LA Talk Live Radio Interview By Lucinda Bassett

At 2:00 p.m., ET in the U. S. on Thursday, November 29, 2012, I and my Twitter friend David Pittman who is the director of "Together We Heal" will be interviewed by the radio show host Lucinda Bassett. You will find our interview on LA Talk Live at the following link:

http://latalklive.com/new/truth-be-told

You will find Lucinda's story at this link also.

David shares his story on TOGETHER WE HEAL. His story is entitled "Pedophiles are like Serial Killers --- My Story by David Pittman." Here is the link:

http://togetherweheal.wordpress.com/2012/10/01/pedophiles-are-like-serial-killers-my-story-by-david-pittman/

I hope you will join us and listen to our stories of healing on Thursday 11:00 a.m. PT and 2:00 p.m. ET. This will be my first interview with Lucinda so I am excited to meet someone new and share my story with her and her audience and I feel a little fear mixed in with the excitement. Come back here after the show and let me know your thoughts. Have a glorious week ahead.
Patricia

My Story Of Incest Guest Post on Survivor Advocacy

Hi. I don't have much to say today except to express my gratitude to all of my readers. I also want to share two blog posts. One is my guest post over at Survivor Advocacy. I hope you will go to the following link and read it.  A friend who has already read the post, says the post is my very best writing that she has read so far. I am not a very good judge of my writing. I write from the heart and write with as much honesty as I can with the difficult topic of incest. Here is the link:

My Story Of Incest found at http://www.survivoradvocacy.org/2012/11/my-story-of-incest.html


The second blog post that I want to highlight here today is from my friend Patricia (Tricia) McKnight. Tricia's blog is called survivorsjustice. I absolutely love the blog post that Tricia posted earlier today. The post is called "Hopes, Dreams, Moments of Laughter, Thriving". Tricia gives the best explanation of the differences between being a victim, survivor and thriver that I have ever read. I have tried a few times to explain the differences myself. She does a much better job in today's article. Here is the link:

Hopes, Dreams, Moments of Laughter, Thriving found at http://survivorsjustice.com/2012/11/14/hopes-dreams-moments-of-laughter-thriving/

I have been reading Tricia's blog for awhile now and we are friends on Facebook and Twitter where we are both Advocates for abused children and for other survivors. Who are these survivors? What have they survived?

Many of you who are reading this blog are survivors. You know who you are. You have survived incest, other forms of child abuse, domestic violence as a child and/or as an adult. Some of you are survivors of parents mental illness, of narcissist mothers or fathers, or maybe the family disease of alcoholism and drug abuse. You name it. You have survived it. No one was willing to be an advocate for me when I was a child even though a few people suspected that something was wrong. Nobody asked. I want that to change. If you suspect child abuse in any form, ask questions. If you are wrong, you can apologize. If you are right, you have changed the life of a child who needs you.
Patricia

Beyond The Tears, A True Survivor's Story Book Review

Lord, give me the right words to let Lynn Tolson know how much I appreciate her courage in sharing her story of incest, domestic violence, mental illness, addiction and then the sharing of her healing from all of those. Lynn C. Tolson is the author of the book Beyond the Tears, A True Survivor's Story. Because of the brutal honesty that Lynn uses to share her story, Beyond the Tears is not an easy read. If you are a survivor, I am putting a Trigger Warning on this book. The compassion that I feel for the child that Lynn was and the adult that she is now are beyond measure. As her title says, Lynn is a true survivor. Lynn Tolson has my admiration for what she has survived and my gratitude for writing and sharing her story of abuse, both physical and emotional.

Lynn Tolson is a survivor that I met on Twitter sometime over the past four years. I have wanted to read her book for sometime. I want to do justice to Lynn and her book. I have been having trouble writing this review and I have been working on getting my words and feelings about this book down on paper for several weeks now. Why? Because I am afraid that I won't do her book justice with my review. Reading Lynn's book was intense and caused me to numb my feelings several times while I was reading it because I am just beginning to look at my own Domestic Violence issues from my childhood. Suicide is something else that I struggle to understand. My emotions were all over the place when I was reading Lynn Tolson's book.

Beyond the Tears begins the first chapter with Lynn attempting suicide and ending up in a mental ward of a nearby hospital when she survives the attempt. Lynn's father who incested her when she was a child died from his own sucide attempt so Lynn says she was following in her father's footsteps with her own suicide attempt. I am very glad that she did not succeed, like her father did. The hospital counselor didn't do much to help Lynn but she didn't give up. With the help of a therapist trained in helping trauma victims, Lynn was able to start her healing journey which she shares in her book.

Lynn's journey to healing will inspire other survivors who are just starting out on their own journey to healing. Ms Tolson is a true survivor who has been through the Hell of anxiety, depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder to become a survivor. I am amazed at the  amount of abuse that some children and adults survive. Lynn Tolson nearly didn't. Beyond the Tears, A True Survivor's Story is Lynn's story of that survival and healing from childhood sexual abuse and domestic violence. Again, thank you Lynn Tolson for sharing your book.

