Sunday, August 2, 2015

Silent No More---Resistance To Speaking Out

Writing my book The Case of The Three-Year-Old Adulteress is a new step toward being silent no more. Each such step, for me, has been met by resistance, most of it internal but some of it from others.

The internal resistance can come from my inner child who is still afraid of rejection when I tell. Resistance can come from the fear of being blamed as a victim. Resistance can also come from fear of being misunderstood by others. Some question why I was silent for so long. The adult me doesn't fear any of those things but the inner child does. 

Outer resistance can come from others who want to remain in denial about incest and its long-time effects upon the survivor and her/his loved ones. I say loved ones because the incest affects those close to us. Our feelings, attitudes and reactions can affect our spouses, children and friends who live with us before and during the healing process.

Incest didn't just hurt me. My years of denial---of trying to pretend that I wasn't angry and hurting---and my years of struggling to feel again and to heal hurt my family and friends too. They had to deal with me when I was scared and when I was raging in pain in the years before I learned to control my rage and to face my fears. 

I have bumped into and faced resistance at every step of my healing journey. Feelings for an incest survivor can be extremely painful. No one wants to feel the pain. Resistance to feeling is there. 

Resistance is part of speaking out and telling others about the incest. Resistance comes from fear of the unknown. What will happen the first time you tell someone. Will they believe you? Will they hate you for sharing your painful secret because their own painful secrets are in their face?  What will happen to your abuser when you speak out? Will speaking out destroy your family or make the members stronger? Resistance comes because you often don't know the answers and that is frightening all by itself.

Telling one or two people is different than telling a group of 12-Steppers in meetings filled with 10-30 people in the room. I met resistance when my friend Slade Roberson suggested that I write a blog about being an incest survivor. I have been meeting and talking to survivors through my writing my blog for 8 years now. My 8th year Anniversary for Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker was on June 1, 2015.  During that about 4 or 5 of those years, I have used Facebook and Twitter to meet other survivors. Men survivors came into the picture and started breaking their own silences. 

Society seems to sometimes want to stay in denial of how many of us are being affected on a daily basis by incest and sexual assault. Rarely are children sexually assaulted by strangers as society wants us to believe. Most sexual assault is in the form of incest from a family member or friend who has authority over the child. Even judges and the courts resist believing the damage that can be done to a child by an abuser that the child knows and sometimes loves. This is society resisting change. Often our justice system is sadly lacking when it comes to helping a child to heal and receive some justice against the abusers. Cover-ups are resistance to seeing the truth. 

Writing my book is another instance of me facing my own resistance. My book is a further step in going public with my story of abuse and healing. What are you resisting in your life today? 


Jessica Freeman said...

Thank you for being brave! We are certainly not alone! Every time I write someone contacts me to tell me how my story is a version of their own. I pray for the day when we all speak so loudly there is no place for the abusers to hide.

Patricia Singleton said...

Jessica, You are very welcome. Thank you for your important blog message that I read recently. Our numbers are growing, especially since more and more men survivors are joining us now. We will one day stop child sexual abuse from happening. I look forward to that day. We are making a difference.