Thursday, October 2, 2008

Are You Playing The Victim Again?

This morning a friend called me after reading my recent post "Growing Up With Alcoholism In The Family" and asked me if she was hearing me playing the victim role? She was afraid that I might be getting sucked back into that garbage. I told her no that was not happening at all. I told her that my writing that post was strictly to help others. She was glad to hear it.

To me, one of the best ways to stop playing victim is to be able to reach out and help others. I haven't played the victim role in a very long time. That just isn't who I am any longer. I would never want to go back into that sense of helplessness and hopelessness that comes from being a victim.

Why do you ever choose to be a victim? Is it karma that you are working through with the other person? Is it because you lack the courage to leave a relationship or situation that you are familiar and comfortable with? Is it because you are fearful of being alone? What keeps you being a victim could be any of those things or something else.

The main reason to stay a victim is that you are getting something out of the role, otherwise, you would stop. You would say, "No more. This doesn't work for me."

As a child, you don't have a choice to be a victim, especially if the perpetrator is your parent. As an adult, you always have a choice. I know that as an adult, you may not be aware that you have a choice but that choice is always there waiting for the awareness to come.

People talk about courage as if it is something that some of us have and some of us don't. I don't believe that. You all have courage waiting to be used when the need arises. It isn't something that I have and you don't. When you are pushed hard enough the courage will come forth. I can acknowledge that yes I have courage and have used it to change my life and so do you have that same courage when you want to use it.

I don't see courage as something that just heroes have and everybody else doesn't. You all have it. You just have to choose to use it.

Today, if you are in a bad situation or bad relationship, I encourage you to, "Just say no." as the advertisements against drug abuse said a few years ago. That simple word, "NO" can change your life. If you are in a violent situation and can't make the change by yourself, ask for someone's help.

You don't have to be a victim unless you choose to.


Slade | Shift Your Spirits said...


The courage and authenticity you display by publishing -- publicly, openly discussing -- what you have been through is so NOT the position of a victim.

Nor does it read as someone who "benefits" from being identified as a victim, say, through getting attention.

Your intentions shine through brightly, and I admire you for it tremendously.

One can make Victim or Victor out the exact same ingredients -- you are right, the difference is a choice.


Patricia Singleton said...

Slade, thank you. I especially like your statement that says, "One can make Victim or Victor out of the same ingredients---you are right, the difference is a choice."

Mary said...

This is my first time here and I really like your blog, I am glad you are reaching out to others and helping them. I am trying to do the same thing on my blog, but am still feeling like the victim of child abuse, it is something that is so hard to get over..take care.Mary

Patricia Singleton said...

Mary, I don't know how you discovered my blog but I am glad that you did. I just visited your blog and read two of your poems. I hope that my other readers will click on your name and check out your blog too. I intend to go back and read more later. Thanks for your comment and your courage in expressing your thoughts on your blog and mine.