Here is the link to Lynn Tolson's book and blog:

http://beyondthetears.blogspot.com

Thank you Lynn Tolson for sharing your story of courage and survival and for reaching out and helping other survivors to heal.
Patricia

Hurricane Sandy and Elections

Where does time go these days? I just cannot keep up with everything that I want to do and visit with everyone that I want to talk to. Is it because I am getting older or is time really speeding up? I am not sure but I don't like it.

These past few weeks will be remembered in the U. S. for a long time. Hurricane Sandy has come and gone and left a lot of damage in the lives of many Americans as well as in Haiti and the other islands that she hit before the U. S. I am continuing to pray for all of those people who have been affected by the destructive path of Hurricane Sandy. Events like this should bring out the compassion and generosity in all people.

I pray that President Obama who won re-election yesterday has the best interest of the American people at heart with any and all decisions that he makes over the next four years. I am so glad that all of the political advertisements are gone for another few years until election time comes around again. I wish that all politicians, not just the presential ones, would take an oath to say nothing but the truth when they open their mouths. I am proud of all the the Americans who took the time to vote yesterday. Voting is a privilege that not all people have the option to do in other countries in the world.

I don't usually express my political views on here but I am so grateful for the defeat of the three politicians who mouthed off stupid things in sharing their beliefs about rape and pregnancy. I have faith in Americans in stepping up and saying no to child abuse and no to rape. I am proud of the women and men who voted against those politicians. None of them were in my state of Arkansas or I would have voted against them.

As an advocate for children and survivors of child sexual abuse, I am so proud of everyone who is breaking the silence of abuse and domestic violence.  I had a conversation on Twitter this morning from someone who thought that most of my tweets and retweets were very negative and dark. He was afraid that they would trigger him to drink. I told him to take care of himself and if he needed to he could Unfollow me without it hurting me. I went on to tell him that I would not stop retweeting the type of posts that I tweet. I told him that negativity and darkness is the reality of children who are being sexually abused. People need to be aware of what those children are dealing with and how much adult survivors struggle with issues of incest and/or domestic violence and rape. Not of those situations are rosey colored and pretty so my tweets and retweets aren't either. I understand about triggers so I am not angry or upset with this young man. He understood my position as well.

It is time for people to take their heads out of the sand and pay attention to what is going on in their homes, communities and the world where children live. I do tweet and retweet a lot of inspirational tweets too because I know that we all need to be encouraged and uplifted, especially if you are a survivor. I do the same thing on my Facebook page. I won't stop talking about child abuse, rape and domestic violence until there are no more victims and every child is safe.
Patricia

Jerry Sandusky's Victim #1 Is Hero #1 For All Survivors Of Childhood Sexual Abuse

Last week I watched a show about Jerry Sandusky's Victim #1 on 20/20 which introduced the world to a courageous young man whose name is Aaron Fisher. All through the Sandusky trial he was known only as Victim #1. Now the world knows who this young survivor of childhood sexual abuse is. I am posting the following link for anyone who missed the program so that you can go and watch it.

The program addresses how Aaron's mom fully supported him after the secrets of the abuse were revealed to her. I hope the the producers of the program will pursue the people who turned Aaron and his mom away with statements like:

Go home and think about it. (school principal)

Only one account of childhood sexual abuse is not enough to arrest or convict Jerry Sandusky. (Police and District Attorney)

These are not put into parentheses because they are my rewording of what was told to Aaron and his mother when they confronted the school prinicpal, the police and the district attorney.

Why did it take three years before Jerry Sandusky was arrested? Why did Aaron Fisher have to wait that long for justice? What did that tell him about the Jerry Sandusky's of the world and our justice system? Can you imagine how defeated Aaron and his mother felt but instead of giving up, they got angry and fought harder to bring a sexual preditor to jail. That is why Aaron and his mom are my heroes. Only another survivor of childhood sexual abuse can know the courage that it took on Aaron's part to tell anyone about his abuse.

Thank you Aaron, Aaron's mom and the reporter and producers of 20/20 for giving Aaron and his story the justice that he deserves. Aaron, you will never know how many other survivors will now step forward and tell their stories because of your courage and persistance in getting justice for yourself.

Sandusky Case: Victim 1 Speaks - Video - ABC News

http://abcnews.go.com/2020/video/sandusky-penn-state-football-coach-victim-child-abuse-rape-sex-parenting-2020-17523489#.UIMRx4N-248.email

Click on Watch The Full Episode.

If you haven't seen this video, please watch it.
Patricia
 

Silence Is The Friend Of Incest

This week I read an article that I want to share with you about silence. The article is posted at a blog called Beyond the Pear Tree. The blog title is "In the Name of Silence". Here is the link:

http://beyondthepeartree.wordpress.com/2012/10/16/in-the-name-of-silence/

I want to share my comment to this blog post. Here are the words that I wrote:

"There has been too much silence in the world already, a silence that allows children to be sexually and/or emotionally and physically abused, women and men to be abused by domestic violence, and allows needless wars to go on. No more silently condoning violences in any form. Bullying happens because no one stops it. Abuse is allowed to go on in the silence of individuals and societies. No more silence. No more secrets that harm."


