Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Being A Survivor Means Knowing You Have Choices

As a victim of the family disease of alcoholism and incest, I wasn't given choices as a child.  All of the choices of my childhood were made for me by my parents and my abusers.  I was even told by my parents that the adults had full authority over me as a child.  I was told to mind all adults - to do whatever they said, without question.  This one rule of my parents played a major factor in allowing me to be sexually abused by several adults in my life, one of which was my dad.   

Knowing that I have choices as an adult has created a major division for me between being a victim or being a survivor.  As a survivor, I know that I have choices.  I know that I can make my own decisions.  Right or wrong, they are my decisions to make.

Because it took me so long to learn how to make choices for myself, I place a high value on being able to make my own decisions.  Being able to make my own choices gives me a freedom and a feeling of being in control of my life instead of letting others tell me what to do and what to say.  I never experienced this feeling as a child.

If you would like for me to join your group on Facebook, please ask me instead of just adding my name to your group.  Then it is my choice to accept your invitation or not.  Please don't take away my choice by making it for me.  That is too much like my childhood.  I know that I can always make the choice to leave the group if I want to but it isn't the same as being given the choice in the beginning rather than as an after thought. I thank you for that.
Patricia

10 comments:

Prozacblogger said...

Thank you for sharing, Patricia.

I too believe that the control of our own lives was taken away from us.

The moment you take control of your life, you are a survivor.

You should be proud of that. You are a strong person for having found that wisdom on your own.

Sincerely,

- Prozacblogger

Patricia Singleton said...

Prozacblogger, You are very welcome. Taking control of my own life and moving away from being a victim was important to me. Thank you for your comment.

Jane Rowan said...

Amen to choices! As a survivor, I also value highly my choices and my boundaries. There is such freedom in knowing that I don't have to go with someone else's idea of what's what.

You go, girl!
JAne

Patricia Singleton said...

Jane, thank you. Yes, the freedom to make my own choices and to set my own boundaries are important to me.

Colleen said...

Great post. Making our own choices, living in freedom, is so important. Setting boundaries is important too.
I did not know people could add you to a FB group without your permission. I would not like that either. Hugs and blessings.

Patricia Singleton said...

Colleen, thank you. I lived without boundaries for so long that it is a very important topic to me. Yes, one of the newer changes that Facebook has made that needs to be changed is that you can be added without your permission to any group that someone wants to add you to. I just got number 6 yesterday. I usually find out when I open my emails and find a large number of emails from members of the new group.

touched2mysoul said...

Having the ability to choose..... Yes there is freedom in that!.... Once you realize that you have a choice and can then choose is freedom at it's best. Thank you for sharing y your post.... I can relate.....

Touched2mysoul

Patricia Singleton said...

Touched2MySoul, thank you for your visit. You are very welcome. Knowing that you have choices is really big.

Sarah (Nikki) said...

I agree so much with you about the right to make our own choices....

Patricia Singleton said...

Sarah (Nikki), thanks for your comment. The right to make our own choices is a big thing for someone who wasn't given choices as a child.