Monday, February 21, 2011

DialoguesWithDignity Guest February 23, 2011

At 5:00 p.m. CST on Wednesday, February 23, 2011, I will be a guest on the BlogTalkRadio program of DialoguesWithDignity hosted by Ellen Brown, Dan Hays and Stash Serafin.  The topic is "Reconciliation - Is It Always Possible?"  Here is the link to Reconciliation - Is It Always Possible?  

If you follow DialoguesWithDignity, you already know that each of the shows are archived shortly after the live talks.  You can go to the same link as above to find the archived version of our chat.  Apparently BlogTalkRadio has recently made some changes and the live call will only be for 30 minutes.  In order to hear the whole conversation, you will need to listen to the archived talk which will be posted soon after the live talk is over.  I hope that you will come back here and leave a comment and let me know what you think.  You can also leave comments on DialoguesWithDignity.  The archived version will last one hour.

I will be speaking from the position of an incest survivor and adult child of an alcoholic who forgave her abusers.   Reconciliation sometimes comes with forgiveness but sometimes it doesn't.   Ellen, Dan and Stash thanks for inviting me to be a part of your program.  I am excited and looking forward to talking with each of you.


Jill Kemerer said...

Interesting concept. Forgiveness and reconciliation are tough, tough things to figure out. Kudos to you for helping people get a grasp on it.

Patricia Singleton said...

Jill, thank you. Forgiveness by itself can be difficult. Throw in possible reconciliation on top of forgiveness and you can be overwhelmed by the implications and ramifications of those decisions. What kind of change does either of those decisions place on your daily life?

Puzzled Hat said...

I think true forgiveness is a process. I choose to forgive my abusers, but it's a work in progress. A lot of people say they could never forgive someone for doing something so damaging, but one thing I've learnt is that forgiving someone is freeing for me and that makes it worth doing.

Reconciliation is a tough one because it depends on the other side being willing to be safe and to change. Even if I wanted to be reconciled with, say my father for example, it wouldn't be safe for me to do so.

It's a difficult one.

Patricia Singleton said...

Puzzled Hat, yes, forgiveness is a process. I have a number of posts that I have written about my own process with forgiveness. As I said on Dialogues With Dignity, I never thought I would reach the place of forgiving my dad but I did. It was such a gradual process that I really wasn't aware of it going on most of the time. Forgivenss started with reclaiming my feelings that I stuffed and denied as a child. Grieving was a large part of the process.

Reconciliation wasn't possible with my dad. He was still an active alcoholic when he died back in 2000. The older my dad got the meaner he got. It was not safe for me or my children to have him in our lives.

Puzzled Hat said...

It sounds like you've done a good job in working through these difficult issues! They aren't easy - that's for sure! :) Thanks for writing about it - I think it's an important message to hear. xx

Patricia Singleton said...

Puzzled Hat, thank you. I am glad that my writing about forgiveness has helped you.

I don't see forgiveness as a one time thing or something that I will ever be finished with. As more issues come up, then I have more to feel, work through and release. Then forgiveness comes again.

Rarely is it easy for an incest survivor to forgive. When it does, you free up yourself to feel more fully and to live life more fully.

Your heart can open more to love. You can begin to love yourself more. I hated myself for so many years. For that reason, forgiveness for me started with self-forgiveness. In letting go of the self-hatred, I could begin to love myself and know that I had value in this world. I could forgive myself for believing the lies of my abusers. One of my posts is on self-forgiveness.

Puzzled Hat said...

Thanks Patricia :) You have wise words to say and I appreciate them! :)

Patricia Singleton said...

Puzzled Hat, You are very welcome. Wow! Maybe they are right that wisdom comes with age but I think it is more likely that wisdom comes from experience. I haven't always made wise choices in the life. I think that is true for most of us.

Dan L Hays said...

Great discussion in these comments. I think that's why we wanted to talk reconciliation on our show - it's just a tough subject, intertwined with forgiveness, and a number of tough issues to address. I'm glad our dialogue sparked these thoughts.

Patricia, thanks for joining us! We'll do it again, for sure!

Patricia Singleton said...

Dan, it was a great discussion. Reconciliation isn't an easy topic for many abuse survivors for a lot of different reasons. Yes, for me, that dialogue has sparked a lot of new thoughts about forgiveness and reconciliation.

You are very welcome. I am glad that I was a part of that conversation and I look forward to being invited back in the future.