Thursday, March 20, 2014

How Would You Describe Yourself?

I was asked to describe myself to a group recently and decided that I would share my thoughts here with you. I like and love who I am today. I had to work to let go of the negative thoughts of the past and to learn to give myself value. Here is how I see myself today.

I see myself as a strong, caring woman who has learned that it is okay to be vulnerable and to open my heart to others. I have a great sense of humor that has helped me through some hard times. I can laugh at myself and see that I am very human. I make mistakes and do my best to learn from them so I don't repeat them because life has a way of bringing back lessons over and over again until we learn them. I love people. I am an extrovert but also need my quiet time to think about what I am going through and what I am feeling. I am quite vocal on things that I care about. If something isn't important to me, I don't waste my time. I am long-winded with my words, especially my writing. Focus is sometimes hard for me because I can see that a path can go in a lot of different directions and I want to walk down all of them just for the experience. I have grown from a shy, scared little girl into a strong, outspoken woman that has been called names a number of times for my outspokenness and for refusing to let another person control me since I escaped my alcoholic, rageaholic dad's control. Today I am more in balance with who I am than I have ever been before and I very much like and love that person that I have become.

Well, here I go with my flaws. I am stubborn which can be good depending upon the situation. I have a temper and it can flair up quickly without warning because I still sometimes let my anger build too long before voicing it. I am better with this and I am still learning to just say I am angry rather than holding it in until I explode like a volcano. If you lie to me, I will shut you out of my heart so quickly and I won't tell you why. I was lied to as a child by most of the adults in my life. Trust isn't easy for me. Once I trust you, I am loyal to a fault. I am outspoken and some people, usually those who want to control me, don't like it. I won't be controlled by anyone else. When I get scared, I get controlling. Now, I see the controlling for the fear that it is and I work on correcting the issue and addressing the fear. When I get angry, I still have a tendency to yell at you, another one I am greatly improved and still working on.
I am honest to a fault and sometimes I hurt the feelings of others unintentionally because of it. I don't beat myself up for any of these any more. I used to.

I learned a long time ago that if I wanted to heal from incest or anything else that I needed to take a long, honest look at myself so that look has to include the shadow parts of myself that I might not like. I do need to acknowledge them if I am being honest with myself. Then I can decide if I want to keep those straits or if I want to work to change those parts of myself.

How would you describe yourself? Be as honest as you can. It's okay if you don't want to share the answer here. Write it down for yourself.



Mary Graziano said...

Pat this is a wonderful post my friend. Sometimes it is so hard to describe ourselves. For me.. I can say that I now see myself as moving away from the darkness of the past. It has taken me many years to do this. I am starting to like myself more, yes like not love yet, and I care so much for others. I listen with compassion to others because I know how it felt as a child not to have anyone hear me or listen to anything I said. I love to laugh, where I couldn't or wouldn't laugh much years ago when I was young. I am more positive with myself, finally leaving the negativity where it belongs, in the past. So many others see so much more in me than I do, but I am starting to see those points in myself now. I don't like to argue, and will try my best to get someone who is angry with me to not be any longer. If someone is upset with me, I get an overwhelming fear inside of me, that they are going to leave me, never talk to me again. My heart aches inside knowing I let someone down.

I am and have come out of my shell. Able to speak in front of others, about my abuse, the shy me is slowly fading away and I like that.

What I still don't like about myself is that I still let others walk all over me, something I need to work on, but find very hard to do. If I get angry or upset, I bury it inside of me and won't talk about it to anyone. I shut down. I know I still have parts of me that I need to change and work on and I am slowly getting there. I am not who I was 2 years ago, and that is a good thing,because it shows I am moving in the right direction.

Patricia Singleton said...

Mary, Thank you. You are so right. You are not who you were just 2 years ago. You are blossoming into a more beautiful person as you learn to have compassion and love for yourself. I see it in you. You inspire me with your compassion and ability to love others.

Mary Graziano said...

Pat, thank you so much. Love you my friend. <3

Patricia Singleton said...

Mary, You are very welcome. Love you too. <3