Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Limiting Beliefs May Be Holding You Back or How Incest Is Still Affecting My Life

From Your Hands Can Heal You written by Stephen Co and Eric B. Robins, M. D. with John Merryman, page 37,

"Limiting beliefs are mental judgments that we've made about ourselves, the way the world works, or the way we interact in the world based on faulty, incomplete, or improperly understood information we have received, typically in the formative years of childhood. The information can come from primary authority figures (parents, teachers, clergy) or peers (classmates, friends), or indirectly from other sources in the world (books, television, movies, advertising). This information may be true on some level. Perhaps your parents' marriage wasn't very good and loving, or you really didn't have the ability to be a dancer. The information may even be well-intended. Your father may have honestly believed he was trying to motivate you to settle for nothing less than your best efforts. The mind of a child lacks the ability to discriminate and sort through these messages, however, so these unfiltered messages impinge upon your unconscious mind and lead you to form untrue assumptions about yourself and the world. These gross generalizations become limiting beliefs, which, in some ways, are the toughest types of unconscious programming to dislodge or bypass."

Along these same lines, yesterday I read an article written by Alex Blackwell on his blog Personal Development for The Next 45 Years entitled 10 Things You Wish You Had Never Learned found at .

Well, here is my list of limiting beliefs, some of which I am still struggling to change:

1. I learned that I didn't have value as a woman except to be a sexual object.

2. I learned not to expect anything from anybody.

3. I learned that the world was a dangerous place.

4. I learned to not trust anyone, including myself.

5. I learned that God didn't care about me.

6. I learned that I could never be good enough.

7. I learned that there was no one to protect me.

8. I learned that the dark was a scary place.

9. I learned to sleep lightly.

10. I learned to pretend that I was asleep sometimes when I wasn't.

11. I learned to be afraid of sounds in the night.

12. I learned that a child's no wasn't important.

13. I learned to be quiet, to hold in the screams of pain and rage.

14. I learned that to cry was to be weak.

15. I learned to not feel.

16. I learned that what I wanted wasn't important.

17. I learned to pretend that everything was normal.

18. I learned how to escape into my mind, books and movies.

19. I learned how to disconnect from my feelings and my body in order to survive.

20. I learned to be the family hero.

21. I learned to protect my mom at all costs.

22. I learned how to be a parent to both of my parents, rather than being a child.

23. I learned that people and life will disappoint you.

24. I learned that my body wasn't mine to control.

25. I learned to lie when all that I wanted was to tell the truth.

Some of these I have worked on and healed. Some of them, I still struggle with. Can you come up with your own list? Give yourself credit for those that are no longer a problem. Look at the remaining ones and see if there are any that you want to change. Can you imagine the ways that your life will improve by dealing with your own limiting beliefs? Yes, change can be fearful, but isn't peace and happiness worth the change?


Alex Blackwell said...


Thanks for being so real and open and for sharing your list.


Patricia Singleton said...

Alex, thanks to your article, I was able to write this list and discover that some of them are still hanging around creating problems for me to work on.

Anonymous said...

Hi Patricia,

I just want to say hello - I found your blog via the Urban Monk commenting on my blog, checking out his blog, coming to yours - a truly small world :-)

If you have not seen The Work of Byron Katie ( I recommend it - I have found it so useful for looking at my own limiting beliefs - about myself and others.

I have subscribed to your blog feed and will keep checking in.

With love,


Patricia Singleton said...

Jon, welcome to my world. Albert and his blog are fantastic.

There are no coincidences. I have a copy of Byron Katie's book Loving What Is sitting here beside my computer. I was just reading it and made the decision to start working with The Work tomorrow. I would start today except that I have a Christmas party to go to tonight and I don't want to be in the middle of some heavy emotional garbage at the party. Thanks for the additional push in that direction. I will probably be writing about The Works and my journey through it in future articles. Have a glorious day.

Anonymous said...

Great stuff Patricia - well, as a self-taught 'Workie' through the books and audio CDs, if I can help in any way just let me know and I'll be happy to help.

With love,


Patricia Singleton said...

Thanks, Jon, I will keep that in mind.

Liara Covert said...

Hi Patricia.
I value your blog. Its uplifting and truly inspirational. I expect you would greatly boost your energy vibration if you choose to write a list of the flip side ot all these limiting beliefs. This would include those you believe you have healed and those you sense you still work on. That would reinforce lessons learned. May your journey contiue to strengthen yourself and your blog readers.

Patricia Singleton said...

Liara, thank you. I will consider doing as you suggested.

Matthew | said...

The level of honesty you have is very bright. One of my favorite sayings is that "Truth is the highest Good, and Love is the highest Truth". Basically, it means that anything loving is built on total, complete honesty. Not the harsh "truth hurts" kind, but a truly open and expansive honesty. You're doing a wonderful job.

Loving Awareness - A Journey to Wholeness

Patricia Singleton said...

Matthew, thanks for your kind and encouraging words. Being totally honest with myself is the most difficult work that I do.

Telling It Like It Is said...

Patricia, thank you for taking the time to read my personal story. I see we have a lot in common.

I learned courage. Despite what happened to me, I learned to develop my voice, and it's never been louder than it is today. No one will ever shut me up again.

Scream it from the mountain top if you must. I did. I found I have more strength and gusto and determination to beat the odds than I ever thought possible. good luck hon.

Patricia Singleton said...

Lin, I am glad to see other blogs like Telling It Like It Is that has a strong voice against child abuse. The work we are doing is important. Thanks for your comment.