Monday, September 21, 2009

A Wake Up Call And A Committment To Myself

One of my favorite Aussie bloggers, Craig Harper, wrote a recent article that he called "Clarity and Certainty" on his blog RENOVATE YOUR LIFE. You can find the article at the following link:

http://www.craigharper.com.au/news/clarity-and-certainty/

One of the comments that you will read at the end of his article is mine. I want you to be aware of what I wrote so I am writing it here in its entirety.

"You have described quite well what the first 38 years of my life was like. I was a people pleaser and was on automatic control most of time so that I did not have to feel the pain from my childhood of incest abuse. At 38, I got into several 12-Step programs that helped me to wake up to what my life had become and these programs finally gave me a direction.

Even in these programs, I daily saw people who said they were working their programs but who were really still on automatic control and staying stuck in their pain. It is easy to get stuck in blaming others for how your life is going. As long as you are blaming others, you still haven't taken control of your own life.

Recently I have found myself back on automatic control where my body is concerned. I woke up over a year ago and started looking at my health problems. I am overweight and a diabetic. My A1C tests say that my blood sugar is good to great even with the extra weight that I am carrying.

Because of an earlier article of yours last month or maybe early in September, as well as my yearly physical and those test results, I have decided it is time to wake up and take control back of my body. This article is very timely for me.

If I lived in Australia, I would somehow find the money to sign up in one of your gyms. Instead I am going to start using my exercise machines here in my own home while I look for a gym that I can afford to join and feel comfortable in. I will turn 58 in December so I need a place that isn't all 20-year-olds with great looking bodies.

Well, by voicing this here on your blog, I have finally made the committment, that I have been playing with, out loud, in front of others. I think that I will now go to my own blog and say the same thing and make myself accountable to others who are following my journey.
Thanks, Craig
Patricia from Arkansas, USA
Also known as Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker"

Now you know the truth. I am making this committment to myself, in front of all of you, my readers. I have been struggling with this for awhile without really making the committment to do anything. Now, since you know my secret, I have to do something. I can't continue on cruise control. I looked at pictures of myself during our vacation last week and I really don't like the way that I look. The weight has slowly crept on to my body over the past 2 years. It hinders my ability to be as active as I want to be in my life.

We did a lot of walking during our vacation, my shins got so sore for about 4 days that it hurt to walk so we didn't spend as much time exploring Mesa Verde National Park as we had planned to do. When we were in Salt Lake City if I walked uphill much, my chest would start to hurt around my heart and I would start to gasp for breath and would have to sit down for awhile. I hate that. It meant that I missed time with my family.

I didn't tell anyone why I had to keep sitting down. My doctor says my heart sounds good. I had a yearly physical just before we left on vacation but didn't get the results until we got home. The doctor told me to lose 6-8 pounds because my liver function was a little elevated. I don't know what that means exactly. The 12-Step programs that I have participated in included Open A.A. meetings because I am not an alcoholic. The liver problem is not from alcohol consumption. I rarely drink even socially because of the alcoholic gene that I carry from my father and grandfather. As a child, I saw how destructive alcoholism can be so I choose not to drink. I am guessing and will ask the doctor if the liver problem has to do more with medications for headaches and migraines that I have had the past few years.

I ask for your love, prayers and support on this part of my journey and I thank you.
Patricia

6 comments:

Colleen said...

You have my love, prayers and support. You are courageous.

Patricia Singleton said...

Colleen, thank you so much. I don't feel courageous right now.

VICKI IN AZ said...

Patricia!!

Wow. We really are on the same wavelength. My husband and I just had the " are you going to use your gym membership?" discussion tonight.
I haven't been going but I don't want to give it up because of how much I love going when I am in the habit.
I am so proud of you and so very impressed by your honesty here. Thank you for being an inspiration and you have my support 100%. My prayers and my ♥ are with you. I will think of you every time I go to the gym.
Have a wonderful rest of your week.

Vicki

Patricia Singleton said...

Vicki, thank you again. You have been on my mind this week. I haven't checked out your blog since I got home. I will do that today. Thanks for the continued support. We do have a wonderful online community of survivors.

speck of dust said...

Hey Patricia, thanks for coming by my blog and leaving a comment! I found your blog incredibly INSPIRING because of your 'about me' bit at a time when I was in a really lost and low place. Thanks for that!

I try and do exercise that I find enjoyable such as walking, gardening and cycling. And I try to have meals with vegetables and protein and some carbs that I really love like home made chillis and curries and snack on fruit.
I also take medication for migraines. But I REALLY need that. It's not an option to go to bed for 3 days!!

I will be thinking about you. Best of luck. Take it slowly, give yourself time. X

Patricia Singleton said...

Speck of Dust, thank you. Glad that I could be of use to you today. I visited your blog from one of your comments on Vicki's blog. Have a glorious day.