I have done no healing work on being molested by my uncle when I was 11 years old. This happened a few short weeks before the incest was initiated by my dad. I thought, I guess I hoped, that working on my issues with my dad and mom would take care of it since they seemed more important.
Maybe it is now time to look at my incest issues with my uncle since I had a dream about it in the early morning hours of Easter Sunday. I didn't remember the dream when I first woke up that morning so some of the memory of the dream was lost. I wrote the dream down later in the afternoon when I did remember having it. Here is what I wrote down that afternoon:
I was in a house with my uncle and a woman, maybe my grandmother. I am not clear about who the woman was. I forgot parts of the dream in the waking time that I used to get ready to take my mother-in-law to church this morning.
In the dream, I had a conversation with my uncle, but I don't remember most of it. I do remember there was a sexual element to the dream and I remember that I was angry. I was an adult in the dream. My uncle was making demands and I refused to give in to his demands. I said some words to the effect that I would tell someone if he didn't leave me alone. I know he then got angry. I wasn't afraid of him like I was as a child.
Next he was gone from the dream. There was a knock on the front door. I opened the door into a hallway like I was in an apartment building instead of in a house. A man with a gun in his hand was there to kill me because I was going to talk about the incest and my uncle. I remember waking up when the man put the gun to my head.
I woke myself up from the dream frightened and confused. After a short while I went back to sleep and had another dream that I don't remember at all.
I know that this dream came about because I have been reading Dan L. Hays' book Freedom's Just Another Word. [ http://www.danlhays.com/freedom.html ] [ http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2010/04/freedoms-just-another-word-book-review.html ]. I also know the dream came about because obviously it is time for me to work on recovery from the incest experiences with my uncle.
One thing that I have learned from reading Dan's book is that we sometimes have to revisit different time periods and the different people who have affected our lives rather than just dumping all of the issues into one big pile.
I have hesitated to post about my uncle because he still has sons and daughters living. I won't use his name for that reason to protect the privacy of his children. I don't know if he abused any of them or not. I don't know how they feel about him either.
He died back in the 1980's or 1990's. I don't know the exact year so I am not in fear of him hiring someone to kill me like he did in my dream. The killer represents that part of me that is still very afraid of talking about this topic and this man. The threat of shooting me tells me how very deep this fear is. As a child, I thought my uncle was capable of killing me or hiring someone to do it. When he was raping me I didn't know whether he would kill me or not afterwards. I was afraid of him for reasons that I won't share here.
I don't know where this part of my journey is going to take me but I am willing to go along to the end.