of love and compassion for my fellow human beings. My strength comes from surviving what I experienced as a child. My courage comes from facing my fears and, believe me, they were many more than people looking at me today can see. My compassion for myself and for others comes from my past hurts. I don't want anyone else to hurt like I once did and for those who are hurting today, I can honestly say, "I know what that feels like." 

I expect honesty out of myself and anyone that I trust because as a child there were so many lies from the adults in my life. Once you have earned my trust, I trust you completely. If you betray that trust, I will walk away and not look back. 

Helping other survivors and sharing my story is the best way I know of to bring good out of the abuse.  Being able to help other survivors to heal brings meaning to my life. I have met some of the most amazing people because of becoming an advocate for children and other survivors. 

My world today is rich with friendships and family that I love. Many of those friendships are because of my advocacy work. I love you all. You inspire me to never give up and to keep taking the next step forward in whatever direction it takes me. I know that I am not alone. Neither are you.


Colleen said...


Patricia Singleton said...

Colleen, Thank you.

Anonymous said...

Dear Patricia, God bless you and thank you for this blog that gives me so much strength and reminds me that I too am loved by God, and always was. I am turning 60 this fall and I see as my most important task in this life, shining my own light by sharing my story and living in my truth in the hope that it will help make a safe world for children to grow up in. I have a loving family of choice and am immensely proud of my adult daughter. I was 10 when I survived molestation by my grandfather who lived with us. Most of my adult life I have been on the path to healing, recovery and wholeness. It has only been a couple of years since I figured out the true truth of the family secret, that my father knew his father was a child molester all along. I remember the vague warning from him a year before the abuse started. The clarity through adult understanding was what I needed to end contact with both parents, having been groomed to worship him as the kind of parent who would never let that happen, while at the same time my mother's control, secret rages and psychological abuse made me the perfectly compliant, silent little victim - I was practically gift wrapped for a child molester who was given free rein to do as he pleased with me. Father's Day was just a couple of days ago and I am still emotionally raw and insomniac. Trying to be my own advocate for mental health care issues and encountering bias and parent-centeredness that I intend to stand up to by staying grounded. Being able to come here and be safe, understood and welcome means the world to people like me! All love, Sharon

Patricia Singleton said...

Sharon, you are very welcome. I love that my words and my story helps you to do your own healing. That is the purpose of my blog. Healing is hard work and you are worth the time and effort.