Saturday, March 29, 2014

Incest And Domestic Violence - Hanging On To That Glimmer Of Light In A World Of Darkness

I want to start this blog post out by sharing the words of one of my favorite spiritual writers - Dr. Wayne Dyer. These words came from his Facebook page. I find them so true for my healing journey.

"Holding in negative emotions such as grief and anger is exhausting. Naming them and releasing them regularly through writing, movement, tears, singing, or making sounds frees us up to live full, vibrant lives."

"Naming them and releasing them regularly through writing. . . " is one of the things that I do with my journals and with this blog. Writing and sharing my words, using my voice to give word to my grief, anger and hurt is how the majority of my healing has happened over the years.

I ran across an article on the internet this week that agrees with Dr. Dyer about the usefulness of writing down our feelings. The name of the article is "The Mental Health Benefits of Expressive Writing". The author of the article is Michael Craig Miller, M. D.  Here is the link to the article if you are interested in reading it. mental-health-benefits-of-expressive-writing?nid=79974&hd=Full

Another link I want to share with you is from the blog ECHOES WHISPER FROM THE SHADOWS written by a dear friend of mine. The article that I want you to read is called "CHASING AWAY THE DARKNESS".  The title of my article came from the words of this blog article. My friend is a survivor of domestic violence in her marriage. I am a survivor of domestic violence from my childhood home. The circumstances are different but the feelings of darkness that my friend describes are very well known to me and continued throughout my early years of marriage, not because I was being emotionally abused, I wasn't. For me, I was living in the denial of how my childhood of incest and emotional abuse was still affecting me in my day to day life. I held on to that denial so tightly because I wanted it to be true that I could be happy with my life. I didn't know that wouldn't happen until I worked through all my issues from the incest and felt all of those stuffed and denied feelings. I wanted the fairy tale ending of happy ever after. I carried the darkness of the incest deep inside of me and many times would feel overwhelmed but nobody else knew about the incest or how to help me, if I had asked. I was so busy being "happy" and trying to fix everyone else's problems because then you would love me and I could be happy.

I also know the "glimmer of light" that my friend talks about. I believe it is that touch of the Divine in each of us that gives us strength to keep going even when life seems impossible, that element that refuses to allow me to give up when I am almost too tired to keep going. I see that light. I always have from my early childhood when I suspect I was being abused, but don't have the memories as proof. As a child, I always had this tiny spark in me that would hang on to the little bit of sunshine that would come into the darkness and guide me forward. I could always find some small bit of joy even in the darkness. I think that is the part of me that has always seen the blessings in my adult life. I have always been able to see some good in my day. I have the strength to find some gift in the horror of my childhood. Here is the link to my friend's blog article.

While you are there, check out her poetry under the title Living With Demons and her photography also. I love both of them. My friend is not an incest survivor. There was no abuse in her childhood. I just wanted to make that clear for anyone who was wondering. She is one of the people, who by sharing her story of domestic violence in her marriage, helped me to realize that there was much domestic violence, in the form of emotional abuse, in my childhood. She shares her story of domestic violence from the view of an adult. Mine comes from watching the arguments and verbal abuse that my dad did in his rages, sometimes while under the influence of alcohol, but just as often, not. This is another example of how someone just telling their story has helped another survivor to see the truths in her own life, truths that were still in hiding. Thank you, Debbie.


Jean Marie said...

I agree... Writing is so healing.... and it gives us an option for expressing when we don't have someone right there to be a listening ear....
Today I remembered in more detail my rapes at age 7... When I got done crying I wanted to write out what I remembered. I cant talk about it, but I can write about it.

Patricia Singleton said...

Jean Marie, (((Hugs))) That would be a hard memory to talk about. I am glad that you are able to write about it. Maybe one day you will share what you wrote with a trusted friend.