Sunday, June 28, 2009

Intimidating, Wanting To Be Right

Itimidating, wanting to be right---do I come across that way to you?

If I do, I apologize. That is not my intent with this blog or the many comments that I leave on the blogs of others.

I had a conversation with a friend recently and she told me that I end most of my conversations with her with the word "So." She says that she believes that I do it subconsciously. I do it so often. I asked her to say something about it when I do it. She is right. I do it without thinking about it. I even caught myself starting to say "S0." at the end of my next statement to her.

Here are my thoughts on the topic:

I can use the word "So?" as a question to get you to voice your opinion.

I can use the word "S0." followed by a blank space to give me a moment to think of the next word or statement that I want to say but lost in my train of thought. I have a lot of senior moments where I lose my whole train of thoughts. I have a mind full of thoughts that I want to share so they get jumbled sometimes because I can't say them fast enough, especially when I am excited about something.

I can use the word "So." hoping to stimulate your own thought processes on the topic.

I also use the word "So." hoping to gently help my friend come out of her comfort zone and grow with me. Maybe that is wrong. I just like her company on my path. Maybe that is a part of controlling that I still need to stop doing. Relationships can be so confusing sometimes, maybe most of the time.

I have struggled with the ego part of me that wants to be right all of the time. I may still be slipping back into that as my friend thinks I am. I don't consciously say, "I am going here. I am right. You are wrong." Sometimes I do still act without thinking about it. I need to pay more attention to my thoughts and my motives.

Most of the time I choose to see our viewpoints as being different, no less right or wrong than the other person. I don't have to convince the other person that they are right and I am wrong. How dull would we all be if we thought the same way about everything? Differences are stimulating in a person and in a conversation.

I don't have to change you and you don't have to change me.

The above is an example of how my thought processes work. I can see that we both can be right in our assessment of my use of the word "SO." I can see where we can both be wrong in our assessment of our conversations.

I don't know what you think of this as subject matter for an article unless you leave a comment and tell me. All of the above was in my head and needed to get out. Thanks for listening.


Corinne said...


I have no idea what your friend is talking about.

You definitely do not come across that way!

But she is right about one thing. You do authority on the subject.

That's the way you help people!

Patricia Singleton said...

Corinne, thanks. I had to laugh at the "JUST STAY AS SWEET AS YOU ARE!" I don't see myself as being sweet very often. Authority can be intimidating to some people. I do tend to push this particular friend sometimes. She has so much information and just doesn't use it. She does see a more pushy side of me when I am trying to get her to move out of her comfort zone which has become unhealthy for her. I love her and I want better for her than she does for herself. It is one of those "Let Go and Let God" times that I need to be reminded of occasionally.

Marie said...

Sometimes it is not always about who is right/wrong. Takes to much precious energy. Every now and again I just like to leave it there. Just agree to disagree.

Patricia Singleton said...

Marie, I have three people in my life that I choose to "Just agree to disagree" with. This friend is one of them. That was why I was surprised at her thoughts on this matter. In some ways we are alike and in some ways this friend and I are very, very different in the way we see the world. I am ok with that most of the time.

Patricia said...

I use the word "anyway" to hold on to a conversation and organize my next thoughts. As I get more and more relaxed in my life, I am finding I use it much less - It was a great tool when I was doing counseling, but it does not serve me well any more.
I do have some folks I just want then to hear what I have to say, I am working on saying will you really listen to this that I want you to hear and summarize it for me as a reply? This is helping too because I am not shotgunning them into listening but asking for their time and honoring it...

I tend to shy away when someone is attempting to control my thoughts or opinions - this is a big red flag for me and takes me awhile to sort and figure out.

As I get more selfish and comfortable with my self love, many of these things are disappearing.

Thank you for sharing.

Patricia Singleton said...

Patricia, thanks for sharing your comment. I know that I don't always see myself as others see me. I have my filters and they have theirs that we each look through. Have a glorious day.

Jannie Funster said...

I have zero problem with any usage of the So examples you cite. I too use So a lot at the end of sentences, when I'm chatting with a buddy.

You sound plenty enlightened to me - a "closed" person would not even write this post, or choose to examine themselves for the purpose of improvement.

In other words, you rock!

Deb Estep said...

HI Patricia,

I have a feeling that your use
of the word 'so' is most likely out of habit.

If someone were to say that often, I would think it was their way of them getting their thoughts together.

Or the second reason would be for you to prompt them to continue speaking.

Patricia, you say this about the person...

'I choose to "Just agree to disagree"

It sounds to me like you might have had a few contentious type conversations with this person, and they have a NEED to be right.

Being the Lightworker you are, you have decided to step back... agree to disagree, and just LET IT BE.

But if your use of the word 'so' annoys them, I guess it's good they spoke up to you about it.
I just have a feeling it was a way to push your buttons.

A dear, dear friend of mine passed away 9 years ago this month. What I would GIVE to hear my friend Cindy, end every SINGLE sentence with the word SO.!!!!!!

I say.....
Minor on the minor and major on the major.

This is petty and quite minor.


Deb Estep said...

PS...... I forgot to answer your
first question...

Itimidating, wanting to be right---do I come across that way to you?

HE double hockey sticks NO !!!!!!

xo xo

Patricia Singleton said...

Jannie, thank you. I attempt to be open to most experiences and learn more about myself through those experiences. Thanks for sharing your use of the word "So" and the "you rock!" made me laugh out loud. I accept that compliment.

Patricia Singleton said...

Deb, thanks for the laughter and good feelings brought on my your words. Did I say that this is my friend who is the Drama Queen. She hates that title. I tell her if she hates the title then quit being one.

Ray said...

An old man once told me "you dont have to agree with me, you have the right to be wrong"

Patricia Singleton said...

Ray, I would say that we each have the right to agree or disagree. I don't want to be known as arrogant.