Thursday, October 18, 2012

Silence Is The Friend Of Incest

This week I read an article that I want to share with you about silence. The article is posted at a blog called Beyond the Pear Tree. The blog title is "In the Name of Silence". Here is the link:

I want to share my comment to this blog post. Here are the words that I wrote:

"There has been too much silence in the world already, a silence that allows children to be sexually and/or emotionally and physically abused, women and men to be abused by domestic violence, and allows needless wars to go on. No more silently condoning violences in any form. Bullying happens because no one stops it. Abuse is allowed to go on in the silence of individuals and societies. No more silence. No more secrets that harm."

Silence allows incest to happen within families for generations because no one is willing to call attention to the dysfunction within the family system.  Children are ashamed and afraid to speak out about what is happening to them. Children of incest carry the shame and are often afraid of being blamed for the actions of their abusers.

It is the responsibility of the adult to speak out if they suspect child abuse is happening. I know it takes courage to speak up. I didn't have the courage to face my own family and tell them about the incest that happened to me as a child until I was in my late 30's and early 40's. I know how hard it is.

Fear has to be faced and conquered, so does silence. Healing from incest does not happen until the silence is overcome. Become an advocate for your children and your neighbors' children. Don't let another child suffer in silence praying that an adult will ask if they are being hurt.

Here is a second article that I read just a day or two ago that shows how silence allows sex abuse to continue to happen for years because no adult spoke up to stop it. Not being from England, I don't know as much about the Jimmy Savile allegations about child sexual abuse. The article title is "A lot has changed since Jimmy Savile's time, but shame and stigma still allow sex abuse to thrive". The article is posted in what I assume is an online newspaper called The Independent with the section with the article being called Independent Voices. Here is the link:

Let me know your thoughts about these two articles.



Alene Gone Bad said...

Silence is the embodiment of apathy. Even if someone does not like the idea of sexual abuse or some other form of violence, simply keeping quiet about it and allowing others to do the work of ending it is a cowardly act. We live in a society of cowards, kids have more of a sense of social justice that gets squelched repeatedly until by the time they are adults they are afraid to act and speak their minds because the consequences are simply not fitting in. Until we can provide the social support systems and education to kids and families to stop abuse, and truly make an investment in ending violence, we are going to have a lot more suffering.

Patricia Singleton said...

Alene, thank you for your comment. I am very afraid that you are right. That is the reason that so many survivors are becoming more vocal right now. Men are just joining the fight with their voices.

It is only together as a group that we can hope to stop child abuse from continuing. Thank you for adding your voice to mine and others. We have to win this battle if we hope to save our children and our civilization from evil.

Patricia Singleton said...

Alene, thank you for sharing the link to your blog post that was inspired by this post of mine. Anyone reading this, please go to the following link to read Alene's blog post entitled "Goblin at the No Goblin, and Silence". Here is the link:

Daisy said...

I grew up in a dysfunctional family with a violent mother who used to beat us to "stop us wetting our beds". I'm sure the neighbour heard our crying but did nothing. Years later she reported my mother to the animal welfare authorities for separating a litter of pups from their mother, apparently she was motivated by the sound of the puppies crying???
Still can't understand!!!

Patricia Singleton said...

Daisy, I am so sorry that happened to you. I don't understand the kind of mentality that will listen to a child crying and do nothing to help either.

LadyJtalks said...

After all these many years with so many of us advocating for others I wonder some days still if we will ever make the change. I've been advocating against abuse for near 40 years and there is still so much around the world.

Patricia Singleton said...

LadyJtalks, good to see you here. It has been awhile. Thank you for the visit and your comment.

I believe that we are making a difference. I also believe that child abuse has always been as high or higher than it is now. In the past, it was kept silent so we didn't see it as much but it was there. Today, because of people like you and me and all of the other survivors that I know who are speaking out, child abuse is more visible. That in itself is a huge difference. People are now only becoming aware. At last, more and more are speaking out. It is because of people like you who have been speaking out for the last 40 years that we now hear about the abuse more often rather than it sitting there in the silence. We do make a difference.