Silence allows incest to happen within families for generations because no one is willing to call attention to the dysfunction within the family system.  Children are ashamed and afraid to speak out about what is happening to them. Children of incest carry the shame and are often afraid of being blamed for the actions of their abusers.

It is the responsibility of the adult to speak out if they suspect child abuse is happening. I know it takes courage to speak up. I didn't have the courage to face my own family and tell them about the incest that happened to me as a child until I was in my late 30's and early 40's. I know how hard it is.

Fear has to be faced and conquered, so does silence. Healing from incest does not happen until the silence is overcome. Become an advocate for your children and your neighbors' children. Don't let another child suffer in silence praying that an adult will ask if they are being hurt.

Here is a second article that I read just a day or two ago that shows how silence allows sex abuse to continue to happen for years because no adult spoke up to stop it. Not being from England, I don't know as much about the Jimmy Savile allegations about child sexual abuse. The article title is "A lot has changed since Jimmy Savile's time, but shame and stigma still allow sex abuse to thrive". The article is posted in what I assume is an online newspaper called The Independent with the section with the article being called Independent Voices. Here is the link:

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comments/a-lot-has-changed-since-jimmy-saviles-time-but-shame-and-stigma-still-allow-sex-abuse-to-thrive-8215067.html

Let me know your thoughts about these two articles.
Patricia


 

Healing From Incest Takes Time

Healing from childhood sexual abuse takes time and much effort on your part and you are worth both. The most important step is learning to love yourself. Most incest victims hate and blame themselves for their abuse. Know that the blame and shame belong to your abusers, not to the child you were then or to the adult you are now. Love both your inner child and the adult that you have become. You are both survivors. Many children don't survive. If you survived, you can heal.

Learn to trust yourself and a few close friends with your story of incest. Telling is more than okay. Your healing depends upon telling someone else the many secrets that you were forced to keep by your abusers. Don't tell just anyone. Tell someone that you trust. You may not trust anyone because of your abuse. In your childhood, you couldn't trust those who were closest to you, if like with me, they were your abusers. Trust is a very big issue and one that you need to do very carefully. Sadly, the world is full of people that you shouldn't trust with your story and your vulnerability. As an adult, there are abusers who will instintively pick up that you are vulnerable and will take advantage if you give them the chance. Believe your heart and your gut when you get signals to run away from these people. This is one reason why learning to trust yourself and your intuition are so important. Really listen to your body. I know how hard that is if you disconnected from your body as a child in order to survive the pain of incest. I also know from my own experience that you can learn to reconnect. Be patient and kind with yourself as you learn to do this. You are blessed to live in a time when many resources are available for your use.

Trust a few close friends with your story or, if it is easier, trust a roomful of strangers, like I did, in 12-Step programs. Those people weren't strangers for long. They totally accepted me and my story of incest.  Today I thank God that my dad was an alcoholic. I was able to find out how I was affected by the family disease of alcoholism and had taken on the characteristics of both of my parents but I also found a safe place to talk about the incest. I talked and talked and talked until I started to feel and the hurt started to leave. Talk as much as you can until the abuse is talked out of your body and mind. Some people will think you are stuck in the memories and will possibly wish you would just shut up. Don't shut up and don't trust those people.  Most people don't realize that you were silenced for so long that you can't let the hurt and anger go with just a few words and wishes. You have to work at and talk your way through the healing process. Writing helps too if you are a writer like me. You are worth whatever it takes to heal. Find a counselor or therapist that will listen and help you work through your pain. Don't settle for just any therapist. Not all are trained to help incest survivors. A therapist that doesn't know what they are doing can do more harm rather than helping you. Sometimes you just don't click with that person. Find a therapist that you can trust and feel safe sharing your story with.

Find others who can love you until you can love yourself. Surround yourself with people who will support you through the long journey to healing. Some won't stay for very long. Those who do will be your true friends. If you trust the wrong person with your story and get hurt by them. Let go of them and move on. Don't stay in an abusive relationship. You do not deserve to be revictimized by anyone. You couldn't do anything about the abuse you suffered as a child. As an adult, you can choose to say no to abuse of any kind and leave if the other person doesn't. Don't trust everyone with yourself or with your story. You deserve to be believed. If others can't treat you with respect and kindness, leave them behind. Move forward into your healing.

As I said before, trust your intuition which will tell you who is trustworthy and who isn't. Start with trusting yourself. Be kind and compassionate with yourself first. Start to listen to your inner voice that has your best interest at heart. Don't listen to any critical inner voices that you got from your parents or abusers. Learn to tune them out. Critical inner voices don't have your best interest at heart. Being critical of yourself is just carrying on the shame that your abusers passed on to you. Don't shame and blame yourself. Being responsible for your own actions is not the same as blaming and shaming. Feeling guilty for making a mistake is not the same as feeling shame because you were taught that you are the mistake. You are not a mistake, now or ever. That is the abuser speaking. Don't listen to that crap any more. You are worthy and lovable. Love yourself and heal. You are worth it.
Patricia